If to divide the world on big and small, then will turn out that big is the one who is able to do everything, and small - the one who much or absolutely is able nothing, so, it surely needs assistants and defenders. Big it is necessary to care for small, to concede to them, to help, and small have to obey and grow it is to become rather big.the Child got entangled with
in difficult fasteners of the suit because it still small, and it needs to be helped. And here he is active a spoon, however, at the same time scatters porridge on a cloth, a table and a floor, but tries to eat because already big. In the life the kid all the time appears between two worlds: on the one hand, it independent, independent, big and is necessary nobody to it, with another - again small, helpless, requiring care and attention. When the child begins to mature“? Whether there is a certain border, had crossed which it stops being small and becomes independent, adult?Can allocate to
several important stages of formation of independence which are directly connected with physical and intellectual development of the child, and also with change of its relations with surrounding people.
Big or small?
Every month the body of the kid changes: legs become stronger, hands - dexterous, the first teeth appear. Each change (that is a growing) gives to the child the chance to master the new movements, to subordinate to itself new objects. Still quite recently the kid only waited until he is moved to other place, and now he can creep from the bothered toys in other corner of the room where the most interesting mother`s things are hidden... There will pass a little more time - and it will already turn out to reach, even to reach, a door, a ladder and that treasured corner! Those times when the child had to be in time behind a mother`s hand (in time to open a mouth and to catch a spoon with soup or porridge) will consign to the past, now it is possible to clamp safely a spoon in a fist and to cope with soup independently. The matured fingers will help to fall asleep a button in an eyelet, a pencil - in a hole, will try to press all buttons (and not only buttons), and will try to unscrew something at once... Now every time when the kid achieves any objective, he will endure understanding of the maturity and independence (“I am!“, “I am big!“ ), in which the foundation of pride, respect for itself, confidence in the forces and the rights is laid.growing Stages
Independence as property of the personality begins to be formed by
approximately in a year when the kid has an opportunity to move and hold objects, and also to declare words. Sometimes this process begins a little ahead of time, and in certain cases is late. Anyway, at first the child perceives the progress as complete experience own “I“. He does not understand that at it “only“ it turns out to hold a spoon or that it “only“ reached from a wall a chair. This experience grants to it the right for a conclusion:“ I already big“.
After at the kid managed to get a spoon into a mouth, begins to seem to it that he can show independence and in something another that, of course, not always coincides with its real opportunities. However, being guided by this feeling, he tries to take control of a table knife or tries to bring order on a table... also it is strongly disappointed with the failures and your bans, just it was absolutely big, and now became small again!
Wise adults allow the child to experiment in safe situations, controlling not so much actions of the kid how many space around it. They allow it to run off on several steps, but do not allow to be gone from a look, allow to try food a spoon, but the knife is removed, will allow to creep under a table, but will help to bend down the head and not to hurt. If at the kid well it turns out to operate the body: fingers well obey, legs strong and reliably hold, and adults at the same time accept independence of the child, recognize behind him the right for a mistake, by three years he will gain self-confidence and realizes that “I - it is good“. Further he will feel more confidently in achievement of the objectives, in ability to agree with other people and will be able to derive pleasure from business with which he is busy time at present.by
of Experience of parents No. 1
Often adult attempts of the child to show independence frighten. They are irritated by awkwardness of the kid and the fact that nothing is impossible to him properly, and from it there is a lot of disorder around. Moreover, the behavior of the little man happens them not absolutely clear: that it as the adult, insists on the, and that is absolutely helpless before the elementary task. Having felt such attitude towards itself, the kid can have quite strong feeling of shame or awkwardness from the awkwardness and a nezadachlivost and to refuse attempts to insist on the independence.
Besides, persistent attempts of adults to improve actions of the kid, to help it to achieve the bigger accuracy, accuracy, only worsen situation, force to experience confusion and awkwardness. If the irritation of the adult to all other is followed by sneers and irony, then the child can refuse attempts to work independently for a long time. In such situation some children will decide that it is better to remain forever small, than to listen to offensive father`s reproaches (“What hands - hooks are!“ ), and many will try to become very much as soon as possible big and strong. Both in that and in other case at the child sense of shame for the awkwardness is formed. It is a shame to it “to be small“, and this feeling stirs it separation from mother and does it more dependent on adults.
of Experience of parents No. 2
Sometimes adults in a different way treat sprouts of independence of the child. They are so glad that the kid began to do something that are ready to believe as soon as possible in his “maturity“ and to provide him much more independence, than the child can sustain. “Our Denis such good fellow, he eats for a long time!“ - with pride parents speak. But to the kid important not only to show the independence, he needs to receive the help of people around and at the same time to have an opportunity to stay small that still some time to get warm under beams of parental attention and care. Otherwise the decision “I“ will be connected with such sad experience as:“ I am one, and there is nobody nearby who would feed me, consoled, took on handles, would give the chance to stay small“. And instead of pleasure and self-confidence independence appears with the painted feeling of loneliness and hopelessness.
What it is possible to advise such parents? To have more patience as the period of formation of independence is quite long and always demands from adults of active presence. It is necessary not only praise or correct the child, it is very important to cooperate and help with him to him business: to support for the handle, to help to creep under a table or to cope with buttons and laces. Then the kid in soul will have the correct picture of relationship with people close to it:“ I am itself, but we - together because we are necessary each other“.
If adults try to change or correct by all means actions of the child (force it to take a spoon in a different way, suggest to rise and come downstairs as it seems to them more convenient) it can cause a rough protest of the kid. In certain cases he will even want to refuse attempts to master the offered kind of activity and for a long time will shift feeding or descent on a ladder to adults. It is better to wait for that time when the child performs these operations more surely, and only after that to train it in more convenient ways to turn on the light or to draw lines a felt-tip pen on paper.