If the teenager is aggressive
Ya I live with two children: to the boy 13, and daughter soon 9. Rules in the house strict, children are accustomed to respect seniors, to help about the house and not to contradict.
to me the ancient friend of my late mother came Recently, cries - cannot tell the word. I fed a liquid it a valerian, I ask that I happened. Here what she told me. She bought on the scanty pension a little bit of products, went through the square home, sat down on a shop to have a rest, sees - the children neighboring in the square play tricks. With Uvidali the old woman, surrounded her, pulled out a string-bag from hands, and there not only products were, but also the pension book and money a little bit. I listen to it, and at most directly hair on end: robbers are juvenile, there is no justice on them. I speak to it: “Paradise aunt, why you did not address to militia? Well you want, I with you will go, I will help to write the application?“ It again in tears. Says that, maybe, and would go and among kids of these my Vovka was. I at first did not believe it, thought that the old woman mistook. Decided to talk to the son. But at serious conversation the son admitted that it all - was there. Of course, all measures to that to punish him and not to let one street more were taken. But we cannot guard it days without a break, and there is no trust to it any more. What is happens to our children? Why they turn into monsters? Ved not only my Vovka so behaves - it is just some epidemic. How to convince youth that it is necessary to treat old people with respect? How to punish for an insult weak, old men?
All condemn aggressive teenagers, but still nobody advised that with them to do. How to be?
Galina Krotova, Tver
Comment of the children`s psychotherapist, family consultant Madelaine Sanchuk.Galina`s Letter is scary
what reflects a typical problem which parents and teachers everywhere face. Before turning into the terrible muddy river, teenage aggression eats from many sources. Teachers and parents will be able to prevent epidemic of teenage aggression, having only eliminated its sources.
the Main source is severe physical punishments and verbal humiliations to which parents and tutors subject the child. The person who got used to a beating and humiliations becomes more cynical and rough, sympathy for foreign sufferings is alien to him. Sooner or later he will begin “to punish“ weaker (animals, children and old men) for the numerous offenses. It will become aggressive because will want to revenge parents who with it were unreasonably severe and therefore that did not learn to express the anger or offense differently than in a fight.
the Second reason - glut of modern movies and telecasts violence scenes and physical aggression. If your child looks only fisticuffs and fighters in whom characters kill similar with tens and nobody expresses even bitterness concerning their sufferings and death, then at your child ability to sympathize with people around becomes dull. For it there are norm power methods of the solution of problems.
Third is a low self-assessment of the teenager who equals on the leader and turns into “a wolf cub in pack“. Where all - there and it. What will be told by the leader, he also will execute. Children with the correct self-assessment are able to speak:“ No. Thanks, I will not go with you“. Such teenagers will quietly refuse the offered drugs or cigarettes. They have the opinion, they will not be afraid that they will be considered as ninnies or mother`s darlings. A question only in how to help the child to cultivate self-esteem and ability to say no in response to pressure of furious pack. A lot of things depend on specific features of the child, but a lot of things take root parents and teachers. And our main task - to develop identity of the teenager, to teach to make “the“ decisions.
Fourth - desire inherent in teenagers to rally and prove to the senior generation that time of fathers passed that the new tribe, more courageous, stronger, more impudent, more enterprising approaches.
Fifth - desire to cause delight of the young girlfriend. Problems, similar to the last two, faced mankind always, and the purpose of society - to help younger generation to sublimate spontaneous energy in creativity, in creative occupations and hobbies.
Sixth - unconscious fear of death, a reminder on which are old people. Teenagers want to live always, to be forever young and strong! Young fastidiousness by an ugly old age is inherent. Parents have to help the young person to see and realize an old age as fine and fruitful time of life. Parents can cultivate respect for old people only own example. Adults often treat old men as to people of the lowest grade. Teenagers feel it and count on absolute impunity, offending weak and old.
So, it is possible to eradicate teenage aggression if adults follow the following rules:
- to be respectful to children and teenagers, not to show roughness in relation to them, to try razgovarivayt with them as equals.
- to Teach the child to put negative feelings into words, but not fists. to Limit to
- time at the TV and to exclude the movies and transfers glorifying violence and murder from an emotional diet of the child.
- to Impart love to reading, on literary examples to cultivate sympathy to weak, desire to help. to Teach teenagers not to catch
- energy of pack, and to choose friends with whom they have not only common interests, but also mutual respect and understanding. It is very good if you know friends of the child.
- to Spend with the child and the teenager time in nature, to play outdoor games, to involve in sports activities, in circles and open classrooms (considering preferences of the child).
- When the child is busy with useful and interesting business, will not pull it on “fisticuffs“ any more.
- to Cultivate respect for old people own example: to show participation to elderly neighbors, to give way to old men in the bus, to give donations to nursing home, to go there together with the child at least once in a month, to bring gifts, to communicate to old men or to execute their small instructions. to Tell
- with children and teenagers about a life cycle, to help them to participate since early years in the rituals connected with the birth, death and other main milestones of life, to explain that the old age is not ugliness, but boundless worldly wisdom.
- to Protect family history, to tell children about ancestors, cultivating in them pride of the roots.
- to Ask for professional psychological assistance if your child feels pleasure, torturing animals or more persons of no character. Only in extremely exceptional cases children`s aggression testifies to serious mental deviations. Most likely, the child just is not able to splash out negative emotions and experiences in other, more peace way. And the main objective of parents and teachers - to teach him to resolve the conflicts positively.