Whether we are always fair? Reflections about education of
in the Evening I, as usual, having left two-year-old Artemka on care of the husband, went to a bathroom. The kid played the machines, and blessed read the newspaper, lying on a sofa. But, having hardly closed behind itself a door, I suddenly heard the shouts reaching from the room. I put on, I leave. The crying child rushes to me, in a corner of a sofa the frowned husband sits.
- What happened? - I ask.
- the Subject wanted the little man to thrust into the truck, and it does not enter in any way there. It Raspsikhovatsya, began to scatter all toys. Slightly did not break the machine.
- And you?
- And I to it on a bum nadavat...Hardly constraining
emotions, I begin to lead discussion with the husband.
- something is impossible To you when, you are angry?
- I Am angry. When the occasion is. And at the child of a special reason for aggression I do not see.
- You do not see. And for IT is an occasion.
- What now, to break toys? And I to it have to new buy?
- You would like that it or on me directed the aggression to you?- Is not present
, of course.
- And where it has to direct it?
- Well, I do not know...
- Not each adult is able to direct the aggression to the constructive course, and you demand it from the child. You explained to him? Taught?
- I just want, having come from work, tired how the tired-out wolf to have a rest in silence...
- You want that he dared to show the aggression, had to it no right?- Is not present
, of course... All right, I will think up something... - the spouse assured me.he thought up
I. He apologized to the child, explained that toys are not obligatory to be broken at all, and brought it to a punching bag.
As is frequent we, adults, we ignore children`s problems. At all even not because we have rigid views of education. We is banal we are tired, we have a bad mood, to us are rude in transport, we infinitely have no time... and we break. We break on the closest and the most defenseless. As it is difficult to stop, reflect sometimes: “How our word will respond?“ On it sincere forces are necessary, it is far simpler to follow some stereotypes of education or to realize scenarios of own parents.
were in a zoo Recently. Several hours standing, without normal lunch. Before getting to a zoo, stopped by on the way in couple of shops. To take a carriage in a zoo too did not guess. As a result all were tired, and most, naturally, the child was tired. We remove it from the next roundabout, and the hysterics begins.
- Still! Still! - the child cries out, and we try to distract him. Calms down only after we buy to it a multi-colored spring. The child sits down on a lawn and begins to play with a spring. Passes minutes 10, we with the husband begin to persuade the son to move to an exit. Passes even minutes 10. The husband does not maintain, there is enough child for hands. I pick up the toy which dropped out of hands of the kid and I hurry after them. Whether it is worth saying that our Artemki`s voice was heard on other end of park. As a result the mood from a trip is spoiled at all family. And all this could be avoided, we be a little more provident.
- Mother, - next day Artemka sadly told me, - I will not go to a zoo more. The father told.me it seemed to
A that the sonny at us still absolutely nesmyslenysh, two years only. What could he understand from our notations?
So far the husband carried the child in the car, passersby generously distributed comments, trying not to miss the moment to povospityvat own children.
- Vasya, look what bad boy!
- Diana, you see what boy bad, mother with the father does not obey!it is surprising by
how many standard phrases are laid up at our people on a similar case. During a time to write down. I remember, somehow there was a case when it was necessary to take away the upset child from shop. Practically every second passerby considered as the debt to interfere.
- If you cry, - the compassionate granny says to the child, - the uncle will come and will put you in a bag.
- the Uncle the militiaman will take away you if you do not cease to be capricious, - some tipsy man adds.we Approach
our house. The elderly neigbour, I do not know even her name, shouts from a balcony to my son: “Now boys will come and will not play with you. And will laugh at you“.Artemk`s
glances at me, trying to read on a face whether the truth is told by people around. And I do not even find that to answer - well how to explain to the child that adults can tell nonsenses?
One of the most unpleasant childhood memories as my mother, having become angry, told:“ You will behave badly, I will give you on alteration. Instead of you I will be given two good girls“. I remember how in paints “alteration“ - a huge well into which throw disobedient children was presented to me. Mother, by the way, could not remember when I asked her about it many years later, and here I could not forget it still.
to Blackmail the child with the love to it what can be simpler? Made something good - mother loves you. Made badly (in understanding of the adult) - leave, you are not necessary to me. And need for maternal love for the early childhood - one of the most key. As need for breathing, eating, sleeping.
“You bad“, - only two words, but that they mean to the child? Normal children of preschool age have to have slightly a high self-esteem. That is the child in the representation - not just quite good boy (girl), namely “good“. There is very simple test for children and adults: it is necessary to arrange itself on any of ten steps, initially knowing that at the lowermost step there have to be worst people, and on the most top - the best. And so indicators of an adequate self-assessment for the adult are steps from 4 to 7, and for the small child - a step 7, 8 and 9. The adequate self-assessment is a basis of the personality. It is difficult to love someone, without knowing love to itself, and it is difficult to respect someone, without having self-esteem.
For what I love the theory, so for its extreme simplicity and iron logic. In real life everything is far more difficult. Recently drove to the new apartment. Two weeks I equipped the new nest, washed, cleaned, decorated. At last - the cosiness set in. And what? The child painted a picture in the spirit of abstractionism. Felt-tip pens. On wall-paper. The first reaction - to abuse, and even to flog if in the heat of the moment gets. And about what the child in principle did not know whether he can draw on wall-paper or it is impossible - it is remembered not at once. Well there was no precedent still, and the subject was not discussed.
Nearly an every day situations when it is necessary to stop, think occur: “And whether correctly I arrive? Whether I am fair to the child?“ And how not easy to make it when forces remains “hardly - hardly TV to watch“.
It is possible, someone will think that you should not bother on each trifle - we were brought up somehow, and we will bring up. It is some kind of fashion now - to be fond of democratic style, everywhere to look for psychological aspects. Only it seems to me that the best way to understand the child is to remember themselves at his age. And then a lot of things will rise on the places.