Marriage in the law
Official marriage: there were in yesterday limousines, a magnificent dress, the bouquet, shining faces of parents and guests bursting with delicacies a table - and what`s next? After morning awakening? And here I hear hackneyed, but for some reason it seems “life jammed ordinary opinion“, “the routine tightened“, etc. Normally, and why then all so in marriage want if they foreknow result? Only for the sake of an airy veil?
It is unconditional, all mentioned below is only my view of a situation, and I am not going to impose anybody it. Even I do not apply that my opinion - only correct in the world. Also I hope that I will be able to see the answer to a question which I will ask right at the end in responses.
So, picture oil: on a sofa the husband, in one hand at it the magazine / newspaper / book, in another - the panel from the TV, on a floor a plateau with an unfinished beefsteak, and in kitchen - in an apron, with the pinned-up hair - the wife, in one hand at it a rake for a turning of pancakes reclines, another disturbs mashed potatoes for the kid with the purpose to cool, on a floor - a basket with linen which should be loaded into the washing machine right after pancakes are ready / the child / is fed washed up floor / ware... Isn`t that so, “touching“ show?
Picture second: neighbors “enjoy“ continuation of nightly series because behind a wall the wife once again finds out from the husband where he gadded / where money for payment of electric light / when he at last is engaged in education of the child, and the husband once again uses words from a lexicon of bums from the neighboring cellar, and in the center, between the spouses trying to outvoice each other, - the child is filled in with loud crying.
the Picture third, and the last (though it is possible to continue indefinitely): in the apartment the light is turned off, the wife sits at a table, having dropped the head on hands and lifting it periodically to look for hours (23. 00, 23. 20, 23. 43...) . The child sleeps. At last, in the second one o`clock in the morning with noise the entrance door claps, keys fly on a little table in a hall, boots - where it will turn out. The husband came. He now “not in mood“ will also go to bed in other room without explanation of a delay. Well, you will think, at several o`clock came later. Came.
of the Picture from real life and real families. Why I except children do not feel sorry for either these wives, or husbands?
Let at me, of course, rather brief experience of official marriage - 3 years (though the relations last for a long time, 10 years), but pictures strikingly differ from these three. It is clear, that it is impossible to live ideally, there are also conflicts (solved without mutual insults), there are also difficulties, but if to present joint life, all our with it, as the ocean, then a share of misunderstanding - several grains of sand at the bottom. And if I am dissatisfied with something, then SOMETHING, i.e. a concrete act, but not the person. Not his behavior day by day, and certain action. On a sofa if we lie, only together and with a definite purpose:-).
A as for household chores, everything is distributed on forces. If cooking, then the husband without offenses undertakes “dirty work“: to peel potatoes, to cut chicken, fish for now I roast all this - I podvarivat, it will take out garbage, after a dinner the son (8 years) can wash the dishes. In general when any of a family is busy, the second helps it. And such behavior model for us - norm.
As for the relations between us, the freshness of feelings still did not die away. From communication with the husband I derive not only just emotional pleasure. And here I cannot, I cannot understand in any way when I hear from someone “and we were already tired from each other“ or “the love develops into a habit“. Whether only the fact that people also were not strongly interested in each other is covered with these words? And why then decided to live together? As one employee the day before yesterday told me: “Well, it is impossible to love SO, it is time already and to calm down“. And why? It is so shameful - to love the own husband or the own wife? >
So it developed p that since the childhood I observed, generally examples of happy families. First of all, it is my parents (29 years), mine the aunt and the uncle (too 29 are married), the grandmother with the grandfather (65 years of marriage!) now - younger sister with the husband (5 years). And as precisely told Tolstaya concerning happy and unhappy families in due time! Really, there are too much common features in those couples which live well: in each other worship, household chores carry out together, have a rest all family too. When I married, knew that the person who puts on to me a finger a ring now - not the casual acquaintance and that of whom I dreamed. Also I accept this person as the next to me on spirit and heart. Then this fact also did not surprise me because I considered that and has to be. At all. Not by the strength of girls pull under a wreath.
In the last time often I face that (especially among employees at work) that they constantly do not accept family life. One problems, others. And it seems “as it me got remarks“, “often I think of divorce already“ enter me, to put it mildly, into a stupor. When I begin to learn, than this husband so got, I hear the following:“ Does not help me at all. I come from work, all exhausted, and he rolls and watches the movie and waits when I to it to devour I will make“.
Oh... And who is guilty of such consumer relation? And to a wedding it what was? Showed you the culinary achievements or, maybe, well at least for you made coffee? It becomes clear that is not present. And also it becomes clear that when this employee for the first time came To IT on a visit, with the purpose to lay a way to his heart (and at the same time and to heart of future mother-in-law) volunteered to help his mother to make a dinner. In it, certainly, there is nothing bad. On condition that the girl will be ready to behave further not to state to the husband of claims. It is valid, there are women in love with process of preparation of tasty dishes. But whether it is strange if suddenly, through any time of a marriage, this employee decided that she so does not suit her? It turns out, the person to himself creates to himself a problem, and then accuses of it all others.
Other example. The acquaintance constantly complains of the husband that he inattentive to her, unsympathetic. words tender speaks etc. a little. I ask (already foreknowing the answer): “And to a wedding was in a different way?“ It turns out that and was. But she hoped:: that it CAN be CHANGED!!! That is according to the similar theory leaves that any person who made the proposal undertakes, and it is molded under the requirements. Refined a garden - masochism: the wife scoffs at herself, suffering the person irritating her, and torments the elect with infinite claims and requirements to change. And who needs it?
Can correct, of course, some habits, but to force the person to be against his will what it is not - naive dreams, and no more. Here, let us assume, I was irritated that the husband, rising early in the morning, turned on a ceiling light. Asked once, at times, but it constantly forgot about it. And once, when we celebrated anniversary of our meeting, I suggested it to write on a leaflet that it is pleasant to us in each other and that - not really. We sat as school students, covered with hands the leaves, thoughtfully gnawed a pencil and tried to peep that at whom is written. It was very easy and pleasant to write about advantages and a good attitude and here in general nothing managed to be invented from the irritating things, besides the light which is turned on in the mornings. When we exchanged the lists, with interest read them. Amazingly, but already next day it worked! And already not one year if it rose earlier, then includes only a desk lamp.
Actually people who practically from first minute of acquaintance define that here with this person I will easily live all life are. There are other people who need not one month or not one year to define whether they are ready to be daily nearby with each other. But anyway, if it is already in advance known that this young (or not absolutely young) the person causes in you irritation or even hostility, then how, well as it is possible to decide to marry it? What reasons can be voluntarily to subscribe under future problems? Another matter if you are really ready to be reconciled with this or that shortcoming (there are no ideals, as we know), but then you should not grumble and complain then that there are no forces to live with it... (the necessary epithet will be thought up itself). You also chose it.
Still among all acquaintances to me married couples happy with life a secret of their happiness: they accepted each other with all merits and demerits in advance. But with those shortcomings which for them were insignificant and with them it is possible to be reconciled. I know that among visitors of this website there are many women who are happy with the husband. And, here he is a question:“ Your secret of happiness in the same?“