And from where to It to undertake?
Eve ate up the sandwich bought in “Rostiksa“ on the road from work and, at last, took seat for the computer. What was it going to do? Of course, to work. That else. Weather on the street repugnant, despite the end of April. And work stands idle week. Eve could not get it together in any way and start writing of the training program. And it would be necessary - it is spare cash, and they were necessary for it more than ever now. She just divorced, and it is necessary to feed two children with her in the near future most. The ex-husband and in former - that times not especially pleased her with money, and now and even less so.
In Eve`s life everything occurred chaotically, events followed an unpredictable train, to miss was once all life. But in any way she did not expect to remain one almost in 40 years, having achieved a certain weight in society and having given birth at the same time to four children (one son remained to live with the father, and starshenkiya already grew and lived separately).Is not present
, she did not feel like the old woman with a chipped washing-tub. The apartment, the dacha, garage, good work, a normal salary, remarkable children - all this at it was. If to reflect, then even it is not clear that she lost. Probably, just the status of the married lady having a stable social status. But, frankly speaking, to whom it is necessary. More important than joyful attitude nothing can be, and the last four years of family life it it was actually deprived.So Eve`s life only began
. Started even not from scratch, was from what to make a start and on whom to rely. Thank God, were at Eve mother with the stepfather who helped her any necessary minute both physically, and morally. And it could always get material support from them in case of emergency. The average son finished the tenth class, and too it was possible to lean on it in all that concerns life. Everything at Eve was excellent. But then that torments what frightens and guards?
Instead of turning to work, Eve sat and stupidly looked at the monitor screen, shipped in the thoughts. Even the animated cartoon which was watched by the daughter did not disturb it rather she just heard nothing and did not see around herself. It all belonged to the thoughts.
- And can spit everything and be filled up in a bed? On Saturday again the additional working day, again lectures at correspondence students. Rest will not turn out. It is necessary though on a week of to keep.
Having looked back to a bed, Eve fell into a stupor. Again, again one will recline it on the sleeping bed. She hated sleeping one. And though already long ago it had to do it, she could get used to it.- Is not present
, I esteem better here, directly at a table. Something easy, not troubling brains. Some ladies` romanchik.
It got the first book from a pile of nechitanny books and got on “The sinner`s confession“ of Yulia Shilova.
Reading captured Eve for some moment, but thoughts haunted. Now she began to think of ladies` novels. Also without having leafed through two pages, she drew a conclusion that everything will be in this book just as always. The independent, childless, educated and effective lady who throughout all plot will look for the hero will be a heroine in the book. And then it will turn out that it went with it on life from the beginning of her biography nearby. Having cars, situation in society, a certain elite circle of acquaintances “poor“ business - the lady all narration will suffer from loneliness. Yes, “new Russian Cinderellas“ are not lucky Eve thought. And what then to do to us to simple average “sovok“ women, not to supermodels and at all not to the rich? Moreover and having behind the back the backpack filled with spinogryza?
- That? Really I have no exit? Work - the subway - kindergarten. Circulation of social roles in the uniform person, an infinite festival of masks in which I also forget which of them - my own person. I already also do not remember what I am real. And real howls in a full moon, looking in a ceiling, frightening a cat by wild unusual sounds and does not know how to live further too to become the heroine of a romance novel with the happy end and not to be frightened lonely nights in an undivided bed.Eve buried
a face in a pillow and tried to concentrate. What? What eventually she wants to receive from this life? And wanted she that in its history there was a place not only for it and her love, beautiful enchanting adventures, but also for children, a cat, repair, diseases, defense of a thesis, - all without what life cannot be called life. And all action would happen also against marvelous spring blossoming (at the same time without causing an allergy).
- it is fine, so I will never read anything, Eve thought and again started contemplation of history of the next love. And the further she read, the more was surprised. The heroine was a mother, she had a daughter.
- Well, it is necessary, - Eve thought.
A the following page just entered it into shock because the heroine of the novel was called Eve too.
- Now that`s something like it - shook! It is necessary what coincidence. The heroine has a husband - and Eve (our Eve) had Victor husband Victor too. However, a certain Roman who in our Eve`s life did not exist was the second man`s hero.
- Just some mysticism. Eve became engrossed in reading though the book plot was not close to her, it was pathologically honest, and secrets which shrouded heroes of the love story, it were unclear and even irritated a little.
Having been tired of reading, Eve decided to sit on the Internet. About a month she periodically hung out on a dating site. But nothing interesting or decent came across. And from where to IT to undertake? All decent are sorted long ago. And left unfinished, sexually anxious or the individuals hiding massive skeletons in the cupboard somehow did not seduce Eve. There was no place to hurry it. Though on life it was a toropyga. Everything was necessary to it at once and had to be accurately built that quite often disturbed it both in private life, and in work.now she decided to wait for
I and waited. Waited when the hero of its novel appears on the horizon.
Somehow seeing off the daughter in a garden, she heard from it reflections concerning the new father, and was surprised.
- You will be taken in marriage by Ivan - the tsarevitch, Vasilisa (so called Eve`s daughter, probably it really was wise) told, but you do not even learn that it from the fairy tale. He will find you.
- And what it will be? - Eve asked, - As I learn that it it?
- It will be high, kind and strong, and you will feel at once that it from the fairy tale.Eve smiled to
. As everything is simple at kids.
- As I will feel it, maybe, will tell in more detail? - Eve asked, - he will be called Ivan?
- Well, mother, - burst out laughing the daughter, - it is not important as he will be called, the main thing that it was big and from the fairy tale. I know, he will fall in love with you.
Eve for some reason remembered this conversation, sitting down at a computer. Opened the page in a dating site and fell into a stupor. To it the letter from the new applicant came. He was called... Novel.
- Ha, it is not ridiculous any more, Eve thought. What mockery is. Well we will look at the questionnaire what Roman such is.
- Eyes at it, at least, kind.Eve attentively read
about the person who it is so strange, valid as from the fairy tale arose in her life. With growth everything is all right, Eve smiled. Under Ivan`s criteria - the tsarevitch approaches. And she answered it.
I for the next day, and after tomorrow, and so on all week. And then they began to call up and meet.
the Most ridiculous that they awfully were afraid of each other. Everyone was afraid of something special, but words it was difficult to be described. They behaved just as young children, but it for some reason did not surprise them and did not shock.
Everything in their “fairy tale“ twirled too quickly. And Eve, as always, did nonsenses, having rushed with the head to new whirlpool of events. It, nineteen years being loyal to the previous husbands, just dived into a bed to almost foreign man, without reflecting. And for bravery got drunk cognac. It was day of general insanity. Roman, also as well as Eve, badly understood what occurred. The storm of feelings and emotions a whirlwind turned them almost days. This day Eve will never forget. Day in which it realized all potential of the love which collected and unrealized already four years. And these minutes, hours of madness she did not think of what will be farther. In total around it seemed bright, blossoming and promising.
But continuation of history did not follow. The novel just evaporated, disappeared. He did not call and did not answer calls, did not appear on the website on the Internet though she wrote it there every day. She wrote it verses, and it just there was not.She wrote
as a result to herself. More true to that, Ivan - the tsarevitch in whom believed, to that to which entrusted herself.
days Flew, and she waited for everything! Whether she lived then? You know how wolves on the moon howl? This night Eve had not to sleep. Somewhere in the neighboring apartment there was some trouble, and all night long the woman howled there. Howled quite so, on - wolf, carrying the pain in space and in time. Eve lay, listened and howled in soul together with it. Ah, with what pleasure it would do it aloud, but the daughter slept nearby, and nothing remained to Eve how to try to enclose the pain in others crying.
week Flew by, Eve again, as before, sat down at the computer and tried to work, but again disturbed it thought. Only thoughts already were purposeful, thoughts were about it. And he did not call, did not call also everything, and she shuddered from each call, waiting for a miracle. This miracle is obligatory had to come true because if not it, then who? On all signs it has to be he is her hero from the wonderful Russian fairy tale. She believed all that he told it leaving:“ Now we are close people, and we had a responsibility before each other“. And Eve thought that happiness found her because it has two flowers in life now: the daughter - the Cornflower and darling - the Camomile. And what can be finer than wild flowers?
- Yes, I, as always, hurried with conclusions, invented to myself God knows that, - Eve thought. But how now to be with what collapsed and burst as I will be able to believe still someone even if Ivan - the tsarevitch was a gray wolf. It is necessary only to learn to love himself and to hate men. There are no princes among them. Degenerated. To them not that the Tsarevna - a frog does not approach, and and the Tsarevna - a swan not in color.
Eve became straight, deeply sighed, smiled to the clouds which tightened a firmament, brushed away a tear from eyes and resolved to live further. To live, as before with belief in a miracle, in a love miracle! She did not look for the lover before and will not begin to be engaged in it now because just her lover is not necessary. In her life the person for whom Eve would be necessary, necessary, but it is not simply desired was simply obliged to appear. To cause in the man desire - simple business, but it not for it. Eve did not want to impose the society, the love, tenderness, the help, understanding and a lot of things are many other things. It has to be simply demanded by that man whom the nature created for it. Just surprised her why it so long is not. It seemed to it that it was that Roman was that half of soul which is most important in life. It almost did not have doubts that she recognized him, and now she just needed to wait when he recognizes her.
- the End is an end of the beginning, - Eve philosophized.
- And that it began. It is what we begin to think only of after something already occurred. Began to eat at everything. This history had a beginning and. Forecasting of the beginning of development of acquaintance happens somehow by itself, and here the end of relationship between people always comes suddenly.
But ahead life, it is not necessary to miss precisely so to think of the termination of history early. Even in the present fairy tale it is necessary to overcome the mass of obstacles to appear together to the loving hearts. What to tell about life.Under noise of a rain one of infinite lonely days came to the end with
. Eve looked at herself in the pocket mirror hanging directly before her on a computer table and remained herself is dissatisfied: tired, some gray, with the faded look and the lowered corners of lips.
- What nightmare, - she thought, - it should be not loved itself so. And in general, and suddenly it will come though it in principle cannot be. But suddenly! And I in such look. Eve started washing the head and to direct maraft. For whom? For this purpose, who, most likely, will never appear here? Yes! And for it too.
It is simple! It is simple that was!
there Came nearly a night, Eve everything is tried to sit down at work, and phone call was distributed here. It was It. They talked quietly and peaceful, but after Eve hung up, she literally jumped up with happiness on a chair. She knew - now everything will be healthy, and she removed the profile from the Website of acquaintances!
a week Later Romka was gone again, and, simply without having called in due time. Eve postponed all the affairs for this evening, sent the daughter to the grandmother, refused to meet the best friend, and as a result, without having waited for Roman`s call, called it.
- He sleeps, - his mother answered with an ice voice to it. Eve asked to betray Romke that she called, but nobody called back to her. Pometavshis on the apartment, it is unceasing watching a hand, Eve approached a mirror in a corridor and was frightened herself. The pleasant young woman who a little grew thin after the working day the look containing in itself a chasm of pain and a hopelessness looked at it. Something was necessary urgently with itself to do.Eve put on, prichepuritsya by
and started wandering through cold streams of a rain in billiards club where they met Roman the first time, ordered to herself a glass of beer, and having stupidly stared at a door, stayed so until the end of evening. However, periodically some men trying to strike up conversation sat down by it and even to flirt, but to it had no time for them. Pleased one - it still validly nothing, time is in such demand. Having come back home, Eve took a cigarette (though left off smoking a month ago) and went to a balcony. On the street as always recently there was a rain, and nothing was pleasing to the eye. Directly before a window out of which she looked the way out was found of the subway where Eve for the first time saw Roman. And thoughts began to overcome Eve again.
- Why as soon as you begin to get used to the person, it disappears from your life at once. This some strange inexplicable circumstance though from the man`s position, probably, everything is quite explainable. Men are afraid to lose freedom and for some reason perceive attachment of the woman as a certain limiter of vital space. From where it, is interesting? Whether congenital this quality or each man in life some woman so frightened? Why the desire of the woman to be near is not perceived unambiguously, quite so as sounds, i.e. really nearby. It not an obstacle, not the obligation, not a barrier to achievement of the set vital objects. It just other attitude towards coexistence of floors.
Ya more than once already burned in the life on such misunderstanding, but all the same I cannot master myself in any way. If I fall in love, then I want to feel presence of the beloved constantly. For this purpose it does not need to accompany anywhere and everywhere me, just I have to feel that the person always remembers me, always wants to please me etc., etc. As all this is sad, I again was convinced once again that it is impossible to love the person, it is impossible to dare to fall in love. Because from this one sufferings, complexes and disappointments. To what to be fond if then it appear behind a board. I appeared behind a board always. Irrespective of whether darling a husband or just object of hobby was. As soon as the man began to believe that he is not indifferent for me, he ceased to appreciate me, to look for my society.
Ya, of course, not the beauty is also not present in me anything especially outstanding, but much having in this plan still menshe, manage to be favourite, necessary, desired. I, probably, just fatally am not lucky. My destiny, probably, always to be one. And at the same time I hate loneliness. Every time when about me forget, I feel sincere disappointment and pain from loss of hope for luck. It is impossible to be such masochist and all the time to scoff at the soul in search of happiness. It is better not to have anything, than to a tar flank after a honey spoon. But how to learn to live so that not to see around good, not to rejoice to sunny days, the ringing laughter of children. And if to see and feel all this, then how to throw out hope for mutual happy love from heart and the head? A question, the answer to which I did not find yet.by
Having made the last inhaling, Eve deeply sighed and... tears a hail swept on her cheeks. They dripped in a step to a rain, and knock of her heart muffled the heavy rain drumming in a window.
Eve settled in a bed, put near herself on a pillow its photo, wished it good night, kissed and told before going to bed the last phrase: “So it was impossible to treat me!“
“... In the morning Eve was not any more. Instead of it other woman owning the emotions, desires, able to build a situation in own favor woke up absolutely. Calculation and rigidity in life became its basic rule. And only the easy pricking in heart reminded of the Fairy tale which she to herself thought up.
I now even if Roman will appear in her life again, he should try very much to revive the soft, tender and able to give warmly Evushka. And that can what now, will suit it more? And in general it is time to forget about this unfortunate novel because all to happen is already another story altogether further“.
- Beautiful end of history I thought up, - Eve thought. - Here really so to manage. But all self-deception. Never to become me another. It is impossible to replace at the person one soul with another. And if Romka calls and napletyot to me something, I will just believe, I will swallow the offenses, and I will rejoice further to the fact that everything did not end yet. Of course, I will be blown, I will grumble a little for the sake of appearances, and inside I will just exult.
It is good that it does not know about it!
there Passed half a year. Roman and Eve live together for a long time. During this time there were many different events, but everything whatever occurred, they were only pleased. They practically did not quarrel. They loved each other as never did not love anybody and in the life. Eve as well as wrote earlier it verses. And the skeptic Romka who is not trusting in miracles suddenly believed in them. Life both changed. It became devoted each other, and all the rest just passed somewhere nearby. Roman considered that Eve the tremendous, unusual woman, and Eve thought that it is better than her “prince“ there is nobody on light.
In conversation with the old friend Eve somehow heard a compliment that really Romka is right, and with such woman as it, there is a wish to live and live. And then she asked: “And what ex-husbands did not see in me this woman?“ On what received the answer in the form of a legend of Narcissa.
“The beautiful young man for days on end without a break looked at the reflection in a stream, admiring the beauty. Eventually, zaglyadevshis, it fell in water and choked. Ashore the flower called in memory of the dead grew.
When the Narcissus died, nymphs of the wood are dryads - noticed that fresh water in a stream became from tears of salty.
- About what you cry? - asked the dryad`s stream.
- I mourn Narcissa, - the stream answered.- it is unsurprising by
, - dryads told. - Eventually, we always ran behind it following when it passed on the wood, and you - only who saw its beauty close.
- And it was beautiful? - asked then a stream.
- Yes who better you can judge it? - forest nymphs were surprised. - Whether on your coast, inclining whether over your waters, he spent days?
the Stream long was silent and, at last, answered:
- I pay on Narcissa though I never understood that it is fine. I pay because every time when it fell by my coast and inclined over my waters, in the depth of his eyes my beauty was reflected“.
Having thought of this legend, Eve understood that so it also is. Just looking at Roman, she sees in his eyes reflection of the happiness, and he in her eyes reflection of the love.
can put the end To it, at last. And in this fairy tale, as well as in all fairy tales, everything comes to an end well.
- But same byl, - exclaim you.
Yes byl. Fantastic byl. Such miracles nevertheless happen in our life and it is necessary to trust in them and sincerely to wait for them.
A if not to wait for a miracle, then why then in general to live? Whether and life it or nevertheless simply faceless existence on the transitory earth?