In a leg over time... How to learn to accept new?
Time fly quickly. It would seem, quite recently you still were small, then became parents, and will be a grandmother and the grandfather soon. You already have an experience of incubation of pregnancy and education of the kid. And for your children the child`s birth - absolutely new event, and, preparing for it, they try to obtain information from various sources. Of course, they are interested in your experience and opinion. But, besides, they communicate with friends, acquaintances, doctors, read books, magazines and “are taken“ different ideas, many of which very strongly differ from yours. It is possible that these ideas will seem to you absolutely unclear and even unacceptable. And then it will be necessary to make a choice - to continue to argue the point of view or to accept something new and alien for you...
Of course, you are not obliged to accept at all in a row all new ideas about which you hear from the children. But it is worth learning more about what during this time exchanged and to obtain fuller information that then to analyse it and to decide how to treat innovations.
Why it to do?
In - the first to broaden the horizons. Ideas of how it is necessary to bear pregnancy, to give birth how to look after the child and to bring up it that for it is good and what is bad, strongly changed, especially for the last 15 years when borders opened, and to our country the flow of all new - ideas, books, goods etc. rushed. And, if you do not want to look backward in the eyes and eyes of your children, “dense“, unmodern, want to be progressive and to keep up to date - it is worth learning more new nevertheless.
In - the second, studying new ideas, you will show to the children that you are concerned by their cares and experiences, you will be able to divide them with them, to be “on one wave“ and to speak one language. Children will alone not feel, and will feel your support which to them is very important now. Besides, you will be able to reason better the point of view if seems to you that they want to follow something obviously harmful and wrong to dissuade them from this invention.
B - the third, possessing new information, you will be able to help children with their new cares better. For example, propose a modern alternative solution if the way “does not work“ realized by them. Besides, if you go one road, it will help to avoid misunderstanding, to nobody the necessary conflicts and disputes, to keep and strengthen your relations that, is undoubted, important for all of you.
What can disturb?
Sometimes to accept new ideas happens easily, and sometimes - it is very difficult. It depends on many factors, but first of all - on as far as the person is open to adoption of new information, is capable to its assimilation and application. There is such psychological concept as a rigidnost. It is one of the most important lines of the personality who represents unavailability to perception new and to implementation of changes in the life. The rigidnost level shown by the person in various situations - the individual indicator caused by properties of nervous system, inertness of nervous processes and depending on personal features - emotionally - strong-willed, intellectual, the level of consciousness and a self-assessment.to
Krom of a rigidnost, to desire to learn and accept new information can be disturbed also by other factors. For example, desire to compete, dominate.“ I am your mother (father), I am more senior, I know better“ - happens so that, seeking to take this position, the person sweeps aside everything that can threaten it - for example, recognition of the incompetence. The desire to dominate, based on deep feeling of own uncertainty happens the reason of it usually.
the high level of uneasiness Sometimes prevents to learn and accept new. New it is unknown, it frightens, it seems dangerous, menacing.“ You never know they write, and suddenly it will do much harm to the child. Better we in the old manner, the checked ways. Let it be not so convenient (beautifully, functionally), but there already all is known and there can be no surprises“ - here characteristic words for this position. Besides, to accept new and to follow it - means, to take the responsibility for consequences of what can occur. It is good if they are successful, but can be and vice versa, then all “cones“ will fall on the head of the one who offered it that too can frighten very strongly.
the Fourth reason - presence of own “indestructible“ authorities. For example, mother in the childhood firmly inspired in the daughter or the son that she is always right. The child grew up, became the parent, will become the grandmother or the grandfather soon, but and remained in the power of children`s ideas that “my mother best of all knows how it is necessary“, “she said that pampers are harmful, - means, it is so correct“. Both family doctors, and friends, and recognized authorities on education of children of the last century, for example doctor Spock with his best-seller “You and Your Child“ can be authorities. Several generations grew according to this book, and can be very difficult to refuse that it was such convincing and gave help and support in due time. whether
, how strongly the rigidnost is expressed in your character, answer questions of this test.
- irritates Me when distract from important work (for example, ask for suggestions).
- Holidays needs to be noted with relatives. >
- to me it is more difficult for li to concentrate, than to others. I devote
- Ya much time to that all things lay on the places.
- Ya I prefer to go the known routes.
- All the life I strictly follow the principles based on call of duty. to me is pleasant to study
- in detail in what I am engaged.
- the Most difficult for me in any business - the beginning. Sometimes I so insist
- on the that people lose patience.
- Ya I like to finish begun.
- Sometimes acquaintances play a trick on my accuracy and a pedantry. >
- to me it is difficult for li to distract from the begun work even for a while.
What to do?we Will begin
with a rigidnost. Unfortunately, over the years, when the organism begins to grow old, it can be shown even more often, and it is useful to fight against it anyway whether it belongs to new ideas or to other new kinds of activity. For this purpose take in a habit to train regularly the brain and nervous system. There are two main ways it to do. The first - every day or every week to think out to itself some new kind of activity and to study it. It can be something difficult or absolutely simple, for example, use of the new program on the computer or an osvaivaniye of new functions of your TV or videorecorder. Studying of new ideas - too useful work for your brain especially as it is very timely and useful now to those changes which wait for you soon. The second way - to do something familiar for a long time and habitual in the new way, for example, to master a new route from work home or to brush teeth other hand. All these exercises help to train a brain, in a new way to include its hemispheres and to make its work more flexible that will allow to simplify considerably and assimilation of new.
In psychology the whole direction which is engaged in creation of own concept and work with ideas and ideas of the world is. One of important parts of this process - so-called “shaking“ of installations. It includes collecting all facts and opinions of pros and cons. Who told so, and who differently when you saw confirmation of each position what facts speak well for this or that opinion, etc. The purpose of this process - expansion of the vision of the world and ideas of it and understanding that there are no unambiguously correct and indestructible representations that even the cleverest and competent people can be mistaken. Therefore learn more about everything that interests you or enters the conflict with your representations. Write down them and analyse from where they undertook. Try “to loosen“ all old and new installations which interfere with each other. Put on trial old and new authorities. And then it will be simpler to decide that for YOU it is correct and what is not present. And many new ideas will be better old, and others as it will become clear, do not contradict, and supplement each other. You will become wider to look at the world and will be able better to help children to be prepared for the child`s birth.
If to learn new ideas to you is disturbed by aspiration to order your children, to dominate and unwillingness to meet requirements of them - reflect why you need it? What problems you want to solve at their expense? Why you do not want to build with them equal, partnership, to meet requirements of them and to share their feelings and thoughts. Think what you will achieve thus. It is unlikely it will help to improve the relations - rather, children will be tired of pressure, will take offense and will want to be from you far away. Therefore now the most important - to learn to respect the children, to see in them equal, adults who have a head on shoulders and the right for own opinion. And the first step which you can make now, - to come to them not as the expert and as equal, to ask them on how they see the further actions connected with future child and to try to understand really them. For this purpose, if something not clearly or seems to you strange, ask more, learn why they think so, but not differently, and be respectful to their opinion. Not because it is similar to yours but because each person has a right to think and solve in own way as to it to live how to give birth and raise the children, there is a right to be mistaken and get new experience. And these rights should be able to be accepted and respected to build and strengthen the important and valuable relations with people, especially, if these people are your children.to
If to accept new is disturbed by the increased uneasiness, fear of the unknown, - try to reduce this uncertainty. Write out those ideas which seem to you especially frightening on a sheet of paper, and try to learn about them more. Define, than they so frighten you of what consequences you are afraid. After that carry out collection of information about that, your fears are how reasonable. Learn what else there can be consequences of this event what pluses and minuses, and the most important are - that it is possible to make that to neutralize these minuses if all of them are shown. There is the known saying:“ It is informed - means, it is armed“. You will feel much more quietly, knowing what troubles can occur also that with them to do, and it will help you more simply and with acceptance to treat new ideas.to
If to accept new is disturbed by indestructible respect for former authorities and old traditions, you will be helped besides by collection of information. I will give a simple example. Before children always kept in diapers. Then there were disposable diapers - and ceased to swaddle. There are supporters and opponents of both that, and another. But there is also the third opinion, much more flexible. According to it, it is necessary to swaddle hyperactive children to help them to calm down, and weak, held down more usefully to hold free to give them the chance to develop.in conclusion I want to remind
once again: you are not obliged to accept all new at all. But that work on collecting and the analysis of information which you will do will help you to convince your children that it seems to you more correct and useful in such important and responsible issue as the birth and education of the child.