The removed father of
of the Victim are necessary to nobody. If you with the girl cannot live together, it is necessary not to be an eyesore each other, to disperse peacefully. But also about a sense of responsibility you should not forget. Especially as you now not two, but three or even four. How to remain the good father not to the detriment of private life? Andrey Prokofiev imparts own experience.I was convinced by
For the considerable term of the paternity that the lion`s share of disorders with withdrawal from a family is connected with the improbable number of lies. Say, “huge responsibility, grandiose expenses, children still silly, and the father alone will not cope for anything with them“. All this nonsense. Children are the same people, only small, and all perfectly will understand if you are able distinctly to explain. About responsibility stir generally too those who about it and do not know. And expenses can quite be worried - not such they are suffocating.
A a family in which life as at civil war, is not necessary to anybody, the child including. So in the relations with the child the main test which is necessary to you are own fears and doubts, and also possible diminished responsibility of mother of the child. In the course of communication with the children and their mothers personally I developed a number of rules which, as it appeared, very much even in style of modern children`s psychology. In - the first...
to the World - the world
Even if you left without beating of ware and mutilations, keep in mind: to get stable access to the child, without failures and at a normal speed, you should build up the relationship and with his mother. It has, by the way, after parting a stress not less yours. Consider that your girlfriend can be less mentally steady, than you. For example, to erase all phones, not to respond to letters, and the answering machine by its voice will go on: “Do not call, the swine, here it is never more!“ Then at you only two options remain to establish relation with posterity. In - the first, court, but thus you will only strengthen the heat of passion of the opposite side and will admit own powerlessness. The second and most competent option - advance to the purpose of education of children on the sly.
Capture by cunning
Even if mother of the offspring rejects you completely, calm down. Over time everything will rise on the places. But you, of course, can promote it, continuing to establish relations. While you call, talk to the kid, tell him that you love it and constantly you think of it. You give gifts, buy chocolates and candies, send cards.diplomacy is not less important
In our fatherly business, than in a staff - the UN apartment. You do not hurry to establish rules, do not fill up with requirements, do not pose as the great tutor. Try to communicate with mother of the child it is gentle and compliant. Do everything not to anger her: agree, submit. The last is especially important as children are inclined to charge with all family problems themselves. There were even cases when they began to steal if only to distract mother with the father from a showdown. Therefore it is very important to exculpate the child. And it is obligatory to explain to him what, actually, occurs. The child has to understand that people sometimes disperse and there is no his fault any here - life is just like that arranged. It is necessary to tell about an event most frankly - everything about what adults are silent, children consider as something awful and intolerable.
It is frequent when the child asks: “Why so?“ - parents prefer to keep silent. The kid as a result accepts rules of the game and ceases to ask questions. He begins to think that do not speak about it as it will not be able to take out the truth. Never it is impossible to hide obvious not to put to the child a severe trauma which will surely be found in the future.by
In Russia and not only, the ridiculous primitive stereotype is extended: the child belongs to the woman, and the man has to work from morning to the night and privolakivat home animal hulks, fresh fruit and multi-colored paper rectangles. And this stereotype is cultivated by both floors. To create the real relations with the child, let they will even be difficult, it is necessary to communicate with him.
of 5 basic rules of communication with the child
- Most important taboo: never speak badly of his mother. Except harm, it will bring nothing. As a result not that about whom speak badly, and the one who tells it loses.
- be not afraid to acquaint the child with the new girlfriend. He will be jealous, but for its development as it is paradoxical, the jealousy is very important as he learns to reckon with opinions and desires of people around.
- Derive a sheer pleasure from meetings with the child. Strained appointments, hysterical explanations, tension and fears - all this the child very quickly catches, understands that something not so, and begins to suffer.
- When you cannot meet, do not forget to call and tell that you love it and always you think of it, just it was necessary to go to long voyage to bring to it the most beautiful sink in the world.
- In the relations with the child acquire four simple mantras:“ I love you “, “ I did not throw you, just with mother we together cannot live “, “ your mother - the best “, “ you - the best and are not guilty of anything“.
you have to give to the child everything that you can. To show that at the car under a cowl, to allow to put the clamps (it, by the experience I speak, children can do also in a year), to together change a wheel, to go to watch how planes take off, to consider the copulating insects, to beat a pear, to kill on the screen of the computer of the pyatiruky man with the axe, to buy different chachkas and short skirts in shops and to dress together dolls. Do anything: small everything is interesting. In that case, even if your opportunity will not meet frequently a cub, each meeting will be for him a bright event in everyday life. Use it.
It is quiet as a boa
the Nature so remarkably us arranged that children love the parents just for the fact that they are, but not for the fact that those buy radio-controlled models of asphalt spreaders, loaded up to the top by marmalade bears. You should not speculate on it, but it is possible to mean always. It will allow you not to ask for trouble, not to think that if time - another to you did not allow to meet posterity, it will forget you and not to prove anything to the child. It is such psychological axiom which many, probably, will apprehend in bayonets, but it is vain. To try to make amends, sacrificing itself to education of the child, it is senseless and will not lead to anything good. Some in the self-flagellation reach even that convince themselves: now - that the son surely will become an alcoholic, and the daughter - the prostitute. In the groundless fear such fathers extremely load with nonexistent problems and themselves, and the child, naturally, without improving the relations with it at all.
- your gap is not connected by
of 4 basic rules of communication with the child`s mother in any way with the fact that it is silly, badly itself or does not know how to cook pilaf, just it became clear that you are too different.
- you do not throw it and the child, and just do not gather with it to spend the night.
- you are ready to help it with everything (or in many respects), except for achievement of an orgasm as the heart has a will of its own.you have to
- together (and not in turn) to participate in education of the child. You call up, communicate, share impressions and plans concerning its future.
the fanaticismis not necessary to
you Should not seat the child in a hotbed including emotional. It will not lead either you, or the child to anything good. Communicating with the child, be oneself, be not false and do not adapt to him. When you take the child to yourself, do not forget to tell him that some actions which are allowed it at mother - we will tell, to ache, eliciting candy, - by your rules are absolutely inadmissible, and some - it is admissible, to jump on a sofa or to run on the apartment, - opposite, are allowed. So, acquire: the situation of a separate family, of course, is not ideal, but also is not catastrophic at all. Therefore do not eat yourself poyedy. The less you worry and long, the and to your child will be quieter and more comfortable. Know that you in forces to cope with it. In total in your hands! So act, daddy.