Not to be gone on the single... A circle of contacts after the birth of the child of
Most of women almost before the childbirth lead enough active lifestyle - continue to work, meet friends, go to the cinema and on exhibitions, walk much and even travel. But after the birth of the kid everything changes, and mothers face unexpected test - social isolation. How to avoid feeling of “lack of communication from the world“? What needs to be done in order that life after the delivery remained bright and joyful?
“Postnatal insulator“?It seems to
, future mother was prepared for everything: books and reference books are read, useful tips are adopted, external and internal reserves are mobilized. The first months after the birth of the baby are filled with novelty of feelings - pleasure of a meeting with the little man, accustoming to a new surprising role of mother and just the mass of efforts...
Interest of girlfriends and relatives is often satisfied with the first congratulations, delights and “shows“ of the baby - and further business is reduced to rare phone calls and infrequent visits during which the difference in a way of life and interests of young mother and her “free“ friends affects more and more.
the young mothers who gave rise at that age when most of their former girlfriends do not think of children yet fall Into especially difficult situation. And soon becomes it there is even nothing to talk - girlfriends with gusto zhivopisut the adventures, bright impressions and love stories; stories about pleasures and alarms of motherhood cause in them at best polite short interest, they perceive the baby as an exotic being, is unclear why absorbing a lot of time and attention... As a result communication becomes or formal, or at all comes to naught. And really - if in response to fascinating stories of girlfriends you can share only news that the baby has a diathesis again, two nights in a row are not possible to sleep, but he already learned to turn over on a tummy how here not to arise to some alienation! And the new circle of contacts consisting of mothers with children, relatives on age whom worries and inspires the same, as you, is formed, alas, too slowly.“Reefs“
So begin to be saved by
feeling of loneliness, “lack of communication from the world“ - finally life which young mother conducts day by day, begins to seem defective. This feeling, besides the absolute injustice (whether there is some task, on nobility and beauty comparable with creation of life of the tiny new little man?) bears in itself and danger of negative impact on a state of mind and mentality both mother, and the kid who is connected with it indissolubly. It is one of important components of a postnatal depression by which so like to frighten future and “newly made“ parents. It can lead to serious crises in family life - the emotional dissatisfaction of the woman leads to the fact that she tries to receive from the husband (which, as a rule, spends the most part of time at work) excessive to it amount of impressions and emotions. In those few hours and the days off that the father will see off with a family, he is forced to try to compensate to mother all collected need for communication “wholesale and without discounts“. Not each man is capable to cope with such task adequately. As a rule, husbands are not even able to understand and estimate depth of “communicative crisis“ of the spouses, they will - bondage contact to the considerable number of people - at least in working hours. And, coming home, secretly dream of silence and rest. Need to listen about all pleasures and cares of yours of “the small world“, to make several essential decisions, to entertain you the latest news, in time to support by a smile and the tender word though slightly - slightly to play with the kid - and all this after the unlucky working day? Great happiness if such need is represented to the father natural. But, alas, quite often the fatigue or mutual misunderstanding lead to latent irritation, and then and to mutual claims - at first hidden, and then and obvious. “He does not pay us attention at all“, - the girlfriend the wife sadly thinks or complains. “She all the time wants something from me!“ - about himself or aloud the husband is indignant. But both of them, as a rule, do not realize the main thing: all these problems arise only because that mother who is staying at home with the baby has not enough impressions and contacts. Be around it slightly more different people, have it an opportunity at least sometimes “to be published“, spend time out of native walls and routes of daily walks with a carriage - she should not have become isolated on the husband and “squeeze out“ of it more attention, than he is ready to offer. >
it is easier for p to warn, than to treat
On the forthcoming motherhood needs to be adjusted properly even during pregnancy. How many good books about childbirth you read, whatever doctors visited, - the main thing that it is necessary to be in time - to experience during expectation your approaching “life together“.
during pregnancy needs to take the first steps according to the prevention of “postnatal loneliness“. It is very good if, attending courses for young mothers, you exchanged phones with “odnokashnitsa“. New acquaintances can be very useful to you. Try to support these contacts - believe, any of classmates will be glad after the birth of the kid to meet and talk to those who endured the same.
“No“ of the power of gray everyday life!
the Main trouble of mother whose child is still too small - monotony and monotony of daily way. Every day turns into “Groundhog Day“ - feeding, change of diapers, laying, awakening and again feeding... Try to set to yourself the task: to think up for every day “highlight“ - something unexpected, unplanned that will distinguish this day from all others. It can be a small inopportune gift to the husband or girlfriend; the bouquet of wild flowers bought for no reason at all from the old woman near the market; short conversation with the passerby; call to the former schoolmate whom you “one thousand years“ did not see - anything to your imagination and attention to surrounding life. The main thing - that days did not seem identical as peas in a pod.
to Stay at home all the time and to walk only in the yard or park - it is not obligatory at all. There is no need to do of the child “a plant a mimosa“, preserving against any hypothetical infection or “shocks“ caused by a variety of the world outside the yard or the next boulevard. If the kid has no anything against, comfortably sitting in an easy carriage - a cane to move in public transport - thousands of roads are opened for you. Danger to catch some virus in crowded places, of course, above. But it is worth to remember that, creating excessively sterile atmosphere, we deprive an organism of an opportunity to train immune system. Usually the children who are especially on breastfeeding successfully resist to attacks of infections, developing antibodies or using (in the first half a year) that get to them with mother`s milk.Some moderation should observe
, of course, - too big congestions of the people, strong “technogenic“ noise, loud music are test for nervous system of the baby, and you should not overload it with similar impressions. The kid needs a stable rhythm and the habitual atmosphere, but them is sometimes quite admissible to offer - most of all it is necessary for him that mother with whose emotional condition it is so strong connected was vigorous and cheerful. So do not refuse to themselves pleasure to go with the baby on a visit, on an exhibition or just to sit in cafe, to take a walk in crowded streets, having met in the center far living friends - the kid is quite capable to sustain it and if you also are tired slightly more usual, it is compensated by a charge of fresh impressions.
we Invite guests
the Birth of the kid - at all not a reason for your house to become inhospitable. Consider: your friends, perhaps, not so often visit you at all not because they are present to you no business - they can think, as to you not to them, you have so many efforts with the kid. Therefore show an initiative more often. Do not wait for birthdays or other “official“ occasions to gather - invite on a visit just like that. There is no need to trouble itself preparation of some special entertainment too. Your purpose - not a feast, and communication, and to your friends it is also obvious. Do not suffer from sense of guilt that you cannot receive guests “in due form“ - continually it is necessary to be distracted by the kid, in passing making something on economy - guests are capable to understand it. But also be not overzealous in the “maternal role“ - if to the husband friends came in the evening, do not expel them and do not do a furious face, demanding a complete silence - to the child it is time to sleep! There is quite enough if guests and the owner just do not make too big noise. And, having laid the baby, you also with pleasure join the company.
In “world wide web“
If you have an Internet connection - various forums - conferences on the websites devoted to education of children and family life can become your assistants on filling of “communicative vacuum“. On many of them young mothers discuss various questions, not necessarily directly connected with motherhood. But do not forget that “virtual“ communication - all - some substitute. And it has features not so peculiar to “live“ communication. As actually we do not know who is behind a pseudonym of the character with which we carry on conversation in a network to what degree of line, shown in the Internet - communication, are characteristic of the person in his real life. Of course, it is improbable that yours “the virtual girlfriend“ with whom you with enthusiasm discussed problems of breastfeeding and picked to pieces to careless husbands, actually - the shaggy student - the visionary who with boredom is trying on on yourself an image of young mother. But, though tiny, and and such probability exists. Without saying that the communication mediated - through letters or conferences - always differs from real in what gives time for considering of the words, giving of the necessary form to them (so, and embellishment of if there is such desire). Going deep into “virtual communication“, we involuntarily fall into dependence on reliability of connection with the Internet, we begin to worry, long without receiving the answer to the asked question, too vividly we react to offensive or insufficiently soft words in the address... And people “on that side of the screen“, not representing our specific features, can easily write something unpleasant. Besides, the network space is public, and it is necessary to be very careful with details of your private life which, having been fond of conversation, you can incidentally make property of the million public. Even if you are sure that behind a smart pseudonym it is impossible to recognize you.
However forums and conferences on the websites can give in many household questions to you operational help. For example, when there is a wish to receive whenever possible quickly various comments about goods which you think to get, about any places and ways of carrying out leisure unknown to you. Can give you a heap of useful tips on housekeeping or tell about book and cinema novelties, and you will choose what will be pleasant to you. Only do not give in to a temptation of “treatment on the Internet“ - in case you are disturbed by any question connected with health - here it is already necessary to treat information obtained from a network extremely carefully, and it is obligatory to entrust a final decision to the expert who personally examined you or the child.
the best - if network communication helps you to find real friends. Many, “having made friends“ in conference or on electronic correspondence, having found common interests and common ground, as a result agree about a meeting, and already true friendship or just kept in touch can begin from time to time with it. The chance to find in a network of mothers living in nearby areas and to organize, for example, joint walks in the nearest park is not so small. It is not necessary to hesitate to take the lead and to offer “an exit in reality“ to those who seemed to you interesting. Many participants of the forums “with an experience“ usually have also places of the general meetings which are held with a certain frequency. To visit them - also excellent opportunity to expand a circle of acquaintances and to receive the mass of impressions, comparing “virtual“ shape of the person with real.
“Cash desk of mutual aid“ of mothers
Make as much as possible efforts to get acquainted and make friends with the families living in the neighbourhood in which there are relatives on age children. As a rule, in order that conversation was struck up, it is enough to show sincere attention to the child met by you on walk or in policlinic - any mother will not remain indifferent to attempt to stick conversation about the child and about other kids of similar age. If your acquaintance develops into friendship - you together will think up hundreds of plans how to decorate and diversify “maternal“ life - and can be, will even organize family kindergarten or agree to walk with several children in turn, releasing thus time for itself.
If among your friends families with children are, even living quite far - try to meet more often. It is also useful for children to stay in the company of other kids, for them it is good preparation for future socialization - to kindergarten, school. In a warm season it is good to arrange joint one-day campaigns and picnics in the wood or park. If society of other children and mothers becomes habitual for the child, you will be able to substitute in turn each other - until one mother left on affairs, another will sit several hours with two or three kids.
we Look for the nurse
If financial position allows, invite the nurse which could release you on the affairs for 3 - 4 hours a day, at least few times in a week. It is slightly more difficult to find such nurse, maybe, than for full day as payment will be not too high. Talk to neighbors, girlfriends and relatives - suddenly somebody knows the suitable person? In this case the main thing - not high professionalism (the nurse will not spend too much time with the baby) and reliability, kind heart and experience. Optimum, if the nurse lives nearby - it will be easier for you to agree on the schedule of its work with your requirements. Perhaps, even someone from your neigbours - pensioners will cope with a task to sit with the kid while he sleeps, and then in time to replace a diaper and to entertain him before arrival of mother. First you, of course, will worry - as it without you there? But, having come back home, you will feel that small separation added to you both forces, and desire to communicate with the child. It is important only that babysitters did not change too often - it will be difficult for kid to get used every time to the new person. Therefore it is not necessary to hurry in search of the nurse - better to spend time also efforts at a preliminary stage to find “Arina Rodionovna“ with whom to the child it will be really cozy and you should not worry or be disappointed.the Open world to
If to you was lucky
so that there are reliable assistants ready to release you from the house for a period of several hours in the forenoon (more long-term separation from mother is already rather heavy for the baby and becomes an obstacle for breastfeeding) - use all opportunities for feeling of “full-blooded“ life. Work with the incomplete schedule? - it is fine even if it brings small earnings, but it is rather interesting and allows “to keep shape“. Courses of foreign languages? - when the kid grows up, and you will return to work, the gained knowledge very much will be useful to you. It is possible to go to a gym, to dances or even to amateur drama school - the main thing that time spent outdoors gave you good mood which you will be happy to share with seMergui upon return.
But if your life develops so what “to come off“ the kid is not present any opportunity - slowly learn to build life together with the child so that not to feel deprived. Time of infancy of the son or daughter - at all not that period which it is necessary just “to endure“, “suffer“ for the sake of “bright future“. In our forces to find and create reasons for pleasure. And joyful and cheerful mother - the most important that is necessary for the little man comfortably to feel in the huge world to which it so came recently.