Education of grandmothers we begin with ourselves
the Family - it is as the small state with the laws, traditions, the population. To achieve peace and harmony, it is correct to organize life of this collective - a task difficult. And its successful decision depends on each member of the sovereign education created on a voluntary basis.
- You did not put on to it a warm hat again? How you could? You are a mother! Why he eats so a little? Probably, you badly feed him?Questions were addressed by
to young mother who quietly flew into a rage.
- Vanya, - now the grandmother addresses the grandson, - it is impossible to run so quickly - will fall!
“Unless we are small children that we and in 30 years continued to be brought up!“ - parents are indignant and begin to wage silent or loud war with the relatives in which children become the victims, of course...
How to avoid “military operations and to turn the conflict into peaceful co-existence? How to teach children and to learn to adopt their invaluable experience which is saved up for many years lives at the senior generation?
From where the conflicts undertake?
it is valid from where? In a family there is a small miracle which requires love and attention. But parents and the grandmother cannot agree in any way as it is better to take care of the child. Constantly quarrel from - for everyones trifles. Why?Let`s look at
attentively on sprouts of origin of a conflict situation.
As the grandmother behaves?She criticizes
- : “Who so dresses the child! He will catch a cold!“ It brings up
- : “It is necessary to behave with the child strictly, and you allow everything to him!“ She reads
- to morals: “You have to love and respect the parents, to be kind with them, to thank them for the help!“
- She specifies as well as that it is better to do: “Since three months it is necessary to give a feeding up, in your breast already and there is no nothing left!“
of the Notation and reproaches anyone will be enraged. There is nothing surprising that newly made mothers and fathers react: “Ourselves know how to bring up the child! The head on shoulders! Your councils became outdated! Now all in a different way!“. The senior generation is not in debt and advances to the attack: “So it is impossible to talk to parents!!!“ Everything begins anew.
How to leave this vicious circle? At first it is necessary to understand the reasons of the conflicts: what the grandmother these words wants to tell? Why every time she behaves equally, provoking to the same scandals?are sure by
of the Grandmother that their ways of education work. They grew up such remarkable, hotly beloved children and want to help and impart experience. They are ready to devote the life to instill the vital values checked on personal experience in grandsons! But that for some reason it appears it is not necessary...
Why? The youth wants to live the life independently, making mistakes, stepping on same, but personal “rake“, and saving up own experience.Who the first will make to
concessions, having understood that such schemes of relationship are inefficient: young parents or senior generation hoary with age? Who the first will learn to extinguish the running high conflict with a smile? Unfortunately, it is unknown. Each family in own way solves for itself a problem of relationship of generations. And the positive outcome depends on many factors, in particular, from desire of the parties to adjust the world.
I so far relatives will not agree, in a family there will always be a dissatisfied party, from - for which, actually, and there is a battle.
Extreme, as usual. To it, small, unclear why once again mother looks a wolf at the grandmother. And that, in turn, takes offense or rushes in fight. The child adapts to a situation and adopts a manner of behavior of mother, copies the grandmother that in adulthood “successfully“ to duplicate the acquired schemes of behavior. Or perhaps and that it is worse: will long rake at psychologists of a problem with stutter, uncertainty in itself, nervousness, a conflictness which reasons are covered in it would seem small family disorders.
We can be at war all life with each other, accumulating offenses, inflicting sincere suffering. To spoil own life is our choice. But whether it is worth threatening scandals wellbeing of the child - the most valuable and expensive being in the world for the sake of which we are ready to give life. And whether we here are capable to change for the sake of it, having learned to understand each other?
you really want to become a winner and to prove to the senior generation that it lived all these years incorrectly? Perhaps, all their experience is not worth a farthing also they “morally became outdated“? Or all - something another? You dream of a peace in the home, of pleasure from in common spent time, cheerful holidays? The frictionless relations with parents and grandsons who appreciate and respect grandmothers, - your ideal? Then let`s aspire to it.
only two options of succession of events Are.
First: you do everything to go from grandmothers to the suburb, to other city, to other country, to other planet. Simply you run. It is not bad and it is not good. It is just your choice. Pluses: grandmothers far, it is possible to live, without paying attention to their opinion on different questions. Minuses: the child has no grandmother any more or communication with it is very limited that, you see, not so correctly and is useful for your child.
Second: you remain and try to improve the relations that everything it was good. That is you continue to live in one apartment, amicably you part, but nearby, you meet frequently, and it gives all of you pleasure, a neck each other you at a meeting do not throw the arms round, but are quite capable to estimate positive sides of peaceful communication with each other.to
to Whom needs the world?Let`s be defined by
at once: who needs the world and good-neighbourhood? To the mother-in-law, father-in-law, husband, father-in-law, mother-in-law? Or all - to you? Depending on your answer, we will act.to you the world is not necessary to
- . From here we draw a simple and logical conclusion: let the immediate family try to please you and to your child, goes all out that it will be pleasant, and and military operations suit you. Funny, however. to
- the World is necessary to YOU. Agree that to wait for loyalty and understanding from “the enemy party“, in any case, at the beginning, silly. You think that they will change suddenly? Will immediately fall in love with you and will begin to look at the kid your eyes? It is unlikely...
Means, we will change whom? Correctly-!
the Ideal relations
For a start we will create an image of the ideal relations with the family - grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles. How you imagine them? Only you do not say that the best grandmother - that which lives for hundreds of kilometers from you and the child. It is the first option of succession of events. We already discussed it.
What it, ideal grandmother?
- It does not climb in life of young parents, granting them the right to make mistakes independently.
- She does not demand to fall, for example, in acknowledgement of the help in legs and to kiss knees, and “thanks“ is content sincere.
- She gives advice when it about it is asked, but does not impose them, reproaching for a carelessness and disrespect for its age and gray hairs.
- She does not keep ringing to relatives and friends to tell about what disgusting mother at her grandsons. She is able to tell
- that she does not suit it in quiet, but is not plaintive - a rydatelny form.
- She does not break a hand and does not hurl at all reproaches when to it refuse, and quietly agrees:“ Let will be in your opinion“. the fears for children and grandsons it leaves
- at itself, but does not torment with them young parents who are already afraid of everything.
Now line for the ideal daughter-in-law. Or ideal parents.
Of course, it would be advisable to ask the grandmother: how she imagines the ideal relations? But there is a probability that for compliance to this image there will be enough neither moral, nor physical resources.
Therefore we build an image of the relations for which you are ready. BUT! Taking into account all merits of the grandmother - and them there is a lot of. Give we will remember them.
, How many in it fine!
- the Grandmother loves the children and grandsons and is ready to help them.
- She leads enough active lifestyle: goes on nature, works at the dacha, sometimes there is a lot of, loves flowers, grasses are close to it - small insects which she admires
- It in tons preserves vegetables and fruit for the winter and is not tired to share preparations with young parents at whom hands just do not reach such “feats“. She tasty and nourishingly prepares
- . The sense of the life sees in feeding to a dump of children and grandsons. And at it it is always possible to get hold of something tasty.
- it can ask to sit with grandsons when it is very necessary. And it, as a rule, will not refuse. She will help
- and will regret even if she strongly on you is offended.
- It is ready to impart the life experience which helped it to get out of difficult life situations more than once.
what you are ready for the sake of such relations for?
- to Listen to its councils and to agree that in them there is a reasonable grain. not to tell
- about its misses and shortcomings. And also about negative, from your point of view, qualities of her son (if you are a daughter-in-law). “thanks“ for the help which it gives to grandsons and you is sincere to tell
- if this help is really necessary, but it is not thought up by it. >
- it is quiet to li to talk to it, but to the minimum quantity of words (mainly “yes“ and “no“ to a smile) not to give a reason to go to a verbal jungle. It is better to listen.
- to praise As much as possible its acts, noting positive results.
What can prevent it?
Practically anything! Of course, yours the arrogance and omniscience will be restrained. It is necessary to listen to the grandmother and quite often to agree with her because a lot of things from what she can tell - reasonably. It will be necessary not only put forward verbal theories, but also to prove the case acts and results. That, of course, it is more difficult. It is necessary to rummage in granaries of memory and to remember words of gratitude and compliments with which we are ready to present all, except own parents.
What does it have to do with children?you can tell
: all this, of course, is good, but what to do if the grandmother interferes with education? And to do it.
- to Outline a circle beyond which you are simply not ready to go because it will do harm to you and children. And to let know it to the grandmother.
- at the same time to respect its work, the help, care which she presents and to note it as often as possible. Sooner or later the respect mutual becomes more sincere.
- But have less than words. Conjectures, allegories and impartial estimates arise when we sit down on the favourite verbal horse, putting spurs to him very much.
and it is necessary to talk on any subjects, avoiding on what you had conflicts earlier. Each daughter-in-law or the daughter, the son-in-law or the son perfectly know an arrangement of Achilles “heel“ at the parents, fathers-in-law and fathers-in-law.to
it is very difficult to Change outlook of the elderly person, it is almost impossible. And what for? you will spend plenty of time, forces for what, actually, is not necessary for you. You assert the right to have own views? Here also give them the same opportunities. The main thing that did not disturb. And for this purpose there are “valid borders“. > That them it is detailed to p to draw
, present before yourself not the grandmother - the mother-in-law, and the living person. What does she want from you, grandsons, from life? What is afraid of? It will also be the real image, but not a mask which is specially put on for execution of a leading role in the relations the mother-in-law - the daughter-in-law.
you Learn to treat tolerantly the relatives. Remember that despite everything they love you and wish well to you.