I was tired to be mother of
Each woman dreams to become a mother and draws the future in the most iridescent tones, without thinking of those problems which will be inevitably brought by motherhood. One of main is a fatigue: both physical, and psychological. But all - it is possible to cope with them, without doing psychological harm to the kid.
Lost dreams of motherhood
As the pregnant woman imagines the future? Here she inclines over a children`s cradle where her dear kid serenely sleeps, dreaming of how he will grow up and, of course, will practise music. And still figure skating. And to study at art school...
Alas, the reality, as always, not absolutely coincides with dream. Actually with the child`s birth life changes cardinally and irrevocably. From now on you correlate each step to needs of the little man. You are absolutely exhausted both physically, and morally, and two things can be a consequence of constant fatigue: aggression and apathy. Sometimes they exist in parallel, serially replacing each other.Maternal aggression
at us cannot somehow be spoken to
About this party of motherhood. However it does not mean that the similar phenomenon does not exist. The parents who went mad from children`s crying sometimes absolutely cease to control themselves, they are ready to make anything if only the child became silent. And, unfortunately, do. In pediatrics there is even a concept “trauma from concussion“. The child can get such trauma if with a force to shake him in a rage rush. Consequences are sad: among them dyslexia, syndrome of deficiency of attention, delay of intellectual development and even death. >
It appears p, it is impossible to take everything under strict parental control and to place in a rigid framework of “the correct behavior“. Then - that the parent also feels the helplessness, and as a result - he is covered by anger, irritation, rage. But how to cope with the constant internal tension and alarm? How not to allow aggression in relation to the child?
we Look for a compromise
Having calmed down, try to analyse the state. One is obvious: you really very much were tired and you need rest. Try to organize so a day regimen that in it there was though some place for your personal time. If the kid is more than three years old, it is possible to try to agree with him that at some point you should be alone, and then you will surely return to him. The child can quite understand that each person - both big, and small - has to have time for himself, the internal space which nobody can break. Gradually at the kid the feeling of respect for your occupations and your time is developed. Besides, on your example he learns to put into words that happens to it that he feels at present, so, will be able easily to tell you and about the experiences. From the point of view of psychology this very important ability - not to exhaust the feelings deep into, and to be able to share them with the understanding, close people.
What to do when there is a wish to do nothing
Other party of fatigue. Probably, there is no person to whom this feeling is not familiar. The word “apathy“ in translation from Greek means “nonchalance“, this condition of emotional passivity, indifference, indifference to events of surrounding reality. But apathy of young mother is complicated by the fact that she bears responsibility not only for herself, but also for the child. It it is necessary to feed, put to bed, be engaged with it in different useful things, and there is already no force left on anything.
“I will be the best mother!“
In psychology the concept “honors pupil`s complex“ is. It is considered that this complex is characteristic for succeeding business - the lady, however the passion to perfectionism occurs also at the young mothers who devoted itself to education of the child.Believe
that it is even possible to be tired of the beloved child!“ It is impossible to be tired of the one whom you love“ are beautiful words and no more than that. Just those who constantly worry about the child seek to give it as much as possible, settle emotional resources quicker, than parents who not too strongly think of lofty matters.
Early development will not escape anywhere, and, perhaps, it is much more than advantage and mother, and the kid will be brought by walk on park or the week of idleness which is not saddened by a remorse.
Think, there will always be mothers who will be engaged in development of the child more, than you. There will be also others - what will be done much less yours. Is it worth looking back constantly at those and at others?
What to do?
- If the child brought you to a hysterics, you feel that you cease to control yourself and are already ready to hit it, tell yourself STOP. Transfer the child to someone from house and go to drink tea, to take a shower or to call the girlfriend - be engaged in anything pleasant for yourself. The visit of the nearest shop or just walk will approach. It is better, than to shiver with rage, trying to carry out maternal duties diligently. Imagine
- in bright paints that would be if you did not restrain and beat the child, shouted at it or made still something that you at that moment wanted. Presented? Isn`t that so, the broken cup which you from everything to a move threw about a wall, much smaller loss?
- When you will recover, with a positive spirit come back to the kid.
with this situation?
- Husband. Tell it about everything that happens to you. Think together as from the general daily schedule to find a couple of hours which you can spend only for yourself.
- Girlfriend. From it it is required to listen to you and to console. It is fine if your confidante had a similar life experience, then she will be able well to understand you. Through a similar state there passed many women. And safely left it!
- Mother or mother-in-law. To complain sometimes of life - itself is more expensive to mother because she endures even more yours. But here to entrust the child to the beloved grandmother for some time, so far you recover, - why and is not present?
- Psychotherapist. Of course, this option demands material inputs, but usually they are justified.
- If you feel that you do not cope with a household, find the assistant and subcontract it part of household cares and problems.
What to do?
- Re-read some witty book, it is desirable not connected directly with a children`s subject. Remember
- the hobby. If there is nothing to remember, then find for yourself some new hobby.
- Play sports. This classical means from apathy, at the same time and a figure you will put in order.
- Communicate, you strike up new acquaintances. Even if it will be not professional and business connections, and friendship with mummies at a playground, it is all the same an exit from a painful and destructive heart-searching.