Whether it is easy to be the teenager`s parent?
“It need to be worried. It is inevitable. By such period everyone comes to lives of the children“, - parents of teenagers say. But whether so it? Really, really, this period is so awful? Really it cannot be prevented? Really to it it is impossible to be prepared and live it easy, with pleasure, with interest?
we Will address the near past when our children lay across a bed, began to creep and go, talk and prove to the world that “I“. It was that`s when necessary to begin “education of the teenager“. And to begin, as usual with itself. What needs to be done?
- the Right for a mistake. What the child tried to do, relax and allow it to experiment. Here he clambers on an abrupt ladder, you squeeze heart, but constrain yourself and allow him to make the mistakes and falling. Believe, terrible nothing in this case can happen to it. The child - not the fool. It does only what it is enough today for. He makes the small victory tomorrow to make a new throw.this
A rushes like mad on ice on which the adult goes hardly - hardly (my younger son acts this way). At first I shivered and shouted: “Egor, here ice!“ Then ceased. For the road from the house to a stop it falls several times, rises and again runs, stops, several seconds breathe as the engine and again march - a throw.Children do to
a heap of affairs, and our task to leave behind them the right for a mistake. It is their life. They came to Earth to live it independently. We try to make it for them, preserving and protecting.
- Trust. the Child himself knows what he wants. You noticed what the child tells “I want!“, and the adult “I do not want!“ ? Thought why so occurs and what leads subsequently to? You need only to learn to trust it to desires. If they to you are unclear, “I want“ to find out the reasons of these. It is quite enough to be convinced that “just like that“ the child will do nothing. And if there is an act reason, then why not to make a feat for the sake of the child - to trust in it?!
is his life. Alas, the situation is quite so. As if we wanted to consider that we are necessary to it as air, it is a lie. Or the truth to a certain degree. We are necessary to he (she) exactly so much while he has in us a requirement. And the requirement it is our love. By and large, all this that it is necessary for it.Present to
that before you foreign child. Or in general adult. You will impose it the help, protection, councils, will control its acts, to spread straws, to correct its misses? Is not present? Why? Quite so you treat the child! You will tell: same my child! And what? Means, you a chain which firmly tied him? The whip which is ready to straighten out it at any moment necessary to you means you? The slaveholder who has the right to make everything that will wish with the slave means you?
you as the parent, you can a lot of things, a lot of things. But life for the child is not able to live. And if suddenly you are going to make it, then commit the most serious crime against the child.
- Reciprocal gratitude. So far the small child, we do not wait from it for gratitude. He throws the arms round us a neck, embracing and kissing. The it becomes more senior, the we wait for more gratitude from it. He, on our deep belief (which I am inclined to call nonsense), has to understand WHAT we do for it THAT we do FOR THE SAKE OF it. Yes nothing it (and me including) has to you! We do all this because so we want. And the child it is perfect at anything here. And here we, at last, reached teenage age.
As all - parents should behave with teenagers? Higher and higher told equally treats parents of children of any age. With one small difference. Parents of kids still have temporary odds for experiments. Teenage parents do not have it. Alas: ((
So. To trust, to cease to control, care, to cease to consider what before you little children, to accept, at last, that children - independent adult persons with the right to dispose of own life. To cease to rub the nose of them in shortcomings, outstanding promises, oversights. Notice what is made well, and do not focus attention on what is made badly. Re-read Kurdyumov. He perfectly writes about it.
I, at last, having opened a mouth to read the notation, to make the remark, to teach lives, count mentally to 10, look at yourself, it is possible in a mirror, and ask yourself a question: I am ideal (is ideal)?
A close a mouth now and keep silent. >
it is hard for p to Accept such things. Besides, if the small child submitted to yours of the requirement, then matured will do everything on the contrary, aggravating a task, already difficult for parents. But I know: you will cope. You will cope because I believe in you because your children - the best and beautiful creatures on light believe in you.
Forming respect for the child, not breaking into his life as an elephant in a crockery bench, you will create such powerful reserve for the future of which you did not even dream. Except skills: independence, ability to take the responsibility, to make the decision etc., you receive huge synovyyu an official message of thanks. Children will become your friends. You want such relations? Then begin right now. And it is not important how many years to children. To change itself, my dear parents, never late.