Difficulties and pleasures of the decree
Being a pregnant woman, I often walked near playgrounds. I do not know, pulled me there for some reason. With interest watched the kids playing on the platform, and it is more - for their mothers. And every time paid attention to one and too: one women with a smile upon the face walked with kids and looked quite happy with life. Other mothers, on the contrary, seemed gloomy, gloomy, they continually shouted at the children, and in general it was noticeable that their this fuss tires and irritates. “Probably, to stay at home with the child - occupation on the fan“, - I thought then. “Interestingly, and it will be pleasant to me?“ .
Even more often I notice a curious tendency: though under the law the woman is granted a child care leave till three years very few people agree to stay in the decree full term. The increasing number of mummies try to define the kid in a day nursery a bit earlier or to find the nurse and somewhat quicker to come to work. And such decision is not always dictated financially - financial or other objective reasons. Mothers honestly admit:“ Ran away for work“. What ran away from - that?same
which decide everything - to stay with the child of the house till three years often feel as if “wind term“ literally this word. Also wait - will not wait for “demobilization“, including days when it is already possible to escape from an imprisonment.
- Here and year passed, - my acquaintances, mothers same as my daughter, “godovasik“ with relief sigh. - To it - god, already nerves hand over. And at you?
- Differently, - I honestly admit. - Sometimes hand over, sometimes - no. The child is the child.
that a maternity leave - the hard period in the woman`s life, many articles are written. Such articles most often abound with the following formulations:“ change of a habitual way of life “, “ narrowing of a circle of contacts“, “isolation“, “routine“, “melancholy“, “apathy“, “chronic fatigue“, “syndrome of emotional combustion“... Finally not to be depressed, the only exit is offered to young mother: to find an opportunity to have a rest from the child and to find personal time for itself.
Similar recommendations sound as follows: “In the day off give an opportunity to the father to communicate to the kid, and completely devote this time to yourself: luxuriate in a bathroom, make manicure, read the favourite book, you descend on a visit to the girlfriend“. Or:“ You can leave in the evening the child on care of the grandmother and go together with the husband to cafe, to walk, on a visit to friends. If parents live far, and the husband is late at work late, it is worth thinking of the nurse or the housemaid“.
of the Recommendation, undoubtedly, correct. Any person needs rest, and mother of the small child - not an exception. But whether it is possible to consider that the only way to prevent “decretive melancholy“ is for a while to leave the child? Practically in one article it is not written that the best way to avoid a depression and apathy - it is simple to enjoy communication with the kid. That the maternity leave is not an imprisonment, not isolation. It is a unique opportunity to devote themselves to the child, the unforgettable period in life which, perhaps, will never repeat any more...I do not know
how another, and these thoughts always helped me with fight against despondency, apathy and other negative states, to peculiar young mothers.
Shortly before the daughter`s birth I got acquainted with two points of view on what waits for me in the next three years.
- At me, the acquaintance in the decree now, - with great feeling told the girlfriend. - So, speaks, for any work it is ready to go though to unload coal, if only with the child for days on end not to sit. Such penal servitude, speaks, there are no forces!Impresses
the Second point of view sounded more optimistically:
- If you are going to stay at home three years, - parents inspired in me, - watch that, gift do not waste time: also begin to write the thesis to postgraduate study of a gait. Or study languages.
the Main idea they had a following: a maternity leave - same everything - holiday! You stay at home? You sit. You do not go to work? No. Child? And what child? Babies, as a rule, sleep almost whole day...- it is good
to you, - my mother argued. - Presently the decree was provided only about one year, and then - dithat in a day nursery, and for work! Only it was a pity such small to give to a day nursery, here and all got out as were able: and nurses were employed (and try then the good nurse find!) and to grandmothers moved, and all relatives in turn with the child sat. How many problems were! And you can quietly stay at home until the kid goes to a garden.
- That here good? - I sighed. - Three years to stay at home - crazy it is possible to go! During this time, you look, and you will begin to crool itself.
- Here you will see, so it will be pleasant to you that then still you will want the second!I know
Ya, there are many women who madly like to potter with kids - both with the, and with strangers. And I somehow always cool treated kids, and all efforts around them seemed to me infinite routine. However, at everything at the same time I wanted the child madly - probably, the maternal instinct prevailed. But the prospect to stay at home three years me, frankly speaking, not especially seduced.
“Melancholy green!“ - I to myself drew gloomy pictures.“ Day by day: to wash, dress, feed, go out for a walk in the morning, then to feed, sleep again to lay. And if to consider that the child often is capricious, does not obey: that is does not want, does not want to sleep, out of the blue rolls up a hysterics... Generally, cheerful I am waited by life“.
Recently we celebrated the first daughter`s anniversary. And now I with confidence can tell that I lived the happiest, the brightest and filled year in the life. And at thought that in two years Olechka will go to a garden, and I - for work, it becomes somehow sad...I will not begin to palter and claim
Ya that year which I spent with the child was for me continuous “paradise pleasure“. Of course, no. Everyone was - good and bad, easy and difficult, cheerful and sad, pleasant and not really. Here about it is about pleasures and difficulties of my maternity leave - I and I want to tell.I Will begin
with what was for me the most difficult. About those moments when I missed, irritation, apathy when my situation weighed me, and even fuss with the favourite kid did not please. In total such crisis moments at me in a year was three.
First is, of course, a notorious postnatal depression. Here when I remembered saying more than once: “It is better to unload coal“! “Yes what is it“, - I mentally was indignant. “On any, even the most strict enterprise, at least the lunch break is. And in general, show me work at which people stick round the clock, without holidays, output, without having an opportunity neither to have a sleep, nor to eat, nor to have a rest, nor to put in order of, nor just to relax for five minutes!“
Such thoughts visited me the first two months. Then life gradually returned to the normal, I mastered a role of mother and began to derive sincere pleasure from communication with the baby. And I liked everything: to wash, process skin folds, to dress, bathe, do massage and gymnastics, to walk with the daughter. Madly it was pleasant to me to nurse it and to fill up, having embraced, on our wide bed.
A somewhere to half a year to me these occupations... “became boring“, perhaps. “Every day one and too!“ - with melancholy I thought. “Infinite feedings, parties, pampers, powders, massages... And the same waits for me tomorrow, the day after tomorrow...“
Then these thoughts somehow by itself came to naught, without having managed to be transformed to a depression.
Well, and the last crisis came at me when Olechke was about nine months old. This period fell on a springtime of year. For some reason in the spring I strongest feel fatigue, apathy, differences of mood. And here at the child there came just such age when he every day sleeps less and behaves outrageously more and more... Here when I madly wanted under any pretext to escape from the house - at least for a couple of hours! And I tested such melancholy for former carefree life, on time when I was own master, could plan freely the day, do that I want, to go there where I want and when I want!
However I very quickly recovered from such state: was for only one evening to leave Olechk to parents enough, to sit with the husband in our favourite cafe and to walk together on the city - and next day I with pleasure pottered already again with the baby.
What else was difficult? Well, personally I have the main source of irritation - household efforts: infinite cooking, cleaning, washing of ware, washing, ironing. I am in general a big idler in household chores and when still the child gets under feet... Constantly I do not manage to make something, and it very much tires.to
Yes, and, of course, hardly it is necessary during the periods of children`s indispositions. Only one teething of what costs...
Here, perhaps, the main difficulties which I met in a year which spent with the child. I will pass to the positive moments now. And as them it is incomparable more, I do not even know what to begin with.
Well, the first, undoubted plus of the decree for me are walks. Opportunity in good weather to walk, to the top of the bent. Whether I could afford it when I went to work? Unless to steam of stops on foot to walk. And now I not just walk - I care about health of the child for which stay in the fresh air - undoubted advantage.
Ya very much I like to walk with the daughter. Also our walks and were most of all remembered in the early fall to me in the spring. In the fall when my baby with pleasure snuffled in “kengurushka“, I was heated under the tender September sun, admired zolotisto - orange krone of trees, rustled with fallen leaves, and in the head of me lines from poems continually emerged. For example: “The sky breathed in the fall...“
A by spring Olechka already ceased to sleep on walk and how many was delight when this little man for the first time looked at spring greens, the dismissed kidneys on trees which are making the way through the earth wild flowers! Still I see before myself as the baby modulatingly laughs because that I tickle her a cheek a blade and as clamps the floret stretched by me in a tiny palm...
the Next positive moment which it would be desirable to note is a communication with girlfriends. When I worked, unless I had an opportunity to speak with girlfriends by phone, to visit to each other and to walk together as often how I do it now? Personally for me with leaving in the decree the circle of contacts was not narrowed. Changed - it is yes. But in communication mainly with mummies - “colleagues“ at the moment I do not see minuses. It is normal when people are united by common interests. Bothered to discuss infinite pampers - diapers - baby`s dummies? Nobody prevents to find more interesting subject for conversation.Me was lucky
that my many acquaintances have children - my Olechka`s age-mates. I want to note also that the circle of my close friends extended. For example, on courses of preparation for childbirth I got acquainted with the girl with whom we were united then by the general efforts (a difference between our children - ten days, both girls). But our relations from usual talk of mummies on the platform quickly developed into a true friendship, and now we are pulled together not only by children. So I got the new good friend, and it, I consider, is worth a lot.
By the way, banal communication at a playground with unfamiliar mothers gives me pleasure too.
What else was good? Remembered: really I began to appreciate the situation when behind a window the bad weather stormed, and I did not need to leave the house! I very much estimated this advantage in the winter which this year was given, more than ever, severe. Twenty five degrees of a frost, a blizzard, snow drifts - weather for our district not so characteristic. Naturally, nobody was ready to it, roads did not clear away, in the city almost all transport stopped. Oh, as I did not envy those who had to come since morning to a severe frost a bit earlier moreover to reach work on foot! And we with the daughter were quietly heated in our warm, cozy apartment.still I very much like to remember
A winter evenings.
in the Cold winter evenings of Olechk - real zhavoronochek! - fell asleep practically at once with nightfall. Thus, before arrival of the husband I had free time. Having settled more conveniently on a sofa and having covered with a plaid, I read novels avidly, checked textbooks on the English grammar, thumbed through literature on the specialty.
Now, of course it I cannot afford - the child every day sleeps less, respectively, free time becomes less too. But on reading I try to find at least several free minutes (I in general without books cannot live). However, I read more literature, devoted to education of children now - probably because this subject is for me on given the most actual.
But all above-mentioned pluses are trifles. Trifles in comparison with what happiness, what incomparable pleasure gives me communication with the daughter.
can be remembered and remembered Here. First smile, the first touching to “ag“, the first zubik, first step... Events which each mother carefully stores in the memory... And our warmest moments are still remembered. As we on a floor, on a rug pottered, played the fool. As got on a sofa and pictures in books considered. As this small lump filled up at me on hands and snuffled under a breast...
A the brightest reminiscence for me - warm spring day. By spring Olechka finally ceased to sleep on walks, and that day I decided to show it a playground. I took the baby on hands and villages together with her on a swing. As soon as a swing came off the earth, at me as though something missed a bit inside, and it became so easy, so joyful! Well, as in the song “A winged swing flies, flies, flies....“ The feeling was it as though wings grew behind the back. And while the daughter raised on me the shining eyes, I just wanted to cry for the whole world: “I am a mother, the happiest mother on light!.“
Though, of course, not always everything happens so with pleasure and smoothly. Both the fatigue collects, and freight of incomplete household chores presses, the mood happens different, health - too. Well and the child, matter of course, not always behaves as an angel...
But, in my opinion, my main achievement for the first year - the fact that I learned to treat the difficulties connected with care of the kid quietly. Now I analyze “backdating“ - why I was depressed the first months of life of the child? Because then it seemed to me: crying of the baby, sleepless nights, impossibility to do household chores and lack of free time is a horror, it is accident, so should not be! Promised me that the newborn will sleep for days on end, and I during this time will manage to write the thesis...now I understand
A - all these difficulties normal and natural. And I try to perceive them whenever possible naturally. The kid began to cry? Took on hands, regretted, caressed, calmed. Does not want to eat, or, for example, to sleep? Will eat when gets hungry, will fall asleep when is tired. Has a sleep in the afternoon forty minutes instead of usual two and a half hours, woke up in fine mood while I have in the heat a cooking - cleaning plus still plans to drink tea at the TV? There now, and you speak, monotony. Did not manage to clean the apartment? God with it, I will clean next time.
had no time to make a lunch? Too not the tragedy: macaroni cooks ten minutes, eggs are fried also that less. And at the current choice of semi-finished products which the husband who came from work easily can prepare... No, I do not claim that with the child`s birth all family has to pass to food with semi-finished products, and the apartment - to grow with dirt. How it was heavy, on household chores it is necessary to try time of Nto akhodit. But different there are situations with the child: same gripes, the same teeth. And to it it is necessary to treat with understanding.I always considered
as the Most difficult moment sleepless night. Though if to understand - well here difficult? Even still nobody died of a strong sleep debt. And I - young, healthy, will retire - I will sleep off.as
Still for some reason the traditional satellite of the decree it is considered to be routine. I do not agree with it. There cannot be a communication with the child routine and monotonous. And I think, to make life, joint with the kid, bright and interesting - this task in power to any mother.
I main, I always remember: the life period which I can devote completely to the child - it such short! Children grow so quickly that sometimes and there is a wish to shout: “Stop, a moment!“ And three years of a maternity leave will fly by as one day (even if sometimes it seems in a different way). Soon, very soon I will return to the work, to the occupations, to the former way of life. I will have an opportunity to be engaged in professional growth, I will become more free in planning of personal records, we with the husband will be able to walk, visit or even to go somewhere together. And from that time when I was completely attached to the daughter, and she - to me, there will be only memoirs. And there is a strong wish that they were joyful, warm and light...