Why it is such aggressive?
At your two-year-old kid are not got on the relations with age-mates at a playground? Having caught sight of it, mothers try to take away the children far away from “the angry child“. And often complain of your irreconcilable three-year-old in kindergarten. Not so few parents puzzle over why their kid is so allocated with the behavior and it is considered aggressive.
We already discussed the situations arising “in a sandbox“ with the kids who just learned to go (see. “Nanometer“ No. 10, 2000 of) . Today we will talk about kids is more senior.
Total absence of aggression - it is rather, a large shortcoming, than advantage. Aggression is necessary for normal development of the child, otherwise he could not neither learn world around, nor be protected, nor compete with other people. Long suppression of aggression can lead to neurosis or to the fact that once she will escape outside with effect of the straightened spring.
Nevertheless, wishing to bring up the child kind and sympathetic, some parents seek to limit the aggression shown by him as much as possible. As it is often possible to hear: “Why you hit Kolya? Really it was necessary to solve dispute by fists?“ But the child of 2 - 4 years who did not so long ago seize the speech, not in a condition of a message the reasoned dispute. Only two ways of a solution are available to it: to hit to Kolya on an ear or to concede, having been won.
So, it is necessary to worry concerning correctness of emotional development of the child when aggression becomes not too motivated or has no reason at all. And the reasons there can be a set.
Very often aggressive behavior is reflection of those relations which the kid observes in a family. If parents often apply physical punishments, it is not necessary to be surprised that the child is not able to communicate in a different way. The kid knows that mother or the father beat him to achieve obedience. Naturally, he gets used that if it is necessary to receive something from the person, it should be struck. It is senseless to convince the child not to take away, and it is polite to ask the attracted toy from other kid if you just shouted at him, selecting, say, a dirty stick. Over time such children can become almost uncontrollable, not reacting to requests and arrangements, - only on the increased tone or physical impact.
The child can aggressively behave from - for aspirations to draw attention of people around. For example, for any reasons he is not distinguished from other children with ability to sing or draw. But if to destroy the snow fortress which was built by all kindergarten group led by the tutor him by all means will notice and will speak about incident all day. Not rhymes on a stool to read it to you!“ Recipe“ here only one: your actions and words have to convince the kid that he is loved not for something, and despite everything constantly.
One more common cause of children`s embitternment - jealousy. Aggression of the child can be directed as to the person whose arrangement he tries to win, and on “competitor“. Here mother at the daughter praised other girl for beautiful drawing. She was able to do it just like that or for pedagogical reasons that the daughter wanted to draw also. And the daughter does not hurry to take a pencil in hand: instead it tears a masterpiece to pieces and pushes away the impudent little girl who dared to steal from it attention and mother`s praise.
Sometimes object of aggressive actions is that person to whom the kid envies and whom he wants to belittle, “punish“ for superiority. If a subject of envy is the toy, the child can take away it - but not to play and to break or even to hide and thus as if to destroy distinctions among themselves and its owner. Such behavior testifies to a low self-assessment of the child: it is necessary to help it to realize the identity and to show in what its advantage before other children consists.
Some children use aggression as protection against unpredictable and hostile world around , proceeding from the fact that the best way of defense is an attack. Such behavior is peculiar to children whose parents have no accurate strategy in education and can estimate differently the child`s acts depending on mood, existence by a number of strangers etc. The kid knows that it is possible to expect from people everything, anything therefore behaves aggressively “just in case“.
Mischa is 2,5 years old, he is very lively child and sometimes offends “colleagues“ on a sandbox. But here he was run, calmed down and squats, picking sand a shovel. Some boy incidentally touches his hand, and the shovel sharply twitches up, showering with children with sand. Mishina mother, not especially penetrating into incident details, gives to the son several preventive slaps. Mischa begins to roar loudly, and mother at once undertakes to calm him, ironing on the head., It seems, the conflict is exhausted. But after a while mother reaches for Mischa to correct for him a collar, and he cautiously strikes a defensive pose and beats her a hand. From where to it the nobility, the mother`s hand will bring a slap or caress?
Very often the so-called autoaggression when the child bites takes place, scratches or beats itself. One of the reasons of such behavior - a strict ban on manifestation of aggression in relation to other people. Most difficult for the child to splash out negative emotions on strong and powerful adults, especially on parents whose love he is afraid to lose.
For example, the kid does not want to leave walk. Mother takes him by hand to take away home. The child is capricious and, having flown into a passion, bites a mother`s wrist, trying to be released. But after a strict question: “It that else it?“ begins to bite himself. Why? Because it did not cool down yet, and it is difficult for it to switch to some other action.
Do not wait until the kid himself calms down, help him with it. Translate everything for fun: “Oh, you yourself eat? You, probably, sweet?“ . Let the child learn to find at you a positive way out of conflict situations. Otherwise the habit to use own body for a rage vymeshcheniye on itself or people around will lead to formation of the underestimated self-assessment.
How to react to children`s flashes of aggression? First of all, the child has to know that you love him regardless of how he yourself conducts. Therefore it is not necessary to protect too actively the one whom the kid offended and to emphasize a difference in your attitude towards the offender and “victim“: you, such angry and bad, offended someone kind and good. It will not awaken sympathy in the child - he will just come to a conclusion, as you against it.
It is better to place emphasis that the child made a bad act, having offended other person. Let know to the kid what behavior you expect from it, and give an opportunity to improve.
It is senseless to try to obtain that the child did not feel aggression (it is impossible, you judge by yourself). It is important that he learned to constrain it or to send to other course. The little person is not capable to analyze the experiences yet, and the collecting negative emotions bring him huge psychological discomfort. Therefore the adult`s task - to help the kid to express what he feels.