The girl from the World behind the looking-glass of
“I categorically against!“ - mother the day before told me. - “Categorically! You have nothing to do!“
It is morning began for me very much early. It could begin later, but, at five o`clock I opened eyes, and thought of where I will go today, did not allow to fall asleep any more. To me it was terrible, children. I never got up face to face with a children`s grief earlier. So close. Povorochavshis with a side sideways, I got up and began to write down some children`s rhymes and riddles which for some reason began to arise in the head. We were going to bring to children a holiday. Small fairy tale. Because soon New year. Thought out the scenario, sewed suits, learned rhymes and songs.
Still after dark left the house. On the street not a soul - Sunday. Snow, snow, silence and beauty of the sleeping city. Dark windows, white streets. Even there are no traces yet - all sleep. In the subway - lonely passengers. It is interesting what turns out people in the winter Sunday morning? The road seems infinitely long the subway, a minibus, and actually - the next suburb. Minutes ten from the city of all.It is necessary to
- I never knew that we in the city have such hospital. It is surprising how it is possible, the only hospital of such profile in the city, and never nothing I heard republican value about it. There is an office where children who have no parents are treated. More true - children are treated there and live. Because there are no parents at all. Neither good, nor bad, any. There is a hospital, instead of the house, and tutors, doctors, nurses. And there is even no orphanage. Only these walls.Were shaken out by
from the warm bus, looked round. A reference point - gas station. Means, were not mistaken. Saw the road, somewhere nearby there has to be our today`s purpose. Strange place. Desert, silent. We pass some constructions, it is similar - a motor transport service, and all. I see nothing any more. Approaching the hospital building, I did not see around houses. Some snow-covered heathland. And same silence. The fear was for some reason replaced by tranquility.
is Sent - nice light buildings, behind an easy fence. Nice arbors, it is obvious to children`s walks. The ladder, flight upward and, suddenly the silence hanging over us all road is interrupted by children`s voices. I involuntarily listen - I hear children`s laughter. Silver hand bell. I hear, and I catch myself that for some reason I try to guess who it laughs, what it, the owner of this ringing golosochk. When we were going to go here, I did not understand what age there will be children. Told - from 2 to 8.the Office which to us was allowed to visit turned out
very light, obviously recently and well repaired. Directly in the hall - aquariums, in them big and beautiful turtles, goldfishes. And any hospital smell. Beautiful doors in chambers. That it is hospital, tells only a medical post at an entrance on office. I do not manage to consider anything any more - we are quickly seen off to the big and beautiful hall that we could organize in it suitable, fantastic, space. And to try to become fantastic heroes. Heroes for an hour. The fairy tale of an hour. As all - differently goes time. Here it is felt very sharply. At each of kids with whom we came to play the counting.
Brought children, my God, what they are small! A flock of the become silent vorobyshk. Boys, girls, light “hedgehogs“, hairstyles, “tails“, all elegant, beautiful. Hold each other by hands. And eyes, eyes, twenty five pairs of children`s eyes. Live, attentive, gray, blue, brown... I look at them, they at us - in eyes - delight. In eyes - expectation of a miracle. They calmed down, stood waiting for that miracle which to them was promised when they told that to them there will arrive “guests“.
If it is honest, I was not ready, perfectly. It turned out that any understanding of “a problem of anybody`s children“ any “sympathy from far away“, no “feasible financial participation“, any “school for foster parents“ and even experience of own roditelstvo can prepare for this meeting. Or it only with me so left? But these, open to you towards children`s eyes in which the infinite trust, this children`s openness and sincerity, this simple pleasure and belief in a miracle which lives in these eyes is read just stunned me. And me burned with shame. It became infinitely a shame to me with the safe, measured, quiet, in general, life. For, everyday, petty, chagrin, for own uselessness. It is a shame here before these kids.
Strange we are people - adults. We hurry, rush about, upset, we are anxious, “we resolve issues“, we rejoice, we create between times, resembling we destroy, and infinitely we discuss something. Also we consume, we consume... constantly being in process of improvement of quality of the life. Pits, apartments...
In ten minutes from St. Petersburg the hospital for HIV - the infected children is. These five-year-old children to whom we went carry in themselves a fatal virus. Which clockwork can work at any time. Someone can live with it decades. Someone much less. They grow in walls of this hospital, little hostages of the misfortune. And you know that, children? It is possible to learn from them to rejoice! You would see how willingly with what pleasure children responded to any our offers! As joined in the offered games as vividly guessed riddles and listened to our simple rhymes. As with a laughter floated in the thought-up river. With what pleasure pasted paper flowers on a leaf of a Whatman paper and as carefully passed then the “clearing“ created just. You would see what delight in them was caused by the simple sets of felt-tip pens distributed as prizes. Paints which we with them splashed palms according to a huge leaf of a Whatman paper. Color sand which they “built“ the sandy lock. The rainbow found in the end of the game from color spheres which it is possible to play. You would see... Them, simple things please. And us?When game was finished with
, to us allowed to remain for a while, to get acquainted with children.
Was all minutes fifteen on this acquaintance, children have a mode. They left then to walk. And we needed to leave. On the street children surrounded us and, on different voices, the question began to sound: “And you still will come?“.
“And you still will come?“ - the little girl who incidentally in the course of game appeared together with me and with whom I communicated the short 15 minutes given us before leaving asked me. Gold. Wise eyes. Warm, trustful kid. Proud, with feeling of the advantage the girl. There`s a good lad. When she saw off us, strong holding me by a hand, the huge dog who, probably, protects the territory behind gate of hospital approached us. Approached, it was stuck with a nose into Zlatino a coat. A dog - honor with growth about the girl. I strained, and the child quietly stroked a dog on the head. And the dog departed. Then Zlatka raised to me eyes - look, and I am not afraid! The boys who carefully departed away began to make a racket: “If you look, then you look - it is not afraid!“.“I am not afraid of
!“ - the girl repeated, the voice rang out and got stronger. - “I courageous and strong!“ . Here, children, here I nearly broke. Because there was a wish to howl in a voice. Because she is a little, lonely girl. Because she does not understand yet what it was pushed off by life with. Courageous and strong. Even earlier, on office, I asked it: “You have very beautiful name, Gold, you know why you are so called?“ She told: “No“. - “Because you are a golden girl. Very much - very good girl. You know?“ - “Yes“, - Zlatka answered. - “You, the sun, probably, loves also Gold?“ - She for a minute reflected, eyes were lit by a smile: “Yes, loves, I love the sun too, I draw it!“
the good, kind, clever, developed children. It is very visible that care for them that with them are engaged. And all - sounds this simple children`s question: “And you still will come?“As it it is necessary for
that to them came. That played with them, took on hands, kissed. Tickled, threw in air, plaid about. Drew together. That it was possible for someone it is proud to tell - look, I am courageous! And that it was estimated. That this small still, fragile life, it would be possible to divide with someone. Though for a while. And you know how many they give in exchange!
When I went home, surrounding it seemed to me unreal. Adult, big people. It is a lot of big and adult... All efficiently walk somewhere, hurry. And I together with them. Group, loudly laughing youth. Couple discussing purchases near me. Booths, booths, color magazines, glossy covers, music from windows of stalls. Calls of mobile. Christmas tree decorations on little tables at the subway. The kid who is exactingly crying for some reason and mother consoling him. Everywhere buyers, New Year`s Eve vanity are pounded. The city woke up. Heat of Sunday. But for some reason all as if in a curve mirror.Zlatk, Zlatk`s
. Brave heart. The little girl who got lost in the World behind the looking-glass.