Prevention of children`s aggression of
Children`s aggression, what is it? Any parent is surely familiar with any manifestation of aggressive behavior, but at the same time the concern of adults can be caused by absolutely different phenomena: the kid is pushed or fights with peers, takes away from friends of a toy, shouts and stamps legs in the most improper situations, raises at adults, quarrels, squeals, bites, kicks the favourite bear, breaks personal and others` toys, tears books, is called, shouts and so forth. Almost each parent in the described situation is puzzled and confused because such manifestations in children are unpleasant not only to mothers and fathers of the squabbler, the fighter or the shouter, but also are almost always condemned by other adults.
What means such behavior of the child and from where it undertakes? Whether it is necessary to address experts “to bring up“ an aggressor? How to teach the child it is safe for itself and others to show discontent and anger? We want to tell about it to you this time …
the special category of “difficult“ children Is. They play about, do not obey adults, attack peers without the visible reasons, loudly speak, quite often interrupt, tease and provoke other children, try to dominate. Adults consider such behavior aggressive. However here not everything is as simple as it seems at first sight.
It is valid, during some period aggression is peculiar to many children. Children`s life is full of disappointments which seem to adults small. But these disappointments caused by deprivations and restrictions become injuring for the child (drawing “Cod-liver oil“). And aggressive reaction can appear the simplest decision for it. Especially, if at the kid abilities to self-expression are limited or he is deprived of an opportunity in a different way to satisfy essential for it requirement at present. In general it should be noted that aggression can arise in two cases:
- as a last resort when the child exhausted all other opportunities for satisfaction of the requirements;
- as the “learned“ behavior when the kid behaves aggressively, following a sample (a sample parents, other significant persons, literary or cinema characters can act).
From this it follows that the child. >
Already in desperate crying of the chest baby it is easy to p to distinguish rage and indignation. The reason is simple: it something is not allowed or refuse something that actually and irritates him. First of all, it concerns physiological requirements which at the kid are shown with the same force, as well as at the adult. However there has to pass a lot of time before the baby learns to satisfy or postpone them independently.
Since the birth the child entirely depends on parents, especially on mother. And situation it does not change for many years. Even if adults with understanding treat his requirements, owing to a number of various reasons they are sometimes forced to pay to children less attention, than follows and to impose them what annoys them and angers. Parents try as far as possible to help the child to accustom to world around, but he all the same feels small.
the Little man is not capable to operate the motives and desires yet, it cannot control them still. The feelings of hunger and fatigue which arose at the same time, for example, steadily become for it the reason of anger and irritation.to the Child often should suffer from
from restrictions and deprivations. Does not pass day that his some desire or any requirement were not suppressed. And if at first crying was a call for help, then gradually it turns into a desperate, angry protest. And aggression is born.
Aggressive reaction in essence is a reaction of fight, for a survival, attempt of the child to change a state of affairs. It - result of a dissatisfaction, protest, rage or obvious violence. All this is absolutely normal. Aggression in some cases, certainly, is more preferable, than a hnykanye, complaints, obedient obedience, fruitless imagination and other manifestations of leaving from reality. If the anger and indignation of the child constantly are suppressed, they as it was already noted, can collect and be shown quite often only at mature age. In this case happens very difficult to find out true motives of aggression as it already pours out in other forms of behavior, psychosomatic symptoms or to become the reason of various diseases (for example, rheumatic arthritis, the small tortoiseshell, spots, psoriasis, stomach ulcer, epilepsy, migraine, a hypertension).
the Child not aggressive it becomes unexpected. It cannot be soft and well-mannered a share - the boy or the girl, and a minute later to begin to shout, fight with peers. Process, as a rule, happens gradually. Till a certain moment the child expresses the needs for softer form. But adults usually do not pay attention to it until face obvious violations of behavior. That behavior which is perceived by adults as aggressive or asocial, often actually is desperate attempt to satisfy requirements, to restore an emotional state or social communications. Just the child is not able to express the true feelings any in a different way so far. It does that unique that can imagine to continue fight for a survival in world around.
At the same time, watching the aggressive child, it is possible to define an orientation of his reactions (whom he attacks in what circumstances and as often it happens without any provocation). Attentive supervision will help adults to reveal disturbing symptoms of the future storm.
As deprivations and restrictions are the reason of aggression, extremely seldom it is possible to exempt the child from its aggression completely. But even if it would be possible, it is not necessary to aspire to it. Undoubtedly, aggression has the positive and negative, healthy and painful sides. It can be shown in enterprise and activity or, on the contrary, in disobedience and resistance. Aggression is capable to develop spirit of an initiative or to generate isolation and hostility, can make the person persistent or weak-willed. And it is only some of alternatives.
the Speech has to go not about completely to exclude aggression from character of children, and about need to limit and control it, and also to encourage those its manifestations which do not do harm of the personality and to society.
are Distinguished generally by three main types of aggression, will consider them consistently.
Physical aggression (attack) - use of physical force against other person.Physical aggression is shown by
at children rather often. The child can get furious, shower blows upon the one who is nearby, to attack children is younger than himself or even adults. Physical aggression immediately draws attention of adults.
Usually most of all annoys parents when children in a family quarrel and fight. However it must be kept in mind that the desire to fight (to be pinched or bite stealthily) is not always a sign of abnormality of the child.
In a case when parents ask for the help the psychologist concerning aggressive behavior of their children, the best council such is - is as little as possible to react to quarrel or a fight of the children. Except for, of course, some special, extreme cases when children can cause to each other serious mutilations. Very often brothers and sisters independently solve the problems I, as a rule, forget about the quarrels, and after a while already peacefully and amicably play. But once parents interfere, one of children, and even both by all means will feel awfully unfortunate - or because they will be punished (and then will get to both) or because they were not understood and offended in vain.
However a negative effect of parental intervention it is perfect in another - a fight gains value of an important event. The child who was only slightly hit begins to shout so as if caused him intolerable pain. At the same time “offended“ has an occasion to behave infantily, childly. But “offender“ has an opportunity to invent a little bit. Both that, and another is much worse than the fight.
the American psychologist J. Leshli considers that not the aspiration to keep fraternal affection of the children moves parents who are especially intolerant of fights usually at all. Their discontent is caused, first of all, by noise and obvious disobedience, an indiscipline. And still the quicker parents will interfere with quarrel, the more loudly children will shout at the following fight. The most useful that adults can undertake (besides that will pretend as if nothing is heard is not seen) - to part children as it is possible further from each other as boxers on a ring - in different corners. And to console them and to understand that happened, follows only after children absolutely calm down.
In the same way should not attach significance to a fight of children “outdoors“ (with peers). Nevertheless, if the child constantly quarrels with them, the psychologist together with parents or teachers has to study the reasons of such excessive aggression and, having developed preventive tactics, to consult adults. > the Treatment of children before aggression flash In most cases children it is better for p to leave
- that they understood. They are capable to independent analysis of some disputes, and if adults control events, children gain useful experience. They come to a conclusion that they can do also without adults as arbitrators.
- If adults consider that it is better “not to bring to a sin“, it is possible to orient the child on other type of behavior. Whether at the same time it is expedient to offer it such toy which he could kick or bite fearlessly.
- Sometimes helps to distract the kid some occupation, interesting to it.
- In that case when the young rowdy cannot be distracted and attack here - here will take place - try to take away a hand of the offender or to hold it for shoulders. Support your actions sharp “It is impossible!“ If the adult is at some distance, the call can stop the child knowing from former experience that such tricks are not allowed it too.
the Treatment of children after aggressive attack
Is many cases when aggression cannot be prevented. Then it is necessary to work after an event to teach the child a lesson that the such behavior is unacceptable.
- the Sharp word to the fighter and the squabbler and the sympathizing attitude to the victim can be shown very clearly to the child that it loses in such situation. Of course, it is important that in usual time responsible used the same attention. To force the child to an apology it is almost useless. Some children quickly learn a formula “Forgive, Forgive“ that adults left him alone somewhat quicker. Sometimes adults prefer to send to
- the aggressive child in a quiet corner poostyt. It well emphasizes the fact of incident and expresses bigger disapproval of his behavior. This reception is also useful also to parents. Sometimes, deleting the child for a while from the room, the adult himself calms down. However the similar measure loses effect if lasts more, than one or two minutes. Children are younger hardly will understand communication between the act and removal. It is better to take strong the child by hands and, strictly looking at him, to tell firmly: “It is impossible to fight“ or: “Not to bite!“ The attention paid to the aggressive child has to be limited and negative, and the victim it is necessary to console tenderly. Ideally at each incident adults have to define the position and try to stop quicker an unpleasant situation. Long explanations or charges are ineffective. Even if the child can understand the parent, it is improbable that he will long listen to him. In that case when for aggressive actions of responsible deprive of favourite toys or privileges, punishment for the whole day is better not to stretch
- , and to carry out it as soon as possible. The child will quickly forget the reason - all his thoughts will be focused that to him do not allow to do favorite thing, or expose to other room, or shame before others as “idler“.
- the Smallest effect are brought by actions when adults respond with aggression to aggression. In - the first, they thereby induce children to new aggression. It is quite enough remark “Also Hit Idi Back“ that the child apprehended it as permission to thrash the squabbler or with relish to give delivery at the slightest pretext. In - the second, serious shortcomings are also in threat of the adult: “Here I will bite you - will know!“ The similar statement addressed to the child of any age contains threat of the same aggressive action for which reproach the child. This method has big minus. It is that if the adult begins to bite in reply, it can not work already for the first time. Then he should decide that to do at the subsequent incidents - to bite stronger, to bite twice for one sting of the child or can splash in addition? There is a probability that reciprocal aggression of the adult will become the dangerous channel for outpouring of anger.
. Immediate actions of adults after an aggressive trick of the child will be more correct and effective if to consider them in quiet time because at expansion of events there is no time to reflect already.