About the reasons of children`s whims and hysterics (part 2) of
the First part of article can be read here.
B than the reason of what it is difficult for many parents to accept a svoyegorebenka it what it is, and, instead of the organization of the environment, naiboleesootvetstvuyushchy to requirements of its development at control you rebenkalit in special cases, it is easier for them to influence the kid the means of an isposobama of education modeling his future personality?
It is subjective the reason - in those conditions of education in which to prishlosrazvivatsya to parents of the child. As often mothers and the fathers dissatisfied with how they were brought up by own parents, to a mistake povtoryayutta already with the children!
Objectively sources of this problem seem in a position of the ofitsialnoypedagogika which took idea of a formiruyushchegoobucheniye as a basis of development of the child: approach at which the pupil will never surpass a svoyegouchitel. The child is considered as the defective adult who differs from the last only in what everything does worse. The point of view of official pedagogics on disclosure of the individualnogopotentsial put in the child from the birth is simple: vsemidostupny means “to squeeze“ the kid in a framework, zaraneepredopredelenny the tutor, the teacher. Consequences - whims, hysterics, at more advanced age - neurosises.the American psychologist U. Bronfenbrenner in the book “Children in the USA ISSSR“ with surprise describes
how easily our, Russian, compatriots enter communication with other people`s children, and comes to a kzaklyucheniye that, apparently, education of children - lyubimoyenatsionalny occupation at Russians.
However education to education discord. If as much as possible to a skhematizirovatvsa ways of communication of adults with children, then it is possible to allocate the shestyosnovny parameters characterizing emotional otnosheniyevzrosly to the child (acceptance - rejection), organizatsiyupovsednevny communication (an ogranichitelstvo - a razreshitelstvo) an iotnosheniye of parents and tutors to own decisions (discrepancy - consistency).
the Combination of these parameters will also be that style of communication with the child which is preferred by the adult and which analysis will help ponyatyistok of children`s whims and hysterics, and also neurosises if process of “wedging“ of the child went too far.by
as a result of rejection and an ogranichitelstvo at at the same time vysokoyprotivorechivost of parental requirements it is formed nevroticheskiytip the identity of the child. To development of neurosis of fear privoditemotsionalny rejection of the child by adults, significant for it, an atakzha a large number of restrictions and bans, the tormozyashchikhpostupatelny movement of the child on the way of realization of its abilities. Hysterical neurosis develops as a result of superacceptance of an iogranichitelstvo with simultaneous discrepancy of requirements.
children, whose parents Most aggressively behave or do not accept them vospitateliemotsionalno, at the same time, “nothing is impossible“, “vsemozhno“. Today what was possible yesterday is impossible, yesterday abused for what praise today for and that will be tomorrow, it is still unknown as parents or tutors it is not aware yet what they will have a mood tomorrow.Children whose parents emotionally accept them do not impose on
kny inconsistent requirements, but at the same time limit ikhissledovatelsky activity, trying shape, sformirovatzhelatelny for people around, differ in rather horosheysotsialny fitness, are not inclined to whims and hysterics, but, at the same time, they are inspired, dependent on opinion of people around, are dependent.
Emotional acceptance of the child, a razreshitelstvo (with control vosoby cases), consistency daily reasonable, dostupnykhdlya understanding of the child, requirements lead to independent, autonomous behavior of the child of younger preschool age, promote painless separation from significant adults, formation of own internal position of the child, acceptance of that subsequently, as a result of development of game behavior, a pomogayetrebenka to understand and accept others.
At the same time, the children who did not endure a stage of office from others, children who were not accepted by the people, dearest to them, plokhoosoznat the purposes and requirements of people around, at them badly razvitovoobrazheny, they hardly understand and accept a possibility of a drugoytochka of sight, sposobamideyatelnost do not own independent, individual. The earlier adults try “to squeeze“ the child in collective, forcing to respect collectivist values, the it is less than chances that such child will be able to become a polnotsennymuchastnik of collective activity, the it is more than veroyatnostformirovaniye of neurotic type of the personality.
Thus, we considered several complementary points of view which are not contradicting each other, and more likely on the reasons of emergence udety whims and hysterics: inability of parents and tutors govorits the kid in his language - game language, persuasive behavior of the adults trying to influence the child not his adequate vozmozhnostyamsredstvo and in the ways of education, neurotic style obshcheniyavzrosly and the child.
the Recommended literature:
- A. I. Zakharov. Neurosises at children and psychotherapy. - SPb.: Union, 1998.
- E. E. Kravtsova. Wake in the child of the wizard. - M.: Education: Educational literature, 1996.
- M. Montessori. Help me to make it. - M.: Izdat. house “Peanut“, 2000.
- N. N. Palagina. Imagination at the source. - M.: Institute of practical psychology, 1997.