What I am a grandmother?
They smartly look and lead active lifestyle. Visit fitness - clubs, float with an aqualung and happen at all theatrical premieres. Also are not always ready to bring up grandsons. Grandmothers any more not that earlier?
Month, back at Anna was born the son.“ I would like that mother spent with me more time, - Anna regrets. - I thought that when I return from maternity hospital, it often will come on a visit, to help. And it, of course, comes, but always “only for five minutes“. Such impression that she does not feel involved in what occurs. Of course, I know that she is very engaged at work... But all - is offensive for me, I can do nothing with it“.
mother and the daughter often reunite With the birth of the kid, together caring for the child. But sometimes - as in case of Anna - this proximity does not arise in spite of the fact that the relations in a family good. It is impossible to call such situation conflict, most likely, it is about misunderstanding. There is a grief and a little bitter deposit - as after a meeting to which the person dear to you did not come.needs to tell
that present grandmothers are not similar to classical at all: in the kerchiefs and aprons which are joyfully wagging with serving spoons at a plate. They do not cook some jam - they skate on roller-skaters! Aged from 50 till 60 years of the woman remain active and independent. Besides work, at them there are a lot of hobbies and occupations which leave not a lot of free time as earlier. They turn as can be in time and work, and to be engaged in the private life. At the same time they need to find time and for care of the previous generation: quite often they have to look after own parents, by this time already very elderly.
to Pass on baton
there are many reasons for which grandmothers not always hurry on a meeting with grandsons as soon as those are born. But nevertheless it is difficult for young woman to reconcile to the fact that while she learned pleasure of motherhood, her mother could not be near. These happy, but troublesome days it asks itself thousands of questions. Some of them quite household: “When it is better for Dashenk to redeem, in the morning or in the evening?“ Others - all-philosophical:“ Whether there will be I get prettier mother?“ When the woman is overcome by such doubts, she needs to consult to somebody knowing... even if she, the representative of more progressive generation, will reject part of councils. Young mother needs her own mother as a role model. Giving birth to the child, the girl dares to arrive the same as mother. But it is necessary that that gave on this symbolical permission. And if her mother not too tries to get into the role of the grandmother, the woman often feels uncertainly, believing that she of this permission did not get also support to it there is no place to wait.
to the aid!Some want
that mother was near at all not to seem a model family. It is difficult for them to accept the fact that now they adult, absolutely independent people. Perhaps, in such cases the girl wants to turn into the child again? In the childhood as soon as she called mother to the aid, that at once resorted. It is absolutely normal: to young mother prospects unprecedented hitherto open, grandiose work - nothing surprising is necessary to her that she looks for supports at that which brought up it. Not so - it is simple to tell that to himself:“ There is my child, and I will bring up him until he becomes an adult“. But and the grandmother cannot charge herself with all maternal duties is not her task! If young mother understands it, it will be easier for it to cope with the duties.
Well, at last I will have a rest!to Become
the grandmother means to receive the new status.
Quite often grandmothers move away from daughters because now feel more time having the right to devote to. Not, which women, having become grandmothers, feel that already “there is a lot of distance“ to the children. They spent many years for their education and now would like “to sigh freely“ and at last to begin to live for itself. They can be understood. It is much more interesting to go three times a week to the pool, several times a month on concerts and to go to Greece on worship of gods of the Olympus, than to communicate constantly with the unruly small child while the daughter or the daughter-in-law somewhere vanish.needs to recognize
: the grandmother is not substitute mother, not the nurse on calling! Of course, she can help us to get used to a new role of parents. But it is necessary to reconcile to thought that it has also the life. As for the grandmother`s relations with grandsons, of course, you can try that they met more often. But they will decide how close will become these relations.
Modern grandmothers are not similar
to classical: in kerchiefs and aprons.
the grandmother is the same important event how to become mother. And it is not as simple as it seems! To have children - natural desire. But not everyone wants to have grandsons! It simply happens to you, the decision is made not by you. You receive the new status, moved you on one generation back - to get used to it, time is necessary.“ I cannot tell that I was very glad when the grandson was born, - Ella tells. - I then was only 45 years old. Ira I gave birth in 20 years, younger, to Sveta, in 23. When Ira in 24 declared that she expects a baby, I felt shock. Though theoretically that here it? At its age at me was already two children! But I felt young and attractive... The thought that I became a grandmother, seemed absurd! I got used to it only in several months“. In society in which the youth cult prospers it is especially difficult for woman to get used to such change in the life. Some even strictly forbid grandsons to call them grandmothers!
How long it was!
Besides, some grandmothers do not undertake to watch for the kid because they are afraid of heavy responsibility. “Mother refused to sit from Anechkaya! Not all week, about it the speech did not go: but from time to time on days off! She raised three children - and was frightened of the granddaughter!“ Perhaps, freight of responsibility increases when it is necessary to be responsible for safety not of the child. Not to mention that the grandmother often is afraid that she already forgot how it is necessary to treat children: it was so long ago... “When I asked mother who grew up two children how to swaddle the kid, she only waved a hand:“ You think, I remember? Ask the nurse“. Agree, it is difficult to imagine that our mother does not know what to do with the baby. But the principles of care of children change over time. Their experience of education of children can be outdated in comparison with modern norms. What to do? To treat grandmothers with patience and understanding. To tell more about the kid instead of becoming angry that she does not remember what she began a feeding up with.
the Family council
As a rule if the relations in a family good, then with time and under the influence of children`s charm of the grandmother gradually get used to the situation. It is possible to learn to be the grandmother. However if nevertheless it seems to young mother that the grandmother finds for grandsons not enough time, about it it is possible and it is necessary to talk - it will help to avoid offenses and nedoponimaniye.
Of course, the child`s father most often supports young mother, listens to her and encourages. But in a family concert it plays an own violin and the grandmother will definitely not replace. The special part is assigned to it.
Having talked to the grandmother, we can learn about her expectations and compare them to ours. Whether not too much we wait from that thanks to whom we were born? Of course, we need its approval and some kind of blessing when ourselves give birth to children. But whether it means that our mother surely has to leave work, refuse private life and potter with grandsons days without a break? In this sense we become hostages of advertizing: before eyes there is an image vigorous grandmothers and grandfathers, always ready to indulge with something grandchildren... Our parents are usually not similar to characters of advertizing, and we are disappointed.“ I thought that mother will have more close relations with daughters, she does not work, - Galina regrets. - I cannot tell that she finds for them not enough time: they often together spend vacation. But it is a pity that any more they together are engaged in nothing“. Perhaps, Galina overestimates a level a little: ideal grandmothers are not. It is not necessary to demand too much. The main thing that spoke about the grandmother and the grandfather in the presence of the child that he knew that they are a family to it people.