Expensive edition! When my eldest son was about five and a half years old, he suddenly began to use the words connected with intimate parts of a body and natural departures. He repeated them so often and with such pleasure that I was ready to seize him in an armful and to drag to the psychiatrist. I began to listen to what is told by his age-mates. Well-mannered kids at a boundary of 5 - 6 years as well as my son, poured nonsenses like “the priest - bunches, pis - kak“.
Ya was in some confusion. What with it to do? To forbid? To punish? In a word, while I stayed in perplexity, my son himself somehow outgrew this stage and stopped pouring “bottoms and bunches“ continually. We safely forgot about this period of his life. But …
to my younger daughter will be five soon, and I began to notice that she already shows some painful interest with “pisyam and to cooks“. Why does that happen and how to fight against it?
Comment of the children`s psychotherapist, family consultant Madelaine Sanchuk.
Dyne - very observant mother, she unmistakably called age at which children as it seems to us, show keen interest in natural departures and genitals. It seems so to us because children with ecstasy repeat “bottoms - bunches, pis - kak“, at the same time redden, laugh, excited, neglect requirements of adults to immediately stop repeating bad words.we Will look at
on ourselves, on a civilized society. At first we change to the baby diapers, without paying attention of the child to the nature of his natural departures. Then we gradually accustom the kid to distinguish signals of secretory system and to ask on a pot. At this stage we teach it to speak “-“ and “pi - pi“, in every possible way encouraging its attempts to repeat these words. Accustoming the child to go to a pot, we often repeat: “It is necessary for you-?“ Also quietly we speak to it:“ Give - I will wipe to you a bottom“. But here the kid coped with an important stage of a growing and learned to go to a toilet. Here - that we also begin to train him for school, for life in society. We explain that “-“ and “pi - pi“ it is necessary to do the closed door that it is not accepted to inform all attendees on intention to go to a toilet. That is, training the child for adulthood, we enter forbidden words into use and we create a taboo.
As soon as the kid faces a ban, it has irresistible desire to break it and to look that it from this will turn out. Moreover, his peers pass through the same phase of a growing and therefore violation of a taboo and forbidden “pis - kak“ become part of collective children`s word creation and children`s subculture.
Thus, children who speak about secretory functions of an organism and call eliminative organs, do approximately the same, as their parents when discuss NN petty intrigue, flavor the adult conversations with a shred of a sensuality or tell each other jokes about the relations of floors, using at the same time nonconventional lexicon. The discharge is necessary for adults. In the same way and to children to whom bothers “to behave decently“ and “to make good acts“.
How to help children not to become excessively free, indecently loud, so far they pass through this stage of a growing? How to teach them a lesson of the fact that the tactless behavior pushes away people?
In - the first, it is not necessary to slap them or to hit on lips. Roughness of parents and excessive severity of punishment can intimidate the child and drive it “pis - kak“ deeply into subconsciousness, having left the kid at strong opinion that allocations of an organism - a thing awfully shameful, dirty, vile, as well as the related bodies. Means, to this child, most likely, everything that is lower than a belt, will be surrounded with an aura of unhealthy interest, secret and a shame.
In - the second, it is not necessary to drag the child in a bathroom and to wash to it a mouth with soap that “to clear of bad words“. This punishment differs in nothing from flogging: it, as well as physical impact, serves in order that suppress, intimidate and humiliate.
B - the third, it is not necessary to giggle, repeating: “Ah, the wretch, you dishonor me before Nikolay Petrovich. Stop now!“ Special attention to negative behavior of the child together with encouragement what the laughter is, will allow the child incentive to draw your attention, repeating those words or actions which raised your smile. Phrase:“ You dishonor me“ - gives to the child the wrong idea of its absolute power over you and tempts by all means to use this power.
How to be? Dina told a remarkable story that, reflecting on the correct method of suppression of undesirable behavior of the son, she stayed idle, and the boy safely outgrew meanwhile an unpleasant stage. Without suspecting that, Dina used the important tool of education - ignored a negative act. This method is good while the child does not begin to do something disgusting (becomes physically aggressive, it is spat, thrown by objects) or dangerous (we will tell, there is enough sharp knife, runs out on a carriageway).
If it “pis - kak“ are urged to bring you to white heat or “to dishonor“ - for example, warm up at the top of the voice during church service or on a visit at your chief - that you should keep serene rest (at least externally), to bring the child to the quiet place and to ask it to sit on a shop (or to stand in a quiet place) five minutes. At the same time allow it to repeat about “pis - kak“. As soon as the child tells you that he has much a good long talk these words and they bothered him, offer him the contract:“ We will return to the others. You will not begin to speak loudly. If you have a desire to tell “pis - kak“, let me know, and we will come again here, to a quiet place where you will be able to tell it how many for you it is necessary“. After the child fastens the contract with a consent, quietly come back to society, but be ready at the first violation of the rule to bring him for 5 minutes. Be not confused! Remember that all pass through it (or almost everything) parents!to
Ya she is familiar with parents who together with the child cheerfully sang:“ Our dog “a bunch - a bunch“, she does “pis - kak“, and in five minutes this practise bothered the child so that it with relief switched to other kind of activity. The more quietly and more consistently parents treat this problem of growth, the it is rather and more simply the child passes this difficult stage of a growing.
I Hope, it is clear that the speech in this comment goes not about foul language, abuse and rudeness, and it is exclusive about that the child treated physiological departures of an organism and secretory bodies without painful interest, did not go in cycles in them, and quietly perceived the fact that he matures and has to learn to behave by rules of society: know what actions are considered as intimate and are made behind closed doors what words and expressions we say at all and what can be spoken only to mother because the rest it is uninteresting to hear about its intimate needs. Children will gradually learn to put on, behave and talk as it is accepted in that society in which they live and grow.