Rus Articles Journal

How to refuse to the child of

- Buy!. Buy!. Buy!.
- I already told you: “Is not present!“
- And - and - and - and - and!
- we Will go from shop!
- I Want a toy! And - and - and - and...
- Enough! you will receive Nothing!. We go! there is no
-!. Buy!. And - and...

Mother with the warped person drags the shouting child on steps down, far away from toys and sellers with the silent condemning persons.

the Conflict will continue at home. The kid will try to recoup on something: will not want to eat the favourite porridge or will begin to complain without cause.


he is familiar.“ You read clever books, - the husband says to me, - here and think up something“.

I thought up

I as it is possible to refuse to the child his request, without offending him and without injuring mentality.

Here several councils which, perhaps, will be useful to mothers and fathers: the Word “no“ I never use

  1. in conversation with the child. “No“ plunges the kid into a trance. “No“ “never“ means. Never to hold to it in hand of this toy, not to play with it. It is possible that in consciousness of the child the thought will be postponed:“ In life there are things which I am not worthy“.
  2. I speak with the kid most vaguely: perhaps we will probably try provided that...
  3. I empathize the kid, whether it be pleasure or grief. the Child has to feel: mother will always understand, mother will always support.
  4. I speak at the level of the child. With the three-year-old peanut we will speak one language, with ten-year-old, naturally, on another, hoping for consciousness and logic more.
  5. Presentation. the Kid does not perceive abstract, abstract concepts: expensively - it is cheap, late - early. For it it is an empty phrase.
  6. Choice illusion. the Kid asks to buy the machine. “At you there is a lot of machines, and here you had no such stickers yet. What it is pleasant to you more: with a yellow camel or with a pink elephant?“ . The attention is switched. The kid leaves shop happy: bought it something brand new. Together we discuss a question where we will paste it: on a case or on a box with toys. Behind these reflections the kid completely forgets that he wanted.
  7. I try to switch attention to what already is. “Yes, you have no doll with gold hair, but there are dolls with long hair, the dolls able to speak, eat a doll which is able to suck a small bottle are dolls rubber, dolls rag etc. How many dolls we counted!“ .

So, we wind off time tape to entrances to the Toy Store, to department of toys back and again.

Me, the adult, this abundance of toys enters into a stupor. Bright rich colors force to blink. And forms! Big boxes with designers and the railroad, small boxes with cubes and robots, machines of all flowers and appointments, dolls in the shining dresses, the soft toys able to speak and what animals are only not present?! Crocodiles, bears, dogs nearly full-scale. All this can be touched, taken in hand and even a little bit to play. And how many buttons! If to begin here on this, it is interesting what the toy will do? We are surrounded by the fantastic world, the world where the child where everything is made under the kid reigns... “Take me, touch... buy!“ - each toy speaks.

of an Eye at my kid at first extend. His sight cannot catch all this colourful abundance, but eyes cannot long remain widely open and slowly begin to be focused on some toy. Perhaps, this toy purely incidentally came into the view or the kid consciously chose it among hundreds of others - not very well. He costs and looks. I stand too and I look. I am silent.

For myself I all toys divided

into five categories:

  1. Expensive toys.
  2. Gift.
  3. Nonfunctional.
  4. Toys which already are,
  5. the Inexpensive developing games.

Depending on to what category the toy gets, I also carry on dialogue.


After three-minute silence, on an exhalation, with entreaty says the phrase: “Mother, and you will buy me this toy?“. “You like this toy too?“ - I ask. “Yes!“ - my miracle beloved exclaims.“ Yes, a beautiful toy“, - I confirm again.

1. Let`s assume, the child chose very expensive toy.

- Look at

, this toy can do so and so. In it very difficult mechanism. That is why this toy costs so much. To buy it, our father has to work 10 days, and we should not eat and drink, and save up money for this toy. How you think, this toy is worth it that for the sake of it is not, not to drink within 10 days?

Other option.

- This toy costs so much how many all your toys combined. We can collect all your toys, repair and exchange for one, this. And you instead of toys which are at home, at the dacha at the grandmother will have only one. You agree?

we Will assume

, the kid agreed. Then go home and begin to repair toys. To repair toys together with the kid - business good, but for certain some details are lost, broken and process will be dragged out. It is important that the kid sees that you share his enthusiasm concerning a toy and you try to help it.

2. The child chose rather expensive toy, but as it is quite acceptable a gift for New year or birthday.

- Let`s write the letter to Father Frost. Perhaps, he will also present this wonderful toy to you for New year.


- Let`s agree: we will present this toy to you on Birthday.
- And why not now?
- You well done! Chose a remarkable toy! And as any good thing it costs much and that to buy it, we with the father will need to save money for its purchase. I think that to your birthday we will collect the necessary sum.

3. Nonfunctional toys; then will forget toys which the child will play one - two times and.

- Yes, it is the wonderful fluffy leveret! And it rozovenky and even carrot in pads has ears! You know whom he reminded me? A little mouse whom you were presented by the aunt Sveta. Our so soft little mouse fluffy, and in pads - a ball. He, poor, stayed all winter on a case, and nobody about it remembered. Probably, he misses you. You want, I to you will get it? And carrot as at this hare, ourselves to him will make. How you think what it is possible to make carrot of?
Attention is switched.

4. Toys which already are. For example, the child asks the hundred first machine.

- Yes, you have no red truck, you are right. And what trucks you have? Big blue is? Is. Small green is? Is. The black truck without wheels is? Is. By the way, I saw wheels at the dacha. And you saw? It will be necessary to go on Saturday on the dacha. Weather costs remarkable. Let`s invite Egor?

5. The developing games: lotto, checkers, cubes, designers, various puzzles, Nikitin`s games etc. If the kid asks and means allow, I with pleasure will buy a toy and we together will play.

to be able to refuse to

and at the same time I learn not to offend another - business thin and I to it. If with the kid I can restrain, then with adults it is more difficult for me. Agree, it is so easy to tell “no“ instead of long building the phrase which will not offend your interlocutor and will help to keep the relations.