Money in our life of
Money - a subject indecent. As usual, on an indecent subject all and always is what to tell. Money does not leave indifferent anybody. We offer the short review of the basic rules which understanding will allow to learn to use reasonably money in a family.
Money - a subject indecent. Even Mephistopheles expresses with ambages: people supposedly perish for “metal“. And our brilliant colleague and the contemporary psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg in one of the lectures noticed that people start conversation with a big reluctance about money, it is easier - even about sex.
As usual, on an indecent subject all and always is what to tell. At the symbolical level the subject of “metal“ comprises huge energy of passions, fears and illusions. About anything, perhaps, people do not speak with such heat, as about money - regardless of in what they personally with them the relations. Listen to the street:
- Were got the real money - there was a wish for the real things, it is clear. But you are not more impudent, you know when to stop!
- And I told it that there is nothing to save on me, let saves on the mummy!
- Why I have to pay idlers it is unknown for what? I am them what, I print?
- And as it began to bring normally, all talk came to an end. Now it to them both beautiful, and clever.
not about money, and about their value. And not so much about obvious - “universal equivalent“, - how many about hidden, personal. About powerlessness and the power, jealousy and envy, manipulations and offenses...
the Eternal subject of money - the real werewolf: when speak about them, actually talk not about them. And when are silent... Everyone knows darkness of examples of how lack of the clear arrangement on the monetary party of any relations undermined them, and even blew up.
of a bigger degree it will belong to the sphere of the family relations where all participants of system not only “experienced each other on money“, but also managed to put, so to speak, conclusions into practice. Life of any family is full of examples of how money and a subject of money symbolize its problem - that is in some measure are family symptoms.
Money as a call
Money for us - a way to express the aspirations, to fulfill obligations, to achieve vengeance and requital. The secret money power connects all of us - brothers and sisters, young and old - bonds of love and envy, pity and rage.
Money serves us as the secret weapon in a set of the latent family conflicts born because of sex, love and the power. We can give money right there to select, promise them not to keep the promise, to hold then to present with them beyond all expectations. Monetary problems - only an iceberg top under which others are hidden, conflicts deep, invisible to an eye between family members. On the other hand, money also can be the cornerstone of the conflicts touching on issues of love and justice.Money in our life Money does not leave to
indifferent anybody. One are convinced that they have more money, their life would become much better, and they could find happiness. Others at whom money much, apparently, are constantly anxious with how to get them even more how to spend and to lose. Money does not leave indifferent anybody, and it is hardly possible to find the person who would be satisfied that how many money he has and as uses them.
At the poor absolutely other cares, than at the rich, but the family conflicts generated by money in different socially - economic layers are often very similar. For the majority of us money is so strongly interwoven into life that the related problems influence also our health, and our intimate relationship, and the relations with our children and parents. It is a problem which is always with us.
What is money?
Money is not just the cash allowing us to get different things. Having money, it is possible to buy education, health, safety. It is possible to buy time to enjoy beauty, art, society of friends, adventures. Having money, we help those whom we love, and we give to the children more extensive opportunities. Having money, it is possible to buy goods and services or to reserve such opportunity on the future or for the descendants. Money is a tool of justice by means of which we indemnify the damage caused to others. Equitable distribution of money in a family and in society provides all equal opportunities. Money can serve as a symbol of all the best that only is in life: material benefits, education, health, beauty, entertainments, love and justice.Though we also know
how there is a lot of good in life is connected with money, problems which they generate are perfectly familiar to each of us. Money problems can cause a lot of grief. The wealth is frequent as though will bear on itself the stamp of a damnation and brings more misfortunes, than pleasures. Many of us give the most bitter way to despair from - for the fact that they earn too little, or are afraid that from - for lack of money to us or our children it will be bad. Money - not only a symbol of all good in lives, but also a root of all our problems.
Everyone understands that money often is the reason of happiness or a grief, however almost in all sectors of society there is a general taboo on any talk on our personal relation to money. It is considered a bad form to say that how much is who, how many earns and at whom, how many money. Therefore money very seldom becomes a subject of open discussion between parents and children, the husband and the wife, brothers and sisters, friends and even between the therapist and his patient.
However money is the base of matrimonial and family life. From - for money there are fierce quarrels between the husband and the wife, parents and children, the brother and the sister. Parents often do not know how to talk about money to children how and when to give them money and when not to give, and husbands cannot agree with wives about how the monetary help to each of their children has to be big. Many of those who passed through divorce with bitterness find out that marriage is money. It is the most difficult to break off such bonds.
Money is a kind of energy, a driving force of our civilization. The similar situation arose in process of mankind only recently; so was not always. In the past a power source, feeding interactions between people, the earth or cattle, either slaves, or natural resources (water, salt, iron), or the weapon were. And though people always used as the main power source something one - one thing or one natural resource - nothing from these things or resources could turn into that enormous mechanism what money - the only thing is presently that penetrates all parties of human life and makes a basic element of modern culture. Today money is an energy which moves the world.
Money is something dirty
the First who realized that money conceals in themselves the hidden sense, there was Freud. However he saw only their negative side. For it money symbolized excrement and was associated with something disgusting and contemptible. Perhaps, for this reason in the majority of sectors of society it is not accepted to speak about money.
Freud rose against hypocrisy of the dominating religion of the Victorian era with her condemnation of what was considered as “low“ part of human nature: bodies, sexuality and material desires. It destroyed a taboo which forbade to consider sex as important part of human life. However Freud did not make the same with money - perhaps because he considered as if the aspiration to money is not initial, infantile motivation or maybe because at the time of Freud money did not become that universal power source what they are today yet, - the only symbol representing any desires.
of the Taboo, the place which is not allowing money to take in our understanding of human nature, still remains in force. Even therapists who without any fluctuations touch on the various issues concerning sex and the power seldom concern everything that is connected with money. They did not make almost any wise observations into that account, to treat properly an important role of money in development of the personality. And does not come to most of people to mind to consult to the therapist when they are overcome by the financial conflicts. However from - for disagreements concerning money collapses, perhaps, it is more than marriages, than for any other reason. The offense arising on the monetary soil probably the most important of all problems creating alienation between the parent and the child, the brother and the sister.
Money and spirituality
money means the same that in the Middle Ages meant rescue of soul For today`s world. The most important wars of the 20th century were waged not from - for religions, and from - for money. There is a question: whether there is in our modern idea of people a place for spirituality? And if is, then how spirituality corresponds to money?
Spirituality seldom serves as a topic of conversation among those who try to regulate our economic activity. In social sciences this subject is also absent - perhaps, thanks to influence of Freudian ideas. Freud rejected religion as that called for suppression of the person therefore some of us ceased to feel, spirituality is how important in human life. However if we want to understand ourselves, it is necessary to listen not only to our animal nature, but also to our spiritual motives.
In the past a ratio between our spiritual obligations and material desires was regulated by organized religion. As spirituality stopped being an important element of ours “I“, our feeling everything more began to be defined by material desires, greed and harmful addictions. Balance was broken, and material motives came out from - under control.
Today money - the main reflection of a material world, that “low“ world which roots go to physical requirements of our body, to desires and fears. Spirituality is a reflection of our best properties, abilities to feel sorry for others, the “highest“ world of searches of meaning of life, aspiration to unity and a community.
of People - creation dual, the materialism and spirituality in it coexist. Fight between these two parties of human nature is reflected in works of all great spiritual leaders learning that normal life in a material world has to be a basis of spirituality. In particular, Buddhists, Christians and Judaists developed the norms regulating economic activity so that everyone sought to meet not only the own needs, but also needs of community. These are idea of “an average way“ in the Buddhism, idea of love for the neighbor in Christianity and a mitsva in Judaism. All history of mankind can be considered as fight history between forces of egoistical materialism and voice of justice and pity.
It follows from this that money can be one of the elements doing possible spirituality manifestations too. They allow us to feel pity, to do justice, “to love the neighbor“. However the pursuit of money for the sake of the egoistical purposes contradicts cultural wealth. Where there passes the side between love to itself and love to others? The answer to this question means permission of a dilemma of our dual nature.Artificial requirements
the Thought that in process of satisfaction of our desires they do not weaken, at first sight, seems to
contradicting common sense. However who can claim that chagrin of unsatisfied keen desire to be sent on leave on a ski resort will be weaker than hunger torments? Possibly, so the person is arranged: as soon as his main vital needs are satisfied, new right there appear.
Apparently, we not only seek to meet our desires, but also we create new objects of desires. The economist John Kenneth Gelbreyt specifies in the book “Society of Prosperity“ that this aspect our economic ustroystvaodin from the main factors distinguishing it from all other economic systems known in the history.“ It is impossible to speak out in defense of production as means of satisfaction of requirements if this production creates new requirements, - he writes. - Production only fills emptiness which creates... Process of satisfaction of requirements gives rise to new requirements... The one who insists on importance of production for satisfaction of these requirements, - not who other as the observer eulogizing a squirrel for her efforts to overtake a wheel which she also untwists“.
Further Gelbreyt says that economists did not manage to pay due consideration to what the given process of creation of requirements matters presently. Still it is considered that requirements arise in itself, and economists still, without having any doubts, dig up resources of satisfaction of these requirements. He claims that from - for such the blindness economists assimilate “to the philanthropist who davny - was convinced long ago that in city hospitals there are not enough places. He still elicits at passersby money for opening of new places in hospitals, without wishing to notice that the city doctor dexterously knocks down pedestrians the car that hospital beds were not empty“.
Creating new requirements, we give rise also to the new conflicts. Demons live in ourselves; they personify the desires which are not giving in to control, I am eager for satisfaction of requirements, and their satisfaction, in turn, generates new thirst.as
In today`s society money - the energy moving the world acts as the change serving to satisfaction of all these desires. Find the reflection in thirst of money desire to have Porsche (Porsche, but not just the car by which it is possible to go); requirement to possess a country house (country house, but not just a roof over the head); requirement to regale on cakes and sweets (and not just a hunger satisfying). Thirst of money - artificial requirement which represents all other artificial requirements - to be harmonous and beautiful, but not just healthy and strong; to be influential and to cause admiration, but not just to have good work; requirement to communicate thoughtfully, but not just to have a good time.All this
- artificial requirements, and symbolical thirst of money the irresistible desire of their satisfaction represents. For acquisition of all these things we offer in exchange the bodies, the time, the love and the peace of mind.money is
In life of many people the main change of love. When we love someone, we try to receive something from it and at the same time to give something to it. This duality of the purpose also gives to love problems such complexity. Money influences also our character, doing us by either egoists, or altruists. But if it is possible to love and be darling, then, so far as concerns money, we often should choose between egoism and altruism.
For each of us money makes a special inner world, the hidden life which can externally not be shown in any way. In each of us, perhaps, the secret miser or the philanthropist sits. We are tormented from painful sense of guilt or from not satisfied desires. Happiness and a grief - part of secret sense of money. Everyone treats money in own way, and for many of us this relation defines nature of all our other relationship. We saw that the secret sense of money can refract in various measurements and has the wide range of manifestations, up to the most extreme. For example, money can use to express the hostility or love to help people or to exploit them. From what we want to express by means of money and nature of our relationship with people around depends.
However in human relations does not happen chernogoh, white: where there is a love, there always is also hatred, and the power is often inseparably linked with dependence. It is worth expressing openly and unambiguously some opinion as opposite interpretation which seems so plausible right there occurs. It is possible that if we want to have both money, and love, it is necessary to show special tolerance to similar duality.We want to offer
the short review of several fundamental rules which, in our opinion, everyone has to understand and accept reasonably to use money in a family.
Rule first: the original reason of the monetary conflicts often at all. If in your family there is a conflict from - for money, try to look at business more fixedly. Whether you try to operate the spouse (or the spouse) or the children? Whether they try to operate you? Whether some injustice is allowed? Whether somebody for money tries to buy love? Sometimes people quarrel from - for money to avoid the quarrels arising from - for some more painful problems. You will be able to resolve the financial conflict only after you understand in what its original essence.
Rule second: the original reason of the conflicts arising in a family in various occasions often. If in your family there is any conflict, perhaps, actually money is the cornerstone of it. Sometimes, that unsuccessful marriage or problems with children are, at first sight, connected with problems of love, dependence or mutual communication though the original cause of conflict - money.
Rule third: money can become both means of control, and means of remuneration. Without hesitation use them at any opportunity for the solution of the arising problems. An opportunity to receive material benefit or threat of monetary losses - the strong incentives capable to force the person to change.
Rule fourth: the ideal way of use of money does not exist. The secret sense of money is so many-sided that for different people they represent different things, and their value changes over time. Completely it is impossible to avoid misunderstanding and the conflicts in a family from - for money.
Rule fifth: money can make you unfortunate. When people confuse money to love, it can cost much to them. Do not demand money when you need love, and do not pay off with money when it is necessary to pay off with love.
Rule sixth: to be an adult - it means to give. All of us turn from this who receives sooner or later, into the one who gives. If similar transformation does not happen to you, you will have difficulties in matrimonial life and with children. Rely on own force and influence and let`s be shown your generosity.
Rule seventh: to give - it means to create requirements. You watch what requirements you create at the children.
Rule eighth: giving then to select, you generate offense and rage. When you give something to the children, and then, in punishment, select what was given, they have an offense which can remain for the rest of life and will make them losers.
Rule ninth: flexibility improves the relations. A hard line in monetary affairs - “you have to“ - spoils human relations. Recognize that others can have representations concerning money, and it will become easier for you to live.
Rule tenth: attempts to re-educate the spouse (or to the spouse) usually are vain. The miser will always remain the miser, the squanderer - the squanderer, and often happens so that they are spouses. Your spouse (or the spouse) behaves definitely because you behave defined exactly the opposite. If you want to change another, at first change.
Rule eleventh: mistrust frightens off. The one who, entering second marriage, brings with himself the suspiciousness and mistrust generated by first marriage creates the atmosphere of estrangement in a new family.
Rule twelfth: money in itself is incapable to give you self-esteem. It is important how you use money in relationship with others - it forces you to love or to despise itself.
Rule thirteenth: is present nothing bad that money brings joy. When spouses are happy with each other, often it gives pleasure to them to spend money together. The same treats also expenses on children which bring you joy. But that money left pleasure, it is necessary to show an initiative. You learn to enjoy what you have, without having excessive fear of it to lose.
Rule fourteenth: those who love others more, than money always inspire love. If you want to be happy, try that others were always more important for you, than money.
Rule fifteenth: > it is difficult for strong to resist the person who is able to listen really. Look for the hidden meanings and the latent conflicts. If you give to members of the family the chance to express frankly and will not take out hasty judgments, then will be able to find and liquidate the most various friction and offenses arising from - for money.
to make the wise decisions concerning a role of money in your relationship with people around you have to have courage to call into question the secret beliefs and calculations which, perhaps, for many years narrowed your outlook and limited your opportunities. We know from experience that, conforming to these rules, you have big freedom and an opportunity to use money so that to make your relations with relatives a source of satisfaction and pleasure.