Rus Articles Journal

``And give, we will give birth to the baby?``

When to me were 23 years (in 2003) I had an affair with my future husband. Somewhere for the third month of this novel I almost for fun somehow told: “And give, we will give birth to the baby?“ And my future husband, without doubting, told:“ And give! Only at first we will undersign“.

I Became pregnant at once. We undersigned on my second month. We lived then incredibly extremely - at friends in a communicating room, money for two we had 200 dollars a month. Even then it was the ridiculous sum. Plus to it continuous guests (the young lady who let us to live to herself for a small money was sociable very much), the schoolgirl living in kitchen (somewhere our unruly girlfriend picked up it then lodged for an indefinite term). Plus continuously working TV - too not my idea - the hostess of the house loved this device extremely. And in the middle of everything I - the room - that a checkpoint!


Toxicosis - nothing I ate weeks three. Only kefir and juice in me were late, there was always a wish to sleep. And still it was necessary to study (the truth on an evening) and to work - there is a wish to eat that - and on it money is necessary. Noise, din, vanity - generally, joint a market, and we in the middle.

I in such conditions we quite consciously were going to give birth! It is clear, that before childbirth were going to move down - to rent not a communicating room. But all pregnancy in such circus and practically without money. As I will remember - so throws into a shiver!

generally, week to 11 - y I was tired of the health, of vanity, of uncertainty of life, of everything in general (and quarreled with the husband, of course, not from - for the child - here at us divergences were not, we really VERY MUCH wanted it, it is simple to live as we then lived, it was impossible, of course). And somehow in the evening, going to bed, I thought: as it would be good if no child exists. If this pregnancy somehow resolves, perhaps...


In three days at me began bleeding, and I gave up in hospital. The diagnosis - the pregnancy which stood on the third week. When I learned about it, I had exactly 12 weeks...

Ya I cannot still forgive myself those think.

Two years after that pregnancy I could not think of repetition - sobbed just seeing pregnant women, could not force to communicate myself with pregnant and detny girlfriends. I also could not reach the doctor after hospital more than a year. And the husband waited, persuaded and asked.

Two and a half years later I became pregnant again. Again from the first cycle. As I was afraid to lose all pregnancy of the child! As I went crazy for this fear, I decided every day 20 times that pregnancy stood again, and understood 20 times that it nevertheless develops! As my husband did not go crazy from all this is I do not know.

With a material aspect everything was better than

, but not much more - the housing problem and hangs over us a sword of Damocles. For pregnancy we moved twice - at first to the new rental apartment, and then to parents (threw us with the rental apartment, for the third day asked to release it - the forsmazhor happened at owners). Both moving - on the 7 and 8 month, respectively. Generally, as we had a circus on life, and remained.

Now to my son 5 months. And the separate housing does not shine us still very much - very long - we live with my mother and the brother. There is always enough money - them, but there is a wish always much more. But every time when I look at my son - I know, at us everything is correct.

I want to

I only one - to give birth still to the girl.