As I learned to be the bitch of
All the conscious life I suffer from a complex of “the good girl“. Since the earliest childhood I feel on myself weight under the name “justification of hopes of the adults surrounding me“.
my grandfather, a kingdom to it heavenly, very much loved me and never raised on me the voice. It could just be upset from - for my offense, but it was for me intolerable punishment. The school of the teacher praised me. And, if the teacher suddenly shouted at me, for me it would become the universal tragedy.
Having matured, I am still lost when to me are rude. I do not take out everyones administratively - bureaucratic establishments and other ZhEU where will shout at you from the threshold. I do not like to visit policlinics and consultations where almost each doctor seeks to intimidate you to death, and on your shy specification will not fail to notice: “Time you such clever why to us in general came?“
the Most unpleasant that to me not all the same. Not all the same that the local pediatrician concerning a mess in a bathroom, not all the same will think that the aunt Klava will tell on the fact that in two years my child sucks a baby`s dummy. Generally, the notorious public opinion presses on me, I would like it or not.
of Years in twenty I understood that it is necessary to change the attitude both towards itself, and to people around. My self-assessment should not depend on external factors, and the opinion of people around should not influence adoption of own decisions.teachers of department of psychology then served
for me as an Indicative example. It would be necessary to look for such irresponsible people at all huge university. They cancelled lectures, put automatic machines for anything, were late for seminars. Did not manage to check control, with a smile apologized and continued to tell about the scientific activity with enthusiasm.At that time their behavior revolted with
me up to the soul depth. But then I understood: their irresponsibility ascends from worldly wisdom. Well they did not see sense in life to torment poor students and at the same time to suffer. All the same almost all students knew psychology, just adored teachers, and made light of their offenses. From here conclusion the first: in order that you were loved, it is not necessary to be faultless.Approximately at the same age I read to
Masha Arbatova`s book. In soul one phrase sank down:“ I am not vodka that all loved me“. And then I reflected: and whether it is so important in my life that all loved me? And who all these? Yes, to me it is important that I was loved by my parents. But they, to tell the truth, will love me everyone, even be I a thorough recidivist. To me it is important that I was loved by close people. But for them it is not necessary to seem good, about my shortcomings they know better me. And who as a result remains? Unfamiliar people, neighbors, colleagues. And whether so I need their love?
there Passed already many years, but this subject is still open for me. Every time when there is some unpleasant situation, I am forced to bring up myself. To carry on dialogues with itself, to cultivate, care and cherish the self-assessment.
I Come to mail. I hurry. On a porch I see the smoking cashier, and it means that all of us will be forced to wait when she is smoked. I get in a queue, in soul I am already angry. Here the schedule of ten-minute breaks in work of cash desk catches sight. Now 15 00, the following ten-minute break in 15. 30. I speak to myself: “Why I have to spend OWN time for expectation. Why, in general, I HAVE TO wait?“
I Decide: “3 I the cash desk works for you?““Works with
. You do not see, the cashier departed?“ - answer from a window of delivery of parcels.to
“At you it is written: a break in 15 - 30, now - 15 hours exactly“.
“Well, the cashier what now left?!““Then let somebody another replaces
while your girl on a porch smokes!“
the Girl on a porch in a rush of rage throws a cigarette, quickly goes on the workplace, but serves politely. I feel like the winner, and all this even begins to be pleasant to me. In a week I go on mail with the child again. The cashier costs on a porch again. But, probably, having recognized me, quickly throws out a cigarette and goes to work.
Having become pregnant for the second time, I am registered in consultation. The first pregnancy was fine saddened by the compelled communication with the midwife. Its style of work was in at first more feasibly to intimidate, and then to squeeze out more money. This time I pass to other site and I adjust myself on rigid defense if something happens. The doctor and the midwife seem lovely, but already carries me:“ It is frequent I do not promise to go to you - I have a small child. So do not look for me“.
“Well, - the midwife agrees, - let`s agree: we will think that at you everything is all right if you are absent long. But if something not so, you come urgently. Well?“with
Ya more than it is satisfied.I bought by
On the wedding a necklace with stones. It is so beautiful, and at the same time elaborate that it is possible to put on it only with a low-necked evening dress. Where - nibud in an evening dress with gloves in my life it is not enough occasions to go. And here for the first time for several years - anniversary evening of the mother-in-law at restaurant. I rejoice: at last I will put on this expensive costume jewelry, other occasion, maybe, as early as years 10 will not be presented. I come to restaurant, I shine.
Mother-in-law: “Let`s exchange for the evening: you to me the necklace, and I to you the gold chain“.
As it is hard to say “no“, but I refuse:“ I did not put on it many years, and I will not put on a lot more years. And it surprisingly approaches my dress... “
It: “But anniversary at me, but not at you...“I Squeeze out
: “Is not present, I`m sorry, but I cannot exchange“. whetherShould be spoken to
, her offense is how strong. I feel a little ill at ease, but at heart nevertheless I am happy with myself.
of Such situations in life occurs much, and not always I behave correctly. As psychologists speak, character of the child is built up till 7 years, and the first three years of life are especially important. At me the son, and before me a dilemma grows up how to bring up him the decent person and at the same time to teach to achieve the objectives.
Example from a sandbox. My son has a car with which he plays. Other boy approaches and impudently snatches out it from hands. My kid is confused, glances at me. My mother in such situation would tell me:“ Nothing, the boy will play and will give. You take something another so far“. And I in a root do not agree with it: why my son, actually, has to be content with another? To tell besides: “Go and take away back“, too it would not be correct. I should interfere and speak to foreign child: “It is bad to select toys. You can ask the Subject to give to play to you with the machine“. Mother of the boy prefers not to interfere: will understand.
On my eyes one more case occurred. In our group of early development drive the boy Yura who behaves very aggressively in relation to other children. Somehow it painfully hit the girl, she began to cry and ran to mother. Her mother, the militant woman, took this boy for shoulders and told the daughter:“ Approach and hit it as it hit you“.
the Little girl became puzzled even more, there was no wish to beat the offender with it. But the boy Yura did not become puzzled: he dexterously got out of the woman`s hands, again ran up to this girl and kicked her. Then the girl`s mother flogged him. Yura`s mother wearily watched the events. And all of us, including the psychologist, were just shocked by what was seen, and as a result did not agree in a consensus who is right and who is guilty.
For several decades life in our country exchanged, also views of people changed. If it was important to our parents to see in us worthy members of society, then now we want to see the children strong independent personalities. And the best education is an education by a personal example. And so it is also necessary to bring up itself in parallel with the child.