I and my irritation of
We, of course, love the children. We love, we love, we love... And when they the fifth time in a day soil panties and when our best lipstick they paint new wall-paper and when they for half an hour cannot pass 100 meters to kindergarten. We love them, only it becomes for some reason more difficult to speak about love, and evil, unfair words, the softest of which, are easier and easier torn to will: “As you bothered me!“it Is bad
, it is impossible to speak so to the child, and in books write that it is impossible to be irritated and then, we love them. Even if the child throws out a plate of porridge on new panties again, or mixes on a floor jam liter with an oil bottle, or squeezes out a toothpaste tube on a festive dress - we should not be irritated. Should not, should not, should not...
On Coca a bast, start anew. As a result izdergana nerves at both, and that also the father in the heat of the moment will turn up. He - that, the father, sees the kid once a week, and undertakes to do remarks: “Do not shout at the child, and in general what you are nervous?“ In vain it so, word of honor, in vain. A frying pan - that heavy...is more often or more rare than
, but are irritated, angry and all fly into a rage, except characters of commercials.Appeals are as senseless not to be irritated with
as appeals not to grow old. Are glad and how? To restrain - too not the best option. What is rage from the point of view of the biochemist? It is adrenaline accumulation. Adrenaline, as it is known - hormone of fight and flight, and at impossibility to fight, run about or to shout a bit at least thoroughly it will harass nerves, will tear heart and will corrode a stomach. It is necessary to learn to splash out emotions so that a wave did not wash away none of relatives.
In one fairy tale such character - the Gooseberry to which on a visit put two chairs - for it and for its prickly character is. And so, to irritation to put a separate chair, maybe, and to anything, and here it is necessary to get on with it. I am a person quick-tempered so experience of “uzhivaniye“ at me big and which - what I can share.For a start should be defined by
whether the child is guilty of the events. In sense - whether it is from its party offense. If what enraged you is caused by its age, temperament or a state of health, then it is not necessary to blame the child. And himself should not be blamed too. You are not guilty too that the type of the child bedaubed with cream of wheat or vyvalyanny in a pool does not cause in you affection. Never it is necessary to be ashamed of the feelings, the main thing that it was a shame with acts not.
A all - what to do if there is a passionate wish to shout by a bad voice and to cut properly? Well also shout! Only not on the child, and just like that, senselessly, on - tarzan. At the son I learned to do it, without straining voices: it is necessary to weaken vocal chords and to shout an open throat, without trying to modulate a sound. Speak, for health it is useful!cut
I - on a punching bag or a cushion. Do several gymnastic exercises, it is better power. Dance fate - N - a beater. Be run. Believe, it is impossible to run 500 meters at good speed and to remain not in the spirit of. In a word, give the chance to “hormone of fight and flight“ to realize itself. It is quite possible that the kid, squealing from delight, will join you. And to become angry about that with whom you just danced or chorus shouted, it is just impossible!
Quite another matter if the kid is guilty if it violated the rule famous and clear to it or will lock. Agree, uneducationally to entertain the tarzany concert which was guilty dances or sounds. The guilty person has to be punished. But also there are subtleties.
First of all try not to bring yourself to the critical mass of irritation, be discharged in process of accumulation. Let`s say your child in a case to family crystal climbs. You with a gentle smile as it is necessary to exemplary mother, remove it from the lower shelf. You remove time, the second time, the third... And on the fourth what will be? And other option: for the first time: “Do not climb, it is impossible!“, in the second: “Do not climb to whom it is told!“, in the third: “You that, you do not hear, I speak to you, do not climb!“ Then for the fourth time it, maybe, indeed will not get. And if gets, then probability of your “explosion“ much less.
If business reached rough scenes, then it is necessary to remember several rules. In - the first, in anger the manhandling is inadmissible. I will not tell that I such the opponent of physical corrective actions, cases happen different, but in anger when you cannot precisely estimate neither a measure fault, nor blow force - it is impossible! If hands very much itch, remember about a punching bag. Personally I beat own hip. On the one hand, energy is splashed out, with another - pain makes sober.
Cannot offend the child, to hang on it labels, and also to use offers with words “always“ and “never“. For example: “You never listen that you are told!“ Matter not only that it is offensive. In clever books write approximately so:“ For creation of a complete image of the world the child tries to correspond to the fact that significant adults speak about it“. In other words, if beloved mother calls a pig, then it is easier for kid to zakhryukat, than to assume that she is mistaken. So, calling the child the dirty creature and the idler, you try to obtain opposite to what you want. It, by the way, belongs also to harmless, it seems, statements of type: “He never eats porridge“. Tell so time - another, and your child will feel simply obliged to remove a plate.
Cannot stipulate other relatives who are especially absent: “Weigh in the father, same obormot!“, “The grandmother spoiled, there is no order now!“ If your authority is rather high, the child will believe that the father with the grandmother bad, but will continue to love them, muchas at the same time sense of guilt and uncertainty in themselves. If it very much is attached to them, then his faith in you can reel: he precisely knows that the father and the grandmother good, and you abuse them. The child is more senior will receive also other lesson: it is possible to speak badly about absent, at the same time smiling to them in a face.Cannot threaten
with deprivation of or the love. “I do not need such bad boy, will give you to the neigbour!“, “I will not love you more!“, “Brosha you I will also take myself the good girl!“ - for the kid it is terrible threats. However, normal children in a normal family are so sure of parental love that they will not believe words, but also it is bad - children will understand that you tell a lie. And if the child nervous and disturbing, and if the relations in a family nonideal... The love has to be unconditional and when you clean toys - I love, will soil a dress - I do not love, these are already some market relations.Cannot threaten
with an illness, death or withdrawal from a family someone from relatives. “You will drive me to the grave!“, “You will behave so, the father will leave us!“, “Finished the grandmother, now heart hurts her!“ Life and family wellbeing of adults - whether not too heavy freight for the kid? Cases when at children the hardest neurosises because they considered themselves as guilty persons divorced or death of parents developed are known. Another matter if the child`s acts really threaten health of people around: tycht to mother a pencil in an eye, distracts the father driving. In such cases it is necessary to explain to the kid possible consequences of his actions. It is senseless to abuse it until he understands why it is possible to stick with a pencil into a stomach, and in an eye it is impossible, the father can close eyes house palms, and in the car it is impossible. Consider, to explain what is a hypertension and as heart can hurt, you will be able hardly. It is better simple not to charge to such people care of the bright kid.
Cannot compare the child to other children: “Except you, nobody got into a pool, one you are a dirty creature!“, “Vaughan of Lesh as accurately eats, and to look at you precisely!“, “All have children as children, and at me...“ In - the first, it is a lie. Neighbour`s children it is not better than yours and if Lesh well eats, then it is for certain worse than yours ties laces, only Leshina mother does not shout of it. In - the second, it is offensive. You what, actually, you want to cultivate in the child - feeling of envy or an inferiority complex?
What remains? It is not much: an assessment of this offense (“You now badly made, very badly!“, “Never thought what you so badly can make!“). The description of the feelings (“You very much afflicted me!“, “I now directly want to cry!“). Comparison of the child with it (“Yesterday you were such good fellow, and today...“, “I was always proud of you, and you suddenly...“, “I thought that you already big and clever, and now...“ ).
Re-read these rules in a quiet situation. Remember what words most often escape at you a hot minute. It is quite possible that you dragged them from own childhood. It is clear, but not fatally. The fact that your parents were mistaken, does not mean that you are obliged to be mistaken. Think over “house preparations“ on admissible subjects. And when will roll irritation - do not try to restrain. Vykrichitsya, give all the best, exhaust. And then do not forget to embrace strong the kid and to tell: “You were wrong, but more so will not be, and I all the same very much love you, and everything will be good!“ And in general more often so you speak. All of us really very much love the children.