The diary of tired mother
you never visits feeling of disappointment itself? Well, when it seems to you what all of you do not so what you are a bad mother, the wife, the woman? I have some absolute differences of mood recently: from excessively positive to a breakdown. I think, it is connected from the fatigue which collected by spring. You read others mailings about children, you read own “correct“ mind, you read recommendations of psychologists, responses of mothers, and you understand - you all - you do everything not so, incorrectly. And the main thing that even at the moment when you do it, you already then realize that you arrive incorrectly, but... If only I was not I.
All these thoughts led me to writing of the following diary which I decided to publish. I do not know as far as it will be interesting to you, but I thus try to understand myself. I hope, this diary will help me. Or perhaps and to you too.
There now, days off and behind. And, above all, has not a rest at all: again cleaning, shopping... Well it is fine, it is necessary to rise, and that Max raznylsya: “Mothers, give Kasya, mothers give Kasya.“
Pancake, again on the street pushed Sasha. And what with it to do? Specially took away it from children, so she approached. And the main thing, is so unexpected everything: ran up and pushed. And I stood and looked, how in the slowed-down cinema. So by the head about asphalt it was put. Explanations do not help. Took away from him the car, gave to Sasha as compensation for a loss. As a result two heart-rendingly shouting children. It, of course, returned the car. And here conclusions, I am afraid, made wrong.
I Know everything, I know. In a different way it is necessary, good and caress. But it is impossible so. And as, I do not know any more. Here if I was not I, and the shrewd psychologist, here then. And so...
fell asleep under “Teletubbies“ Again. And what to do? In any does not want, only if with me. And I cannot lie with it any more. I and so, apart from morning coffee, for the two first time eat and if also to stack it... I know that it is necessary arrangements and cunning. He fell asleep week itself, and then gave a weak point, here he also sleeps only under the TV now. Eh, I am afraid, sight will spoil. But I have no forces after the street also to stack it. Here if I was not I, and the woman who does not have feelings of hunger and fatigue...Umor`s
. Told that the Baba-yaga good - good and that he loves it strongly - strongly:-).the Father read
to it “The wizard of the Emerald city“. Well and who at it the favourite heroine? Certainly, Gingem:-). But the fairy tale, it seems, is pleasant. Found on the card in North America Strashila, the Woodcutter and a lion. Delights!
Inka bragged that Dasha, thanks to a garden, polite very much: thanks, please, etc. And we and without garden such:-). No, well the truth, also did not teach specially anything of that kind: and “thanks“ without reminder speaks. And recently listened and understood that it “atatos“ on my sneezes, appears, no other than “be healthy“. Hokhma!
Went into a hysterics that I to it cooked not that porridge. He - wanted semolina. And I cannot cook every day it: advantage - that it slightly. Exposed from - for a table. Shouted so that it was necessary to be closed in a bathroom not to make that there was a wish most of all. Stood under a door and shouted, irritating me even more. Here if I was not I, but another - kind, soft and tender, not such irritable shrew... Yes, morning began well what put future prepares for us?
All! I will not go to the street any more!!! Where Max, there tears. Sprinkled Yaroslav with sand, fought with Bogdan. Sasha does not approach any more: - (.
Dropped out in a deposit. Showed coral small fishes on the map, he speaks:“ Here still small fishes coral“, - also sticks into an opposite corner of the card. It was verified with an inscription, however, they. Asked the husband, thought, maybe, he showed, no, itself saw, remembered and analysed that it is the same small fishes. Well and observation! Found an ant size about a grain of sand today. To be stunned! Or from height of their growth is simply best and best of all more visible to them?vskazal that it me is strong - strongly loves, nearly shed a few tears from affection. And still told that I good both the father good, and the woman good and all good:-).
was Drawn Wednesday. Eh, me most to learn not to be angry with it for unwillingness to draw. And that I advise here in mailing, and at a finger in the pie. The main thing, you do not want - refuse at once, and that at first agrees, and then begins to otkolupyvat facing at a table, to jump on a corner, anything, if only not to draw. Well, became angry, of course, told everything that I think of it. Again in a bathroom sat. As a result he went outside, to put it mildly, not in the spirit of. Naturally, got to children. Mummies begin to be angry: - (. Here if I was not I...
was Collected by a puzzle from 15 - ti pieces, without me. I am proud!!
Got cubes in the form of the combined picture. Mother, too, guessed to present. Six cubes, pictures such that I from the first could not understand that to what. Showed it one. I don`t think! Itself picked up from the first! Yes, nevertheless I underestimate it, the clever guy, pancake.
Rolled down by car from a ramp in shop. And I saw everything, but as if I was dumbfounded. Even did not undertake anything. The person was smeared on a wall. Gloom. Roth full of blood, and I stand and I do not know what to do. To the house far. To acquaintances it is inconvenient to go, I am afraid to listen spellbound, and suddenly beat out teeth. And stood as the silly woman. Well, the cleaner suggested to come into a utility room, washed, allowed to drink. It seems, teeth are whole. Here only a lip to a chin. Here, if I was not I, I surely would react in time, would not stand as the sitting duck, and undertook something.Told
on the grandmother that it is Baba-yaga: - (. Though, maybe, not to be upset, nevertheless this old woman at it the hero.
did not sleep Again. Could not fall asleep till three in the night, and then woke up in eight, and everything, a dream not in one eye. Moreover Max comes in the middle of night and sleeps with us. He sleeps literally on me. I try to be unhooked somehow, as a result I sleep in legs at the men. Max - across a sofa. And still demands that I slept surely facing it, otherwise aches.
A still this its very bad manner to drive hands on me. It is clear, that small motility develops, probably:-). But I - that do not sleep, feelings as though the fly creeps. Half awake I too bad. Began to bellow that took away hands. Helps, but for a while. And sometimes in addition and begins to cry.
Here if I was not I, then I would accustom him to sleep independently. And so my cowardice to all fault. How many times tried, but it means at half of the night to sit at it in the room, to calm, hold for the handle. Slabachka!
Took out the motorcycle on the street. Naturally, all children stuck around it as flies. And naturally Max drove away them: dragged for scarfs, pushed. Tried to drag it, went into such hysterics:“ My, my, my“, - shouted, hardly held. Result: more nobody approaches the motorcycle: - (. However, though rolled all in turn. And on that thanks. And how to be: it is indeed it, I cannot take away by force. And on the other hand, beastliness so to behave. Here, if I was not I, I would know how to arrive.
Got pencils which Father Frost in “Peter Pan“ presented it. Remembers! To be stunned! There passed more than three months, and he tells that to it “the grandfather Mose in a penalty fee adadit it“. Well and memory!
Got “Puppet theater on a table“. Laziness was to tell most, allowed it to play. Listened, and he “Hans and Gretel“ tells in persons. Here it! My clear head.
could not fall asleep Again. Went to Max. I know that it is wrong, but so there was a wish to embrace him, to feel him nearby. Pancake, itself I do not know what I want:-).
Went into a terrible hysterics on the street from - for the fact that the boy sat down on “his“ swing. Tried to explain that it is not its, but the general. Without results. Came to an end in the fact that the child conceded to it. I was against, and still allowed. Incorrectly, now it acquired that it is worth going into a hysterics, and everything will be on it. Here if I was not I, would not allow it to achieve the. At any cost.
As the curtain fell on the street got into the only pool in all yard. I decided that I nothing terrible, specially put on rubber boots, and Max promised that he will go very quietly. Did not sustain, began to lap. Tried to pull out, could not. Again lost heart. Came to an end in the fact that fell flatwise. Wet from head to foot. Shouted all road so far bore. As soon as stepped for a threshold, nerves did not sustain.
Of course, everything that I wanted did not make, but also it is enough to be tormented with a remorse long. I promised myself that it will NEVER occur. Occurred. Thrust into a bathtub, did not talk to it. Sat in a bathroom dejectedly, then raised eyes and told: “Forgive“. Of course, I forgave all.
In effect what it is guilty of. Here, if I was not I, then I would pull out it from a pool at once, despite all protests, dragged home, quietly explained everything. But I finished a situation before, and then recouped on the child.
the Mother-in-law gave “valuable“ advice: it turns out as soon as he begins to behave badly, it is necessary to carry him home, despite all protests. There to explain that if he wants to walk, then has to behave differently: to obey, not to offend children. I told that it is correct, but there is a wish that he took a breath.“ And you then go for a walk again. And so, yet will not understand. Better ten times to rise by the fifth floor, but Maxim will understand“. Probably.for
Yes, it is a pity that I am I, but not the world champion in weightlifting or, at the worst, to a kernel throwing. Then rise on the fifth floor with 13 - kg Max would not seem to me such terrible start. I think that after the fifth rise with the getting-out Max I will begin to rush on children that they left and did not provoke the presence of my son.Collected by
a puzzle from 24 - x pieces. In principle it turns out, but it will collect two detalka and climbs on the Swedish wall, then two more, and around me begins to jump. Then plays about. Gave on buttocks. Cooled a heat. Incorrectly, of course. But calmed down, sat down, and so well collected everything. There is a clear head. Though there are I - not I, I would find other way to distract it
A still, it appears, he is able to count up to ten. Read councils here, and let`s steps consider at an entrance. And now I look, and he climbs on a wall and considers. In total - something is postponed at them there.
Came on a visit the grandmother, my mother. Too said a lot of things, generally that we spoiled him. Here it is only interesting why when Sasha tries at her presence of Max though somehow to take in hand, it the first rushes on protection of the grandson. Max beats her, Sashka brings up.“ Well you, Sasha, he small, it is not necessary. It will outgrow“.
Max showed willingness to go to visit to the grandmother. Ha - ha, did not get out. Promised to reduce since morning it in church tomorrow, to prichastit. Perhaps though I will sleep.
As it got all garbage on an entrance to collect! One pleases: takes stubs and “extinguishes“ them, and then only throws. And where saw? How thought? Yes, even in such nonsense there is a development.
Slept Hurrah! for Sunday! Did not sleep, no, but though has a sleep. Mother, however, spoiled mood. Came with Max from church, and from a threshold let`s state that I could and come for them, with it it is so heavy, and so on. Certainly, told it everything that I think about grandmothers in general and about it in particular. It is a shame! Here if I was not I, then I would treat more tolerantly similar things, accepting everything as due.by
Made clear-out, prepared to eat. Days off ended. And tomorrow all at first.
Remembered the movie American. I do not remember the name. There Bruce Willis plays also Elijah Wood small. The essence is that Wood`s hero decided to change parents for more attentive. And Willis (an easter rabbit) helps it with it. After change of various silly families Wood`s hero gets to ideal. Such as it is necessary. As a result he understands that it needs his nonideal mother and the father. My God, bless America with their movies for all occasions!
Of course if I was not I, and ideal mother from yogurt advertizing, I:
- was never tired; with
- as a result, it was never irritated;
- as a result, did not break on Max;
- was not mistaken;
- as a result, it would not be tormented with a remorse, reveling in the ideality;
- as a result, would not make a bigger mistake, vyklyanchivy at Max of forgiveness for the failures, saying that mother bad.
Here only then I was BY NE Ya! And, probably, Max would be another. And I do not need other Maxim. I love, very best. And I believe that he reciprocates to me. Parents are not chosen. And all of us are mistaken. And in it there is nothing terrible because it is life. The main thing - at least to seek to approach the ideal. But not to worry if it not really turns out. The main thing is our love. And not to take away it from us. Yes, everything - is good that I am I!
P. S. The story was written nearly two years ago. A lot of things changed since then: my son grew up, I came to work, but thought that here if... visits me and now.