Rus Articles Journal

Playground - pleasure of communication. Mothers at a playground of

of the Flock of mothers with carriages or already grown up scurrying-about kids at playgrounds - a picture, habitual for us. Fresh air, possibility of outdoor games and, of course, easy communication. And it is not important what is discussed at the same time on the platform: maternal and matrimonial experience, quarrels, reconciliations, high spheres, - it is possible to discuss anything. But what reefs of this interaction of air, sun, games, mothers and kids?

the Mother`s playground

the Modern woman seeking to be in time everything, having enough freedom, forces and opportunities to work, self-improve, be given to creative take-off, pleasure of communication, travel and much than so generously shares

with us the modern world, becomes mother. And without having managed to get used to this role, she finds out that a framework of this scintillating, various world is narrowed to the sizes of the apartment, adjacent yard and dairy kitchen. Creative rushes - before the choice of small bottles and shift of a bed. Rate of life in a root changes. Successful girlfriends look more and more seldom, and you feel how you inevitably move away from their vain problems, and notice, as your infinite stories about achievements of the little man and about torments of his birth are not really interesting to them.

Intertwining among themselves, these difficulties develop in a plain gray pattern - there is a feeling of loneliness burdened by constant fatigue and the pulled hard burden. To the forefront there is a sharp need for understanding and sympathy.

already act as

of Walk with the child in a similar situation not so much in an improving and obligatory role how many in saving and distracting.

First of all, the woman enters a circle of mothers involved in the same burdens and in the same pleasures, as she. At last there is an opportunity to be uttered, discuss the most burning topics, to stay the attentive listener and the wise adviser because nothing so distracts from own problems as desire and an opportunity to help another. Often the objective view on problems of the one who is nearby gives us wisdom to overestimate own experiences, to be beyond the “unsoluble“ problem and to see that open doors there is a lot of and to get out of a web of difficulties not so difficult. Besides, communication at a playground gives the chance to young, inexperienced mothers to pass the whole school on leaving and education of the child, relieving them, thus, from confusion and instilling confidence that motherhood to them not only in power, but also in pleasure.

Sometimes, that such meetings play a role of the lung which is not burdened by a deep meaning of communication. It is very important in the conditions of continuous employment and concern in household chores too. Pleasant pastime, partly idleness is necessary for the loaded mothers as rest, as some relaxation, an opportunity without excess philosophizings it is simple to laugh with all the heart, to gossip about everything on light, to exchange magazines, - the word, to afford what is so often inaccessible to man`s understanding.

Versatility of interaction of women on usual walk with children can turn development of their relationship further in more serious party. Often casual acquaintance forms the basis of firm long friendship not only between mothers or children, but also between the whole families. Not just pleasant pastime - these relations supported with similar beliefs, feeling of reliability, mutual assistance, perception of others grief and pleasure as own, strongly log in family values is the cornerstone of this friendship. Such families together solve to what garden or school to send children, spend together leisure-time, celebrate holidays, buy by a number of giving, have together a rest during holiday. Having appeared for the first time at a playground, the new inhabitant should not hesitate and stand idle aside. Be not afraid to communicate - communication brings a lot of joy and advantage. Take the initiative and take the first step. On the platform surely there will be that person with whom it will be interesting to you, and acquaintance to which will bring you the mass of positive emotions.

the Territory of kids

the Playground is a model of the street. Here children learn to concede, win, win and to lose adequately. Generosity adjoins to jealousy, obstinacy with desire to get acquainted. Here the first friendship, and sometimes even the first, such touching, children`s love arises.

do not forget

- children on the platform not only comprehend communication elements with each other. They see also your communication, study at you, and moreover, at them at the subconscious level under the influence of your communication with other mothers those behavioural models by which children will be guided in adulthood are put. It is also necessary to remember that any manifestation of your behavior is “permission“ for the child to behave in the same way.“ If these mighty and almighty adults arrive quite so, means so it is necessary, so and I have to arrive also“ - here is how your behavior in the child responds. For this reason first of all, and also for a set of other quite obvious reasons it is necessary to observe culture of communication always.

to Avoid

inevitable

is frequent at a playground there are conflicts between children and, as a result, between their mothers. The reasons can be the most different - from the broken toy to the swing occupied at the wrong time. Sometimes, that such skirmishes come to an end with abuse of adults and crying of children.

First of all, mothers have to be able to prevent the conflict, without waiting for its beginning. It is the easiest option, the chattered women usually forget only about it. The habitual picture - fascinating dialogue of two interlocutors is interrupted by a heart-rending children`s roar. Who is right, who is guilty, it is almost impossible to find out. Small children do not own skills of an effective exit from a conflict situation, moral installations do not prevail over children yet that younger or to girls should be conceded. Moves them “I want“, and at the moment when kids quarreled, the most unproductive that you can make is to try to explain something to them and somehow to povospityvat them.

it would be Much simpler to p to seize the moment when the situation just began to be heated, and just to distract children. For this purpose it is useful to carry with itself toys about which your child forgot or does not know and which will be able to be interesting to him or other children.

to

Whatever it happened and how your kid was upset, you have to know accurately that under no circumstances you should not raise the voice and, especially, raise a hand against foreign child. As, however, and on the. Your task - to remove the kid from a zone of the conflict and to calm, having in parallel called besides mother of the second hooligan.

On the platform and to be responsible for the and his actions and acts, considering interests of people around. Always it is possible to solve any problem peacefully. If the child broke others toy, his mother has to or offer something in exchange, or show the readiness to repair or to financially compensate breakage. it is senseless to p to throw

with charges on the child breaking toys or entering a fight. He all the same will not be able to explain why it does it. He does not know it. In it destructive tendencies, neotreagirovanny aggression which it needs to splash out collected. And if you noticed that your child began to show often aggressive tendencies, do not abuse him, and take away to the children`s psychologist that he helped you to understand a source of the accruing aggression, and to the child to splash out the collected emotions to the safe course.

Unfortunately, often mothers communicate separately, and children in a sandbox - separately. The small child himself will not understand that it is ugly to take three hours in a row a swing, and the small child does not know that it is impossible to beat the one who occupies three hours in a row a swing. They did not develop feeling of empathy, aged till three years the child “has the right“ to egoism because he is not capable to learn altruism yet. Therefore mothers who did not notice in time are guilty of the conflicts of kids, in time did not distract, did not calm and assumed that the situation reached crying and a fight, and in certain cases and injuries.

But what to do if you notice that the behavior of other child or his mother regularly creates an intense situation, and you understand that it is necessary to interfere, but do not want strain of relations? You have to be able is tactful and frictionless to make a complaint.

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First of all needs Presentation of a claim, having softly and friendly apologized for intervention, to find out readiness of your interlocutor to listen to you, to learn whether it has time or it is worth transferring this conversation to the following time. If she does not want to make contact, just it is better to move away for some time from this person.

cannot give to

assessments of the situation At all and to pass to personal insults or charges. Conversation has to begin as follows:“ We had a problem“. This uniting “we“ - the powerful weapon in any human relationship. When the word “we“ sounds - it is a right step to reconciliation. You have to just describe a situation as you see it, concretizing, but not pressing in the generalized reasonings (“Your child always so does“, or “You never watch him“). Contain a problem - then - there - I noticed what happened to our children-. Take an interest as your offender sees this situation, try to look on the conflict at it with eyes. Show it that in certain aspects you understand it, in something other party surely will appear the rights, and in something you share her opinion, and in something do not agree, at the same time with deep arguments prove the point of view. And at this stage sounds again:“ We“. You have to find association points, have to suggest to look for together exits from the created situation. You have to show readiness for cooperation with this person and ability to listen, understand and analyse all his offers on permission of your conflict.

But not always ourselves are right

. And our bench was occupied, and our toys scattered, and a swing does not concede to us already the second hour. And ourselves sometimes cling on trifles, we explode, and our small copies fight and are capricious, and any of us can appear explosion epicenter on the platform.

In that case with claims go to us. And we have to, having coped with irritation, to be capable to civilized acceptance of this claim.

Receiving a claim

mothers who are Quite often offended by us do not try to follow the rules allowing to level smoothly the conflict and rush on us resolutely, loudly, with demonstration of readiness to accuse us of all mortal sins. Here - that you also have to begin to apply strategy of receiving a claim. The most important governed - not an otzerkalivayta the opponent. When we communicate with each other, we involuntarily copy each other - gestures, a mimicry, intonation and even breath. Therefore it is often so difficult to finish the begun quarrel - otzerkalivy, debaters provoke each other to ever-increasing irritation. You have to trace the pose - it should not copy a pose attacking, the tone of a voice - it has to be quiet and equal, as well as breath. Thus, you will subconsciously signal it that you do not want to participate in buffoonery and wait from it for the same weighed and equal actions.

First of all let`s it be shouted by

much. Sooner or later emotions will cease, giving way to reasonable arguments. With advantage and at the same time good-natured and attentively listen to her. You do not hurry to state the point of view, do not interrupt. The become angry person surely has to be uttered. Transfer it “the empatichesky message“ - show understanding of a situation and readiness to cooperate, accompanying the speech with introduction phrases:“ I understand your anger … “, “ I see that it really upset you, let`s think together …“. Be ready to listen to all its wishes without assessment, and only after that formulate the. And if you are not right, do not hesitate to apologize - it will serve as a worthy example to your child if he was the involuntary witness of this scene.

But, certainly, in a situation of emergence of the conflict it is better for p to postpone as much as possible adult “dismantling“ from kids. When adults quarrel, children are frightened. Where they were - houses, in a garden or on walk, - the quiet and peace situation will be guarantee of their mental wellbeing around.

In the fresh air - we will smoke?

Considering behavior of adults at a playground, it is difficult to bypass such hot topic as a smoking problem. As I do not seek to act as the moralist, I will leave an option - to smoke or not to smoke, - the woman. However It should be noted that before getting a light a cigarette at own child, the woman has to realize accurately - so far the small child, mother is for him an ideal being who everything knows, including, and “that it is good and that it is bad“. Thus, under the influence of parental behavior the first begin to arise morally - the moral principles of the little personality. As a result - mother with a cigarette will allow the small child to smoke long before emergence in it of this desire. It does not mean at all that the child on reaching teenage age or will surely run to smoke slightly earlier entrances. It means that if to smoke it everything - will begin, the maternal ban on smoking will conflict to it the put installations on permission of smoking that will lead the child to the internal conflict connected as with difficulties of definition own morally - the moral principles and with feeling of mistrust to mother. And the feeling of trust to parents is the cornerstone of feeling of trust to the world and is guarantee of successful social adaptation of the personality.

Other side of the problem of mothers - smokers - discomfort which they can bring to surrounding women and their children. The principle of effective communication is very simple - do not do what can be unpleasant to people. Before to do something, reflect for a second what to people who are near you. It is not difficult to step aside on several steps at all or to take an interest at the interlocutor whether you will bring her inconveniences if light. The possibility of smoking directly about children in this case is not considered as it is excluded automatically. These are common truths which are known by everyone, but why then so often there is a situation when the woman, mother - the embodiment of tenderness, light and patience, - begins to smoke a cigarette and categorically releases a smoke in a face the being row?

And several words finally

Life at a playground usually is in full swing: kids have cares, the first friends, new games. At the platform - the laws, wars and truces, times of calm and loud storms.

But the most important that is a basis of this colourful mosaic, the kids who are pottering about on the platform - beetle-browed and cheerful, silent and noisy, with their touching first steps opened by smiles and a loud roar are. With their first test on taste of the amazing sphere of human relationship which will play such important role in their future.