Small to a schastyitsa mine. Part 1
, all - pregnancy - unforgettable, incomparable time! And though to my baby half a year was already executed, I still with tenderness and affection remember 9 months “provisions“ and that happy day when I became a mother.
In the middle of the night Olechka woke up, and I, without thinking twice, shifted it to myself in a bed. Having nestled to each other, we strong fell asleep.In the sleep I heard
as the room was entered by Sasha. Having fallen near me by a bed, he stroked me on the head and very gently and tenderly told. “Look at Olyushka! Look how she sleeps!“ The daughter snuffled at me near by, having stretched handles and legs in the parties. The picture indeed was touching. Sasha asked: “And when it will be cold in the winter, we will take Olechka in our bed?“ - “And when it is not cold?“ - I burst out laughing in reply. The fact that the daughter sleeps with us is not subject to doubt for a long time. No, whoever what told, and to sleep with the angel - incomparable pleasure.
Having kissed me and having wished good night, Sasha fell asleep. And I lay, having embraced Olechka, and remembered, remembered...
After a long-awaited wedding with my favourite Sasha at me unexpectedly there came the black strip. At institute where I gave lectures, reduced department, in firm at first promised to hire me, and then “threw“. And at last, at school where I, having gritted teeth, worked for real pennies, there was a conflict with the director of studies which served as a last straw - in a temper I wrote the notice of resignation.
the Director long did not want to sign the application. He persuaded me to cool down, think, promised to help to settle the conflict. Colleagues persuaded me to remain too. The following was their main argument:“ You only married - stay at least to the decree!“wanted to listen to nobody to
Ya. Ambitions got the best: I, young, perspective, with two diplomas about the higher education, will sit in this hole, to stick all day long for two hundred hryvnias (to the cleaner pay as much!) and still to suffer “arrivals“ of a marazmatichny zavuchka? Yes never in life! However after a while I understood that I got excited. I for days on end sat on phone, ringing round firms and recruitment agencies, advertized in the newspaper itself, distributed the summary, pestered big and small offices. Everything was vain: or at once refused to me, or promised to think and call back. Also did not call. The confidence is that I will be able to find work, thawed every day...by
the Mother-in-law, wishing to support me, from time to time told fortune, however cards promised nothing consolatory.“ Have patience. Soon you will not manage to find work“ - the mother-in-law grievously sighed.
Once when Sasha left for work, we decided to tell fortunes again. Having hardly stretched cards, the mother-in-law triumphantly reported:
- Here you see! I spoke - everything will be good! You are waited by big changes!
- And what cards tell? What changes are? It concerns work? Or, maybe, something another? - I began to try to find out carefully. But to admit that at that time I had the second week of a delay, I then did not decide...
the next morning, I, staring in disbelief, considered the test for pregnancy. Then I woke the husband.- Look at
, it did not seem to me? - I showed it the test on which two accurately appeared brightly - crimson strips. - It means that I the pregnant woman, huh? - perplexed muttered I.
- So same is good! - Sasha was delighted. - We wanted...
Having nestled on it, I told:
- Means, your mother was right. We are waited by big changes!the Difficult beginning
Since the childhood I do not love
fall, especially November. Darkens early, weather spoils every day, becomes cold, the sky becomes some lead. Here it is valid “... quite boring time has come, there was a November at the yard...“ .
But in that November when I for the first time found in myself new life, weather was wonderful. There was the real Indian summer, the sky was bright - blue, the multi-colored scale of leaves on trees was poured on the sun.
Ya lay, listening to itself. From the first days of pregnancy my health left much to be desired: besides nausea, usual for such “situation“, and weakness, I was tormented by pain in the bottom of a stomach, and this scarecrow me.
Relatives dissuaded me to go to the doctor, convincing that the doctor on such term will see nothing yet, but can do much harm the intervention. And I lay at home, being afraid to get out of a bed.
Ya had the mixed feeling. On the one hand, I very much rejoiced long-awaited pregnancy, with another, I was so tired of job searches that apprehended “situation“ as a temporary respite, and, lying at home, felt as the schoolgirl who is ill, skipping classes. But the fear was the most strong feeling, perhaps. Fear that I can lose the child...
there Passed four days from that day as I made the test for pregnancy. My health did not improve, and I decided everything - to go to the doctor. It is easy to tell - “to go“! I went outside, and felt how each my step is given by a nagging pain in the bottom of a stomach. Here I was frightened really.I will Never forget
how I went. Slowly, holding a stomach, periodically stopping. It seemed, there passed the eternity before I reached a maternity welfare unit. All road I talked to the kid, begging him to suffer.
... The gloomy, tired doctor at whom the working day already came to an end examined me and, without thinking twice, stretched the direction:“ In a hospital. Pregnancy interruption threat“.the period which I remember as fight From this point began
... Daily desperate fight for new life...
Office of pathology of pregnant women of the Zaporizhia maternity hospital No. 1 - old, still the pre-war building. In these walls mine were born mother and the grandmother. The two-storeyed room with an abrupt pig-iron ladder, the terrace leaving to the yard, the big window closed by a massive shutter (for transfers). Chambers with high ceilings and huge windows... In these walls I should carry out the most unlucky days of my pregnancy.
First that is remembered to me now - the sick-list began to smell. Mix of alcohol, bleaching powder, products. Dense smell of bananas and citrus... Neigbours in chamber, all to uniform with stomachs (in this office mainly those whose term passed in twenty weeks lie). Elderly vrachikha with a ridiculous wooden tubule “as at doctor Aybolit“ which, having inspected my thin figure, asked: “And you precisely pregnant?“.
Ya lay, my health left much to be desired, and doctors told nothing consolatory. When threat of interruption of pregnancy exists on term in 5 weeks, it is difficult to guarantee something. And than doctors could help if on such term all medicines are contraindicated?“ You lie and drink vitamins. The main thing - to observe a bed rest“ - that`s all that they could tell.
Krom of nagging pains in a stomach, from - for whom to me it was heavy not only to go, but even to sit, toxicosis began to overcome me. Especially poorly it was necessary in the mornings. Behind a window it was still dark when we were awoken “on weighing“. I hardly opened eyes and on wadded legs trudged on a sisterly post, trying to constrain attacks of morning nausea.
Ya lay, having turned away to a wall, I did not want to talk to anybody. I very much was tired of noisy neigbours in chamber who violently discussed events of “orange revolution“ actual at that time. But I read much - mainly, fairy tales: “Black chicken“, “Dunno`s Adventures“, “Mumi - the troll“... Reading “Scarlet Flower“, I unexpectedly burst into tears. It is remembered, in the head then the thought flashed:“ It is necessary that pregnancy does with people“.Gradually euphoria caused by news of long-awaited pregnancy passed
- replaced it in depression - a depression. Perhaps, at that moment I did not understand up to the end yet that I will become a mother soon (this feeling came a bit later), and felt absolutely sick, helpless, unfortunate. Perhaps therefore instead of rejoicing to “situation“, I exhausted myself the most gloomy thoughts. Why I quitted the job? On what we will live three together, with the child now? And my experience? And why I then did not obey parents, fellow workers? What will be told now by acquaintances? And husband`s family? There is nothing to tell, it is good - did not manage to marry as right there quitted the job in addition hurried to become pregnant!
It is natural, similar thoughts could not improve my health. Toxicosis overcame me so that after a while not only the look and a smell of food, but even a mention of it caused a strong attack of nausea. To me began to put droppers, but to sense from them there was a little, and I began to lose flesh strongly. The doctor made a helpless gesture: “You have to eat! Otherwise you will lose the child!“ The nurse who came to put once again a dropper looked at my hand and sighed: “Yes I already have no place to prick you! On your veins of the live place is not present! Really still tears you?“ “Yes she lives over a toilet bowl!“ - compassionately neigbours sighed. And it was the truth.
On the next bed very friendly and benevolent woman lay. Somehow she decided to call me on a straight talk.- Listen to
, - she told. - So indeed cannot proceed. If you continue to refuse food and to lose flesh, then can really not take out the child. Think what happens to you? Psychologists consider that pregnancy rejection can be the cause of toxicosis.
- Yes you that?! - sincerely I was indignant. - I you know about this child how many dreamed?
- is good. But, perhaps, in your life there is something that you are not able to accept? - the neigbour continued to try to find out.
Ya sighed and told:
- Yes. You understand, literally for few weeks before becoming pregnant, I quitted the job. It agrees, it was silly for my part, but so left... At me long it was impossible to become pregnant from where to me was to know that it will occur just when I leave? And now who will take me, the pregnant woman, for work? The family understands me, but is not present and will tell:“ Yes, you did a stupid thing, but now there`s nothing to be done before quitting one job, it was necessary to find other work“. And the annoying“... if you were going to quit the job, it was not necessary to bring the child and if was going to bring the child, it was not necessary to quit the job“. Of course, they are right, but to me sick to hear it, understand?
- I Understand, - the woman nodded. - And now you yourself for it poyedy eat? Therefore you feel so badly. But to change nothing any more. Means, you have a choice: or to continue to gnaw itself and to do harm first of all to the child, or to accept a situation such what it to eat, rejoice long-awaited pregnancy, to rejoice to future child and to be adjusted on good. Think of it. Just think of what I told...
Ya thought. Of course, my neigbour told common truths which I also perfectly knew. And still after our conversation to me calmed down much more.
was Sent by days. The Indian summer was replaced by rains and cold weather, and then there came the frosty snow winter. And one fine day the doctor declared to me that she cannot keep me in hospital any more: it agrees to the rules accepted in office, the patient could not occupy a bed more than a month in a row.
- Stay so far at home. And if it becomes worse - you will go to the district police officer and again you will take the direction.
Ya lay exactly two weeks at home. Then the local gynecologist insistently recommended to me to lay down in a hospital again.
- But how so? I lay the whole month there, I only - was only written out! - I was perplexed.
- If the woman wants to keep the child, it will lie if necessary all nine months! - indifferently the doctor cut off, stretching the direction.
“I want to keep the child and if it is necessary, I will lie all nine months“ - I solved. Having packed things, having taken with itself more books and the radio receiver, I returned to hospital and mentally reconciled to the fact that for the period of pregnancy it will become my second house.could not be Done to
, it was necessary only to suffer. I read much, listened to music, and in the evenings, having put hands on the stomach aching from pain, mentally repeated:“ Keep, the kid, we with you patient“.
New Year Came.
- you will go To holidays home. But so far also do not think of an extract, - my attending physician stated.New Year I met
in the bosom of the family. I with disgust askanced on covered on - festive a table and sipped mineral water with a lemon. However in the morning, on January 1, I, having woken up, with surprise understood that I feel hungry! Disgust for food for me became such habitual lately that I already forgot how - to want to eat it. For some reason to madness there was a wish for the potato baked with meat. I ate potato and could not stop. From this point (on the term of 12 weeks) my affairs were been on the mend, and two weeks later me discharged from hospital.
What I had to feel? Pleasure that I at last houses? However it turned out that it is not so easy for the person who “lived“ in hospital nearly three months to adapt to reality. The husband for days on end at work, parents at work, friends at work, and I one alone with the “hurting“ stomach and gloomy thoughts. In hospital all of us were in the identical family way and just was with whom to talk! I was depressed again. Again I gnawed myself for what with career did not develop. I who graduated from HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION with two “excellent“ diplomas, dreaming of postgraduate study go on the dole in jobcenter now!at
At the same time the offense on my eternally busy husband who, on the contrary, moved ahead on service quite successfully grew and therefore spent a lot of time at work. Then it seemed to me that he finds too much time for work, a hobby, the family, friends - only not me! Our relations stretched, and practically any conversation did not do without scandal. “You think of anything, only not of the pregnant wife!“ - this phrase stood out through all our “dismantling“.
Everything changed in one day.
Ya well remembered this day - on January 26, Sashin birthday. In the evening when guests dispersed, I lay on a sofa, and the husband gently stroked my stomach.
I suddenly... As if the easy breeze rushed in me as if the wave ran.- Wait for
... - I seized Sasha by a hand.
- cannot be! Really it it?
Ya put a hand on a stomach, once again listened and it is captivated whispered:
- Yes, the sun. It it.