The love and money of
are More than a half of families which took part in poll “TO“ on the website www. goodhouse. ru, admit that they regularly quarrel from - for money. And psychologists claim that often behind such financial quarrels there is deeper reason - different views on life, the different purposes and even mistrust of spouses to each other.
As traditional family way consigns to the past, the relations of spouses become harder and harder and confused. Two more - three decades ago in the majority of the Russian families everything was much simpler: the man - the main getter, the woman - the keeper of a home. He earns more money, she takes care of children and economic affairs. It has a right of a casting vote, at it - an opportunity to plan the family budget because the income rather stable and predictable. But as soon as the Soviet way is replaced by the market relations, everything rises upside down. How to be if spouses earn equally and at the same time everyone seeks to be a leader? What to do if the income of the wife much more and it seems to the husband humiliating? And whether the woman has the right to vote in family questions if she stays at home with children and does not earn anything at all? How to plan the family budget if about stability there is no speech also? Whether it is worth spending all money together or everyone has to count only on himself? Whether it is possible to make credit purchases or it is necessary to save up money and to spend only cash?
It is only the main of monetary stumbling blocks which arise in family life. It is difficult to find the husband and the wife who would never quarrel from - for money. According to polls, spouses quarrel from - for money even more often than from - for jealousy. If flirtation on the party is a good reason for disputes almost in half of the interrogated families, then from - for money 75% quarrel, and do it regularly.
Psychologists claim that the most unpleasant in monetary disputes is not that spouses differently imagine options of an expenditure of the family budget: eventually, reasonable people can always agree and reach compromise whatever different were their views. The most unpleasant begins when one of spouses intentionally deceives another in monetary questions. 96% of respondents consider that it is impossible to mislead consciously the husband or the wife concerning the income and expenses. And at the same time most of women admit that they not always tell to the husband the truth about that how many there are bought clothes, handbags and footwear. These are trifles, but big offenses begin with them.
your monetary “I“
of Couple quarrel from - for money, but frequent it is only the external reason, and behind it there are deep distinctions in the relation to life, values, requirements and expectations. You differently look at life and from - for it differently spend money.admit to
of Contrast, and it is right even in the monetary relation. Psychologists claim that those who like to save most often marry those who spend everything without remainder. Those women for whom money - the main reason for experiences, chooses in husbands of men who live only for today. And those who consider financial wellbeing to the main components of happiness establish families with those who despise material values. All these distinctions - result of the different relation to life in general. And to stop the monetary conflicts, it is necessary to agree about how you, actually, want to live and what would like to achieve first of all.
to Spend or save?
If under the same roof and one got used to save and postpone for large purchases, and the second - to spend money as soon as they fall into hands, the conflicts are inevitable. The problem here that one of spouses does not imagine quiet life without essential stock for rainy day, and the second does not want to stuff itself the head with such boring things as calculation of money and planning: money comes and leaves, so why to take them so very much to heart?admit to
the Wrong exit - it is infinite to div to sort out the relations and to try to convince another that he lives incorrectly. Nothing will come of it. For the economical spouse everyone spent (as it seems to him, for nothing) the ruble will respond a heartache. And for the squanderer the saved money will become a material reminder on the missed pleasures.
the Correct exit - to make a compromise: to agree that every month certain, at least minimum, the sum from the family budget goes to the bank account. And money which it can spend at own discretion are allocated to the squanderer, without receiving infinite scoldings from the economical spouse.
If, for example, your husband differs in exclusively easy relation to money, it is possible to try also such way: to save money without his permission. Psychologists and economists meet that the sum for which the family can hold on in case of need without problems 6 months is necessary for feeling of safety. Approximately it is also necessary to aspire to such sum of “emergency ration“. If the husband does not know that such stock is, then there are no disputes from - for whether it is possible to spend this money for purchase of the plasma TV right now or it is worth waiting for the best times.
to Deceive or not to deceive?
When spouses do not meet in monetary questions, the simplest exit “the lie for rescue“ seems. Really, if one of spouses does not know about that how many money the second spent, then there will be no reasons for disputes. Badly the fact that when deception emerges (namely it most often and it happens), large quarrel not to avoid. The deceived spouse has a feeling that he was unscrupulously fooled, did not trust it and in general did of it the fool. Spent only one, and it is necessary to disentangle together. >
the Wrong exit - it is conscious to p to mislead the spouse or to independently make global decisions. Eventually, you established a family, so, it is necessary to agree about important things. Whether to take the large credit in bank whether to lend money to acquaintances whether to buy the car whether to sell giving - all these issues it is necessary to resolve together. Deceiving the husband or consciously hiding something important, you destroy trust.
to the husband how many there are your shoes or cosmetics and often get it hot for the fact that you spend for any nonsenses too much, try to look for ways to earn additionally and thus a little to increase the income. You can spend this money with quiet soul for pleasant trifles for all family or for yourself and at the same time not feel guilty.
Credit or cash?More and more shops offer
goods on credit, and if you decide on such “purchase on credit“, it can become an additional reason for disputes and experiences. On the one hand, buying a thing on tick, you begin to use it right now. With another - if you are not able to pay completely the credit, then lose not only the thing, but also that money which began to pay. Besides, you should not forget about percent. How to be if one of spouses can wait and save cash, and another agrees to any percent if only to receive desired as soon as possible.
the credit secretly from the husband or to agree to purchase on credit under pressure of the spouse - equally unreasonable acts. > the Correct exit - it is detailed to p to discuss a problem with the husband, it is quiet also without charges. Let it will give the arguments, and you - the. If one of you doubts that you will be able to pay the credit, take a sheet of paper and consider how many money in a month for it will leave. Consider all subtleties: sometimes the bank declares rather low interest, but if to read the contract, you will see that there are also additional payments which considerably increase credit cost. Having calculated the income and expenses, you will be able to make the conscious decision - it is worth taking the credit or not. There is also one more option: if you reflect over large purchase (for example, the car), test a credit form of payment on something less considerable. Let`s tell, get on credit a plate. Also check whether such way will meet your expectations. One more stumbling block in family finance is a question of whether spouses introduce the income in the general copper or everyone spends only the money. If the husband and the wife earn approximately equally, then both options can be convenient. But how to be if the man works, and the woman stays at home with children? Or on the contrary? Researches of sociologists show that in families where spouses consider themselves happy, the main income brings in to the house the husband, but important decisions are made together. However it is an ideal case that in life meets rather seldom.
Together or separately?
the Correct exit - it is detailed to p to discuss a problem with the husband, it is quiet also without charges. Let it will give the arguments, and you - the. If one of you doubts that you will be able to pay the credit, take a sheet of paper and consider how many money in a month for it will leave. Consider all subtleties: sometimes the bank declares rather low interest, but if to read the contract, you will see that there are also additional payments which considerably increase credit cost. Having calculated the income and expenses, you will be able to make the conscious decision - it is worth taking the credit or not. There is also one more option: if you reflect over large purchase (for example, the car), test a credit form of payment on something less considerable. Let`s tell, get on credit a plate. Also check whether such way will meet your expectations.
One more stumbling block in family finance is a question of whether spouses introduce the income in the general copper or everyone spends only the money. If the husband and the wife earn approximately equally, then both options can be convenient. But how to be if the man works, and the woman stays at home with children? Or on the contrary? Researches of sociologists show that in families where spouses consider themselves happy, the main income brings in to the house the husband, but important decisions are made together. However it is an ideal case that in life meets rather seldom.the Wrong exit - to insist
on that the family lived in your opinion, and only in your opinion. Whatever various were views of financial questions, the main thing, your with the husband, - not to achieve the by all means, and to come to the compromise solution which would suit all.
Correct exit : if you became one family and do not represent the future one by one, it would be logical to unite the finance. So it does not seem to you? If you trust each other, then objections should not be. And when one of spouses against, is already an occasion to think of trust. If, for example, you do not work, and are engaged in the house, it would be logical to decide what sum the husband allocates for household expenses, children, your own needs, but important decisions at the same time all the same to accept together.
of 5 Steps to stability
- of Study the rights. whether you Know that the real estate which you acquired during marriage is the general property even if it is written down on one of spouses? But, if your relations are not formalized, you cannot anything apply when parting for. Ask
- questions . You have the right for learning how at the man whom you marry the situation with money is. Does it have unpaid credits, what financial prospects at it at work what he would like to reach.
- Sign the marriage contract . Ideally it needs to be done even before marriage. But, if you did not make it then, the marriage contract can be signed at any time.
- do not shift all monetary affairs to the husband . You need to be aware of affairs, otherwise in emergency situation (for example if the husband gets sick or will go to business trip, and you will need to deal urgently with affairs) you will be absolutely helpless.
- Make the family budget . It is hardly worth writing down each chocolate which you bought for the child on the road from work, but serious purchases need to be considered and planned in advance.