Rus Articles Journal

Rules of good manners

Psychologists claim that to accustom the child to good manners - not so difficult task as can seem in the beginning.

“Let`s come for work to the father“, - mother told five-year-old Max, taking away it from kindergarten. “I will see a father`s table with my photo!“ - Maxim was delighted.

the boy was included Into office, strong holding mother`s hand. Near a table of the father colleagues gathered. They welcomed Max: one tousled to it hair and clapped on a back, others gave hands for handshake. Maxim stood, having thrust hands into pockets, having frowned and having stared in a floor. “Well, Max, it is impolite. Greet all!“ - the father spoke.

But the boy was silent. Parents puzzly looked at each other - what happened to their sociable and friendly child?

Seven-year-old Danya was sure by

that he will receive from the grandmother with the grandfather on birthday new video game of which dreamed long ago. But when the boy opened a box, found a yellow raincoat and the same hat inside. Staring in disbelief, he stared at things and cried: “I do not need clothes! It is any not a gift!“ The upset grandmother began to justify herself: “You will be able to walk in the rain … I thought, it will be pleasant to you“.

“And me it is not pleasant to

at all! - Danya blurted out. - I thought, you present me game!“ And it ran out from the house, jumped on the bicycle and dashed away away.

Understand a situation.

  • of Maxim`s Parents.
    When we, at last, sat down together with Max to discuss the incident, he told:“ I was frightened when I saw so many people at once“. We understood that we did not prepare it for what is usually told by adults at acquaintance to children.
  • Father Dani. understood
    Ya that it would be more useful to the son if I talked to it alone about how it offended the grandmother with the grandfather, and insisted on that he apologized and thanked them for a gift.

In what an essence

A to your children such stories happened? If yes, that for certain is familiar to you sense of shame for bad manners of your child. But before to get to a correction of mistakes, properly understand that enters concept of good manners.


When I asked the eight-year-old son that it, in his opinion, good manners, he for a second reflected, and then absolutely seriously told: “Perhaps, not to break wind at people because it is not pleasant to them?“ I thought that in principle it is right.

Much of what we call good manners is just common sense and usual politeness in relation to people around.


I of the house too

In order that good manners became the second nature, children have to put constantly them into practice: not only on a visit or at restaurant, but also during a breakfast in the company of the sister, at school and in communication with friends.

If the kid, having caught a cold, blows nose in a handkerchief and to cover a mouth during cough, it will not infect other family members. It not just rules of hygiene, is shown care of others here.

Ability to communicate

of the Manner is also knowledge of how it is necessary to talk to people and to do compliments, ability to react to feelings of other person, to be sympathetic, friendly and tolerant. Yulya never saw before the person in a wheelchair. But once at a playground of park there was a boy who could not go. Children watchfully glanced at it, without deciding to start talking. Thanks to the fact that Yulya`s parents always taught it to be kind, tolerant and sensitive to any person she approached the first the boy, smiled and cheerfully told: “Hi!“

As you hear

, reception!

“In our family the confidential code which we use in public is accepted, - Lara, one bringing up three sons says. - If children see that I raised eyebrows and at the same time I pull myself an ear - for example, in church or shop, - they understand that their behavior not at height. It is more effective way, than to shout at children in the presence of their friends“.

Ability to be self-controlled

the Majority of us quickly understand that good manners depend on ability to be self-controlled, - that is why our requirements have to consider age of the child. The two-year-old cannot understand (or to remember) that it is impossible to pick a finger a nose. And to demand from the kid that he sat out half an hour behind a dining table, listening to talk of adults, at all it is senseless. However by three years children begin to learn to operate themselves: to use words, but not fists, to share cookies with others, but not to be enough all for itself.

at the age of five - six years they behave more frostily, and we can ask them to eat with small pieces, to wait for the turn to express, and to keep around remarks concerning dimensions of the fat neighbor.

we Will understand tasks

Aged from 5 to 13 years children try to understand world around and to fit into it. But to them it is not always clear, properly to arrive in this or that situation. The reasonable restrictions set by adults give to children feeling of confidence and tranquility. Especially if adults show those advantages which good manners give.

to be favourite.

Eight-year-old Anna is the popular personality at school. She cheerfully greets, is able to tell everyone something pleasant, to listen and show participation. Communication with it brings pleasure therefore at Anna it is always full of friends.

All children want

that they were loved, and ability to behave well disposes to them people around more. It is one of the most weighty arguments which will help to convince children of advantage of good manners.

to Find self-confidence.

Somehow we with my five-year-old daughter went to birthday to her girlfriend. The daughter, as it often happens to children, was afraid to go to the unfamiliar house. Therefore previously we repeated the simplest and trouble-free rules of etiquette: at first to tell: “Happy birthday!“ then to hand a gift to Karina or her mother; to greet other children; to thank when you are given a piece of cake; to thank and refuse if you do not like any dish; to thank owners when you leave. On the road, having mentally spoken an operations procedure, the daughter felt surer.

Children (as, however, and adults) feel

more comfortably if they know rules of conduct in this or that situation. Especially it is important for the teenagers gathering for a party.

to Receive that there is a wish.

the Fifth-grader Victor costs

at a subscription table in library and patiently waits when the librarian stops speaking by phone. Then he asks: “Tell, please, where I can find books about the Middle Ages?“ And his coeval Katya inconsiderately puts in a ward of the librarian with other schoolgirl, loudly demanding: “I urgently need the book about the Middle Ages!“ It is clear, to which of these two the librarian will be more favorable and who will receive the book rather.

By the way

according to the psychologist Elisabeth Ellis, till 11-12 years children are not able to put themselves to the place of other person:“ All of us begin the life with small egocentric beings, and we need such long term to learn to see things from the different points of view“.

the Child possessing good manners usually receives what he wants: invitations on a visit, the teacher`s arrangement, the additional help of the trainer, an opportunity to go hiking with friends and, at last, favor from an opposite sex.

we Start business

according to experts, behavior models in relation to people around are developed in the first several years of life of the child. Helping the kid to wave the guest the handle good-bye, wiping the one-year-old child of a hand before food, strictly speaking “no“ when the two-year-old child rushes food at restaurant or beats the companion, accustoming the three-year-old to tell “thanks“ and “please“, we take the first steps to those forms of behavior which we want to see at the children at advanced age.

can Begin with

training in good manners at any age, but experts consider that you facilitate a task, laying the behavior foundation till 7 - 8 years, then within the next several years will continue training.


, mother of two girls - twins, noticed that at the age of five years of her daughter, as well as most of children, with hunting “pleased“ and imitated adults. Therefore they very much were proud of that, for example, that they managed to hold a napkin on a lap. Becoming is more senior, they mastered all new rules of conduct, but it came easily because the foundation was laid. By seven years they had ideas of empathy and knew that offensive words will wound.

You are not such!

That is absolutely useless - it is to compare children. Such remarks how “Why you cannot behave as politely how your sister?“ or “Your friend Nikita behaves at a table better, than you!“ for certain will cause jealousy and offense instead of improvement of behavior.

of the Practician allows to reach perfection. If children begin to study good manners in 5 - 7 years, then to teenage age these manners will become their second nature.

But keep in mind

that though the child learned to sit down to a table with a clean face and hands in six years, it does not mean at all that you should not remind him of these rules and in 12 years from time to time. Training in good manners is the long process demanding patience and sequence.

But if to your child 11 or 12 years, do not despair. When children become more senior, they have a new motivation to training in rules of a good form. It is terrible to them to fall into an awkward situation: they want to know how it is necessary to behave at a party or on the first appointment.

Several important remarks do not arrange to

  1. of works involving all hands - it is useless. Training in etiquette demands time and system approach. Trying to teach an intensive course, forcing the child to remember a set of difficult rules, we will only cause his irritation.
    In two weeks prior to celebration 60 - the anniversaries of the mother-in-law at magnificent restaurant Alice suddenly began to panic and decided to be engaged urgently in improvement of manners of the children - seven-year-old Masha and five-year-old Boris.
    At the first lesson she taught children to use an extreme salad fork, and a big soup spoon, to cut meat and not to put elbows on a table. As a result Masha escaped from the dining room in tears, and Borya declared that he does not want to go on a holiday.
  2. Begin
  3. with the main thing . Choose one - two problems which first of all require attention (for example, behavior at a table). Work as
    on correction of shortcomings until they do not disappear at all, and only then move further.
  4. Be positive and specific
  5. . You say about what needs to be done, but not about what is not necessary. Instead of telling: “Do not hold a fork in hand“ or “Be not rough with guests“, it is better to show: “Hold a fork here so“ or “When to us Sergey Sergeyevich will come, look at him here so, shake hands and tell “Hello““.
  6. Look for justifications . Children remember better rules when they explain them the concrete reason, for example:“ If you stir during the movie, other audience will not hear actors “or“ if you do not ask to leave the message, I will not know to whom I have to call back“.
  7. Prompt
  8. . All children, even seniors need a constant reminder on rules of a good form. Try to correct the child confidentially or if you are in public, do it by whisper or special gesture - it will relieve him of feeling of awkwardness.
  9. do not feel sorry for a praise . Fix by it those manners which you would like to see. You praise even for the smallest achievements. The child will well remember such reaction of you:“ Of course, I will give you cookies, you so politely asked “or“ I very much liked the fact that you opened a door before the aunt Ella. At once it is visible that you already big“. Pay attention as the child when it is praised for good behavior shines.
  10. Set
  11. an example . Sometimes it appears the most difficult - to serve as a role model. If you want that the child ate, sitting at a table, but not on the run, you have to do the same and not give in to a temptation to eat up the salad remains at a sink. And to pay attention of children to our manners, it is useful to comment on the actions: “I held a heavy door for this man with a cane - it was difficult for him“.
    I still - the more often you tell “thanks“ and “please“ to the children, rather these words will be included into their own lexicon.