Education by trust - test by freedom. We sum up the results of
Education by trust. The story of mother
without applying for exclusiveness, I will tell the story. My daughter was 11 years old when we with her remained together. While I fought for a place in the sun for us of two, Marishka was provided to herself.
of Optimism was added by the mother-in-law who quite often spoke: “Calm down, parents, are children normal, and there are children live. Here you have a living child“.worked with
Ya and just “span“: the place in the sun needed to be done “from scratch“. As I could not watch the little girl, I wanted that she came to me and told about the tricks, and I would help her council and warned against mistakes.by
as a result developed a line of conduct with my living child, a little other than standard. Somewhere I, for certain, “invented the bicycle“.Began
with a question:“ Why children deceive?“. Answer:“ Because parents punish them (abuse)“. If not to punish the child, he will not lie since in it there will be no need. Parents will have objective information on the child. If the son or the daughter smoke, they quietly will tell about it since it will not be followed by punishment and prohibitive measures. Besides children do a lot of things in protest, to spite. And prohibitive measures only aggravate situation.
In addition, children, as well as at adults, have a requirement to share impressions and experiences. They write diaries, go to friends and girlfriends. But not always go to parents. Why? Same answer: parents swear.Sometimes it seems to
that if not to abuse children, they “will go to a rating“. As it appeared - nothing similar.
One of problems was in how to overcome a stereotype of parental behavior. How adequately to react to the child`s tricks if they, to put it mildly, go beyond reasonable?the daughter whatever it happened ceased to abuse
Ya. Chose style of behavior of the senior girlfriend. Asked, received answers, gave advice and information to reflection. Spoke to it: “I always have to know where you are. It in your interests. If something happens, I will know where to look for you“. The result seemed not at once - probably, in a year or two. But we really became girlfriends.
Soon other problem arose: friends of the daughter could not understand how it is possible to tell parents what she tells. Then all got used.Sometimes lacked
patience and at me. The word of honor, better I would not know much. Sometimes there was a wish to lock the child of the house and not to let out anywhere. Let does not go to school better, time from school home does not go. Let stays at home illiterate, but live. The reason voice stood up:“ Quietly, mummy. Now you will intelligibly explain dityu, “that it is good and that it is bad“. You will tell it as the girlfriend, but not as the frightened mummy“.I find
houses the business card of “Road patrol“ with autographs Once (transfer such was). I ask: “From where?“. Answers: “Children from Road patrol presented“.
- Where you met them?
- In old kindergarten. They looked for a corpse there.
- And you what there did?
- And we walked with the girlfriend.
So far I try to get it together, the daughter joyfully reports:“ And still they took us for a ride in a car. And the corpse was not found, the call false appeared“.I Know
that she told not everything, told something after a while. But I had the general picture, and this picture was true.it became easier than
for a class to the ninth. Moral foundations were already created. Fortunately, nothing terrible for these years occurred. God, probably, stored us.
In the senior classes I practically did not go to PTA meetings. It was inconvenient to ask for leave from work and need for it was not. At school there were no problems.
about it the daughter “vospitnut“ me once. PTA meetings were always a sore subject: school far, it is inconvenient to ask for leave from work. Somehow on the eve of the next meeting the daughter speaks:“ Call the form-master in the evening. I told it that you will not come, and she asked you to call“. I call, it is ready to listen to claims, but, as always, everything is all right. After the teacher`s remark: “About what you wanted to talk to me?“, - I even became puzzled, but showed no sign. As then it became clear, the daughter told me that the teacher wants to talk to me, and told her - that I with it. I ask dithat: “What for?“ Answers:“ It is better than the teacher treat pupils when parents are interested in school affairs. And I have a graduation class. Besides everything naturally turned out, and you had a disturbed voice“. It it was necessary to think up it!
To leaving school in a class were not smoked by three girls, washing was among them. Too was not fond of alcohol neither then, nor now. To a school medal we lacked two five. However, still remained the living child. You will not miss!
the Essential moment which I faced: the child waits for reciprocal frankness from parents. And the maturing child asks more and more tricky questions. Quite recently heard from the daughter: “I, by the way, tell everything to you! And you? I will take and too I will not tell anything!“. Fortunately, everything managed.
the Highest mark for me was when behind a cup of tea of thetas - and - thetas the daughter`s girlfriend, the lovely girl of 19 years asked me:“ Aunts Tan and how it is necessary to raise children? I want that at me the same girl grew up“., perhaps, I do not know
Ya how it is necessary to raise children. But, in my opinion, it is possible to do without prohibitive measures and punishment. The possibility of the choice will allow the child to make independently decisions (on the forces), and in adulthood it will do it good.
Test by freedom. The story of the daughter
C 6 till 11 years me was brought up by the grandmother. Total control made of me the round honors pupil, and eternal offers:“ Marinochka, well eat“ - the child with strongly lowered weight and lack of appetite.
To mother I moved in 11 years. I felt high-quality changes in the life in the first day: having come from school, a lunch on a table I did not find. The lunch was in the refrigerator, mother at work to glance in the refrigerator I somehow did not think.
New life started. Also went - went...
Homeworks were checked by the phrase late at night: “You made lessons?“ . With offers to eat for me nobody ran, on walk watched me...
In the first winter I turned into a troyechnitsa because answered a question of readiness of homework always in the affirmative. Still I added several kg of weight and at last ceased to frighten all by the leanness and morbidity because we ate with mother not when I wanted and when there was appropriate time. Therefore it was necessary to eat while give. Appetite returned imperceptibly and does not leave to this day.did not consider
Ya and I do not consider myself as “the started child“. Just from the first day of life with mother it became clear to me that mother thinks of me, but for me will never think. I was not a trouble-free child, there was also disagreement with mathematics at high school, and dismantling with schoolmates, and walks late which, naturally, irritated mother. But all this passed: took mathematics storm, the conflicts in school came to naught... Invariable was one: mother who was near always.
the Only case when mother shouted at me, me is remembered still. We with the girlfriend fried a shish kebab. On the gas stove. We imposed small branches and matches on a ring, set fire to matches and included gas. On it fried sausage, having strung it on table knives. It was tasty... It is a pity, mother did not estimate. By the way, we could not clean off a plate, and knives had to be thrown out.by
To the tenth class leveled progress, problems with schoolmates left, passed experiments with smoking, there was a confidence in what I want to achieve in life.
Never. It is not trusted? I had no taboo on anything, but also I ogrebat responsibility for the acts at full scale too.Mother never said
to me that I have to respect and obey her. Just the return never came to my mind. Respect me - I respect. To me do not forbid to walk late? Do not forbid. But I, in turn, have to keep mother always informed where I and with whom.Friends did not understand
. Mother will be dissatisfied? So tell lies! Is not present, dismiss! Do not lie to relatives. Friends envied. Does not forbid for the night in club? And you do not go because will be upset? But does not forbid! Did not understand and do not understand still.
any way of education, nevertheless, has a reverse side. I not for nothing designated heading as “Test by freedom“. Freedom is constant temptations, especially at teenage age. Freedom is responsibility. And not only for. And responsibility is freight. This early growing and shorter childhood.
Yes, now I can tell that mother to me at the same time the girlfriend and the most important adviser and that freedom - the best training for character. But the way to it was long and difficult. As they say, “per aspera ad astra (through thorns to stars, from armor.)“.