Rus Articles Journal

Godsend of

Planning - a good thing. It orders life, allows to provide everything and to avoid troubles. But not always and not everything goes according to that accurate schedule which is planned by us. In the middle of clear day it starts to rain. The plane flight is absolutely suddenly cancelled. In the most usual afternoon we meet the person who changes all our life. And children, our own children, appear sometimes absolutely unexpectedly.

What surprise!

at school seniors are told about planning of a family, and physicians make many efforts to convince how it is important to have the desirable child in desirable time. But, interestingly, how many would be on the earth of people if all of us and were born - strictly according to the plan of the parents? It is much less. A situation when the desire mutual and all goes to lives as it is necessary, ideal and therefore infrequent. to

it happens so what the child, been a similar surprise, will be unloved and will bring to the parents only one problems? Of course, no. Inopportuneness in itself and unexpectedness of appearance of the child does not mean that he will be less happy, than the one who appeared in strict accordance with plans of parents. Often happens so that, estimating pregnancy as casual in the beginning, by the time of childbirth parents, especially mothers, cease to consider it that.

As, now?!

the child`s Birth always changes family life. Sometimes the kid puts literally everything upside down. Unfinished formation, lack of suitable housing, problem of material character or all this together.

“... When I understood that I am pregnant, we were not even married. The first thought was: no, it is impossible. But then I decided that if so it turned out, thus that we were protected, - means, and has to be. Before the childbirth did not represent how I will study who will be with the child where we will take money. But gradually all issues began to be resolved. My mother who before all the time complained of health was so inspired by the birth of the granddaughter that got rid of all the problems with pressure and began to be engaged in the child while we were on study. The husband found excellent work and began to earn additionally in the evenings. Of course, the daughter did not receive from us due consideration while she was absolutely a baby. But, I think, we will fill it“.

It is known that everything has two parties. Difficulties - good incentive to development. Then people begin to look for an exit strenuously. The creative potential helping to find the best solution increases. For this reason after any problems which initially seemed just insuperable suddenly it turns out that everything that occurs, - to the best. Because ourselves made this best, being put in severe vital conditions.

to Accept

in the circle

each person has an idea of what has to be his family. Everything enters this representation to trifles. What has to be the husband (or the wife) what relations between them are admissible and what - are not present how many has to be children and whom exactly - boys or girls. According to these representations we also build the family.“ We with the husband - the only children in a family. Also planned, as we will have one child. But after the second ultrasonography it turned out that will be... at once kindergarten - triplets. It and in bad dreams did not dream me, and the husband could not utter the whole day words. Then he began to offer carefully “to consider to me different options“. We quarreled, I left to parents. Then returned, but the conflicts continued long. And now he behaves so as if he just dreamed of a family where three wonderful tender daughters surround the father with attention“.

In everything the pluses are. It is necessary to concentrate on them instead of worrying on “As It Is Awful that Everything So Did Not Turn Out to Change Anything Also Any More“. Such assessment of events also gives us the chance to feel happy. Of course, similar reorganization does not happen in one day. Sometimes and after the birth of the child of the relation in a family in general and the attitude towards the child in particular remain intense. Sense of guilt also is added to it:“ He will surely feel that we do not love it“. It should not cause despair. Feelings cannot almost be controlled. But in most cases even in the most difficult situations they come in itself. For this purpose it is necessary... to do nothing. It is simple to live daily trifles - pleasures and experiences. And more often to pay attention to that good that appeared in your life.

One - for all

Is that, having made the decision on the child`s birth, the woman is forced to undertake all freight of responsibility only. And it is wrapped in additional problems. Of course, expression “single mother“ frightens nobody long ago. Moreover, even more often the family consisting of mother and the child becomes the conscious choice of the woman. However, if disintegration of the relations was the result of pregnancy (or it was one of factors), it can be very serious trauma. The offense, rage, regret, sense of guilt - sometimes the woman herself also cannot understand the emotions.“ Igor lived one when we began to meet. They just got divorced from wife so I was not the cause of their parting. I very much loved it, and the relations were remarkable. He was even glad to news of the child. But then something changed. He even more often began to visit a former family, and then told that he loves the wife, misses children and wants to return to them. I did not understand what occurred. What I am guilty of? What the child is guilty of? Why he did not understand the feelings earlier? Very painfully and offensively - both then and now. Though passed three years“. Many perceive refusal of the partner of the relations during pregnancy as treachery and deception. Also it is difficult again to begin to trust people and to build the new relations. But other people help to begin to lead full-fledged life. The main thing - to get rid of an abandonment complex: it prevents to concern itself(himself) and the kid as you deserve that.

Facts of life

Sooner or later children begin to be interested in circumstances of the birth. What to tell the child whose emergence history on light strongly differed from classical:“ Mother met the father, they fell in love with each other, got married. They very much wanted children, and then there were you“? What does he have to know about the birth? Only truth. In - the first, secrets prevent to live. They are felt as people at the unconscious level and generate constant alarm.

feels

of People that something not so, but does not understand that. Such state can long proceed, cause psychological problems and influence physical health. In - the second to hide everything once and for all happens it is impossible. Any family secret can come up outside at the most inappropriate moment. What will be reaction of the person to what he learned, it is difficult to tell. As well as whether he will be able correctly to understand the reasons of behavior of parents.

the Man of 41 years, touching things in the house of parents, found a medical record of mother. The leaf - the direction on abortion dropped out of it. Date - exactly in seven months prior to its birth.“ I had no bigger shock for all life. Me could not be, all my life mere chance - these ideas were not dismissed me long time. What happened? Why? Questions could not be asked - parents already died. I went year with this leaf in a pocket and mentally spoke with mother. Then the wife persuaded to address the psychologist who helped me to accept such situation. And to forgive parents“.