Rus Articles Journal

Languages of love

Parents have to know well the child and express feelings on the most clear to it “nonverbal“ language.

Each person including the child, in own way expresses emotions. Therefore we so often cannot guess that is wanted by the kid... Let`s talk about how big and small to learn to understand each other.

to Find a key to heart

the Little boy saw the beautiful new machine on a show-window of shop and at once began to ask mother to buy it to it. “Mother, look what machine! Buy, well buy!“ “Is not present, we have no such money“, - mother waves away from it. But the persistent kid does not lag behind, begins to complain: “Ma - and - an ama, buy, buy!“ Mother does not maintain, is irritated and raises on it the voice.

What here occurs? The son wants that paid him attention that mother heard its request and gave a gift, bought what was pleasant to it. Gifts are its language of love thanks to which it is capable to feel happy.

according to the American psychologist Hary Chapman five main languages of love - time, gifts, words of approval, the help and touches exist. To communicate with the foreigner, it is necessary to know his language. It is in the same way important to understand language of love of the child and to express it love through his own language. It is considered that each person has one main language of love, the most habitual for it, the second - additional, and the others - are minor. While the child small, his main language of love is not really simple to be defined, but if you show observation, then you will find a key to heart of the kid. Anyway, whatever was its language of love, it does not mean at all that the others are not important for it at all. Just something is necessary for it to a lesser extent, and something - is vital. Your task - to define what your kid especially needs. Then you will be able to give it the love so that he will surely feel it.


the Love which the child receives from world around from close people, fills his soul and heart. If the kid understands that he is loved, his bowl of love is full, he is happy, he pleases relatives. If the little man does not receive love necessary for it, his “bowl“ gradually becomes empty. The kid feels unfortunate, it seems to him that nobody loves it. It becomes difficult to communicate with such child: he can become reserved or will behave badly. Often “difficult“ are those children who lack love.

what “language“ is spoken by your child?

several ways by which you will be able to determine rather precisely language of love of the little friend Exist. Attentively look narrowly at how the baby shows the sympathy for people around. Often we unconsciously do for others what was would like from them to be received. About what the child most often asks you what is not enough for him? To what he most of all rejoices what does not love?


If the kid likes to make gifts, tries to make something that to please you, at the same time itself is very happy, then gifts are his language of love. He very much rejoices him, makes thrifty use of them, puts on a foreground, with pride shows to friends. When the kid lacks love, he can roll up hysterics, demand new gifts.


If the child seeks to tell you something, to show, to stay longer with you, his language of love - time. Such children often ask parents to sit with them, to play, talk, take a walk. They are enraptured if you with them where - nibud go together, for example, to cinema or on a visit. Most of all they love days off and vacation as these days they have a real opportunity longer to be with you.

of the Word of approval

If your son or the daughter often praise you and other relatives, tender names give to all the toys, their language of love - the word of approval. The kid is ready to pull up trees if to praise him, very much loves when address him by a tender voice and call good and clever. To hear desired words of approval, the small child hurries to show the successful drawings, hand-made articles, good marks. When he receives the desirable, becomes more active, self-assured. Reverse of the medal: such child is more susceptible to flattery, it is easier to deceive him. If it does not get approval from peers or adults, he can quickly lose interest in occupations, not finish the begun business.

the Help

If the child often offers

the help in household chores, likes to watch younger children or to look after pets, most likely, love language - the help is close to it. The child can show the love that he will wipe dust, will water flowers, will try to wash the dishes or to help you with cooking. The kid loves when you together with him learn lessons or do something for him, for example, knit, prepare or repair. Often he tries to take active part in your affairs, asks: “Let me try!“

of the Touch

If the baby often asks on hands, likes to ride father`s shoulders, embraces you or hangs on a neck at the delight moments, its language of love - a touch. The girl can ask to braid her braids, the boy - to stroke him on the head. Even if the child about it does not ask, on his reaction you can guess whether it will be pleasant to him. The kid rejoices when he is thrown, turn, tickle, bathe, take by hand. The word, it likes everything that is connected with tactile contact, physical feelings.

Look for common language

Welcome, it is possible to call the gifts language the simply and general because practically all parents try to buy for the kids toys, sweets, various games and souvenirs. In this question it is important to observe golden mean. On the one hand, you should not “pay off“ from children with gifts if you have before them sense of guilt from - for the fact that you spend not enough time together - gifts will only spoil the child, but he can not feel your love.

on the other hand, it is not necessary to refuse constantly to it gifts, explaining it with the fact that you have no money. Such situation will develop feeling of inferiority, and also mistrust to you in the kid. If you really cannot or do not want to buy something, try to explain for what reason. If you feel that you “gifts“ - the main language of love of your kid, can use the following recommendations.

Do to

surprises more often even if inexpensive. Important the fact that you paid to the child attention, thought of it when chose a gift. Try to interest the kid, for example, tell: “Today house you wait for a cheerful surprise!“ Then he will receive double pleasure - from an anticipation and from the gift. Show originality: pack the surprise into bright paper, hide it in the unexpected place. Give it an opportunity to independently hand to owners a gift if you together go on a visit. Express sincere pleasure and admiration if the child prepared for you a gift.

If you work with

and cannot devote to the child much time (namely “time“ - its language of love), - try to spend also those small moments with it with advantage. Important not only amount of in common spent time, but also its quality. If you are with the kid in one room, but at the same time with enthusiasm watch a telecast or communicate by phone, it not “time spent with the child“.

to Find for

time - it means: to sit with it, to talk, play, do something together. At the time of communication all your attention has to be concentrated on the little interlocutor. If the child lacks love, he can become persuasive, bothers with infinite questions, does not want to release from himself, runs for you as a tail. If you noticed such manifestations of love to you, do not try to wave away, thereby you only aggravate a situation.

Try to understand

why the child so behaves. Perhaps, it is boring for it, the monotony bothered, he is afraid of loneliness. It is possible to make a lot of things that the kid felt more comfortably, for example, together leave where - or. Take for the rule to go or go every weekend to some new place. It can be a campaign on a visit, cultural rest (cinema, theater, circus), trips on the nature or just walk in city park.

At least sometimes try to come back from work a bit earlier to find for the kid more time. You can become for the child the true friend with whom he will be able to share the pleasures and chagrin. Listen to him with interest, ask on how there passed it day in kindergarten. Tell more about yourself, about work, about everything that it is interesting to it. In free time or on the weekend do something together: arrange puppet theater, paint a picture for the nursery, prepare an original dish.

If to ask a question to parents about what is pleasant to their child more - a praise or criticism, then all will answer that the praise, words of approval is more pleasant. But in real life not all children have enough tender words. Someone is afraid to spoil a crumb, someone hesitates to express the feelings, someone does not think of it. Kind words can be very important for your child - they help it to feel like darling.

To the contrary, the child can take words of disapproval, criticism painfully, especially at strangers. If you consider necessary to scold the child for something, do it correctly. In - the first, the criticism has to concern not his personality, the wrong words or actions. That is you speak to it “It would be better to make it so“ instead of “Of what you there is silly!“ In - the second, try not to raise the voice and not to shout at the kid - so he worse will apprehend sense of your words. In - the third, do not sort out the relations in public. The criticism at strangers will have an adverse effect on a self-assessment and confidence in own opportunities.


the child of this kind is well affected by the following approach. If he made something wrong, you have to express sincere surprise: how such good kid could act this way? Let to the child know that you think of him much better and you hope that the unpleasant episode is not his usual behavior, but a small mistake.

If the child achieved success in something, made good business, do not forget to praise - you do not stint kind words. As popular wisdom says, the kind word and a cat is pleasant. If its language of love - “help“, then your task - to give to the kid opportunities for self-realization, for manifestation of the love. If in a family there are younger children, teach the child to do for them something feasible and interesting to him. He can show the love and to other relatives, for example, will give to mother a glass of water, will brush father`s hair or will find grandmother`s points. Such children often with big love and care treat pets and birds. If you have no opportunity to bring the pet of the house, you can make a feeding trough or a nesting box together with the child - it will give it the real joy.

do not kill with

in the kid an initiative. The baby wants to wash the dishes, and you will make it quicker, or are afraid that he will not cope, something will break? Give it an opportunity to wash something unbreakable, for example, a small metal saucepan or doll ware. Surely support its aspiration to help, praise for diligence. It can regularly carry out part of household chores which are pleasant to it also on forces. Surely emphasize the importance of its help with words: “What clear head (assistant, hostess)!“ or “What well done! As you fine helped me, without you I would definitely not manage to make it“.

Try to do

for it pleasant - help to cope with a difficult task, collect a breakfast in school. The child is younger, the more it is required to him physical contact with you. Not incidentally the children deprived of caress develop much more slowly and more often are ill. To the child whose love language - “touches“, is important all range of possible physical feelings because through them he learns world around. When you understand the kid, you will be able to present him love of which he dreams. But it is necessary to use also other languages of love, especially if the small child.