History of one nonideal mother
“What happiness - at me was born the daughter! I became a mother! I exist the best mother! I will be ideal mother for my daughter!“ - so I when I for the first time took in hand thought and pressed to myself a tiny little body. But in reality all appeared not as I imagined for nine happy months of expectation of a miracle.Me it was very difficult for
. No, not in the sense that I was burdened by my daughter! As they say, store is no sore - and this is true, my sweetheart is my darling, the long-awaited, desired daughter! Business is perfect in another, namely, I constantly worried that I do something not so that if now I make something (or I will not make), further my darling, beloved it will halloo. From - for they are continuous experiences, frustration which are saved, saved, saved...
I once, having put to bed the daughter in the afternoon (we were 5 months old), I decided to leave alone not finished washing ware, not finished ironing linen, the nedopribranny room and all other nedo - and to sit at the computer, enjoying silence and free time (before I did not sit down at the computer already half a year precisely!) . Got into the Internet, on the favourite website, and found so much useful and interesting to itself that the impression as if the mountain fell from shoulders was made. And all that is why.me the thought came to
After reading articles to mind: maternal intuition it is impossible to muffle nothing ! The most important - to believe in itself and to take courage and forces not to listen to importunate councils “more skilled, clever, knowing“! No, I do not argue that sometimes councils happen very valuable, but besides in this case will be helped by intuition . I, for example, sometimes still ask council the mother, me and my brother she grew up! But (can, me it is simple - naprosto it was lucky with mother) her councils have no character of manuals, instructions, orders and reproaches in the spirit of “You that you create, the child will freeze!“, “Still you do not lure, it starves!“, “It is impossible to give to the child in hands that.........“ and so forth
I now, having read stories of some mothers, I want to write the story about how we grow (we, but not my daughter because I grow together with it too and I cannot even describe how much new I learn daily). More precisely, it is a story about what difficulties I faced and as I try to solve them. Perhaps, and my history will help someone as I was helped by stories of other mothers.
And so, to us now 6 months. Mine was born krokhotulya rostiky 50 cm weighing 2960 g. I prepared for emergence of this miracle thoroughly, struggling with all fans of signs who unanimously shouted that nothing can be bought till the birth of the baby. As though the bought diapers and baby`s undershirts can affect the course of childbirth! And as I was glad that the dowry was already ready because when I came back home, I needed more than a month that more - less to join a life rhythm. In a new rhythm of life, with new rules and the modes.
I here as soon as I felt a firm support under legs, I thought of how it is necessary to behave with the beloved child that it correctly developed, was happy with everything. That slept tight and well ate. It was cheerful, inquisitive. That our nights were not sleepless. I thought also of other burning topics which concern all parents.
It is unconditional, the answer one: it is necessary to love the child and to be engaged in him. It will be told by any psychologist and any knowing parent. Even before childbirth I was full of determination to develop the child, as much as possible to find for him the time, to play with it, to do massage, gymnastics and other useful things, and, of course, loved the yet not born kid to insanity. And I was sure that at me everything will turn out.
I time when in my house there was a little girl, my daughter who later rather small period began not only to sleep, eat and cry here came, but also to be awake. Here - that difficulties also began. No, of course, I was ready that with the advent of the child in the house of difficulties of this or that character not to avoid. But... I was not ready to some moments. I will begin one after another.
In - the first, disagreement between modern views on development and education of the child and those principles by which our mothers (and elder sisters who gave birth about 6 - 10 years ago brought up us!) . It is very actual since in education of children feasible help is given by grandmothers and sometimes sisters, and lately views very strongly changed.I was just broken off by
In the first months. I to the last proved what should be done as I was told in maternity hospital. I assured that it is impossible to dopaivat the child that dokorm should be entered from 6 months, but not three that I will not give beet juice to the child under no circumstances that milk should not be decanted after each feeding etc., etc.
Ya did not go slightly crazy when I was suddenly taken away on the Ambulance with a temperature and stagnation of milk (which arose absolutely suddenly and in that breast which was emptied regularly and completely!) and mother with the sister “from fright“ that me will put in hospital fed sweetie pie with mix. 1 month and week was it then. It hallooed to us a problem with a chair in the form of a small lock, but considering that to this age the chair is not regular yet, possibly, its reason and not in mix.
In a word, having found out that nothing happened to my precious child, it happily smiles even after he was fed not with a mother`s milk, I became more tolerant to treat any councils from the senior generation. Honestly I admit, sometimes councils were more reasonable and effective, than the councils founded on current trends.here recommendations of some doctors me simply nonplused
A. Not only that various experts (and not only pediatricians) give various, often contradicting each other councils, but also the same doctor sometimes contradicts himself! After in five months we came to control inspection, and the pediatrician strictly - strictly forbade me to dopaivat the child about six months (and few months ago she (!) abused me for the fact that I do not give to the unfortunate baby water), I finally came to a conclusion that those mothers who go to hospital “for a mark“ are partly right, say that implement recommendations of the doctor, and do in own way.I Will notice
that throughout all time, I furiously protected pediatricians, tried to fulfill all requirements and in detail told what I do with the child and that happens to it, expecting to receive valuable data in reply... But after this case I gave up.
In - the second, the mode. Very sore subject. The matter is that for me to observe the mode it is very problematic. Never it was impossible. But with the advent of the daughter somehow everything rose on the places. It concerning me: earlier I could sit at half of the night in front of the computer or be engaged in another matters, and now will not have a sleep at night - the beloved child will not allow to have a sleep in the afternoon. And here concerning the baby... still I do not know as in what time it is necessary to do - to bathe, walk, do massage and so forth
the Day dream and feedings at it according to its own schedule which I to influence not in forces (there is it still only breast milk, we prepare in the next few days for introduction of a feeding up therefore there and the mode of feeding will be replaced, but all this in the project). With falling asleep for the night - a problem (can be, just from lack of a high security and ritual of an otkhozhdeniye to a dream, maybe, age, or perhaps mother`s and father`s too, genes...) .
A here all the rest... we walk as it will turn out, we bathe in the evening, but at different times, massage not according to the schedule too. Though all around go on “a high security - guarantee of health of the kid“. And what can be the mode if feeding free, not on hours... And if mother has no high security how the child will learn it? I consider it minus, but I do not despair: I try, try... so far it is ineffectual.
One more problematic issue - is filled up by my baby only at a breast. On the one hand, it is wrong - so write in books and pediatricians speak. And on the other hand - all children are individual. Perhaps, here my mistake - so accustomed from the cradle. But we tried to fight against it literally couple of days (according to various schemes of schooling of the child to independent falling asleep) since. the baby so could not stop a roar that my heart did not sustain, and the father who was an initiator of schooling of the daughter to independent falling asleep gave in without a fight.
B - the third, massage. How many times I undertook this business and threw! Already and not to count! But I know (more correct to tell, intuitively I feel) that it is necessary to do massage, besides daily. But there is no time, it is impossible to me as it is described, the baby wants to lie on a stomach whereas massage of a back me is made already three times and so forth
Eventually, I made a compromise with myself: to do massage at least 3 - 4 times a week, by the principle “something is better, than nothing“, and on a compromise with the daughter: to do massage not for once all exercises and when both of us have a mood and desire. It, by the way, perfectly was entered in the scheme “not of daily“ massage. As a result we learned to receive the sea of positive emotions from this action! And I preserved a heap of nerves and avoided a fault complex from - for “non-performance of what, in my opinion, should be done“.I Want to note
that actually I am skeptical about the word it “is necessary“ since often after this word follows “and whether I can?“, and sometimes “and whether I want?“ . But those it “is necessary“ which I give here - it those “is necessary“ which I for myself defined how it “is necessary“. And not essentially, that for all others it was obligatory. Perhaps someone considers that in general it is not obligatory to do massage, and sometimes even is harmful in house conditions (I personally know adherents of this theory) - I do not argue, but I have views of this question.
Further, walks. Certainly, it is necessary to walk every day, it is desirable several times, and it is desirable to spend time of a dream in the fresh air too. The first one or two months the dream on a balcony quite suited us, but then this number ceased to work. We walked every day until I did not tear a back and did not dislocate a leg. And we began to walk occasionally.
A how to be if we live in a panel high-rise building (which are not adapted for kolyasochny mothers at all), on the sixth floor, and the elevator breaks with an enviable regularity? The husband works in shifts, and daily at the same time he cannot lower us from “heaven on the earth“, and I at a body weight 43 kilograms, having lowered a carriage even at the working elevator, back is already not able to bring it almost.
Began to walk at different times, in the afternoon, almost at night (still on the street we so far only sleep) when the husband comes from work or when I take courage and I drag all the economy. And sometimes it is necessary to be limited to the window leaf opened wide open.
the Second minus of city walks - an awful gas contamination though in our city we live in the most environmentally friendly area.
Diapers. This controversial issue is discussed now by all. Especially do not recommend to apply this miracle of the present to boys, but as I have a girl, concerning this question I can tell nothing. But month two we a diaper dressed the first only on the street. Then, in the winter when strongly became cold, and in the apartment it was rather cold, began to dress more often, including for the night. About! It was happiness! It were the first nights when the baby slept all night long and when I at last slept! Considering that the daughter treats those children who slightly will pee - are already dissatisfied, for us the diaper became rescue at night.
of Months with three to five the diaper was removed in days for about four hours, it is no more. At first it very strongly concerned me, I worried... If it is honest, now it is not clear to me that so concerned me. An intertrigo was not, the child is happy, happy - mother is quiet.But over time I all - began to disaccustom with
myself to diapers gradually. Probably influence of wise grandmothers affected. And from the practical point of view, the person cannot “carry all the with himself“! Therefore months from four we began to carry our baby in a bathroom and to accustom to write under the switched-on crane.
A in five months I found out that without diaper not so difficult. Of course, washings increased - the switched-on crane not always helps, but it does not seem such terrible as in the first months now. And since then we dress a diaper only on the street and for the night. What my surprise when recently I found out that the daughter furiously protests against on her the diaper was long put on and as she begins to rejoice when it is removed was!
One more moment which tormented me concerns “conversations with the baby“, to be exact, of opinion that the kid should tell about everything that surrounds it. Honestly I admit, it seemed to me useless, at least, to those
of a time until the child begins actively to learn the world. Here already active talk began
:“ Who is it? It is a doggie, av - av“. Though I consider,
that the child already during the first hours of life absorbs information as a sponge, butto force itself to do to
what you consider useless... waste of time.
In a word, with the daughter`s birth I did not turn into the continuous translator of information though I am sincerely glad for those mothers (and can even a little and I envy them), who find in themselves on it forces, and, above all, desire.
I one more moment - I sometimes am angry with the child. Honestly. At first >
it was even a shame to p to admit it to himself, but the rage is emotion too, and any emotion demands an exit. Therefore sometimes I leave the daughter to the father on care, I decant more milk and I go for a walk on shops, warning that I will return not earlier than in one couple of hours. But in an hour I fly home, in a bag - couple of prezentik for my bittock - a cap, a kombinezonchik, a new toy or still something, and for rage there is no trace left also! The house me is waited by my darling, beloved, nobody the replaceable daughter!
Here such I am nonideal mother who continues to love the baby to insanity and wishes it only all the best! I live under the slogan: “Healthy nerves of mother - the happy and healthy kid!“ It is also sure that at me all will turn out!
of Mummy, I can tell only one: you do not seek to be ideal mother - it exhausts and eventually conducts to a fault complex when something is impossible. Be the loving mother - for the kid it is the most ideal mother!