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I do not want to be ``a giant with a spoon``!

in the Morning I, as usual, seated Olechka to have breakfast. In turn offered the daughter a spoon of porridge, mashed potatoes, a piece of boiled meat, a small egg... Olechka stubborn twisted the head, turned away, pushed away a spoon and discontentedly complained. Having become angry, I was already going to shout at it, but, in time having stopped, reflected...

I want to make a reservation At once - this article does not contain councils, recipes, recommendations. Rather it, on the contrary, is turned behind council to audience of readers.


on the website in the section “Psychology and Education of Children from Three to Seven Years“ article under the name “Torture by Food“ Recently (for 2001, very interesting). Having read heading, at once thought:“ About me, probably, it is written“. And it is the truth - in the childhood the food for me was the most real torture.

to Tell

that, being a child, I did not differ in good appetite - not to tell anything. What was only not done by my, in general, soft and democratic parents to force me to eat! And in an amicable way persuaded, and not absolutely in an amicable way. At least, in the childhood I sincerely considered that not to obey, to behave badly and to eat badly - the phenomena about one order.

But houses still were florets, berries began when I went to kindergarten. Oh, also I had to listen from tutors and nurses during breakfasts, lunches and afternoon snacks! Only recently the moments to which then, in the childhood, I did not attach significance were remembered to me, but now memories of them threw me in the real shock. For example, after that, I with enormous work pushed into myself a hated kindergarten lunch, me pulled out, and the angered nurse, without mincing words, ordered to take me a rag and to wipe for itself. Similar episodes repeated, and more than once.

the Result did not keep itself waiting for

- soon vomiting at me began to start nearly an every morning on the way to a garden. Parents could not understand what is with me, assumed that it from - for the fact that I hardly adapt to children`s collective (though with it I just had no problems).

generally, in a garden I which - as reached, and in the first class when morning vomitings proceeded, parents decided to show me to the gastroenterologist. Inspection showed presence at me of whole “bunch“ of diseases: liver, stomach, gall bladder... It is still not clear what was primary, and that secondary: whether from - for problems with digestion I had no appetite at all, whether these problems were result of excessive eagerness to feed me.

However, now it does not matter any more: fortunately, with age “sores“ gradually passed. The only thing that remained to this day - me always feels sick for nervousness, in particular before any responsible, significant events. Very often tore me before control at school, examinations at institute. Similar it was observed on the eve of a wedding and childbirth (childbirth was planned). I do not know whether one is connected somehow with another, but during pregnancy I was overcome by such toxicosis that doctors only made a helpless gesture...

A was eaten by me a little always, having even become adult. In my opinion, normal appetite at me appeared only after I gave rise and began to nurse. Though even now when we sit down to have dinner, the husband often laughs over me, parodying the known advertizing:“ The stomach at Katyushka is no more than thimble“. Even now I would hardly master the complex kindergarten lunch consisting of the first, second and compote...

to what I it remember

K? And so, somewhere before receipt in institute I with interest read V. Levi`s book “The non-standard child“. The head under the name “Giant with a Spoon“ was devoted to feeding of children in the book: quite so the children`s psychotherapist characterized the parent forcing the child is. This metaphor to me was very much remembered.


“Yes, more definitely you will not be expressed, - I thought then, - “a giant with a spoon“, and all here! No, the child I will never force to eat!“ it is easy for p to Tell

, of course... But, though to my daughter Olechka year only the other day is executed, it is already noticeable that she is, most likely, “poor eater“, as well as I: eats inertly, reluctantly, very small portions and not all offered products.

Of course, for myself I davny - formulated long ago the mass of arguments against to force the child is. In - the first, it is unnatural: any living being in the nature does not eat on coercion and does not force to it cubs. In - the second, the healthy child himself knows when and how many to him is: did not eat now, will eat up when he gets hungry. In - the third, I do not think that to the kid there will be some advantage of products which literally pushed into him. In - the fourth, same everything - violence over the personality! And, at worst, it can lead to various psychological and psychosomatic problems (as was in my case).

All so, but... The child, as a rule, does not think at all that contain in his unloved meat and cottage cheese protein, calcium and other minerals, necessary for growth and development. The child is could play and forget about food. At last, I came to a conclusion that the axiom “did not eat now, will eat up later“ works only if appetite for the kid, in principle, good.

How to be? There is no wish to become for the child “a giant with a spoon“, of course. But there is a wish even less that the kid lost flesh, had anemia and other diseases. So far I not strongly worry: I have an accurate belief that until the child is on breastfeeding, starvation does not threaten it. But Olechke sucks a breast less frequently, and soon we plan to finish GV. Generally, is over what to think...

Addressed literature. U E. Komarovsky read the phrase at which laughed with all the heart:“ Many careful mothers argues so: ate - well, did not eat - you should not live “.“ Yes, - I solved. - To read it my mother in due time... “

- Children needs “to be stuffed!“ - mother assured me, looking as Olechke discontentedly pushes away the spoon stretched by me. - The child not always realizes that he wants to eat, but is - that is necessary!

- you Suggest it to tie

to a chair? - I specified.

- Well what for? It is necessary to distract, entertain...

- Aha, theater before it to arrange... And now mentally put yourself on its place: you are fooled by fine words, and seizing the moment when you open a mouth, push what you hate!

without having found

what to answer, mother takes away from me a spoon and tries to feed Olechka in hope that at it it will turn out better. Well, the grandmother that from her you will take!

Other grandmother, my mother-in-law, adhered to the polar point of view for the time being:“ The child it is not necessary to force to eat, will eat when wants“. Ha, naive! She argued so because her sonny, i.e. my husband, never suffered from lack of appetite: whom - whom, and it it was not necessary neither to force, nor to persuade, nor once again to offer. And now the mother-in-law only sighs, looking at my attempts to feed the baby: “Olechke, it is necessary to eat! Olechke, eat, and that you will not grow up! Well, give for mother, for the father!“ - generally, standard repertoire.

were on a visit at our acquaintances Recently.

- What, badly eats, speak? - the hospitable hostess sympathized. - So it is necessary to force! She moves so much, creeps, learns to go, represent how a lot of energy spends? If the girl does not eat from where forces will undertake? Look what it at you thin!

- Girls have to be harmonous, - I laughed the matter off.

- Oh, and I as forced to eat the daughter in due time! When it was at the age of your Olya, I also put it on a table, both held hands, and toys distracted, and arranged the whole representations!

“Aga, - I mentally grinned, - means, for advantage of business the concentration camp needs to be alternated to theater“.

Is not present

, I do not claim that during food it is not necessary to communicate with the child at all. I, for example, can with Olechka behind food try tenderly talk, persuade “as it is tasty!“ or to tell about a soroka - fed the thief who “cooked a squash, children“. And here to arrange the dramatized representations, or, distracting a toy, to imperceptibly push food in a mouth is, in my opinion, obvious search. Especially my arrangements - talk do not affect the daughter in any way: for example, she will eat kefir and cottage cheese and so, without wasting words, and to feed it vegetable soup or mashed potatoes, any “forty - the thief“ will not help.

By the way, my mother told that somewhere at the age of three years I refused flatly to sit down to a table without book “Three pigs“. Well, in my opinion, in reading the child behind food the book or to tell the fairy tale, there is no special crime: it is better so, than in any way. Especially, for anybody not a secret, as many adults like to look through at dinner the book or the magazine (I from their number too).

got to talking on this subject with mother Recently again:

- you Know, I very much worried from - about what you so badly ate! - she admitted. - I just for the first time faced it: all children with whom I had to deal earlier - my nephews, your brother - differed in good appetite. And then, the grandmother brought up me! And it since the childhood inspired in me: is everything is necessary, to leave something on a plate - the greatest sin. And to touch food is just whims and overindulgence.

- Well, still! - I grinned. - Your grandmother endured war, hunger, unless she could argue differently?

Ya reflected: can be, in many families the food cult, aspiration by all means to feed the child is a feature of our mentality how an echo of hungry military years?


It was remembered to me as often in the childhood read us the story about V. Lenin “Society of pure plates“. It was remembered how accustomed to eat by all means with bread. And it was still remembered how in kindergarten during an afternoon snack the teacher told us about poor children from Third World countries which starve (“and you sit here, translate products, unscrupulous!“ ) I remember, even then I very much was surprised to logic of the teacher: if I drink a glass of milk now, sytny will become these unfortunate children, perhaps? It is unclear...

A it is still unclear: why so often children - “poor eaters“ are accused of a capriciousness and a pamperedness? Unless the adult always eats only that it “is necessary“ and not that there is a wish? Unless the adult will begin to eat a dish which hates? Unless the adult always eats the lunch consisting of three dishes? The adult can drink a cup of coffee instead of a breakfast, during the lunchtime have a bite a hamburger in the next fast food or be limited to kefir with a roll for dinner - and unless it is considered overindulgence and whims? The adult has an option, and the child for some reason is not present...

A the capriciousness and a pamperedness, in my opinion, arise just when the loving relatives go in cycles in this question when “feeding“ of the child becomes in a family a most important task, and all talk in a family only on it: the kid feels everything! And it seems to me that if every time during food before the child are built a harmonous row mother - the father - grandmothers - grandfathers with songs, dancings, toys and arrangements “for mother, for the father“, then the probability of education of the spoiled egoist is really very high.

But I will return to the problem.

Can be assumed, of course, that Olechka as any child who is long time on exclusively breastfeeding just did not adapt to new food yet. However, when I began to enter feedings up (somewhere around half a year), the girl willingly ate all offered dishes (the truth, in small amounts). And by nine months, she probably “tried out“ food then actually, began - “it I want, it is not present“.

More - less willingly she eats with

only children`s squashes and kefir with cottage cheese. However, as I read at E. Komarovsky, the fact that the child at such age prefers dairy dishes to all rest - normally it is connected with the increased need of an organism for calcium. But, even understanding it, I cannot call Olechka the big eater in any way...

What I do? Well, in - the first, still when Olechka was only on breastfeeding, I noticed at her tendency to “discrete“ food: is often, but in the small portions. I try to consider now. For example, Olya can eat up the plate of porridge offered for breakfast throughout the day - on health if so it is pleasant to it more.

In - the second, during meal I can offer the child several products at choice: slightly - slightly porridges, slightly - slightly meat, slightly - slightly mashed potatoes, cottage cheese etc. The daughter can choose that she wants now, and I already look what to give her “additives“ and what to offer next time.

In - the second, knowing that a squash, the daughter, in principle, loves, and meat - not really, I arrive as follows: I add the meat processed in the meat grinder to porridge, and it is eaten by almost unnoticed. And what to do, meat all - is necessary for the child!

B of the third, I try to offer Olechke more various food (including not to the most favourite) when the daughter most likely, got hungry: for example, after long walk or bathing in a bathroom.

here to force eat

A I cannot, well just physically I cannot! Every time when during Olechke`s food turns away, winds the head, pushes away a spoon and cries - I try to stop feeding right there: just begins to seem to me that I do something unnatural.

in general would like

A that readers shared the experience also opinion on the matter. I do not want to be “a giant with a spoon“, and I do not want to be “a giant with a fork“ too!

of Kate Kostyan a. k. a. white - dove