Rus Articles Journal

How to fall in love with itself

Human relations is an eternal riddle. But the most incomprehensible thing on light are our relations with themselves. The they better develop, the it is more than chances to achieve success in everything from us. But as it is difficult, it appears, to love and appreciate itself on advantage. Psychologists claim that more than 80% of modern people feel any complexes and suffer from the underestimated self-assessment.

If the person with a low self-assessment, dissatisfied with itself to ask: “Who was dissatisfied with you for whom you were insufficiently good?“ - almost in 90% of cases the answer will be: father or mother. Sources of our self-assessment are put by parents. The easiest to tell that genes are guilty of everything. But in that case we lose an opportunity something to change. It is possible to build that, a children`s situation, having mentally returned itself in that age when parents for the first time began to criticize you and to change - not them, it is already a reality, and the relation to a situation. Criticism as if a thin edge, cuts off all creative spontaneity, all his energy, his self-assessment from not created person. Having reproduced mentally this situation, it is possible to remove that freight, that program which was put by parents. And then the person sees himself not eyes of the first teacher who drove in into him “useful“, not eyes of mother who was constantly dissatisfied with him, and not eyes of the father who spoke eternally: “You badly study and in whom you such were born?“ (By the way, it is very useful to ask this question to parents:“ So in whom we really such were born?!“) Try to look at yourself other eyes, and you will understand that you are not so bad as you got used to think. A self-assessment - always result of comparison. The main thing - to find to whom to compare itself. These authorities, naturally, at all the. The person compares himself to someone who, in his opinion, reached big heights. Teenagers measure success by sociability: at whom, how many friends who have big authority among peers. Adults have other comparisons: money, career, make of the car, cost of a suit, the apartment, giving, prestige of a profession - at them is “toys“. Here it is the mechanism which cornerstone the thought always is: “I am worse, than...“ If at the person the low self-assessment, this thought always gnaws him from within.

I at itself one, another will not be

U us there is an illusion that we live with husbands, lovers, colleagues, friends, members of household and build with them the relations. Actually we live with ourselves:“ I was born “, “ I divorced“ - and with ourselves we build the relations (at the majority it turns out badly). Our communication with people around directly depends on the attitude towards itself. If, for example, you do not accept the husband, it is possible to divorce him. When the chief does not arrange, it is possible to be transferred to other department, to change a job or not to catch sight to it, the subordinate can be dismissed. But, when you do not accept the person of whom you cannot leave or get rid, - you, begin serious problems here.

many ways to run away from themselves Are, but any of them rescued nobody yet. It is not necessary to run. It is necessary to help itself. Here the world around is out of a zone of your competence. And when you work on yourself, you work with what is in your competence, you know yourself better than any other person. And therefore it is necessary to learn to build the relations with itself the same as with other person. And the chance such is - to construct with itself other relations, more comfortable and productive.

should be Begun with

with the fact that another you will not have yourself also any more with this person whom you see when you look in a mirror, you should carry out quite large number of years.

to be exempted by

from past freight

One of the main signs of a low self-assessment is a constant sense of guilt when the person is as if guilty one fact of the existence. What it did, all not that and not so. Because one of manifestations of complexes - constant aspiration to prove to the father or mother what I am good. Perhaps there are no parents any more, and the program remained. Try houses to do exercise which is often offered on psychological trainings. Remember all bad that about you was told, put it in one “basket“ - and symbolically throw out it, thus having released. Because someone`s opinion on you is only foreign opinion on you. It not you, this impression which you make on people around. Also it is necessary to learn to divide these things. The self-assessment of the person is similar to vinaigrette: it consists of foreign opinions which are ever heard. What did someone tell about me? To whom I compared myself in what saw the shortcomings? As a result the whole chain of complexes which the person with himself drags is built, and here and it is necessary to get rid of this freight. Some self-criticism is inherent in everyone, differently we would not have this property of the conceiving person - to doubt correctness of the decisions and acts any brakes. But to appreciate the advantages, not to forget that you are unique, it is necessary.

Dialogue with a mirror

Is not present the woman who would be happy with the appearance. Even models, perfective aspect of creation on which an eye has a rest are burdened with a large number of complexes. One consider themselves thick, others are depressed from - for nose spot, the third are dissatisfied with a shape of the legs, a nose or ears. And it means that we never take a detached view of ourselves. We do not even see the reflection in a mirror in general, we see those parts which do not suit us. And here everything is based on stereotypes: if you are not cut out according to standards, and standards of beauty look from all covers - here it is a reason for sufferings! It is possible to correct, of course, something, to change by means of plastic surgery. But, if the trouble in the head as yourself remake, all the same a trouble remains. One woman suffered from - for shapes of the nose. But after the operation which completely changed her nose, made it ideally beautiful she claimed that she all the same feels that it has an ugly nose. She considered that she all life suffered from - for the nose, the nose was guilty of everything. Guilty cleaned - with life something should be done, and there is nobody to blame more. The discontent with the appearance actually is a form of irresponsibility before by itself. A lot of things from this, than the woman in herself is dissatisfied, it is possible to correct, correct, playing sports, eating properly and looking after itself.

If I am a queen...

Many not self-assured women live on a formula:“ If not my weight, my legs, hands, ears, then everything at me would be good, and I would be pleasant to men, and money at me would be much, and work the best, and all would love me“. And often it turns out that it is favorable - to cling to the weight that it was possible to complain to someone of what nobody loves to prove himself the fact of the neschastnost instead of going to a gym and to go on a diet.

A what you would do if suddenly became such how you wanted? As if behaved? Why not to reject all that prevents you to arrive as your imagined ideal? If to think, then it will turn out that all these reasons false, thought up by us.

Let`s find

“the main enemy“ - a nose, eyes, ears or legs. Also we will begin to act so as if on its place something ideally beautiful, we will begin to pay to this part of a body compliments. Let it will be insincere, all the same tell this part of a body a compliment, and in a mirror. And every time, passing by a mirror - in a bathroom, at work, anywhere (and every time when we look in a mirror, an eye clings to weak places, such is feature of the person), admire this “detail“. And then there are surprising things: the world around begins to react to you in a different way because you are exempted from foreign opinions and radiate self-sufficiency.

Replace beauty standards

Try to behave as if you with your appearance were beauty standard. Standards periodically change. In 20 - 30 - e years of the last century it was fashionable to bleach skin and to be obese. Now it is fashionable to be suntanned and to exhaust itself diets. And then would look at such high, thin and suntanned beauty with horror.

Try to enter own fashion. Many popular persons do not correspond to beauty standards. To take little, bald Jack Nicholson or thickish Gerard Depardieu - men with whom women around the world are in love. And Barbra Streisand? Whether they are beautiful? It is difficult to answer, maybe, and yes, but not to those measures of beauty which are considered as standard. Therefore beauty in itself (and many women stake on appearance) is a type, the standard which at present in fashion.

Appearance will work as

for you when you realize that it is unique that there are no other such also all thoughts that it is better or worse - it is the world of your own representations. Therefore many people whom we adore become for us the most beautiful though at all those are not.

So if you want to be happy, sociable, sociable, to feel attractive, act this way as if you also are very best, all this is available to you at the moment. You can begin own revaluation, deliver yourself “plus“ right now - and the world will twirl around you! This is also the main recipe.


Signs of a low self-assessment

  1. Frequent sense of guilt in an occasion and without.
  2. Tendency to justify oneself.
  3. the Condition of strong tension when you are in society of a large number of people whose opinion is important for you.
  4. Tendency continually mentally “to scroll a plate“: “What I bad, imperfect, unlucky etc.“.
  5. the Habit to think of itself as about the hopeless person who has all not so: both person, and figure.
  6. Tendency to often remember the vital failures (divorce or a gap with darling, refusal on interview, loss of money, etc.) .
  7. the Habit to complain often of life, something to change to helplessness, impossibility in the situation.
  8. the Tendency to notice defects of the appearance at a view of itself in a mirror.
  9. the Manner to put on: it is possible to determine by it in what relations with itself to be the person. Clothes, a hairdress, an ukhozhennost are the self-presentation. Whether you try to disguise “shortcomings“ or, on the contrary, it is excessive to emphasize something, to stick out?
  10. It testify the restless, exaggerated relation to how you will be apprehended by people around, an indicator of a low self-assessment too.
  11. the Round-shouldered back, the inclined head, a sad mimicry: the corners of a mouth lowered from top to bottom, an eye, eyebrows.
  12. Constraint in the movements. The person with a good self-assessment is more relaxed physically and psychologically, he does not see for himself threat from people around, is corporally active.