Rus Articles Journal

The father`s daughter of

If at you was born to the daughter, then know that all fathers who have only sons very much envy you.

a stereotype, Widespread in the past, that the son - the successor - the main wealth of the father, gradually loses the relevance. Even more often in a family the daughter becomes special pride of the father. And though there are no cardinal differences in modern system of training of boys and girls, fathers have to know that it is not simple to bring up the girl at least because it let and small at all, but the woman, so, absolutely another.

the Existing diagnostic aids allow to learn

at early stages of pregnancy who at you will be born - the girl or the boy. And you, dear future father, can begin to bring up the daughter, without waiting when she is born. In - the first, create in the house such atmosphere at which both the wife, and future child will feel at rest, safety and harmonies with the world. Both of your girls, and big, and still absolutely small, have to feel that they are loved. In - the second, you can talk to the baby, sing her songs. Be sure, she hears you (it is proved scientifically).

Main - your daughter long before the birth has to know that it is looked forward also love. Your efforts will not go to waste. When the daughter is born, for certain her first question to mother will be: “And who this handsome man with such remarkable voice who sang to me songs, - really my father?“

your daughter is your princess. You can always kiss her, embrace, pat on the back, tell gentle and tender words or just express the admiration of beautiful hairpins in hair or braids with air bows. Know that the fathers having only sons are deprived of such opportunity and awfully you are envied.

the Conductor to the world of men

the Modern father can break down one more patriarchal stereotype which says that the main thing in training of the girl is a housekeeping. Dear fathers, do not allow the daughters to get stuck psychologically on a female half of your house. Become for the daughter the first teacher of natural study, natural sciences and physical culture. Teacher tactful, attentive, careful.

Who is better than

also tekhnichny fathers will teach the daughter to float and dive, use a mask and a tube, will train in methods of self-defense, will show how to be guided in the wood and to make fire. Who else how not the father, will remove a barrier before difficult modern household appliances, will teach to use the computer, the camera?

However special and, perhaps, the most important mission of the father consists in acquainting the daughter with the man`s world. The father has to show to the daughter that a man`s half is not for it hostile that man`s and female began at the same time both different and equivalent. For the daughter the father - the person in “someone else`s team“, he will help it to gain an impression about what is a man`s look, the word and business.

the Father has to know

that, being most often the first object of an opposite sex for the daughter, he is unconsciously fixed by it in the earliest childhood as ideal model of the man. If this “printing“ of an image happens successfully and it when the daughter reaches teenage age, “will confirm“ the authority again, then, having become adult, she will look for the husband similar to the father, sometimes even without realizing it.

Moreover if the father creates at the daughter positive idea of men in general, then in adulthood of its relation with them will safely develop.

In psychology even such concept - “a fatherly figure“ is. So designate those who will be in the child`s life, and then and the adult to play a role of the leader, head, chief, authority. The school teacher - the man, the principal, the teacher in higher education institution, the chief at work can be a fatherly figure. Communicating with these people, we unconsciously transfer to them those relations which at us in the childhood developed with the father.

Be afraid to become

the father of whom the child is afraid. The authority of the father and the authority of the person with a belt - concepts different. If the child is afraid of you, then, most likely, he will quail before the teacher, will be afraid of the chief, will not be able to argue the point of view or to ask increases to a salary. Revolting against the father in the childhood most often will continue to subvert authorities and on adulthood.

Try to create and keep good relations with the daughter. Be at first a friend, and then already the parent. Doing compliments of the maturing daughter, you raise her self-assessment and confidence in own forces. Thereby you almost with guarantee will provide it the normal constructive relations with those with “fatherly figures“ which will meet in her independent life.

Overcoming of children`s fears

One of the main tasks of the father - the help to the child in overcoming of numerous children`s fears by it. It is hard to say who feels more fears - the boy or the girl. Probably, there are no essential distinctions. More likely, they are in our cultural stereotypes. Unwritten norms the girl is allowed to be afraid more than to the boy. But the same norms order to the father to exist the most fearless person.

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In modern psychology developed a set of techniques of the help to the children suffering from different fears, but parents, and in particular the father, - most important and effective “instrument“ of their overcoming. It has to show to the daughter that world around stable, predictable and safe. It is necessary to inspire it not by lecturing, and own behavior and mood.

Track

that from your lexicon expressions disappeared “I am afraid that“, “to me it is terrible …“, “and you are not afraid that …“. Try to frighten never the girl by “the terrible uncle with a bag“, “the militiaman who will take away“, “a greyish top which will grab by a flank“. You watch that the terrifying stories which came to us from time immemorial did not come across to it and which were not always created for small children. Trace what animated cartoons are watched by your daughter - do not pass to the house and in soul of the child of awful monsters - the mutants continuously revenging someone and professors - the maniacs seeking to subordinate all to the evil will.

If your daughter enters teenage age, then be aware of to what music she listens and that reads. At the same time you should not turn into the house despot limiting and controlling each step of the child. On the contrary, show to the daughter how many in the world interesting and beautiful.

It is unconditional, the surrounding reality is far from an ideal. Therefore try to train the daughter to count possible risk and to avoid dangerous situations. Teach her to estimate quietly from the point of view of safety of different places the area, where do you live, teach to ask for help, show it several methods of self-defense, available to its age (and not only power). Remember that you have to be wiser and thin teacher, than some friends of your daughter. Teach her to refuse, and to refuse effectively (that then she was not teased), different doubtful offers.

I do not hesitate to show the daughter the physical force, having taken care, of course, that it was. Your daughter has to see and know since the early childhood that her main defender - the strongest person near whom it is always quiet.

Punishment: as far as it is effective

to Beat or not to beat? - resolving this issue, remember that the words “punishment“ and “execution“ single-root. And it is not important, you beat with a hand, a belt, prygalka, the word or the “angered“ power field, all of you equally beat. The famous American family psychologist Virginia Satir, working with adults, considered situations when one person stood on a chair, and another squated nearby and looked up. Thereby physical interaction of the little man and big, and sometimes in addition and terribly shouting parent was modelled. “Well as to you, comfortably? - asked the one who was below. - What do you feel now?“ You can do the same at home to look at a situation with the child`s eyes. Present for a second what is created in soul of the little girl when the huge man raises or shouts at it.

you want

that her small brain drew approximately such conclusion: “Time I am punished, so my behavior is not effective. If I do not want that I was beaten that shouted at me, I have to reconsider immediately the values and priorities and to modify the behavior in the constructive party“.

Well, good desire. But in practice which, as we know, is criterion of truth, the brain of the small child frightened, rushing about in panic thinks approximately so:“ For me it is very terrible, sick and offensive, I cannot think now. I want only one - that all this stopped rather! I do not want to be afraid of darling (the father or mother)! I am not loved! They do not want that I was!“ The brain of the little person moreover in a condition of a severe stress, thinks not as the adult`s brain. Think of it.

As psychologists testify, you can punish the child until it depends on you, but then all life it can punish you. What to do? Not to punish, and to bring up and train. And it is desirable to begin with itself. Honestly admit: “If my child does something incorrectly, so I badly teach him. Therefore, I should learn to do it more effectively!“

Telling

about inadmissibility of physical punishment, it is possible to remember very good reception allowing to support father`s authority up to standard. It is possible to call this reception “the playing lion“ - in game, pottering with the child, you can, to mutual pleasure, carefully show the physical force, growl, “bite“, squeeze, scratch a bristle, observing, certainly, borders and a measure. Thereby you at the subconscious level of ancient congenital archetypes let the daughter know who here “the leader of pack“.

All this

it is fair for children of both floors, however at education of the girl, future girl and woman, the father needs to be especially attentive and delicate. “Do not beat the woman even with a flower!“ - ancient Indian wisdom speaks. Any punishment, humiliation even if “deserved“, is a blow to its female self-assessment, health, to its future self-giving, including a bearing and gait.

By the way if you dismiss a stomach or you will walk on the house in a fragmentary undershirt, then your authority on eyes of the growing-up daughter strongly will reel (not to mention the wife).

the Positive vital scenario

In world psychology the program installations of future life put since the birth to the child by parents and the immediate environment can be designated concept of “the vital scenario“. All variety of scenarios can be shared conditionally on positive, helping the child (and then to the adult) to live, and respectively negative.

In very big degree depends on the father whether the scenario of “winner“ or the “victim“ “conducting“ or “conducted“, “Cinderella“ or “the angry stepmother“, “Gerda“ or “The snow queen“ “will choose“ the daughter. Think of how often you approve behavior of the daughter, you apply in relation to her such educational measures as “prohibition“, “permission“ or “the requirement to be such or such - that“.

Avoid extremes. If, for example, rigidly and strictly to demand from the daughter to interrupt never adults, not to butt in their talk, not to express the opinion (“be silent until you are asked“), then eventually it is possible to receive hammered, the child lacking initiative, and then and the adult with a uselessness complex at which the living position will be created:“ I - bad, all others - good“. To the contrary, if everything is allowed to the child if his any whim is carried out, over time you receive “the princess on a pea“ who will treat people around, and you first of all, as to servants.

Try to trace effect of application of different receptions by you. In work on itself also the look from outside will not prevent. Ask the wife (a certain courage is for this purpose necessary) to act as the expert and to estimate your style of communication with the daughter. Joint discussion (naturally, in warm and friendly atmosphere) the drawn conclusions will help you with further work “over mistakes“.

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Of course in order that at the child the positive scenario of future life was created, needs combination of a set of factors. One of the major is the low level of “basic alarm“. The child who was wanted and waited who is loved “just like that“ because he is, but not for achievements in school or in music; which grows and knows that it happened to it, parents will always be on its party, such child, globally trusting parents, will trust further world around and, according to the famous researcher of female psychology Karen Korni, “will move to other people“.

the Praise, approval, admiration are loved by both adults, and children irrespective of a floor. Of course, it is clear to all that the boy can be praised for force of muscles, and the girl - for beauty of hair. You praise the daughter both just like that, and for good reason more often. For weak children`s soul a praise of results of activity (“what drawing, beautiful at you!“) it is inseparable from a praise of the personality in general (“time drawing beautiful, so I am good!“). Especially strongly the praise works with “ricochet“ that is when you praise the daughter to someone, speaking about it in the third party at her presence. Any approvals will mean for a small brain:“ I am good, I am accepted, I am loved, I as it should be, I am the not worst, I have the same right for life and happiness, as well as all“. Any child receiving since the early childhood such “vitamin of acceptance and approval“ in the necessary quantity “will never “decide“ to adhere in life of the negative scenario like “I am an unlucky person“, “I have no right, and all of them have“ or “time you consider me bad, receive!“ .

Such approach is characteristic

at criticism of the child - the negative assessment of results of actions “sticks together“ in his consciousness with an assessment of the personality for this reason so painfully in the childhood the bad school mark is endured. In this situation as Karen Korni in the work “The basic conflict“ writes, “the child moves from people, his only desire - to keep aloof. It builds the world of itself(himself) - according to the dolls, books and dreams, the character“.

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If your daughter already the schoolgirl, then be interested not so much in her estimates how many what important and useful to herself she learned at school today. Let grows at independently conceiving person, but not the tape recorder which is accurately writing down and reproducing foreign thoughts. If something is not pleasant to it in the school program, then suggest to make independently the, more interesting educational tasks, for example in the same biology, history or literature, and then most and to execute them. Teach her to use additional sources of information. Of course, it is necessary to rummage in books or on the Internet in common, the head to the head. Even if you the whole day at work, surely find for this purpose time in the evening or on the weekend. The main thing - together with the daughter. And let your motto will be: no school will prevent us to study and learn the world interestingly!

Walk together with the camera on the wood, on the city, looking at the world eyes of the biologist, pictorialist or local historian`s historian around. Interesting shots can be sent then to the Internet, to open there the homepage. If you want, you can print pictures, make to them signatures, paste on paper, stitch - and here to you the first home magazine where you with the daughter act as journalists, designers and editors! It is possible to arrange competition: who will write more words in five minutes, composing the story or the fairy tale on any subject, and in a foreign language, - you or the daughter or maybe mother?

Practicing different methods of education, do not forget, dear fathers to give to the daughter, in process of her growth and development, freedom and for personal growth. It imageohm, you together will write the scenario of her life which it is possible to call: “I am the independent personality who is firmly established“.