History of one adoption
In May the dream in which I find the child dreamed me again. I find it in a dream always originally: I select at an entrance, on the street, and this time I bought the child from the man - the alcoholic, together with a bed. Every time dreams me that I bathe the baby, I change clothes of it for clean clothes, I press to myself and I feel that it to me native.
my husband still before we began to live together, knew about my infertility. Approximately in two weeks after the beginning of our joint life he told that he will never reproach me at all that could not give rise to it. Moreover, he agrees to adoption. I remember, then did not apprehend seriously the word about adoption. They became only a reinforcement of a guarantee of its attitude towards me - it is ready to be near even if we will have no children. Quite so I also thought.
Who exactly was an initiator of making decision on adoption, we could not understand. It was beautiful summer solar morning. We went to work, and about something stirred. I remember that the husband asked: “If all - we take the child, then what floor?“ - “Girl“ - I answered. Then we thought up it a name - it was pleasant to it Anna more, and me - Anyutka that in principle same.
As we had no information on this procedure, I went on-line to learn an order of adoption and the list of necessary documents what obstacles of what diagnoses it is possible not to be afraid can arise. Read stories of adoptions what feelings future parents taking the “ready“ child had. To the surprise found out that adoptive parents - not always fruitless couples. Some have children from first marriages, at others - the general. One visitor of the website of adoptive parents, the young woman, wrote to me that she has no infertility, will manage to give rise still, and adopted because she felt in it need. Not to explain with words, everyone comes to this decision in the way. Moreover, having had heard plenty of stories about childbirth, she also does not want to give birth any more - why when here he is a child - ready and native?! It is not necessary to suffer toxicoses and to cry with pain of fights.Parents reacted with
to our decision on adoption adequately: “Children, if you so solved, so so to that and to be. We will help“ - my wise father told. Mother and the sister kept silent a little, dumbfounded by such news, but then quickly recovered and filled up us with questions. Next day mother came from shop with small, to the one-year-old little girl the dress embroidered by laces. In a set - amusing lacy pantalonchik.“ I wanted to buy myself a jacket, but could not pass by such beauty“ - she explained.Every evening before going to bed I mentally wished
to our virtual daughter good night, “you suffer small, we will take away you soon“. There was a feeling that she was already born, lies somewhere in hospital chamber and looks at the state, painted in green color wall. To it mechanically change diapers, shift from place to place, without looking in eyes. We bought a set - a bucket with a shovel and kulichka, put on a foreground. Business remained for small: to collect documents, to pass medical board.
Under the law first of all to us should have gone to department of guardianship, to the specialist in adoption who, having accepted from us all necessary documents, will give information on children. However adoptive parents with experience recommended to begin with hospitals and children`s homes. What we also made. However in pathology of newborn (OPN) where right after maternity hospital refuseniks get, girls at that time were not. To us recommended to address to the children`s infectious office (CIO), there transfer already grown up children from OPN. On DIO threshold the internal voice was silent, the heart did not miss a bit, and in general we came there “by the way“, it is absolutely casual also without special enthusiasm. In pathology of newborns explained what such as we, looking for the healthy girl, in Nizhnevartovsk is enough, and on all you will not be taken little girls.
Us was given rather a cordial welcome, but the manager of office Svetlana Nikolaevna Yarkova complained - there is no “suitable“ girl. There is one, but at it PEP. And here (thanks to Interenet!) I uttered the phrase which nonplused my husband:
- But it is yet not a gipertenzionny syndrome! Besides the diagnosis “perinatal encephalopathy“, as a rule, is removed by a year at good leaving.
Svetlana Nikolaevna looked at me over points:
- you the doctor?- Is not present
, it was just well prepared and I know what to expect.
- That, we go, we will look. To that not such it bad, even nice:
Of course, I represented it not such. As each adoptive father. And we were ready to it. She is nine months old, sits, only if to support by hands. As soon as hands release, it is ridiculously filled up on one side. Anything type: “I saw it and understood: there is my child!“ did not happen to me. She smiled to us, with interest examined - probably because people without white dressing gowns for it in wonder. Before leaving, I put before it the hand, she put from above the and glanced to me in eyes.
From “infektsionka“ we went silently. Everyone digested what was seen, listened attentively to the thoughts, feelings. I asked:
- As you think, it it?
Next morning with already issued decision we came to department of guardianship, to get acquainted. The specialist in adoption obviously did not expect that we will have all answers to questions and a package of already collected documents - we made everything in two weeks, even without addressing for necessary forms on passing of medical board, everything was downloaded from the Internet. From it we learned that generally Anyutki in Nizhnevartovsk should not be any more - planned to send it to Uraysky children`s home four months ago. Therefore it was offered nobody. So begin we the way as it is necessary, from guardianship, our girl would not be met.
somewhat quicker to take away Ania from hospital, we decided to issue over it guardianship so far. The delay was caused by the fact that the certificate, necessary for adoption, of lack of a criminal record at us prepares within a month. And for guardianship establishment such reference is not necessary. The expert of guardianship at us called DIO and asked to update Anyuta`s medical conclusion. It was already watched four months ago by all experts, but this paper prepared for Children`s home, and for adoption everything has to be passed anew. It is necessary to wait a week more.
began to run On the same day on shops in which trade in children`s things, understanding that when we take away Anyuta home, will have no time for it. The husband with interest watched my purchases and apologized:“ I in it understand nothing therefore I will not be able to advise“. Small bottles - bootees - jackets - a romper suit flashed all day at me before eyes a never-ending train until towards evening the husband took me by hand with a question: “Perhaps for today will be enough?“ . At me the head, oho slightly began to spin and we had not dinner!knew
Ya that I do not need the paid holiday on care of Anyuta. It “shines“ only the one who takes the newborn. At the same time date of release from work has to correspond to date of a judgment about adoption, and the period of release cannot exceed seventy days since the birth of the child (actual or changed by a court decision) or hundred ten days at simultaneous adoption of two or more children. It was necessary to quit the job.
the Collective was magnificent, employees mainly young, almost all family. I told them the truth about the decision. And did not regret about it at all, support which they gave is worth a lot. Here only the chief did not want to release. It was even ready to give money for my treatment, but we, having sincerely thanked, refused. I did not agree and for work on the contract - wanted to devote all the time to the daughter. She and so too long waited for us.
Every day we visited Anyuta, brought with ourselves the camera, removed much. Printed photos, distributed to the parents that those got used to the granddaughter while they prepare for it the medical conclusion for adoption. In the small one-room apartment made shift. I it is honest too, almost on an equal basis with the husband, “dragged“ heavy furniture.Should tell
that not all people from our environment apprehended idea with adoption normally. If it is honest, then to me in general it is unclear - why many are against adoption prejudiced? Myth number one: they are all patients there. Lie: is also rather healthy, besides in our region units are born absolutely healthy. Right after maternity hospital, in office of pathology of newborns of the child survey up and down, warn future parents about all available and possible diseases. Experts say that hyper diagnostics when the baby nearly under a microscope is examined often takes place. Incurably sick children to the Russian adoptive parents are not offered. As a rule, foreign adoptive parents deal with them.
Myth number two: genetically the child can inherit tendency to theft, lie, prostitution and other not palatable occupations from biological parents. Possibly, it can be an excuse of the people who did not manage to bring up adequately the child. Everything is far simpler to dump on bad heredity, at the same time to remember, for example, the cousin uncle of your father who went “not that path“. In each family there will be such “black sheep“ for whose genes it is possible to write off all flaws in education.
Sometimes in a family of decent people such monster grows up what you wonder - for what to these lovely people such punishment? And vice versa - the real Sun which loves parents grows in a family of alcoholics, feels sorry for them. And when grows, establishes a strong family and surrounds the children with care and attention, remembering as bitterly was most in the childhood.
Myth number three: it is unlikely it is possible to fall in love with foreign child. Our belief: the love does not depend on a blood type and degree of relationship. I love the husband, he to me native though I did not know it the first twenty five years of the life. To me it is thought that our child on inscrutable Divine Providence was born not at those people.
Behind all preparations I also forgot to think of the desire to become pregnant, moreover, it began to seem some ridiculous. In two days before taking away Anechka from hospital I looked at a calendar and saw that I have a delay for the whole five days. Well, such stress! I and plainly could not sleep at night, so I wanted that the daughter appeared somewhat quicker house. Especially after a sharp rising strongly pulled a stomach bottom - what it means? Just in case the husband descended behind tests for pregnancy. Till the morning to wait for patience was not enough therefore I right there left in a bathroom.
With what thoughts I did the test? Honestly? “If only not it! Now absolutely inopportunely... Yes, actually, what am I telling? Same it is IMPOSSIBLE!“ On the test the second strip demonstrating pregnancy slowly began to appear: “Is not present, it cannot be, this second strip just seems to me!“ In bank the second test fell. On it the second strip appeared quicker, and was brighter... “Mockery is some! How there can be what cannot be?!“From - for turbidity of mind I do not remember
how I left a bathroom that at the same time told. And the husband for some reason did not treat tests seriously. Calmed me crying said that else nothing for certain is known that we will precisely take away Anechka. I also needed to hear it. Parents reacted to news joyfully: “Grandsons wholesale! Whether this happiness?!“, of course, heard
Ya a story that quite often infertile spouses, having adopted, brought then the child into world. In ancient Russian books there is even “recipe“:“ In what family the orphan will be stuck to heart, there the child will be born“. It I on the website of adoptive parents was told. But we are all sane people, we do not trust in fairy tales how it is possible?
As precious treasure we carried home by a taxi our Ania. The first several minutes she tried to follow the pictures which are promptly changing behind a car window, and then fell asleep. The manager of office carefully transferred to a pack of baby food to which Anechka got used. And then everyday life began. We very much worried on the fact that Anyuta did not want to eat anything, except yogurt and dairy mix in a small bottle, at the sight of a small spoon she hid a face. But gradually everything returned to normal. It was heavy the first month because I wanted to sleep all the time.
Ya told the former colleagues the joyful news, they very warmly congratulated me and sent as a gift quite large sum of money - I, of course, did not expect it.
In several days of stay Ania began to stay at home independently, in few weeks spread, in 11 months began to get up. In year and two months, exactly for March 8 (me as a gift!) it went, about it I shed several happy tears. She was such good girl, everything grabs on the fly. It seems to us that it has an obvious musical talent - she sings melodies, and we learn them. When I pick up its song, very much rejoices. Once I begin to lecture it for the fact that she played mean tricks, does cunning eyes, smiles, approaches and kisses me. And how after that to carry out educational work?! Probably, if we had only Anechka, we would grow up her very spoiled because she is a general favourite. Grandfathers - the woman worship her, and allow her everything, including wild games with expensive cell phones.
Reaction to our act from acquaintances was very different. One said that we should put a monument, we answered them that we do not consider as heroes of people who raise the children. I already told above that God disposed so that our Ania was given birth by foreign woman. And the neigbour of my parents, having seen me with a carriage, asked how this child can be mine if she did not see me with a stomach? I decided not to hide, told that adopted. It, having sighed, took an interest why I will not give rise. I will give rise, I speak, I now on the third month. Then she asked whether we papers already issued everything. Without having understood what she drives at, I answer what not yet. “So can, not late still back give? Will accept or not?“ - she nodded towards a carriage.by
to our Anyuta executed Recently two years, it in kindergarten at present. I at the computer one hand write these lines, and I hold with other hand little Ksyushka, she is seven months old. We very distinctly feel support from above. As when were at the beginning of a way, and could not present where all this will bring us - the husband has absolutely small salary, I left, we lived in the one-room apartment. Now everything very much changed: the husband changed a job and receives a normal salary, we managed to improve the living conditions, we live in the spacious four-room apartment now. And we can tell all who at least once thought of a possibility of adoption: don`t be afraid. It, certainly, is not absolutely easy, but it is worth it! If there is opportunity, visit the website www. read other stories of adoption.
P. S. Not so long ago I read several notes about adoption, in one of them, in particular, it appeared:“ ... it, having seven children, adopted three strangers... “Earlier, probably, itself would not pay attention, and now this line rezanut an eye. Be merciful, do not call our children strangers.
I still: when your child asks from where he appeared, besides the classical version about a stork, cabbage and other wonderful things, be not too lazy, tell it that there are also adopted children and that it not out of the common, it is NORMAL.