Do not feel sorry about anything for
All of us, anyway, are subject to influence of other people, especially in adoption of important decisions. We are afraid that will say directly to us or that will speak about us “for eyes“. History about which I want to tell happened to me nearly 10 years ago. It quite could form the plot basis for the melodrama, so everything was confused, complicated by the different relations. As usual also happens, life provides us with such events which it is much more interesting invented artificially.
It was in 1996. To me then it was executed already 18, and, as well as many girls at such age, I dreamed to meet the prince. At that time I was forced to live not in the favourite St. Petersburg, and in the Novgorod region, and studied in normal school in the small town. For the weekend I went to parents to the village, went there to rural club to dances with the younger sister.
I here, in one of such evenings I paid attention to very nice guy. I was even surprised how I could not notice it earlier: high, cheerful, sports constitution. But I thought at once that it for certain has a girl, too it is good itself(himself), especially, for certain after army. What occurred further struck me. Hardly the melody of slow dance as it went since other end of the hall directly to my party began to sound. In herself I all contracted waiting. Near me also other girls sat, and I was afraid even to believe that there is it to me. Therefore when the big hand was given me towards, and words were heard:“ Allow to invite you to dance“, - I just grew dumb.When we began to dance
, I for the first time in life learned that expression means “knees shiver“. Since then our torrid love affair began. I know, it is difficult to believe in it, but he guessed beforehand all my desires. It did all what I dreamed of though I never told it about the wishes. The summer passed as in the magic fairy tale. In a month we made a declaration of love each other, in a month thought that we will get married, and in a month it became my first man. And it in spite of the fact that to it actually there were only 16 years! It was 2 years younger than me, but externally it was not shown in any way, even on the contrary.Everything was ideal
, the fall did not come yet. I had to go to study, we saw each other only on days off. And I did not sustain separation. I decided to throw school and to enter in the summer the institute in St. Petersburg (where I was born and lived till 15 years) especially as also my darling was going to come to a military institution in the same city.But my act, certainly, brought to nobody
to pleasure. Now, in many years, I understand that it really looked from outside nonsense, but I am not sorry minutes about that event, and you find out soon why. Because of the fact that I gave up study we began to swear. We quarreled in increasing frequency, but reconciliations were very sweet and we forgot about everything. So there passed the winter and spring. My dear graduated from school and prepared for entrance examinations, I prepared for them also.
When it had a graduation party, we had very much fun. But actually this fun I wanted to muffle sad thoughts which haunted several days me. Long I could not hide them and already next day told that I have a delay. From that second all my existence was reduced only to tears, experiences, sleepless nights. To me was 19, and to it only 17! I did not study and did not work, he only - only graduated from school.
Together with mother I went to the native St. Petersburg in hope that I am mistaken in the diagnosis. I made several tests, I visited clinic for “young mothers“, and everywhere there was the same answer:“ pregnancy“. Then for me these words sounded as a sentence. What I when all my income was consolidated to pension of my mother could count on? When the father of my child had only school education?
But I made the decision to which the soul lay. I left the kid and fell in love with him since that minute as the decision arose in my heart. And besides, now seconds I am not sorry about it. My dear person could not help us nothing. From his parents we hid our pregnancy. All summer we hid our meetings from relatives because his father was incited categorically against me. And here, when my darling failed one of entrance examinations, his father went in the car with the gun on all village and looked for us.the epic with searches ended with
In August. I went to St. Petersburg, to myself home, and was transferred to the same normal school on a third year (on the 4th month of pregnancy!) and my dear person remained there. It came to road college. And in the closest years of study did not even shine us to be together. In group where I studied, nobody knew about my situation, up to the Newest Year when I was on the 8th month. Parents of my darling did not know anything too.
We only corresponded and met it only 2 times: at the weekend in September it for the first time arrived to me, and it arrived to November vacation for couple of days too. These meetings were my one and only happiness. New Year I met without it. And I did not know that that day instead of though somehow to rejoice to this holiday (as I tried), it told about everything to the parents. Then he still still was 17 years old. It is possible to present their reaction. What happiness that never I learn about it.
In January, with already obviously outlined “tummy“, I managed to pass examinations in college and went on vacation. During pregnancy I gained only 2 kilograms thanks to what dumped much. But it was heavy to me to carry even these 2 kilograms, at me legs terribly swelled up, and it was necessary to limit themselves in drink. I sat could, having only put legs on something. On the house I did nothing any more by then and in general was engaged only in knitting for the kid and reading books on care of the child.Childbirth at me began
for 2 weeks before the put term. I even could not understand, fights it or not, days was tormented, night did not fall down and next morning, together with mother, by the subway, and then by tram arrived itself to maternity hospital. Fortunately, my aunt worked there, it arrived in two hours when I was already in the delivery room. I was replaced to all places to strengthen fights. I will not describe the feelings. As a result brought me an oxygen mask to relieve pain. Suggested to prick anesthetic, but when I learned that it will be reflected in the child, at once refused. All I dreamed of that allowed me to lay down on this chair rather and to give rise already at last!
B 16. 55 my closest little man was born! Never I will forget the moment as to me put on a breast of my little boy, and I could not believe in any way that this kid, this tiny sonny really mine that I took out it that I gave birth to him!!! And I thought at that moment of one person who created this creation too, and very much wanted that he could see this happiness!my
synulya was born with immaturity signs, we were long not wanted to be written out. I fed him day and night. I had so much milk that it was possible to support also twins. As a result took pity on us and allowed to go home. All went on around:“ What horror how you can live so? How you will study? How you will work? How you can love still that person what he will give you?“ But I listened to nobody to anybody I did not pay attention, I loved both of them: my son and his father.I Remember
that day when he for the first time saw the newborn baby and tenderly put a palm on his head. And at that moment I once again understood that I am not sorry about the decision. The boy grew, I improved the relations with parents of my dear person and every summer while he studied, I went to have a rest to him with the child and lived in his house together with his parents. They helped me money and products, but I received the main help, of course, from the mother, and I am infinitely grateful to it for such patience, kindness and understanding.When my darling graduated
from college, it went to army. It was in the fall. It was very heavy. But I knew that I will wait for it. There were people who said that I went crazy that you should not do it. But I made the decision. And I never regretted about it. In the spring I graduated from the college with the diploma with honors. I in perfection knew English, and knew French as the second language. And I was taken to work as the English teacher in the same college. So there were my first earnings and the first feeling of freedom from constant thoughts of where to get cheaper this or that product or a thing. I had private pupils and every month my situation became better and better.
in the Spring I, without money, without training courses, came to Academy of Service and Economy on a correspondence department. We corresponded with darling, I wrote him every other day all these 2 years. He wrote me too often as far as he was able to afford. On the oath I went to it, to the far northern city, together with his mother. She paid all expenses and the next year when we went again there. These meetings were similar to fresh air after a musty dungeon. For 2 years we met only 2 times! But they cost all life.Every time I forget
about all bad, remembering that instant with what impatience and happiness he met me then on the oath, in the presence of one hundred colleagues and the administration. As then he ran to me through all hall, by standing as on parade of employees as picked up on hands and pressed so strong that I was afraid to choke, both kissed my hair and looked at me so that already there would be enough one this look to my death.
during the service my darling constantly raised in a rank, and everything went well and smoothly until in one usual winter day he was “set up“ by envious people. Remained to it to the demobee of 10 months … One man`s guess is as good as another`s that it was necessary to have for that time while the consequence and court lasted. The administration as rats, on one crept out of the courtroom when the sentence was pronounced. Since then neither my darling, nor I we do not believe that the court can be fair. It was given term in a disciplinary battalion. What is created in this place is called “prison in prison“. The constant feeling of hunger is the easiest that there occurs. Of course, once it could improve the situation there, but for the person the price was too humiliating: it was required to inform on those who violated this or that rule. Certainly, he refused.
But sooner or later all bad comes to an end. Also its drudgeries in a disciplinary battalion ended. For ideal behavior, and taking into consideration that it never was on holiday during the service, it was released earlier. Under the Newest Year. So my fairy tale began. We made the decision, and I am not sorry about it. We submitted the application for May, practically on the date of our acquaintance. Also it turned out so that in 7 years and 2 days after our first dance, after our first meeting, we got married. The sonny was 5 years old. He as bewitched watched all wedding at us and slightly concerned my dress as if being afraid that I am some unearthly. And I such also was with happiness.
there passed nearly 3 years Since then. Our son went to the first class. I study on the fourth year. Of course, it is impossible to tell that everything at us is ideal, fine and remarkable. We - a family usual in appearance. My husband is constantly promoted at work and makes good money so that I can not think especially of money.
Ya after our wedding left college and in the fall, according to the announcement in the newspaper, got a job to work in firm as the secretary where to me put a salary 3 times bigger at once, than was earlier. Of course, money of special value has no. But now I can write down the child in those sections where he wants, it is better to dress him, to buy normal products. And, in principle, business all at all not in it.At first sight it seems to
that our family differs in nothing from a usual safe family. But very few people know how this happiness was under construction. Perhaps thanks to everything endured, or perhaps thanks to our love, we still kept freshness of the very first meeting. And, in spite of the fact that this year we will celebrate ten-year anniversary of our novel in May, we for each other and remained that guy and that girl who danced together the first general dance in rural club. And how I can be sorry about something in the life? Everything that occurred, only brought closer me to that moment when we became a whole. And if there is in the world such concept “happiness“, then I completely realize it. And often I think: as if I lived if I in important decisions was not guided by what prompts heart?
Thank you that you listened to my confession. Perhaps to somebody this history will help to understand that all events which take place in life are not casual and you should not be sorry about one lived moment because it - YOURS.