Rus Articles Journal

To whom is it necessary, this stamp?

very often sound Recently opinions that the civil marriage succeeded officially registered family relations. Journalists on television, in newspapers show huge interest in this sphere of life. However, their izyskatelstvo is quite clear: the number of stains of Russia makes up to 80 percent from number of the registered marriages. Perhaps and the truth, without stamp is better?

the Concept “civil marriage“ was born

from opposition to church marriage. The civil marriage was born in the Netherlands in the 16th century: people of different religions could not get married, and such unions were legalized by the power. Today all on the contrary: not properly executed the authorities marriage even after wedding call civil.

In the West the civil marriage practices long ago, recently such relations became popular also with us. More and more couples consider that before the REGISTRY OFFICE it is necessary to live together, to look narrowly, be tried on to future spouse today. Why does that happen? In my opinion, there are to that several reasons.

the Reason the first - uncertainty in the feelings

Sharp fellows claim that the girl marries or by youth, or foolishly. Notice, love in this maxim it is not even mentioned. Meanwhile, one of the main reasons of creation of a family long time (at least, in Soviet period) was considered feeling - deep, unearthly, capable to change all and all. And even if this feeling cooled down over time even if instead of love alienation came, the public opinion dictated: the family should be kept anyway.

the Present generation of brides and grooms belongs to existence of love more than skeptically and the public opinion already not so concerns them. Many girls and young men saw enough of the parents who for many years were keeping only visibility of a family, and who were actually living life everyone; on friends and girlfriends whose family experience was interrupted, without having made also a two-three of years. Therefore they do not hurry to connect themselves by bonds of a legal marriage.

“And suddenly the passion will cool down, and you will not be able to take out any more a number of the person which so is necessary today for you? And what if then you meet the true love, and he (or it) will not want to agree to divorce you - why to create to itself problems on the future?“ - mentally they train themselves for possible parting. Here - that is also concealed uncertainty: already today, establishing the family (in this case it is unimportant, it will be registered in the REGISTRY OFFICE or not), it is necessary “to lay straws“ further not to fall painfully - prebolno. Perhaps, these “straws“ are also not useful, and suddenly …

Though, some grain of truth in so careful relation to creation of an “official“ married couple, probably, all - is: the statistics which, as we know, a thing stubborn, demonstrates that the number of stains steadily remains at the high level and the vast majority of the registered marriages breaks up. And here about quantity of families which broke up, without having reached the REGISTRY OFFICE, it is impossible to judge - such statistics it is not conducted.

the Reason the second - material

C of what begins

“official“ marriage? Correctly, from Mendelssohn`s march, an exchange of rings, a white dress of the bride and a black tuxedo of the groom, the numerous guests, with ecstasy shouting “Bitterly!“ . I think, is not present on light of the girl who would not dream to be the main character on this holiday. But as often the dream faces severe reality - and salaries - that at lovers are not too big (or they are absent at all as they still study), and guests should be called so many that no money will be enough and right there it would be advisable to go to a honeymoon trip. Here often there is also a decision “to hackney“ a wedding and while money are saved for a magnificent wedding ball, to live one family without registration in the REGISTRY OFFICE.

Though me it seems to

(but, perhaps, I am mistaken) that this reason as a hindrance for a legal marriage was invented by people very prudent. Though, to be fair, it is necessary to tell that there are couples which register marriage sooner or later. But how many I know couples which passed an official ceremony of registration of marriage where one, and even both members of a newly appeared family could hardly provide themselves not that someone else. And they had a wedding, both guests a set, and a honeymoon trip - parents tried. And then the love boat crashed against life: parents ceased to help, and for themselves did not learn to earn yet.

I, on the contrary, it is a lot of couples, living in a civil marriage, are perfectly provided, both foreign travel, and children are able to afford - at them are tasty fed, well put on that - dressed and study at the best schools where they, by the way, pay for training. And not the notorious stamp in the passport, and harmony of the relations is more important for these couples.

also one more reason of creation of “civil“ couples Is: habit ., It seems, all were going to get married, were not sure of feelings, saved up money. And then suddenly it became clear, as so everything is quite good - to whom it is necessary, this march of Mendelssohn?!


* * *

Interesting statistics - 90% of the women consisting in a civil marriage consider themselves married, and 70% of the men living with the darlings without registration - single. Probably, in this regard to a civil marriage the secret why the stamp in the passport is necessary to women more, than to men also consists.

That the main thing for the man? FREEDOM! This small imperceptible stamp “spoils“ to it life, constantly reminding that it is not free: now he is obliged (irrespective of, he wants it or not) to care for the wife and children, to support them, it should charge itself with some obligations for the house and so on.

the civil marriage means

A - for the man - some freedom. Though personally to me it is unclear why? If the person decides to establish a family, in my opinion, he voluntarily agrees that it should offer something for the sake of it. And really, if in the passport there is no frightening stamp, with great pleasure it is possible to walk with own child or to make a dinner when the beloved is late at work?

the woman wants to

A guarantees. And it is not just a whim - the urgent need dictated not only desire to be, “as all“, but also to feel care of themselves. Besides, the woman - the keeper of the family center, also the leading person in a reproduction. And the woman sees the best way to create itself comfortable conditions in creation of the LAWFUL family.

meanwhile, scientists vote for defects also. As showed numerous researches, both Russian, and foreign, the men living in marriage have better sincere health in comparison with the single peers. However scrupulous English researchers found out that the mentality at those men who long live the actual family is even more counterbalanced, without registering the relations (in our language such form of relationship is called the unpleasant word “cohabitation“).

I one more important question of family life - children. Psychologists advise to get married at least for the sake of them. Though later when kids grow up, the same psychologists say that it is better for the child without family, than in that family where the relations stopped being long ago are based on mutual love and respect. And hardly anyone - that with confidence will be able to tell whether it is important to the child, the father, “lawful“ at it, or “civil“. Though, certainly, that which loves it and cares for it and his mother is more necessary.