Reflection in a mirror or Why it happened to me
Most of women become mothers incidentally, some are solved on it, someone - owing to pressure from a social environment, and absolutely few - paying a tradition tribute. This year about 100 000 women will become mothers of children - disabled people. You sometime thought of that at what will of a case mother becomes the child`s mother - the disabled person?it did not want
Ya exactly 40 minutes. This time was enough for me to reach from work the doctor.
- It cannot be! - the doctor told, examining my striped test. - You have an endometriosis the last 10 years in such started stage! There already all pipes are hammered.
- And how the test? - I asked, sobbing.
- I speak - it is a mistake! Every second test lies. Go - you on ultrasound finally to be convinced.the Doctor long drove
to me on a stomach the cold scanner and kept saying: “Cannot be! Is that so!“
- What cannot be?
- At you children cannot be according to all indications! And I am ready to eat the diploma because you have a fetal egg three millimeters!
That feeling which I had at these words cannot be described words. SHOCK! And at once huge feeling of love to my small fetal egg which has to be obligatory the girl because we already have a boy. And again SHOCK! And how work, career where we will live? And again the pleasure to tears - to spit on everything! God gave hare - will give also a lawn. And again feeling of horror: how to GIVE BIRTH AGAIN?! Speak, childbirth is quickly forgotten. I will never forget the childbirth. Passed 14 years and as I will remember - on skin goosebumps.
- You know, we will have a child, - I told the husband in the evening. - Here to you its photo.
the Husband nearly choked with a dinner. Then jumped and began to whirl me on the room as abnormal.
- Only keep in mind, I will not give birth and feed! - I warned.
the Husband who endured together with me my purulent mastitis and a divergence of seams was not against. Next day, having come from work, I was surprised to surgical purity of the apartment, in the refrigerator I found all types of the fruit and vegetables growing on the planet Earth, and in my case the full range of clothing store for pregnant women hung. My men, appear, went crazy. The son forbade the friends to come to us home (and it in 12 years!) that, God forbid, somebody did not infect me. The husband forbade all to smoke around me in a radius of one kilometer. And what finally finished me, they switched-off the computer (God forbid, radiation)! I lay on a couch, scratched the absolutely flat stomach and represented from myself the woman from a joke: I want shit - salt, pepper, try - I do not want!
- You only take out! Only take out! - the husband as a spell repeated. I bore the first son with the sewn-up neck of a uterus and, frankly speaking, did not bear, and stayed in bed - I spent in hospitals in total 7 months!Everything was fine
. Professor Demidov who examined me on the 25th week, told students: “Here, admire - the absolute “Soviet“ child so looks!“Something happened to
last month. Even doctors cannot still tell why the placenta died.But she was born
! It was a miracle. My little Mary... And let weighs only two three hundred, and let at all there are no volosik - all the same it the most beautiful and there will be the happiest!
A then everything rushed as a snowball! Congenital heart disease which was not heard in maternity hospital, a congenital cataract which was not seen in maternity hospital and as the last chord to all medical mistakes - deafness. And it besides that at the birth delivered it 8 - 9 points!
Ya then often thought - really these affected 40 minutes that I gave birth to OTHER child. Can be... And maybe, so the Lord disposed...
Here it, having inclined over Earth, watches all. And suddenly, having smiled, speaks Angela: “And this woman give the child - the disabled person“.by
the Angel it is discouraged asks:“ Why to it, My God? It is so happy!“
- - the Lord smiles to it. - Really I will give the child - the disabled person of mother who does not know what is laughter? It would be cruel“.you know
how people can turn black from a grief? I heard about it, but did not trust. And one morning I saw in a mirror absolutely black face - my person. We with the husband tried not to cry and not to speak about it, but everyone had in eyes a mute question - why it happened to us?
- But whether it has a patience? - the angel asks.
- And I also do not want that it had too much patience or that she rushed to a whirlpool of a hopelessness and pity to herself. Sometime shock and a resentment will pass. She will cope with it. I watched it today. It has that self-respect and independence which so seldom meets it is already necessary for mother. You see at the child whom I am going to eat with it with the own world. She has to learn to live in its world, and it will be not so - that simply.We tried to find out
why it happened. Handed over a lot of genetic analyses. Drew family trees to the seventh knee with all postponed diseases until one clever doctor told us: “You will pursue science or to treat the child?“ And at us as though the veil from eyes fell down - what difference why it ANOTHER, it is necessary to make everything that it became same as everything, though ANOTHER. Also the circle was started turning: the dearest massage therapists, neuropathologists, cardiologists, oculists... Sometimes it seemed that nothing changes, sometimes on the contrary. From it it was possible to go crazy. But we stood!
- But, the Lord, I am not sure that she even believes in You!
- It does not matter - the Lord smiled. - I can correct it.
Other question which exhausted us concerned belief. Having learned that we will have a child, we right there got married to the husband. And what? Why the Lord so punished us? But we found the answer in conversations with our confessor Alexander. He told:“ Your family was given in life test. It is given not to each family. Rejoice and suffer. The Lord will never give to the person more, than that will be able to take out“.
- This woman is excellent, - the Lord told. - It has just so much egoism how many it is necessary.
- Egoism? - at the Angel intercepted breath. - Unless it is virtue?the Lord nodded
:“ If it is not able to separate itself from the child from time to time, she will not survive. So far she does not understand it yet, but she deserves envy. When her child for the first time pronounces the word “mother“, it will be present at this miracle and know that it is valid a miracle! I will allow it to a thing to see clearer - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and I will allow to tower over all this. It will never be one. I am near it every minute“.
there Passed 3 years. We could deliver to Mary in one row with healthy children: she sees, she talks, she runs and jumps on an equal basis with all. And though it forever will remain ANOTHER, it will not be defective. Professor Sidorenko who examined us this year, told that we made impossible. At everything at the same time we with the husband managed to continue the career development, not to deprive of attention of the eldest son and to keep the love. Probably, egoism helped.
Ya threw out all mirrors in the house, those mirrors in which I saw the black face, and bought new. One, the biggest, I hung up in a drawing room that all of us could see in it the reflection because ahead at us will be only good.
- And how about her patron saint? - the Angel asked.the Lord smiled to
: “What for? It will be enough and reflections in a mirror!“