Died - it is forever? We answer children`s questions of death of
In the childhood it seems that life is infinite. Of course, kids which - that know about death - it is often shown at cinema and in computer games it is necessary to kill enemies with tens. But all this is “for fun“! As a result at children a peculiar emotional immunity to the phenomenon which in our culture is perceived as the tragedy is formed. On the other hand, if loss concerns people close to the child, it can become for him a serious stress. To create at the kid the correct attitude towards death - a difficult task with which parents should cope.
How to choose time for conversation
To a certain age a matter of life and death do not concern the baby - he just exists and learns the world. But, since about three years, children gradually realize that all live dies sooner or later. To that they constantly see confirmations around. This and seasonal “dying“ of the nature, both death of various small insects, and information from a TV screen. Besides, at preschool age kids begin to understand prichinno - investigative communication of the phenomena of world around (an obvious sign of this understanding - catastrophic flow of the questions “why“ and “why“). Thus, children realize that life has logical and inevitable conclusion - death. But the similar knowledge in itself does not cause in kids of bright negative emotions and does not render on children`s mentality of any harmful effects. Practically any preschool child is capable to report passionlessly that when the person dies, he ceases to breathe and move, he is dug in to the earth, and he cannot recover any more. whether
it Means that with children it is not necessary to speak about death? Of course, no. Just at most of children a question what is death, does not arise just like that. Other conversation begins when the child seriously faces death as with something, disturbed him. Then this subject gains the personal importance and mind to reflection and questions awakes. If the kid becomes the involuntary witness of someone`s funeral, itself loses someone from relatives, sees death of the person or an animal, then he cannot remain indifferent to it, owing to the emotionality and a spontaneity. Then - that in the child also wakes up active interest in a death phenomenon.
Children`s questions, especially on a similar subject, it is impossible to ignore.
it is frequent behind them there is a confusion and suddenly opened misunderstanding. The main task of parents in conversation on this subject - to calm the baby and well to explain unclear. For the first time facing death, the child, as a rule, feels concern on the wellbeing and wellbeing of the family. When the kid asks why die, he wants to know how it is possible to be protected from it, and does not seek to receive particulars from the medical encyclopedia at all. The child tries to understand from where to wait for danger. Awareness of fatality of death awakes in children`s soul fear and feeling of vulnerability. whether
Should initiate conversation on death? Yes, if it is noticeable that this subject interests and concerns the kid, but for any reason he does not decide to ask about it. Or in a family of the child or his close friends there was a tragedy. In this case, except the story about death, it is necessary to explain how to behave in such situation, to support and console if it is required.In general preschool age can consider
as “homeland“ of fears. The most part from what pursues the person in adulthood was born in this period of the childhood. Experience of vulnerability in the face of the case some specifically or in general, dangers, helplessness per se, is strongly fixed in soul. The child, of course, knows that he has reliable defenders - parents. But now - that the kid understands, as they are powerless before this trouble.
the Knowledge calms
Different children differently endure “acquaintance“ to death. One react brightly and emotionally, others - are externally indifferent, the third imagine to themselves goodness knows what, and are as a result frightened own imaginations. Some kids do not attach to this subject special significance and do not need conversation, but is also such who long and hard takes, feels alarm and concern, repeatedly asks the same questions and waits for support.
Of course, it is possible to try “to close a subject“, without having answered a burning question of the kid and having imperceptibly replaced a conversation subject. But you should not think that ignoring of interest and alarm of the child will help it to distract from a problem which disturbs him. Without having met understanding from adults, he will cease to ask them questions, but will hardly calm down on it. Especially inquisitive natures can venture own “research“ and on lack of information to endanger themselves or the companion. Knowledge - the main weapon of disturbing children: than better they know the phenomenon, than more precisely can predict consequences and the more ways of protection they know, the more quietly and more safely they feel.
It is found the correct words
In conversation with the child about death first of all it is necessary to avoid unpleasant descriptions. The imagination at children very actively develops and in such situation can serve bad service, having frightened the kid of the terrible picture. It should be noted that violent and uncontrollable imagination - age norm for the preschool child. This property helps the child with hard business of knowledge of the world. Answering the questions concerning the kid it is necessary to remember that all children different, and parents have to formulate the answer, proceeding from concrete circumstances and features of character of the child. If the offspring at heart - “daredevil“ to which the sea knee-deep and mountains up to a shoulder, is better to choose for conversation rather tough formulations. If the kid is afraid of everything on light, then conversation with it should be built most carefully, perhaps it is even worth resorting to the semi-fantastic or religious version. Owing to a paradoxicality of thinking of the child it will not cause logical rejection and will create some kind of safety zone. But at the same time surely it is necessary to explain rules of conduct in the menacing situation, to tell how the kid needs to arrive to keep own life.
What it is possible to tell the child if he suddenly showed interest in a death subject?
the Death is understood by most of people as the unconditional evil, this irreversible and destructive phenomenon. But death comprehends everyone sooner or later. The child needs to explain it. Besides, the kid should tell what happens to the person when he dies: it ceases to breathe and move, it is put in a coffin and dug in to the earth. But at the same time the adult has to calm surely the baby, having told that to each person a lot of time is measured on life.to
will be helped with conversation also by use of metaphors. It is possible to tell that life as the river, has the beginning and the end. And the death can be assimilated to the mouth where the river flows into the sea. Here it stops the existence as the river, but does not disappear, and mixes the waters with sea waters. However metaphors - a thing dangerous. Quite often children take them literally. Therefore you should not say to the kid that the person “fell asleep“ or “left“. In this case the child can have a fear to fall asleep and not to wake up, and the baby will release the loved one from herself with alarm that that will not return. > It is essentially important to p to tell
to the child that is endured by the people who lost close to explain that the death of the person is a great grief for his family. The kid has to know how to behave in communication with such people not to hurt once again their feelings, to show tactfulness.
With the God`s help
Not alien religions parents on the example of death begin to acquaint the child with the main views existing in the professed belief. And, there is it not only in the families following the strict initial rules but also where just do not deny religion. Children easily accept information that the person has a soul which after death departs on the sky. Kids are told that in the sky there lives God and angels. From - for features of children`s perception, its concreteness, “sky“ becomes frequent in literal sense the house of God, and God - a humanoid. Children are inveterate materialists, and parents should put a lot of effort to create idea of an ephemerality of these concepts at kids. Mothers and fathers need to be ready to the fact that children can ask many specific questions, but it is normal and caused by age features. For example, to them it can become interesting how God why, even when in the sky cloudlets, we do not see either God, or his dwelling, or angels, or souls of people looks.
the Full-fledged belief and, spirituality is an ability of adults, you should not expect deep religious feelings from the kid.the Grief in a family
At a meeting with the person who endured recently death close people around often do not know
how to behave: whether to sympathize, whether on the contrary to try to avoid talk on this subject once again not to injure the person. Quite often the opinion meets that in a situation of a sharp grief it is the best of all to leave the person alone and to allow to endure quietly this serious condition. But if for the adult it also happens correctly in certain cases, then the child needs active support and empathy. Loss in itself is heavy for the kid. He is frightened of the incident, is upset, oppressed. Sometimes when the loved one dies, do not decide to tell the child all truth, try not to show despondency and melancholy, try to joke, are invigorated that he was upset less. But if the kid was strongly attached to the dead, then his grief from it will not decrease. The baby will only see absence of empathy around, and will feel lonely among dear people, can become isolated on the sincere sufferings (they could not be divided), and the emotional mourning will drag on that threatens with a depression and psychosomatic frustration.
Death, as if prepared for it, the stress - a factor is powerful. It always happens unexpectedly. And the child who faced this tragedy needs support and empathy. He needs to know that it is not lonely in the grief that others endure the same.If before death the family member is ill
, that is an opportunity to prepare the child for the forthcoming loss. It is necessary to tell the kid that the loved one is sick that after a while he, probably, will leave forever and will not return any more.
Enduring loss, the child, to all other can have also sense of guilt. It seems to it that from - for his disobedience or insufficiently good behavior the loved one left it. This myth needs to be discredited as soon as possible. Burden of such responsibility not on forces to the kid. Manifestations of similar self-accusation can be prevented, having explained to the baby that happened - the combination of circumstances for which nobody specifically bears responsibility is simple.to
Emotional support is necessary for the child, but to transfer it to the material plane would be a mistake. It is not necessary to try to muffle a grief gifts whatever good they were. It is better to embrace, caress the kid once again, and he will feel that he is not forgotten. The attitude towards the child should not change, he has to feel that it is loved as before. If one of parents, then another dies, trying to fill loss, as a rule, tries to increase amount of attention to the kid, trying to compensate the arisen lack of love. However the kid longs not for love, and for the left person. And surplus of attention, as well as excessive concern on wellbeing of the child, can lead to hyper guardianship emergence.does not need to forbid the kid to tell
about the dead. And the more so, it is not necessary to delete the native person from life, to hide all things reminding of him. On the contrary, it is necessary to tell the child that it is important to hold in remembrance the person, and then he it will be necessary to live in heart of relatives, will find “house“ there. In conversation with the kid it is better to remember all good that was connected with the dead: some bright cases, joint adventures. It is not necessary to think how to a family it became bad without it, it is better to remember how it was good together - nobody will be able to select these memoirs. It is important to keep pleasure, but do not grieve. whether
Children on a funeral
to be present to the child at a funeral of the loved one? The answer depends on desire of the kid. If it has no anything against, it is possible to allow it it, of course considering psycho - emotional features of his personality, readiness for a stressful situation. The child can sometimes agree, having incorrectly calculated the forces, here a final decision all - remains for adults. If the prospect of participation in a funeral ceremony causes a categorical protest and fear in the child, then it is not necessary to take it there. To force the kid it is impossible to go together with all at all. It is important to understand: refusing to go to a cemetery, the kid is not capricious. To it it is for certain terrible, sick and bitter. The scene of an instillation of the dead, especially if is darling, - heartrending moral experience and for adults. The child can visit a grave and later. Moreover, it is necessary if the kid was not present at a funeral. It helps to realize death as the happened fact, to understand it, “to see“. But again - to insist if the child resists it, does not follow.
Death and its perception in human society - an ambiguous subject. It is difficult to concern all aspects of this versatile phenomenon. But the most important - this aspect of life demands the maximum care at contact with it. It is necessary to protect soul of the child from serious shocks and remembers: as if on - to the adult the kid argued, he is only a child.