The mother`s son or mother`s darling of
As it is strange, but depends on the loving mother what her son - responsible for himself and the family or will grow to an old age the remaining mother`s darling. >was considered as
as em at the time of my childhood among boys that to get the nickname “mother`s darling“ equivalently to the most terrible brand. Constantly sneered at “mother`s darling“, did not call him to walk, and in games accepted to learn lessons only as a last resort when parents exhausted someone from “normal“ children home.
And who will be on friendly terms with the one who all the time looks for protection at the mother interfering with all affairs of the son and solving for it all problems! In our boyish environment was considered that the relations with mother and feelings to it should be hidden from public eyes. I remember how it was struck when incidentally saw how one boy - a thunder-storm of the yard which taught us to smoke and correctly to swear, very gently talked to the mother. And if it was possible to be praised by fathers and elder brothers and it is necessary, then it was not accepted to admit feelings to mother - it was “sloppy sentimentality“.
Of course, boys in the yard can have in own way understood values and rules of conduct. But the boy, and in the future the man, should not be the insensible idol. The boy needs to be taught not constrained, but also to be able to show the most usual human emotions. > it is difficult for p to find
I the best teacher here, than mother. At the same time mother (as well as to the father) needs to take care of that the son grew up the independent and self-assured person, but did not become irresponsible and dependent mother`s darling.
you do not stint a praise
the Psychologists studying a modern city family provide data that the working father communicates with the child on average of 30 minutes till one o`clock in a week. Communicates, that is talks, something together does, but not just is nearby under the same roof. Certainly, it is not wine of fathers, it is negative feature of a modern civilization. Mother spends with the child incomparably more time. Owing to the fact that its contact with the son or the daughter more emotionally close and warm (at least, in the early childhood), and it sometimes can influence education process better, than the father.
First of all it concerns training in bases of morality, the human community available to consciousness of the child of rules of conduct in society.The earlier mother will begin to encourage with
“man`s“ acts of the son, the better. Especially it is important when the boy passes the periods of so-called age crises of development:
- “crisis of three years“ when the identity of the child is put and it becomes too independent, disobedient and even aggressive;
- “crisis of readiness for school“ when informative activity is accented on subject and information development of the world;
- and very important “crisis of teenage age“ when “blood wanders“, and study pales into insignificance.
needs to be understood that during these critical periods the self-assessment of the boy is especially unstable.
In - the first, your son at the beginning of each crisis enters the sphere, new to himself, and it is always disturbing.
In - the second, between boys the competition (“who stronger“, “who will spit further or will pee“, “what father has more car“), which reaches the maximum at teenagers escalates (“who more abruptly“). There`s nothing to be done, such we were created by the nature. Girls have competitive relations too, but they are significantly more maleficiated.Boyish collectives are very ruthless
to the weakest members therefore mothers as the former girls can be does just not know it. Mother, only absolutely ignorant of boyish affairs (moreover the young teacher) can tell the son who came home in bruises: “And why you got to fight with it? Would depart from it, time it teased you, and would play to itself(himself) aside!“
B - the third, to boys owing to their bigger restlessness, from - for lags for one or two years in comparison with little girls in development of social norms and rules of conduct more also “gets“ from adults. Well how here not to hesitate for a time to a self-assessment!
the Self-assessment of your son literally is eager for words of approval and support. Especially valuable to almost any boy will be the compliments paid by mother concerning his physical force (which parents have to develop and maintain). “Well done! You at me the real man! You just like the father - the real master! I am proud of you! With you to me it is not terrible during a thunder-storm! Oho, what you strong, and I also did not think! You are such courageous! I believe in you!“ These and similar to them the words told with the corresponding expression will never lose the magic power, even when your little “hare“ will already grow up. You do not stint them.
you, of course, understand that, showing the force and dexterity before mother, the boy thereby studies (let so far and without realizing it) to look after the future darling. Who how not mother, can help with this important issue?Positively supporting with
in the son any manifestation of typically man`s behavior (for example, to hammer a notorious nail, to repair something, dashingly to be passed by bicycle, to show courage in sports game), mother should not go into other extremes and to stop behavior which social stereotypes consider exclusively female. You should not speak to the son derisive tone: “Well for tenderness devchach!“, “That you complain as the little girl!“, “You turn in front of the mirror as the maiden is red“, “Boys are never afraid!“
Probably, it would be not necessary to mention that mother has to teach the son to useful skills: to sew a button, to wash the dishes, to cook potato, to sweep the floor. However, looking at helplessness of some acquaintances in a visit or of armies, you understand that their mothers obviously worked not enough. The real man has to be able to do everything - mother has to put this thought to the son since the childhood. Certainly, actions of the father can be its best confirmation. But if in accordance with the circumstances the father well is only able to speak by phone and to work at the computer, then you can tell the son that the best fashion designers and tailors are men that the vast majority the chief - cooks at restaurants is also men.
By the way, mother can quite involve the son in cooking. Only do not charge it uninteresting and dirty work. Try to turn everything into creative and fascinating game, without forgetting to monitor observance of safety measures at the same time. “And what you still would add to soup?“ “And how you consider, salt has enough?“ “Listen, I can rely on your nose? Choose, please, spices for chicken on your taste“. “Here from this piece of the test you can mold anything, and then we will put it in an oven“. “And who to me will open a jar of canned food?“Life of a city family in all developed countries is arranged to
so that female housework, to feeding and education of children continues to remain in the considerable volume while those male qualities which millions of years in them were put and ground by the nature cannot realize most of the men occupied at the modern enterprises fully. The son does not go with the city father behind production and livelihood to hunting now - fishing, does not prepare hay or firewood for the winter.
In order that the boy had no psychological shift in daily behavior (and behind it and in consciousness) to “a female pole“, give it the chance to show the male activity, physical force. Let learns to drill, hammer nails, to hang up shelves.Someone will tell
: the father or the grandfather has to teach it - and it will be perfect the rights. But very often mother asks to make something the husband because the son “is not able to do it properly yet and everything will spoil“. Try, having held confidential meeting with the husband, to allocate “the man`s ground“ where the son could train and improve safely the skills in your apartment, thinking at the same time what does work, important and necessary for a family. It will be small, but nevertheless the child`s step to adulthood responsible for a family and its needs of the person.
In life everyone and if you bring up the son one, then try to provide it the greatest possible man`s influence - your father, the brother or any another authoritative man for the boy happens. There`s nothing to be done, men`s society is a necessary condition for normal formation of mentality of the boy. And still - whatever there were your relations with the child`s father, never tell to the son anything negative about him...
do not injure the child. Try to leave a position of the victim and, having recognized part of own responsibility for everything that happened, forgive the ex-husband; remember all good that was once between you; do not repeat old mistakes and you look forward - it in your hands. Your future and your son.
Respect for the woman
Mother has to accustom the son to especially valid and attentive attitude towards herself and towards women as soon as possible in general, forming thereby at it man`s consciousness. The boy it is necessary to teach not care and help girls and women, but also to look after them, it is clear and beautiful to show the normal man`s feelings. The sexuality manifestations (understood in the broadest sense) begin nearly in the first class if not earlier. Let your son know that for the boy there are more suitable ways to express the feelings to the girl, than to whack her a portfolio. Best of all for this purpose not notations, but stories of mother about the childhood, about how boys differently rendered her signs of attention will approach and that it was pleasant to her and that is not present; as, eventually, mother was looked after by the father.by
it is noticed Long ago - mothers seldom are ill. Everything is very simple - if on mother the care of the small child lies, then the illness is unattainable luxury. There`s nothing to be done - mother has to be strong, however the speech first of all goes about the sincere force and a responsible adult position. If mother shows the expressed masculine behavior: roughness, rigidity, mandative tone, command style of communication in relation to the husband, it can lead to deep negative transformations in soul of any child, but especially the boy. In particular, at it the mechanism of psychosexual self-identification can be seriously broken. Only near gentle and womanly mother (that it is not necessary to confuse to infantilism and a capriciousness!) the boy can show the male qualities, to be careful, attentive and strong.
Besides, mother has to remember that, just as the father for the girl, and mother for the boy - the first and most important object of an opposite sex which he meets in the life. The image of mother is firmly pressed in his subconsciousness, updated and enriched in process of the son`s growing, and then when the boy becomes a young man, this image will render an essential role at the choice of the companion of life by it. For this reason mother should watch constantly the appearance in order that her son at any time could confirm initial truth: his mother - the most beautiful.
If, dear mothers, you want that your son had no problems with search of couple that the image of the woman was for it a peculiar criterion of high terrestrial beauty, be, please, “in shape“. Of course, you perfectly understand that the cosmetics and clothes play the latest role here, the main thing is your health, health, optimism, vital energy.to Deliver to
the son on legs
As the bird teaches baby birds to fly, both the she-wolf teaches wolf cubs to hunt, and mother of “a human cub“ has to care since the earliest childhood for that her son could stand surely on own legs in literal and figurative sense.
Sometimes, unfortunately, happens so that mother, having sincerely and selflessly devoted all the life to the child (having refused professional activity and being engaged exclusively in “house“), literally attaches him it to herself, unconsciously interferes with his independence and a social growing. It “hangs up“ on it fault what “stays at home“ that it is forced by much to endow, developing eventually at the child various complexes. If it brings up the son one, then sometimes does him completely from itself dependent, attaching to itself and financially and emotionally, trying to compensate thus the loneliness, without understanding at the same time that it turns the son into the henpecked (when he becomes an adult, then she will compete to his girls, constantly to dictate to it and them as how to do).
so far the son needs its guardianship, life of such mother makes sense, and her self-assessment is at the high level. Mother literally “smothers“ the child the love. Something similar happens to girls who want that their kitten or a puppy remained small all the time and demanded care. There is a conflict of reason and feelings.as
Therefore, dear careful mothers if you really wish well to the child if you want that the son respected you not only as mother, but also as the interesting personality, then think of yourself more, work on yourself, mature together with the son. Mother is the most necessary and noble profession in the world. But do not forget at the same time and about other professions, that you not only have the right for the realization in other areas, but it is your duty to be full-fledged mother to the son. If you are happy in personal and in professional life, then will never make of the son of “mother`s darling“.
However do not go into extremes. Those modern business women who, being still pregnant women, everything timed in advance and marked in organizers of the fastest appearance at work, hoping that they will be fully replaced by the qualified and highly paid nurses and governesses, convenient diapers and artificial feeding, very much risk. The child who received less in the earliest childhood of maternal heat and caress, also as well as necessary vitamins, can get sick with “psychological rickets“ that will negatively affect all its adulthood. He will grow up the person or scared and diffident or will become embittered and to nobody trusting. If your financial position allows you to sit with the child until he psychologically gets stronger, then make it.is not present
of norm, Uniform for all children, - depending on character of the child, from quality of the relations of the son and the father, from the general situation in a family this period most often can last from three to five years. And do not worry about career - when the soul is quiet, is worked much better.by
the Own boy
in process of the son`s growing, to mother and the son it is necessary to learn to support an optimum psychological distance. Every year this distance increases, the child has interests, the values, the experience. Mother should try to avoid psychological “adhesion“ with the child, providing it more and more sovereignty every year. You watch that your son had the corner or the room where he could feel like the owner.
Especially accurately and tactfully should behave with the teenager for whom questions of protection of the territory are very actual. Yes, also you watch closely the “senior boy“ - for the father of your son. Demand from it to show the natural programs in his head put millions years ago in our ancestors and which got to us by inheritance to all, and especially to the son, “who in the house an alpha - a male“ that can be fraught with the conflicts. There are fathers who successfully cope with it ancient impulses, but is also such who not really in this case succeeds. So wise mediation of mother can successfully calm down her men.
By the way if you do not understand something in an inner world of your son, in his requirements and motives, in his behavior, ask the father - it - has to know, he was once a boy and in many respects still remains of
All parents, and mothers in particular, have to remember that the child is not your property, as if you wanted it. It should not realize your dreams and desires at all, to carry on family tradition, to embody what in due time you did not manage to make. It - “the own boy“ as the hero of the known animated cartoon “Vacation to Prostokvashino“ spoke. Your task - to help the son to find as soon as possible the unique identity and to realize it. Children have to go further us.
Main that is always necessary for your son, is your love. Let`s remember that in one their the most readable now children and adults of the whole world to the book of the boy by the name of Harry Potter are rescued from death not by(with) magic, but love of his mother. Whatever your son made - he has to know that you will always understand it and support. Even if the whole world will turn away from it, there will be at least one person not this light which always the example it, is mother.