To be on guard!
When people live together, they hardly do without criticism to each other. Also it is very useful to look what actually is behind the most frequent complaints. Only it is necessary to do it together with the husband to find the common decision.
For a start consolatory fact: couples which round the clock enjoy idyll in the nature do not exist. Scandals and quarrels - part of family life, and it is rather good, than badly: a family - a live organism, and any live organism needs to get rid of slags. Fact of common knowledge: men and women react differently, and to everything. From - for this distinctions in behavior also face foreheads two loving persons. Therefore when spouses want to show discontent with the relations, the only means to break an impasse is to talk, talk and... to listen.
of the Woman most often complain that...
“He does not take care of children“
the Translation: everything is done one by me how many it is possible! But it is necessary to recognize: our husbands nurse babies more, than their fathers once. Not so long ago they began to interfere with education of the child, only when “baby“ went to the first class! Of course, anyway cares of children, their health and mood generally lay down on women. And than women were engaged, whatever meteoric career did, all of them time hold thought in the head: “How there my kid?“ It is call of the nature, instincts, and from it not to get to anywhere. And such thought will never come to the man to mind - he has other instincts. But when we do not leave near the child of the place for the father, by itself, the man absolutely ceases to be interested in education. When advise women “to make friends“ fathers with children, there is other problem: it is heavy to many mothers to delegate the honorary duties. They need to feel irreplaceable: how without the female help the man will find where exactly to the child to put on a hat?! But psychologists explain such behavior not with passionate maternal love, and the fact that the woman simply feels underestimated - the husband or the administration.
your actions: >
- Try to obtain p softly, but it is persistent - so that your husband understood that you need it. You do not speak by a commander voice: “Be engaged in the child!“, and specify:“ I have no time to expiate the kid, you could not make it?“ And, the most important, take for granted that the man looks after children in a different way, than you. He not mother No. 2, he is a father.
- Suggest the husband to divide duties. For example, he watches that the child went to bed in time, and you - calm the kid if it fell into a hysterics.
Male workaholism reaches a maximum at the age of 25 - 40 years - during this period our husbands constantly build the career. And it is better not to follow at them ways... Unlike women, babble of the most charming baby will not replace to the man envious gloss in the opinion of foes when they learn about its progress. Agree, hardly these foes will be struck by news that at his son the second got out zubik... Fight for leadership and success among similar at men begins at school and continues all life. But, nevertheless, it is difficult to call the brilliant and successful careerist the good husband...
your actions:do not dramatize
- . If your blessed works hard, you can obviously take from this the advantages. You can allow more and to yourself, and the child. And then, you can be proud of the husband, isn`t it? Wonder
- : “When the husband comes back home in the evening, I rejoice to him? Whether I am interested in its work? And whether not too I went in cycles in children?“ If the answer to the last question “yes“, look to the truth in eyes: can, the man feels so inappropriate what “runs“ from a family, remaining at work late?
- Talk. Tell the husband that you very much would like to spend with him more time. Find common cause in which you could be engaged together, agree more often to have a rest or visit together, but not with the child and a carriage - a cane atilt.
“He is almost always silent“
the Translation: he speaks about us, about me a little. Women express easier that feel, adore stirring with the partner in life, the nobility “why and why“ about each, smallest incident. But when they, without deliberating, undertake to discuss the arisen problems, men will prefer to avoid discussion - that which results are so important for the woman. Besides they very much are ashamed to show feelings. They cannot even say once again:“ I love you“, besides, that we so plaintively about it ask! Perhaps just because they sincerely consider that their presence at our life - the best proof of love. But men blossom when it is necessary to work, but not to speak. Probably, because in them the instinct of the cave person which silently is enough a stick and goes behind production dozes to support a family.
“When I gave birth to the first child, I very much lacked the help from the husband, I both asked, and swore - all this helped a little. And then gradually understood: the man it is necessary to treat, as the child. To the child it is useless to shout: “Immediately collect toys! Not - honey - flax - but!“ - certainly, it will be accepted (if begins) to collect toys so slowly, more than ever. It is necessary to agree with the child, and better effortlessly. With the husband also - it is checked, helps. However, it is necessary to recognize, after the birth of the second child the husband became much more responsible - or perhaps just experience was saved up?“
- Learn to read behavior of the I husband and his subconscious signals. If it is rather silent, but is gentle, or gives you voskhitelny linen... It is worth of long talk!
- Choose the most propitious moment for conversation (time of broadcast of the FIFA World Cup does not concern to those). Ask it to express and do not interrupt - it is the most frequent female mistake! Do not force to say what you would like to hear.
“He at all does not help me about the house“
This reproach became very frequent since women began to work actively, and is almost obligatory at couples which have children. According to the estimates of sociologists, participation of men in household chores (cooking, washing, cleaning, purchases) reaches... 10 minutes a day. Is what to complain of! Your husband does not know how the washing machine turns on or how his shirts are ironed? But do not forget that men for centuries were served by women: at first mothers, then - wives. Therefore even if men do very little on the house, it is already a lot of for them. As the American astronaut Neil Armstrong told, having lowered a leg on the Moon surface: “A small step for the person, huge - for mankind!“ Especially psychologists consider that women are half responsible for a situation because they incorrectly ask about the help. To master the house for the woman - an unconscious way to confirm to itself and to show others the faultlessness. And “household“ complaints often hide claims absolutely of other sense: financial or even sexual.
- (but it is very polite) about the help. Do not wait that your spouse himself will suggest to wash up all floors in the house. Often men in an emphasis do not see any dirt - your task to be clear and unambiguous.
- Accept what the man cleans worse, than you. If he inertly moved the vacuum cleaner on the room, having forgotten to glance in corners, do not abuse it - it discourages.
- Bargain. He does not like to be engaged in economy, and you test horror before dirty ware? Great! Distribute obligations for extent of disgust and rescue each other. at
- U you the son grows? Teach to clean up it, to lay a bed, to put a dirty plate in a sink. It is part of respect for others, and that lucky woman who with it will live in the future will estimate your efforts!
of the Man most often complain that...
“It is engaged only in the child, and about me forgot“
Of course, the attention of mother is vital to the baby, and at first the child absorbs all thoughts of the woman. But several weeks later the woman has to enter the matrimonial rights again. The loving and attentive husband calms, instills confidence in the wife and helps it to lead full-fledged life. When other children are born, the maternal role becomes more and more exacting: women categorically do not manage to take care of the own life and the partner. Business in the man: it has to wake the Sleeping Beauty.
- Adjust dialogue. Ask the wife that she feels, do not hesitate to say to her more often that you love it and you wish still. Support by
- your wife. It will become much more friendly when sees that you share with it cares of education of children.
“We do not make love any more, she pleads all the time fatigue“
the Most frequent man`s sexual imagination - the woman concordant on all types of sex and a magic image relieved of all household efforts (the house, work, children). The man has sex to show to the woman that he her likes, but also to get rid of a stress, to relax. The woman, on the contrary, has to be weakened to want sex... even if she loves the husband!
- Create suitable climate. The woman needs surprises and tender words to feel desired... And to want to undertake an initiative!
- you Behave. If you often criticize the wife, accuse of different sins, there is nothing surprising that she declares, maybe, even subconsciously, a sexual strike.
“It prevents me to have a good time, seem friends“
Alas, men and women do not expect from a family same. From the female point of view, “to twist a nest“ - lifework. With man`s, all on the contrary: the family is a springboard for a jump to “the big world“. Communication with friends, a sit-round gathering are necessary for men easier to meet adversities and difficulties of everyday life. Therefore, the “locked“ houses, they are felt like prisoners. They need freedom air, and women are not always ready to provide it to the husbands...
- do not abuse your freedom. If you declare:“ I with friends on soccer, will return by two o`clock“, try to return not at five in the morning. Remember
- how you behave in public. If your wife, having come with you to a party, feels like the invisible being while you cheerfully stir with other women, it is logical that it will ask a question: what then occurs when you have a good time without it?
“Seem to me, or perhaps - so it also is actually that the man`s life with the birth of the child does not change. He goes to have a good time there where he went, communicates with the same people with whom he communicated earlier. And you are locked within four walls and do same day after day, day after day. The husband mind, certainly, understands it. But, when after scandal, you distil it to walk with the child, secretly hoping that now - that he will understand how it is difficult when the carriage does not get into the elevator when it is cold on the street, and it is necessary to go on the yard a solid hour. And here the husband comes back home from walk, quite happy and cheerful. It became clear that it walked so: started the car, it was closed in it with the fresh newspaper, and put a carriage nearby. Show me at least one mother who so would walk with the child!“
“She is angry all the time, in an occasion and without“ >
Actually it is really easier for p to be angry and grumble, than to talk about what angers you. Especially typically female reaction when something is not got on to show it to all. At men on the contrary: when they are afflicted or angry, will better hide behind the newspaper or the monitor of the computer. Women often complain to girlfriends:“ If he loves me really, then will understand that I have too many duties, and I was tired“. No and no! With the man it is impossible to talk in riddles, he all the same will not guess: it is better to place points over “i“ at once.
- the correct questions. Since what time your wife so behaves? Whether she from - for houseworks or children is tired? Whether enough often you lend the shoulder?
- be not afraid of self-criticism: if you honestly recognize the mistakes and will try to correct them, it will be the justified victim?