Rus Articles Journal

Whether it is possible to spoil the baby?

“To feed - on hours! To sleep to stack - on the mode! Do not accustom to hands, and that you will spoil! To sleep together with the child - perish the thought!“ Which of us had not to listen to similar recommendations from representatives of the senior generation?

the Modern pedagogics is adjusted by

in relation to the baby more humanely: in the head identity of the child, his psychological requirements is put, need of psychoemotional contact with mother is emphasized. Continuous carrying on hands, feeding on demand, long breastfeeding, a joint dream not only are welcomed, but admit only the correct line of conduct in relation to the baby.

Everything is remarkable

… But if several years ago similar ideas were perceived with a bang, then now mummies treat them with the increasing scepticism. Need to feed the child more often than in 2 - 3 hours, causes bewilderment. Continuation of breastfeeding after a year admits inexpedient (not to mention that many in all seriousness prove advantages of artificial feeding: pier, at such way of feeding children wake up less often at night). And the prospect of a dream, joint with the child, horrifies at all. (“And how sex? Husband too person!“ )

to Understand

why “modern tendencies“ in education of babies get accustomed hardly, quite perhaps. As if attractively the idea of continuous carrying the baby on hands for ensuring corporal contact with mother, at any woman, except the child did not sound, there is still a heap of household chores. And hands, unfortunately, only two. And members of household will not be enraptured if mother for days on end “provides corporal contact“ to the kid, and at the same time the lunch will remain unprepared, and the apartment - untidy (especially if to consider the stereotype occurring in our society that at the woman who is staying at home with the child, a great lot of free time, unlike others, working, family members).


If to feed the child on demand in literal understanding of this word, young mother it will be problematic to leave the house even for an hour. And to continue feeding after a year actually very tiresomely. Well, and the joint dream with the child, no doubt, strongly complicates “private life“ of young parents …

another Is unclear

- why modern women, just as their mothers and the grandmother, justify impossibility, and at times and elementary unwillingness to pay to the child attention, fear “to spoil“? Whether it is possible to spoil the newborn baby in general?

By the way, personally I have own hypothesis why tendencies in education of babies became tougher literally for the last two - three years. If earlier most of young parents became engrossed in reading of William and Marta Serz`s best-seller, then today the reference book, or as one reader at a forum was gracefully expressed, E. Komarovsky`s monograph “Health of the child and common sense of his relatives“ became “the modern bible“ for many mothers.

In this case I do not set

as the purpose to criticize all the favourite pediatrician: Evgeny Komarovsky is really competent, knowing, sane expert. Sometimes even too sane … For example, I with surprise read the next lines in its book: “If you see that the child already ceased to swallow and just sucks, immediately take away from him a breast and send him to a bed. If, the child in spite of the fact that already gorged on, cries in attempt to take away from him a breast, then these are already precisely focuses. Think whom you want to bring up - the normal person or the conjurer?“ And, how many it was written that the act of sucking is important also for ensuring psychological comfort, maintenance of contact with mother.

Yes, it is indisputable, for that time while the kid sucks a breast “for nothing“, the woman will manage both to cook soup, and to stroke diapers. But personally to me the recommendation to tear off blissfully sucking (as a rule in order that it is stronger to fall asleep) the child from a breast and, without paying attention to its crying to put in a bed, apparently, at least, cruel. What you would feel if the husband in whose embraces you luxuriate suddenly pushes away you with words: “Forgive, expensive, it is more time give you I cannot: affairs!“ And on your offended crying indifferently would distort shoulders: pier, focuses!

I Read

further:“ If the woman did not manage to make during the day household chores because the child, having remained alone, cried, and she was forced to carry him on hands, then as a result the child, maybe, also will cease to cry, but all other family members will begin to cry“. It agrees, a situation really not joyful, nobody cancelled household efforts.

Further:“ If the child and in the afternoon, and needs presence of adults and carrying on hands at night, it speaks either about an illness, or about serious pedagogical problems“. Minute … Need of the newborn to be on hands - an illness? Fear of night loneliness at the child who still yesterday was in a cozy mother`s stomach - an illness???

Is not present

, I agree, from the point of view of logic all arguments given above are absolutely right. Really, it does not make sense to hold at a breast of obviously gorged on child. Really, it does not make sense to run up to the kid on the first cry if for certain you know that it is full, healthy and dry. But whether it is possible to consider that the woman who more relies upon the maternal intuition indulges the child?

… My daughter the first months of life was very uneasy (a tummy and other infantile problems). When two weeks later after its birth I heard from acquaintances that I “accustomed the child to hands“, at me, the word of honor, head hair bristled from amazement. I even for a second did not reflect whether well I arrive, whether what I do is correct: for me was so natural to approach the crying crumb, to take on hands, to caress, calm … And it appears, I, that without knowing, spoiled the child in the very first days of life. However, in few months the same acquaintances were surprised at what quiet and cheerful my kid (three times fie grows!) .


it was similar also with a dream. The first month the daughter slept separately from me, and I had to get up quite often to her at night. Somehow at daybreak, completely weakened, I lay down together with the baby on the bed. At the same time I absolutely instinctively attached the girl in such a way that she instantly fell asleep, and in a couple of minutes also I fell asleep, without feeling discomfort from presence by a number of the child at all. On the contrary, it was even somehow cozy. Everything, on it our sleepless nights stopped. And in few months I found on the website devoted to breastfeeding, the detailed description of the equipment of a joint dream convenient at night feedings. I was struck, the provisions which were how recommended for a dream corresponded to those which I chose absolutely unconsciously!

By the way, concerning a joint dream and a dream in general. For some reason this problem causes the hottest discussions in the parental environment. Though, in my opinion, to argue on this subject it is useless - here everyone is right in own way. Mother whose child falls asleep in the bed quietly and without objections, will hardly understand for what it is necessary to rock to sleep, carry before going to bed on hands and - especially! - to take it in the bed. To what all this masochism if rather just to put the kid in a bed, to kiss for the night, and then to turn off light and to close a door, well, at most, - to execute before going to bed a two-three of rituals.

At the same time for the mother exhausted at the constant sleepless nights and dreaming to lie down at least for fifteen minutes, to argue on that it is correct or wrong to p to sleep together with the child - agree, too big luxury.

Ya I think, among readers there will be those which will object: the second option supposedly is outside norm. The normal situation is when the child falls asleep independently in the bed, otherwise it is or about an illness of the child, or about costs in education. Then answer why for most of people the first association connected with the baby - sleepless night? Really the bulk of parents is not able to raise children correctly? Or maybe, all children it is universal patients are born?

of Mother, considering that desire of the child to be as much as possible at you on hands and to sleep near you - not norm, but pathology, reflect: why the kid who until recently was at you in a stomach and who is not knowing in this world of nothing yet except you, your smell, your voice, suddenly has to want (!) to appear in an empty bed, huge for it, all alone? And at the same time not to cry and not to ask on hands? Because it is so convenient to you?

Yes, it is unconditional, each of us has the idea of how has to be that is correct and what is not present. As it is often possible to hear: “The child has to know / understand that he is not a center of the universe, not the center of the Universe that mother has still some affairs that mother was tired that it is necessary to sleep in the bed etc.“. But from where it the newborn baby can know? The kid does not understand still that well and what is bad, his perception of the world purely reflex, and he at this age is not ready to conscious (!) assimilation of social norms. Therefore if mother also manages “to bring up“ the baby desirable behavior model, then only due to banal training.

Remember Spock`s councils:“ Let`s the kid shout in the first night half an hour, in the second - twenty minutes …“. Or example even more colourful: if the child wakes up in the morning too early, but it is not necessary to jump to him at once. It is recommended to set an alarm clock every day for five minutes later and to approach the kid on a call. Then, having woken up, he will not begin to awake parents with shout, and will wait for an alarm clock call … I do not know how to you, but to me it very much reminds notorious experiment with Pavlov`s doggie.


how it is possible to spoil the baby? Whether we will apply in general this term to babies? Whether it is possible to consider behavior of the two-year-old peanut falling in the middle of the street on a bottom and demanding to take immediately it on hands, the five-year-old kid arranging in shop a hysterics from - for next a toy and the newborn baby who is falling asleep in warm mother`s embraces how the phenomena of one order? Whether it is possible to put on one step of the child is more senior with which it is possible to agree, tell, explain, well, as a last resort - to punish, and the baby who does not know yet and does not understand what is good and what is bad what is correct and what is wrong, and lives only the congenital instincts?

in conclusion I want to tell

: mummies, believe, to train the child so that he for days on end lay in a bed and did not distract you from household chores so that it looked beautiful and correct in the opinion of people around, actually it is possible. All question only in that is whether justifies the means purpose?