Divorce after the delivery? It is cancelled!
child`s Birth, undoubtedly, joyful event. But at the same time this serious test for a family, especially, if it is about the firstborn. Many families break up in the first year after appearance of the kid. What occurs? There are several reasons.
Discrepancy of expectations and reality. Future parents have not always a clear view as their life after the child`s birth will change.
However each of them has certain expectations concerning behavior of the spouse or the spouse. The wife thinks that the husband will surround her with care and attention, will share with her burden of care of the kid, and that, in turn, hopes not to lose love and attention of the wife.In practice everything can appear
absolutely not so. Newly made mummy entirely will plunge into cares of the new family member, and communication with the spouse can confine to phrases: “Change a diaper!“ or “I was so tired, shake the baby!“ . The husband feels unnecessary, left, begins to be discharged of the beloved wife, eternally tired and exhausted now, of the long-awaited child who “took away“ all attention which belonged to it to one earlier (not a secret long ago that men the same children, only big). Tries to be late longer at work, under some pretext to leave the house in day off. The wife takes offense at a shortcoming, and even absence of the help in care of the child. Offenses are saved, the relations are heated, scandals begin... Someone does not maintain and leaves.
“Child`s cult“. Often young mother hears approximately following from people around:“ Now you have to forget about yourself (about the husband in general the speech does not go), to entirely devote yourself to the child“. And, having followed “kind“ advices, she follows the tastes of all desires of the child. Children then become little kinglets of a family which life completely submits to them. For all we will not tell such situation about harm. It is obvious.
Different views on education of the child. Women, as, it is known, live emotions, men - logic. Simple example. Night. The child cries. Mother swings it, the child falls asleep, but as soon as it appears in a bed, starts over again shouting, demanding that took on hands. Mother takes. The situation repeats (perhaps, not once).
the Father, seeing tortures of the beloved wife, or personally participating in process, comes to a logical conclusion that thus it is necessary to swing till the morning. He offers:“ Put in a bed, will shout and will calm down“. What mother brought by a baby`s cry to white heat in nine of ten cases will answer? Correctly. “What you in general understand in education of children? You for days on end there is no house!“. What follows further? Scandal which will hardly promote strengthening of the relations in a family. And the man at best will think:“ Time I understand nothing - I will not begin to interfere with it“.
long fights on the subjects “You Incorrectly Bring Up the Child“ or “You in General Are Not Engaged in It“ Happen. Are result of all above-mentioned tension in the relations between spouses and alienation.
also. But here we will not talk about problems in the relations of spouses which could arise also till the child`s birth, and without it at all.
How to avoid similar problems or to try to correct them? And everything, appears in the woman`s hands. Yes, the woman can create such situations and can correct them.
Can dump, of course, everything on the stale spouse, to pretend to be the victim of circumstances and it is proud to bear this banner. But for whom from it it will become easier? Knowing several “secrets“, we will try to brighten up the difficult period.
- not to become reserved, not to save offense. To speak about the feelings and expectations to the spouse. Quite possibly, he also did not guess them.
- not to concentrate only on the child. Yes, the fatigue and cares do not allow to pay to the husband due amount of attention. And about intimate life it falls on time to forget. But it is rather simple to touch more often to each other (passing by, priobnyat, to stroke), not to lose tactile and emotional contact.
- If an opportunity to leave the child with someone is, spend time together outdoors. You descend in cafe, at cinema, in park, on a visit. Feel just the man and the woman, and not just mother and the father. with
- Attract the husband to cares of the child. Do not point to it openly to mistakes, it painfully it will wound, and another time it will not want to repeat attempt any more. Well and, at last, be more tolerant than
- . You love each other, and the main proof with you nearby.