How to two hostesses to divide the house?
Appearance of the daughter-in-law for the mother-in-law are equivalent to appearance of the aggressor. With the mother-in-law not so - the sphere of self-realization of the son-in-law, as a rule, outdoors. So he is not her direct competitor. The mother-in-law should share influence on the son with foreign woman. Each reasonable mother gets used in advance to the fact that it will occur. But the daughter-in-law begins to create own house. And the further relations of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in many respects depend on what part of the habitual rights of the hostess remains at the mother-in-law.
the Parade of sovereignties
If to the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law has to live in one house, it is necessary to resolve the mass of issues. To prepare every day or for the week ahead? To save on food or on clothes? How often to wash bed linen? When the child has to go to bed? How many minutes a day to allow the child to watch TV or to play on the computer? Hundreds, thousands of issues are resolved by the hostess of the house. And the hostess can be only one. Let`s assume, it is possible to divide the budget and the refrigerator. But it is impossible to divide the son (husband) and the son (grandson), the daughter (granddaughter) and noisy guests. Who will become the hostess of the house and what to do to the second woman?
Situation is aggravated with the fact that good maintaining the house of one of women does not reconcile them among themselves at all. The better one copes, the more another feels superfluous. The daughter-in-law is “better“, the it is heavier to accept mothers-in-law her. “I to them was bad, and this, so is good. I, so the silly woman was, and this is clever. I grew up three children, and she to me will specify, than to feed the child and as he should be brought up“. In the house with the “ideal“ mother-in-law superfluous the daughter-in-law feels. “Here also raise the children, and this is my daughter“. “You never know, as you did all life, and my mother did differently“.“ I to you not the daughter that you brought up me“.my “second“ mother
, the daughter-in-law has two ways to get on with the mother-in-law. The first - traditional and very difficult - to become it “the obedient daughter“. And difficulty not only in conceding the power. And that our world too quickly changes. I remember how my friend was at war with the mother-in-law who constantly cooked to the grandson milk porridges. And the grandson on milk had an allergy! The mother-in-law was not old woman then. But the thought that the child can have an allergy to milk did not find room in her head at all.
the Second way - to build the relations with the mother-in-law as with the woman whose interests are crossed with yours, and it for a long time. For example, as with the girlfriend or the employee. Help other woman to realize yourself in common interests, but in the adjacent territory.
Often happens that the woman, without being valid itself to do, applies for directing. It happens both to daughters-in-law, and to mothers-in-law. (And also with all people on light.) And, of course, it is impossible to allow it. Quietly and surely stand that the one who does decides that how and when. He can offer the help or council, but it is impossible to insist. Will want - will ask. As soon as you begin to be taught too persistently as as you have to do, suggest the person most to undertake realization of recommendations in life.
A it is the best of all to divide spheres of responsibility in the house. For example, in kitchen - one final authority, and in the relations with children - another. Arithmetic equality is not obligatory.
you consider that you are absolutely irreplaceable? This, fortunately for all, not so. If begins to seem that without your personal intervention in all trifles of family life everything right there will fail, it is time for you on mesyachishko to be away on vacation. It is desirable to such places where there are no intercity phones or negotiations stand too expensive. Does not help? It is time to come to work or to change it on more responsible. Really you would not like to realize yourself in any another matters, besides cleaning, kitchen and check of lessons? Release for this purpose time, having transferred to other woman responsibility that within its powers and to liking, and for you not essentially. Division of spheres of responsibility - business difficult and nervous. But two hostesses in the house, each of which considers herself responsible for everything, - it is much worse.