How to bring up the leader of
For the last ten - fifteen years in our approach to education changed much. Our parents were taught modesty and restraint: it was not accepted to stick out the talents or to advertize the skills. Adults tried to impart to children these important elements of a step and sensitivity. But together with political and social changes in our life new concepts rushed: the free market, competitiveness, ability to survive in the new world. Authors of new books on education go on about need to impart to children self-esteem and a high self-assessment that they surely were in the lead among peers. Yes we also understand that we presently these qualities - the integral elements of success, and sincerely want to impart them to the children. Many parents for the first time seriously think of a problem of children`s leadership, only when their children reach preadolescent or even teenage age. And everything begins with the birth!
Aspiration to be in the lead - one of manifestations of an egocentrism with which all healthy children are born. A task of seniors - to help children to find delicate balance when the self-assessment and self-esteem become important compound their emotional spirit, but do not muffle sensible self-criticism and aspiration to improvement. Inclinations of the leader in the child need to be cultivated since childhood - to praise for progress, to encourage at a meeting with obstacles, to support at the moments of failures and to show trust, allowing the child to practice in new skills. Do not forget that at home there are first and very important victories and defeats of the child. Its ability to convince and cause admiration, ability to accept defeat or a bitter message with advantage are put and formed by parents. Means, parents have to not only enjoy his victories together with the child, but also teach to lose him, without feeling at the same time feelings of a tragic failure or shameful defeat.Remember
If parents dramatize each insignificant incident, then, most likely, the child will grow up disturbing, not self-assured, will feel awkward as the speaker, the politician or the creator of works of art. Any failure of the child, true or imaginary, has to be supported with the offer to repeat attempt, to correct an error. If the kid fell, taking the first steps, it is useful to help him to forget about fear and to take still a step. Encouragement is an act of friendliness and care, and it cannot be turned into the despotic order now to repeat attempt, in persistent repetition of the parental order, in threat. If the child is not ready to new attempt, frostily encourage him:“ When you are ready, you by all means will be able to pass by bicycle from garage to an entrance (to throw a ball into a basket, to solve an arithmetic problem)“.
Compound leaderships - the self-esteem and belief in own forces - are similar to an inflatable ball. You will pump over air - and it will burst. Air does not suffice - he refuses to jump aside asphalt and to jump loudly on a path. If you are disappointed in the child, he by all means will feel it - and the belief in own forces will be undermined. Accept the child the winner and won, strong and weak, then his chances to become the leader will repeatedly increase. The leader begins with competition?the Leader begins
the opinion that the leader begins with competition Occurs.“ Who will eat a squash rather “, “ who will more purely wash the dishes“ - these games are good with peers, but not with sisters or cousins because the relations in a family and are so burdened with strong feelings: the jealousy, envy concealed by offenses … The loser is not abused, do not laugh at him. Avoid also an award for this purpose who “the first will eat a squash“ or “will more purely wash the dishes“. In this case quite warm praise. Wise adults do not belittle success of the leader: “You will think, most quicker came running! Big business!“
But they also do not stick out its achievements. Explain to the leader:“ It is great that you are able to run quicker than others. Someone is able to draw better, someone likes to dance, someone knows many songs. Each person has brighter talents and there are things which he does with smaller hunting“.What
it, leader? >
of the Child - it is easy for h2 to distinguish the leader in a flock of peers already at three-year age. For some reason to it other children stick. It wins the rights for the most popular toy more often. The leader is in most cases active and cheerful. It got in outdoor games, most often offers new game and takes itself in it the most honourable role.Tutors find
it charming and most often give it honourable tasks - to help to lay a table by a lunch, to erase chalk from a board. The leader always on a look, sparkles a dazzling smile and, seemingly, every day realizes charms of the popularity more and stronger. Most often children is leaders well manipulate surrounding - both peers, and adults. Growing, they become dictators of fashion in the environment: they choose in what it is necessary to play today whom to accept in game and with whom you should not be found, they are able to involve other children in performance of the purposes. Energy of children - leaders should be sent tactfully to the creative course, it is necessary to help them to improve the best qualities and to work on eradicating nasty bents, leaders most often turn into leaders of youthful gangs or huliganstvuyushchy groups. Try that the child understood: to be the leader is to take the responsibility not only for itself, but also for conducted.
Teach the child to perceive criticism
For the good leader important to perceive criticism without feeling of shame and flour. Therefore the criticism has to be clever, constructive, directed to correction of shortcomings, but not to humiliation of advantages of the child.“ You are a good companion, you are able to share with others, offer friends the help. Only I noticed that you began to raise the voice on the friends. When you learn to speak more quietly, will play with you even more pleasantly“ - such remark which mother made the son as soon as she remained with it alone, will be remembered and will become an important lesson. Criticizing, do not cut off to children wings, do not disappoint them in own forces. Instead of scornfully telling: “It is not cleaning. Look, dust on corners curls“, tell: “Is made much. Books on the place, dirty linen in a basket. There was still a dust on corners and from - under beds sweep out - there will be just beauty. You clean more and more diligently each time. You grow!“
Having found defeat in kitchen, you do not hurry to abuse the daughter: ask that she tried to prepare, praise for independence, offer the help. Perhaps, you share the recipe of salad or will prompt, than it is simpler to remove fat with which the daughter filled in all kitchen from a floor? Support in it desire to be independent, having explained at the same time that any skills demand practice. The child has to learn to estimate really the acts, the achievements. If the child has no hearing, it is not necessary to ask it to sing before guests and to exaggeratedly praise singing. The “overpraised“ children lose reference points, their vanity develops to disproportionately natural data, they expect a praise from peers, and receive clicks yes of a sneer. The ill turn is rendered to children by parents who give unfairly overestimated assessment to their achievements. “Mother! I only in a class wrote mathematics on five!“ - “You at me the cleverest!“ It is impossible to convince the child that he the most dexterous if he came running the first in competition. Sooner or later the child will surely face reality: someone will bypass it in run, someone will be stronger or cleverer. The child`s self-assessment is more unfairly overestimated, the it will be more difficult for it to reconcile to failure.
- ... diligent develops the strengths, is able to flash the talents before age-mates and adults;
- is able to play a trick mildly on the shortcomings and to derive a benefit maximum from them. For this purpose the child has to learn to laugh with all the heart together with you at the insignificant mistakes and not to take criticism too very much to heart. Humour in a family - the best remedy for uncertainty and from other extreme - excessive self-confidence;
- is able to entrain peers;
- surely communicates with mature and senior people.
my child - not the leader... what is with it not so?
you do not hurry to project own expectations and expectations on the child.Each child chooses by
- to himself a path. Believe the nature and to the child - let he develops those qualities which were presented to it by the nature. Your help is in being to it an example to help it to develop moral values to support and encourage in comprehension of new.
- If the nature created your child timid and silent, it does not mean at all that she deprived him. On the contrary! Its gift - to observe, reflect, behold. If your child chooses quieter or more lonely place in life, it means that he above all appreciates quiet pleasures of life. There is nothing nasty that the child seeks to become the librarian or the watchman of park. in
- Each child who is capable to solve independently, than to it to be engaged with whom to be on friendly terms how to spend free time, has the sufficient hardness and aspiration to freedom. Leadership - it does not mean to run ahead of the engine. True leadership is to go the way, attracting to itself those whom there is a wish to see in satellites. For someone it is crowd of admirers. Other of quite one and only friend.
- If your child does not seek to be in the public eye, always and in all the first, and wants to remain in the shadow, do not abuse it, be not sorry and do not criticize. Look narrowly at it more fixedly, define what gives it special pleasure. Create to the child conditions in order that he as much as possible developed the skills in that area in which he wants to succeed. Each person in the childhood chooses
- that it is more important for it. Someone needs to be rich and well-known, And for someone the most great value - rest and time to read or admire the nature.