Excitable children. Or nevertheless parents?
for anybody not a secret that children, as well as adults, have various temperament, character. One is unperturbable and quiet, another is whimsical and loud. Reasons here set: from genetic predisposition to a hypoxia of a fruit and a gestoz of the second half of pregnancy., no doubt, to parents it is necessary
With whimsical children hardly. Not everyone is capable to sustain infinite moaning and hysterics. Moreover if mother has nerves “to hell“, freight of family cares crushed absolutely, the husband does not help etc., etc. Therefore I do not condemn those who break on the children, motivating with the fact that their kid is uncontrollable. I do not condemn because itself once it was repaid. And still in this situation the same question always comes to my mind: “What here initially? Mother shouts at the child because it is such? Or it SUCH because all the time shout at it?“
Ya I am not going to condemn anybody and to teach. I want simply that parents reflected that they do. Personally I consider the kid as very balanced child. I consider that it is not so whimsical. By the way and strangers notice it. Of course, as well as all children, it can pokapriznichat and povrednichat, but in general with it it is very easy for me.
So, by the way, was not always and not at once. Small he was the loud, uneasy baby. But now everything changed. When I think of it, still I do not know: whether IT changed character, whether at me owing to what with me it became easier for it:-). Once my mother-in-law told about Max: “Yes, kid, of course, excitable“. I terribly was surprised: “Really, he is the most balanced child on the platform“. “Just you extinguish all his emotions at once“, - she answered.
“Well as not to shout at it?“ - I often hear such question from many parents. At the same time examples of uncontrollability of the child are given. I answer all who still so think: very simply! It is necessary only to cease to change the kid, and to begin to change. And first of all to reflect that such behavior gives you.
1. Whether something changes though from the fact that you shout at the child? Most often answer negative. “He understands nothing: though shout though do not shout“. If this is true, then why to fray nerves and itself, and the kid? However, sometimes I hear also such answer:“ He in an amicable way does not understand. But you will shout, you will flog - the silk child“. This, by the way, frightens me much more.
Children who build a protective barrier from aggression of parents, without reacting to their failures, I am imposed more: they though somehow can stand for themselves. And here, if the child understands force position, submits to aggression - it is already terrible. Think, not only you are able to shout. On the street the negative suffices. It is worth teaching the child to resist to him, but not to submit the one who is stronger.
2. Any quietest child can be turned into the neurasthenic. And any excitable kid can be “counterbalanced“. It is true which is not demanding proofs too. Very often the reason of our negative is covered not in the child, and in us, in our attitude towards the kid. Clear business, all of us recklessly love children, we care for them and we cherish. The kid irritates just some parents already with the fact that he is a child.
Even the superquiet melancholic child demands the mass of efforts from parents: he does not ask on a pot, is not able to eat accurately, does not play one allocated toy, sticks with requests to esteem, play etc. And it terribly irritates some mothers. And I noticed, the child is quieter, the more mother is strained by his pranks. Well, as, here it lay to itself(himself) quietly in a carriage, in a bed, played a rattle, without bringing special trouble. And suddenly bang - started walking, is interested in everything, everywhere climbs, everything gets. And, if mother is inexperienced or not really clever, she by hook or by crook tries to push the kid in a bed again - a carriage - an arena, to limit a freedom of movement. From here and irritability, capriciousness of her child.
to me sometimes even it becomes ridiculous: such quiet kids in a sand, mothers nearby on a shop sit, as usual. Suddenly, holy Christ, one decided to show activity - ran somewhere. Guard, accident! Revolt! The child is caught, lectured, put back, and the subject of his overactivity and the fact that “at others children as children, and mine …“ And yes only put that the kid decided to look that for so interesting world outside a sandbox is discussed in the afternoon. And so, if you recognized yourself in this history, I want to tell you, lift the bottoms, tear off them from a shop - and forward, to new open spaces:-).
generally, let`s the child learn all variety of world around. For you the yard is only the yard, and for your kid is a fantastic country where all - everything, from the dusty car to the garbage container, is new and it is interesting. If to allow the kid to satisfy the curiosity, to show independence - believe, on irritation it just will not have time. Reflect, there would be you balanced if your freedom was constantly limited? At animals in a cage a look too not really happy.
3. Too temperamental child. whether needs to excite even more? The answer, in my opinion, is obvious. But quite so many parents also arrive. “How not to shout when it went into SUCH hysterics?“
Besides I come back to my professional subject. We studied various types of persons in criminology: choleric persons, sanguine persons etc. And here what business: statistically choleric persons are more inclined to commission of crime, than the others. It does not mean at all that all quick-tempered people are potential criminals. It is simple if them to place in certain conditions, they resort to violence more often than respectively quiet.
So if you have an excitable kid, around it there have to be a silence and rest not to irritate him nervous system. His irascibility needs to be extinguished in every possible way, and not to kindle at all that, undoubtedly, occurs if to go for the conflict. “What to indulge it in everything now?“ - you ask. Well, of course. It is simple to follow a number of plain rules, and everything will turn out, you believe me …
the Rule first. Whatever it happened, keep calm.Actually it is very easy for
if not to put itself on the same level with the kid. “So it is possible for it, and it is impossible for me?“ Yes, it is impossible for you. Because you are more senior, is more skilled, wiser, at last. It is much easier for you to control the behavior, than to the child. Do not follow the tastes of the emotions. If you cannot control them what then to wait from the kid for?
Rule second. Always look for a compromise. It is less than authoritarianism.
In - the first, the ban has to be always motivated and reasonable. Not just because you so want and it is so more convenient to you but because … The mad quantity of bans serves as a good irritant for the kid too. At the same time, if it is a little of them, it is easier for it to carry out them:“ Well, it is impossible in a pool without gumboots, but it is possible to roll down from a hill“. And if neither that, nor another is impossible for it, nor the third - necessarily you will howl:-).to
In - the second, forbidding something, offer the child alternative. He will quicker forget about the persuasive desire, and the conflict will be extinguished.
Rule third. the Last word has to remain for you. This rule does not contradict the second at all as can seem. It is simple to argue the point of view too it is necessary intelligently. Very often parents, having told “no“, having sustained a half-hour hysterics, speak as a result “yes“. Better would resolve at once though nerves would be more whole. And at the child the impression is made that shout it is possible to achieve anything, the main thing to be persistent. No, of course, commitment needs to be encouraged, but not also:-).
So what exit? Let shouts, will not understand yet that so he all the same will achieve nothing? No, it did not put too. And watch an exit in the rule the second. That is, you, for example, told that you will not take the kid on handles as you have heavy bags, and he poor-mouths and insists. And you already regret that you were so categorical: the child is indeed tired and will not reach itself the house. What to do? To take on hands! But you do not speak at the same time: “Well, only keep silent“. Tell:“ Well, I will take you. Only through ten steps that also to mother was less you to drag“. Sometimes so “drags out“ process of a schitaniye of steps of the child that he considers them to the house:-). If is not present - be consoled that you prt it on your conditions:-).
So, compromise, compromise and once again compromise. The main thing, always keep the promise, even if promised yesterday or the day before yesterday. At the same time surely focus attention of the kid on what you do - or - because yesterday promised. Remember, it is impossible to deceive children! One my friend told somehow: “To you it is good - you quiet“ (it I - that!). There was a continuous list of claims further to the child who listens to nobody, is whimsical, uncontrollable and active.always I answer
Ya in such cases:“ It is my child whatever he was. If he once again got into a pool, beat foreign kid, jumped off from a shop - it is my problems. I overlooked, nedoobjyasnit. It is not guilty of anything“. Arguing so, it is necessary to shout at himself, on the child somehow and the thought does not arise.
I still: I learned to turn Maxim`s shortcomings into advantages: very active - bright, pugnacious - fighting, can stand for himself, whimsical - persistent, argues the point of view. It does not mean at all that I do not pay attention to its pranks. Of course, I bring up and I explain. But now all its tricks so do not bring me, and I even am proud of some:-).of
Well and, summing up the result, I want to tell that “excitable“ children - the phenomenon natural, and here “excited“ - on conscience of parents.