to Amazement of parents are not present a limit when their juvenile child in conversation suddenly uses once not absolutely pertinent words in the children`s speech and expressions: “From where it at it?“ In what the reason of children`s foul language and how to avoid it?around us very much and it is a lot of
of Sources of “bad“ words. It can be both kindergarten, and the street, and television programs, and animated films, and familiar adults, and even as it surprisingly sounds, a family. Whether always we notice for ourselves, and then we remember it that we during the periods of irritation and anger say aloud the same “bad“ words. So for what to wait then from the small child who only learns to live in this world and absorbs as a sponge all that he sees and hears around?
What words can be carried to “bad“? Certainly, it is obscene language, rough and abusive words (“shit“, “swine“, “reptile“, etc.) the expressions humiliating and offending the person (“fool“, “idiot“, “loony“, etc.). There are also slangy words which cannot be carried to abusive, but, on the other hand, they serve for expression of the emotions (“yes“, “wow“, etc.) or for entry into children`s collective. Decide to fight against such words or not parents depending on that, how accepted they consider this behavior.
Parents and tutors note that the use by children of “bad“ words happens in increasing frequency and, the most important, became very difficult to cope with such behavior. And reprimand, the remark or other punishment do children by more reserved only for some period of time, but at the same time do not promote re-education and permanent change of behavior to the best.
Why the child swears?
At earlier age (till 4 - 5 years) the use of swear words can be unconscious, that is the child just does not know that it is bad. Here the most important - primary reaction of parents to a curse that these words were not included into the habitual use. Foul language of the child can throw you into confusion and shock, but try not to react too sharply. Often children experiment, following new behavior model to look at reaction of parents. Best of all quietly and firmly to tell the kid who acted this way for the first time: “In our family such words do not speak, it is wrong“ - and to offer other option.Children of 5 years are also more senior than
, violating rules, begin to have sense of guilt. At this age actively develop it is moral - ethical aspects of the personality: call of duty, duties. At the same time there is a fear to be not that about whom well tell who is approved, i.e. fear of social discrepancy.
If 5 - 7 - the summer child says curses, knowing that it is wrong and bad, for a start it is rather simple to make the remark:“ You know that you told badly. I do not want it to hear more“. But if it repeats again and foul language becomes a habit, then it is necessary to find out the reason.
we Will consider the most common and characteristic causes of violations of behavior.to
the Way of drawing attentionto
For the correct mental development of the child and his emotional wellbeing needs enough love, caress, care and attention from adults. If the kid of it does not receive for a number of reasons (parents are engaged at work, there are too much household problems, the family conflicts are frequent), then he will look for a way to draw their attention. Even if it will be hails, remarks and so forth, he will achieve the objectives.Remember
, as well as what is the time in day you see off with the child? For the kid important that mother and the father were interested in his desires, hobbies, took part in his games.Imitation and aspiration to resemble someone
the Child can choose by
to himself a role model whom he would like to resemble (the brother, the senior friend, the relative, the hero of the movie or animated film), thus associating abuse with force and bravery. The desire to seem is more adult, more independently and more seriously too can be the cause for the use of abusive words.
needs to be meant that owing to the age children often idealize any person or the hero of the movie - if it positive, so everything that it does, unconditionally well. Completely it is impossible to fence off the child from influence of the outside world and it is not necessary. In this situation it is possible to advise to watch closely the atmosphere in which there is a development of the child.
Especially wants to note influence of television - it takes away that time which they could spend with a family from children and parents. The television became an integral part of our life, and absolutely it would be wrong to refuse it. Whenever possible try to limit time spent by the child at a TV screen. Choose only those transfers and animated films which correspond to its age. And any violence scenes, aggression with participation of “picturesque“ negative characters.
not success Compensation
Can happen also it that the child endures failures in some one area of life (there are no relations with the brother or the sister, with peers in kindergarten or at a playground, wants to learn to play soccer, and it turns out worst), and signs of trouble are shown also in another. The child loses confidence, hearing reproaches and criticism in the address. And, using swear words, he speaks:“ Why to try, all the same nothing will turn out “, “ all say that I bad, I also will be bad“.Same
occurs if the criticism from parents affects the identity of the child, but not his behavior and actions. For example, if instead of “I was upset that you did not clean a toy“ the child hears that he is an idler, inaccurate, then he perceives it as “you - bad, I do not love you“. And for the child it is very important to hear that he will be loved irrespective of, he cleaned toys or not.the Child suffers from
from unrealized needs of nature in recognition of its progress and achievements, respect of his personality and seeks to fill this shortage in any ways which are available to it.
Fight for self-affirmation against excessive parental guardianship
For the first time the requirement “I“ appear aged when the kid begins to assert the right most to decide what to do in this or that situation, and remains throughout all childhood. Parents, considering that they impart to the children the correct education, mistakes warn, build the communication with them in the form of instructions, remarks and fears. Yes, it is necessary. But if remarks and councils are too frequent, orders and criticism are too sharp, and fears are too exaggerated, then the child begins to rise. Parents of such children are inclined to formulate requirements and rules of conduct in style of a categorical ban.
the Conclusion here one - to give to the child a certain freedom of choice (5 - 6 - the summer child cannot independently cross the street yet, but can choose that he will put on or what book will read) and to respect his right for mistakes, having allowed to save up own experience.Desire to revenge
Children can be sometimes offended by
on someone. Global changes in the child`s life can be the reasons of it - there was a little brother or the little sister, and the child feels superfluous, unnecessary; parents divorced; in view of the developed circumstances of the child send to live to the grandmother; parents quarrel all the time. Or it is a single and small occasion - did not buy a toy, did not go on a visit, unfairly punished. And again the child endures pain and offense and expresses it the abuse.
Influence of collective
A it just that “influence of the street“, also concerns it already children of more advanced age. If the child gets to already created collective (kindergarten, the yard, group on interests), quite often there is a conflict, and that to avoid it, “newcomer“ can blindly copy behavior and a manner of communication in collective. > it Hardly cost to
of p from - for it to isolate the child, peers play a huge role in life of our children, however to help it to develop self-reliance - it is necessary. Then he will be able to achieve success in any social situation and without ostentatious foul language.
As to fight against it?
In - the first, it is necessary to remove the cause of foul language - to show to the child more attention, cares, at the same time giving also some freedom, to lift limits which do not correspond to its age any more. It is very important to create the favorable atmosphere in the house, to help to achieve success in any field of activity, to show that to be strong, brave and adult it is possible also without foul language.
In - the second as it is very strict to punish, and it is impossible to ignore abuse. It can lead to fixing of such form of behavior. The most correct - to achieve understanding the child why so it is impossible to speak. The matter is that in idea of the preschool child of concept of good and bad are often displaced, and owing to lack of sufficient life experience can even be interchanged the position. And here a task of adults - to help the child to orient accurately, having explained that to talk smut - badly.
If you punish the child, remember that he has to know what he is punished for, penalties have to follow offense at once, and punishment should not humiliate the dignity of the child at all. The child has to be afraid not of the punishment, but an opportunity to upset parents with the wrong behavior.
B - the third, it also own example. Speaking: “I can swear, and to you is not present“, do not wait that he will agree with you if you serve as model of unseemly behavior. Think of the situation reigning at your place: whether you use humiliating nicknames, offensive expressions concerning members of the family including children, And the most important: whether you try to avoid the family conflicts in presence of the child? At such moments adults are busy only with a showdown and see nothing around themselves. What do you do and speak in a similar situation? Think of it. To say that it is forbidden to swear, and most to do it - means to do serious harm to education.
I it is only serious having worked over itself, the child can impart the view of a problem:“ You never heard that I swore. It offends and offends other people, and we have to be respectful to each other. If you are angry with other person, it is necessary to tell in a different way: it is not pleasant to me, it is dishonest“.
Very often children resort to defiant behavior only because they do not know other ways of expression of the emotions. Teach the child to several words describing feelings (I am angry, it is upset, I become angry, I in anger). Thus, you not only solve a problem of the use of swear words, but also accustom the child to distinguish the feelings and to speak about them that too is very important.
Here small example of conversation with the child. In a sandbox five-year-old Igor builds the whole city, and two-year-old Semyon looks with curiosity, tries to construct something, but as a result breaks everything that was constructed by Igor. The last is indignant, calls Semyon the blockhead. Semyon burst into tears. Igor`s mother speaks to it:“ You are upset and are angry with Semyon. Yes, it really destroyed all your work“. Igor willingly agrees. It continues:“ You know, Semyon very much liked the city from sand, he wanted to consider it, to study and learn to build the same as you. But he absolutely small and does not know yet that it is so easy to break constructions from sand. You represent how he will be delighted if you as the senior teach him to build also? And you called it, and he cries now. It would be also offensive for you if you were cursed by someone from seniors. And for it it is offensive now. Look how he will be surprised and will be delighted now if you call him to play together with itself“. So mother could explain to the son that the bad word can offend, and showed that it is possible to have satisfaction and pleasure from the positive solution of the conflict.
Talking smut in collective
Would like to stop on a problem of the use of curses in children`s collective when it is difficult for child to resist to one. An exit one - to unite with parents of other children and with teachers. It is possible to offer the following method: having gathered these children, to ask them what abusive terms they can remember and write all this on paper. Then symbolically to destroy these words (it is possible to dig, burn, tear). Thus to let know to children that they should nevermore use all listed swear words.
Can also make “The contract on mutual respect“ where it will be written down that members of children`s collective are not allowed to use abusive terms. After all children solemnly sign it, attach it in a visible place as a reminder on the made decision.If your child asks
whether you quarrel sometime, then tell it the truth.“ Yes, sometimes I swear, but only when one or with somebody who will definitely not take offense at me. I will honestly tell, to quarrel - a bad habit“.should not forget
about that, encouragement of good behavior is how important. Therefore, noticing the slightest changes of behavior of the child to the best, surely you praise it and emphasize how you are proud of his progress.I want to remind
that foul language is a signal of the help of your child and a way of expression of his anger and a protest once again at the end. And the feeling of anger appears in response to the pain caused to it, humiliation and offense. The child lets know:“ To me it is bad, help me“. The adult`s task in this case - not to focus attention on the negative emotions and experiences, and to try to understand what happens to the child and, maybe, to change something in itself.you Remember
also that such problem will not be solved in one day, and it is necessary to be adjusted for long and laborious work.