Rus Articles Journal

Shyness of

is considered to be that shyness is a fear of other people. Actually under this concept the desire to hide for some time from others eyes is covered: absolutely for a while, only from far away to look on this new, at the unknown person so far and to develop practice of communication with it.

At some point lives the child begins to understand

that except relatives who love it “just like that“ there are also other people who are not obliged to love at all it and to protect. For them it just one of many. Strangers examine it, study, somehow estimate. The made discovery so changes idea of the child of the world and of itself that it needs some time to understand how to treat it. And in general, how to live in the world where about you there is an impression irrespective of your desire. At this moment the kid suddenly becomes timid, he wants to disappear for a while from others eyes and from “shelter“ to look narrowly at people around, to adapt to new experiences.

As it begins


For the first time the child learns that in the world there are strangers, approximately in 8 - 9 months when begins to distinguish native faces from strangers. Before the world around is represented to it a kaleidoscope of persons, voices and smells among which is more - less recognizable, but not memorable yet. By 8 months in a brain of the child continuous communications are formed, and it begins to remember and connect among themselves all above-mentioned, and also to form images of familiar people. So in his life there are PEOPLE, but not the sum of separate characteristics.

Any stranger - the stranger for the child of people. The kid does not know it, did not get used to it, does not feel in it need. The alien subject will hardly cause fear. Reaction to it will be more similar to quite natural vigilance rather in relation to object which interferes in the habitual world. The new person demands fixed studying. If the adult gives to the child time to consider it, comes nearer slowly and carefully, then vigilance turns into interest - all new causes research curiosity.

Such relation to unfamiliar proceeds long enough, begins at the age of a year, and comes to an end when to the kid it is executed years one and a half. It is followed by absolutely new stage in life of the little man connected with the fact that he realizes the separateness. It occurs approximately in two - three years along with discovery of own activity.

To this age the kid not really understood that occurred in itself and that happened with his participation. The fact that bank fell and broke, does not leave it indifferent, but it does not connect its falling in any way with the movements which made just before an event. But time comes, and the kid realizes authorship of the actions and at the same time understands that he - a being, independent, separate of environment, who is capable to want something, something to decide and to change in this world.

What means this opening? A lot of things. To it the kid attentively, almost continuously studied strangers, without understanding (to it, however, it was without variously) that at the same moment other person also examines him. Together with awareness of the separateness the understanding that around there is the whole world of the same “certain“ people comes. So far it is unknown that this opening can give, it is clear one - before the kid the door to absolutely new world opened.

Here it!

at this turning point the child becomes timid. Having got accustomed, you will see that this reaction is not similar to a fright at all. The baby looks away, hangs the head, hides a face, does not want to talk - hesitates. This state naturally also says that the kid began to feel a difference among themselves and other person. The child is a little puzzled, confused and confused, feeling like the beginner who is examined and estimate, and not really understands how to behave. But here an exit is found: he hides for a wall, a door, a mother`s back and from there studies a situation.

Gradually the kid becomes the subject of the relations. What does it mean? The child stops being a dependent being, now he is an active partner who is capable to build the relations with people. The confusion and puzzlement connected with understanding of the fact of existence of other people pass. For the kid it is not news any more. The feelings which succeeded confusion help it to be guided and form the attitude towards any who appears in his life, both adult, and small. The child begins to understand what and from whom he wants what is wanted from it and that people can give each other.

it becomes visible to

At this time as far as kids differ from each other. One process of communication carries away, they quickly find a common language with the most different people, easily get acquainted and willingly tell about themselves. They are sure of themselves, of the necessity, they like to be among people, they intuitively find ways of influence on peers. But also at such active and sociable children shyness can appear in the situations connected with attention to them other people. For example, during performance before public or at acquaintance to children in kindergarten. However this constraint is quickly replaced by confidence.

But also other kids for whom noisy society not always the best company are. They do not seek for new acquaintances, carefully get accustomed and study each new person. Such children are not adventurers therefore the meeting with the unknown causes in them reasonable care. In the relations with people reliability, understanding and constancy, than novelty and abundance of contacts is more important for them. Kids will seem much more often timid and confused though actually it can be only polite unwillingness to communicate.

If shyness disturbs

you notice that at a meeting with unfamiliar the child feels is held down, all the time tries to guess what from it wait for, and behaves in strict accordance with these expectations. The kid limits himself in everything, something does not venture to do, does not depart from the familiar person because does not feel safe. The alarm and fear can be so strong that literally will paralyze the kid, and he dreams only of one: to vanish into thin air. It seems that contacts with people of steel for it a danger synonym, and he carefully tries to avoid them. And here pertinently to speak already not so much about shyness how many about uncertainty at communication.

From where this uncertainty undertakes? Perhaps, in life of the kid there was an event which interfered with development of its social competence. The rupture of habitual communications caused by moving, divorce of parents, the birth of the brother or sister can become the reason. And maybe, the habitual situation in life of a family caused feeling in the kid that the world around is hostile and uninteresting. Perhaps, you perceive meetings with other, new people as visit to the stomatologist (there is no place to disappear, but it is better to avoid). Also your bans on manifestation or experience of feelings, especially negative can affect such relation of the child to world around: rage, chagrin, greed, envy. Strong orientation to other people, the exaggerated care of how the kid will look in their eyes and that will think of him, can do a disservice too: you teach the kid to be pleasant for people around and not to pay attention to own feelings.

How to help the child to find confidence at communication with other people? It is necessary to pay more attention it to feelings and desires. If small a forehead the century is convinced that relatives reckon with his experiences, then, and contacting to strangers, it will be sure that something means as the personality.

Besides, to children it is useful to know that their parents and close not tools for performance of their requirements, and the same people with the desires and feelings.

Can try “to disarm“ frightening situations. Try to find out that causes special fear. Uncertainty? Dream up together with the kid about what will occur, offer the options and encourage ideas of the kid. Mix absolutely real assumptions with comical, ridiculous, fantastic. Being guided by the kid, allow several terrible plots: having endured fear “for fun“, he will be able easier to overcome the real fright.

If frightens the child by

that it can it is unprofitable to estimate or reject, try to play with it such game: the kid will be that who rejects, estimates, mocks, and you - that who copes with it. By the way, if you are subject to similar fears, then game will help also you to look at unpleasant children`s experiences by the adult`s eyes.