Rus Articles Journal

My dream call Dima of

In the childhood (with 1. 5 till 7 years) we with the brother - to stair-steppers were in kindergarten - “five-day week“. Of course, it is not orphanage at all, it was “abrupt“ (according to our parents) a garden, we were not offended by tutors (except for offenses of a trifle, type to expose from a bedroom for a blanket correction during a quiet time, etc.) we were driven to the pool, and home we were taken away by every weekend.

But this feeling of loneliness, helplessness and a hopelessness when you are on Monday by the window, you cry and you look in a back of the leaving mother … Or when you peer at darkness in the winter, during silently falling snow in the light of lamps on the desert avenue behind a window and you feel cold, you think of how you is far from the house … Or on walk you look in a crack in a fence and you see in the distance the city, houses with the burning windows in the evenings, you think how people gather at supper in a family, and you here... These feelings forever remained somewhere in the depth of my soul.

that there are orphanages that are children who have no parents that it is possible to shelter the child who got to trouble I for the first time reflected in 1988 (I was 10 years old). Then there was an earthquake in Armenia, and in the Soviet mass media, probably, there was a campaign for acceptance to families of the children who remained orphans. This subject was purely theoretically discussed also in our family. I remembered this conversation, thought of it, I felt sorry for children, there were a wish to help them somehow. So I had this dream.

In 19 years I unplanned became pregnant and gave birth to the daughter. Its birth turned all mine is gray - gloomy, monotonous, some limited, with invariable a garden five-day week - studies - works and rapid days off a world. Its walls failed, and I saw the new huge and wonderful solar world shining, which is poured bright multi-colored paints full of tenderness and caress. In me the maternal instinct about which existence I did not suspect of myself until then woke up (naive, I then thought that I will be a careerist). The daughter taught to love me, gave me long-awaited feeling of necessity and forever relieved of feeling of the loneliness which is concealed in me since the early childhood.

As well as many mummies, during this period I began to sob over plots of mass media in which injured were children. Problems of children began to be perceived and be endured in general more sharply. All wanted to be helped. But opportunities to help someone then was not at all, most to rise and the daughter to lift (I left the first husband when to the daughter there was a year). And still it seemed to me - well there is no enough love in me, it will not be enough for one person - whether it be the child or the man. The daughter took out, devastated me all in the emotional plan. And I only - only learned to love and accept love! And the dream - to take in the child`s family from orphanage a vein and got stronger, but seemed almost impracticable, “probably, only when I will become adult and rich“.

there Passed several years. The daughter grew up. In life there was a man who filled my life with love and care, became my second husband. At first I took - took, got drunk love, stocked up with it for the future, bathed in it. And here at last for the first time in life I felt that I had so much love how many for me it is necessary for comfortable happy life. Became love even more, than it is necessary for me for “normal existence“. It became very much that it would be enough for one person...

then I remembered

I the dream - to help the child who was left without parents. Let so far only to one, but to the maximum.

Exorcised

to the husband. The husband at that moment was in search of new work as from the moment of our wedding he became the main getter and the supporter in our family (I after 5 years of extreme independence with pleasure gave to the husband this role). His first thought was “as all of us to support“, at that time both of us already had daughters from first marriages, 7 and 10 years, and in the next several years we planned also to give birth to the general baby. Told then that it is not ready to discuss this subject.

also understood

Ya itself that it is “unreasonable“ that can be “when we will become the rich“, maybe, “after we will give rise“. Besides I already remained once the main getter in a family. Whether “I will be able to provide two children if God forbid what it happens? And three if I also give rise?“ . Terribly. Promised the husband not to start conversation yet.

Itself began to look for information on the Internet meanwhile. Came to the website of the To a New Family project (innewfamily. ru) and conference of adoptive parents on. Also learned that except “adoption“, there are still “guardianship“ and “foster home“ where the grant to keeping of the child is paid, any privileges, including entering a higher education institution, housing etc. rely it. I understood that here it - “the flag in my hands“ and, appears, my dream is not so impracticable. Read, read, asked, printed out articles, contrary to the arrangement palmed off them on the husband, he half-heartedly, but out of respect for me checked them, sometimes called up him to the computer: “Watch what boy!“ .

wanted to take

Ya the boy. Why boy? The answer to surfaces - two daughters at us already is. And still I learned that boys are taken less often - means, precisely it is necessary to take the boy, was thought to me. I decided at once that it will be not the baby. Babies are taken away more often, and is more senior than children take less often, chances to get to a family at them less, so it is necessary to take grown up. And, in spite of the fact that it is considered that the child will be younger, the easier he “will fit into a family“, I thought that we all - need the child is more senior (but is not more senior than our little girls).

can agree With the grown-up child. Even considering any arrests of development, he will already understand what he is told, itself will be able to explain that he wants, itself will put on, eat, play. It will be simpler to daughters to find with it common interests. Therefore and personally my life now cardinally will not change, as in a case with the newborn. Agreed that we will look for the boy of 4 - 6 years.

from the moment of the first conversation with the husband on my dream before acquaintance to our boy there passed nearly a year. I as the person responsible decided to be prepared thoroughly. During this time the husband found new work, we officially registered our relations, I re-read a heap of literature about adopted children, got acquainted virtually and really with foster homes, we learned at School for foster parents. Having been unable it is simple to wait, without doing anything, I began to correspond with the children living in orphanages, to send them parcels.

Of course, all this time I watched photos of children on the websites of OPEC, regional operators … “Our“ first boy (it IT!) was in Ivanov. Whole half a year we admired its photo, were written off with the operator of a databank which told how its affairs, from far away watched its destiny, worried when it was put in hospital. We even began to correspond with it, sent it a parcel, tutors sent its photo and drawing by new year. He, of course, did not wait for us whether the joke to wait for the whole year, left home to others to mother and the father. But its smiling face with dimples on chubby cheeks very much helped me to hold on prior to collecting documents.

Collecting documents took place

quickly and easily. In department to guardianship in the place of my residence I was met by very pleasant woman, all depending on itself it did quickly, in every possible way helped us, we now with it communicate with pleasure. Doctors and officials with whom I had to communicate during this period in the majority were ready also very positively and did not put barriers.

I was online several days

After obtaining the conclusion, looked for the suitable boy. But somehow all did not develop. Hardly at me “missed a bit“ as it turned out that on this boy there were already candidates for adoptive parents, or biomother appeared, or there were many brothers - sisters - it was impossible to separate, or the diagnosis was too frightening etc. I thought that, probably, it is a sign that our rebyatenk is not on the Internet, and he sits next somewhere, just it it is not visible so far, and waits when I at last already give up virtual searches and I will go in the traditional way... And it appeared. We found the Dimka through the Databank of the Moscow region.

Should tell

that I went to the Databank already with thought that I will not wait for “yokaniye“, and we will go to look just age-appropriate and appearance... But all the same “missed a bit“, probably. At what at once at both (something like joint “About!“ ) and all subsequent questionnaires already watched on the automatic machine what it seems as the rule is provided, it is necessary to look through. Hardly the operator departed, together with the husband:“ Here IT was pleasant to me “, “ and me here IT“. To us wrote out the direction. And next day we got acquainted.

it Turned out p that my dream call Dima. To it 4. The 5th years from which he spent year in a shelter of one city situated near Moscow. He was the charming fellow, at first a little hesitated of us, then dispersed, played, agreed to go for a walk with us, climbed to the husband on shoulders “to watch cars“ behind a shelter fence... Several times we went to it. Then two times it to us on a visit, on the third time the director of a shelter took pity on us and allowed to leave it at us to live before final registration of its documents (nearly one and a half months made out them). I.e. houses it appeared in three weeks prior to pronouncement of the resolution on guardianship.

At first I had euphoria. Still. The dream came true! To me it was very good. I anew passed different pleasant stages in knowledge of the world, in opening of this world to the child, we walked in the wood, looked at leaflets and listened to singing of birdies, went to playgrounds, on a visit. Dima then wanted to be small that he was dressed, took on handles, spoon-fed, I with pleasure with it in it was played.

Then we had an adaptation. But very tolerant. And generally washing because I already forgot what it when not to depart, not to drive off from the child anywhere, you sit as attached (I remember - I remember chest feeding of the daughter). And of course all work was thrown, there was neither left force, nor time, nor desire for it in any way.

of Relatives especially did not want to be invited to the aid because many all - watchfully treated our idea to take the adopted child, and sometimes, appear, waited for the moment to tell that I everything started it, me and to rake. But not everything, and many already thaw, ask questions, are interested, it pleases.

the Husband on days off undertook cares of children, they left to walk for about 4 hours, giving me the chance though a little bit to be alone in silence. And my wise daughter too very much helped me, especially when I began to be nervous and irritated, she took away Dima to play a nursery and closed a door that I could calm down and get I it together.

Dima already (only?) three months with us. Well I can tell? We were very lucky. Our child is a gift, but not the child. He is clever, bright, inquisitive, active, with enthusiasm perceives all offers to work something new, at the same time moderately quiet, assidious, patient. He learned to laugh loudly infectiously, fell in love to sing and dance. He began to make easily contact with adults and peers (earlier long was silent, and perceived children aggressively).

He very tender, likes to kiss - to embrace, constantly extols me with the eyes burning from delight, type: “Mother, you bought oil! Oh, mummy, thanks!!!“, “You to me made a bed! The good fellow, mother, I praise you!“, “You are good mother! You are a good fellow that so tasty prepared for me! Thanks, mummy!“ …

realized

Ya that to a meeting with it I felt shortage of some link, a certain blank space in a family which existence weighed me, irritated, I did not want to work, create, create, the inspiration was not... Somehow here it was felt that there is a big reserve between daughter`s 7 - summer age and zero age of the baby planned in the long term. Now this place is taken by Dimka. And I feel completeness of a family. I have a boy, the CHILD!!!

Of course, not everything at us is ideal. Sometimes roll tenderness waves, sometimes hardly you restrain not to give a clip. And Dima is sometimes obedient and lovely, sometimes wails in all throat, with irritation stamping legs, throwing objects and clapping doors. But I do not feel at all that it is the stranger. It is ours. Such what it is it is ours. And the - that can forgive to the child any trick, the child - he is always the best. To me it is even hardly believed that once we lived without it.

Perhaps, it is necessary to strive for “pure“ desire just to help the child without any hidden motivations of type of mine - at the same time to solve also the children`s problem with “five-day week“. But from where they undertake, these desires? Nevertheless from the subconsciousness appears, from own life... I dreamed of the boy whom I will take away from orphanage, and my dream was achieved - our son with us. And I very much hope that I will manage to give it so much love how many for it it will be necessary for comfortable life, and he will surely grow up the good person because darlings bad are not.